found Christmas hard

(9 Posts)
funnybeanz Mon 28-Dec-15 18:58:08

Hi all

I usually love Christmas but this year I've found it quite miserable and very difficult. My fiance and I have been TTC since November 2014 so last Christmas I was full of hope, secretly enjoying what I thought and hoped would be our last Christmas without children and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Fast forward to this Christmas: it dawned on me that last year was supposed to be our last one without children yet here we are, still no pregnancy and I feel like we're entering a year of heartbreak. My sister her partner and my 2 nephews 3 and 5years have been over from Spain for Xmas and I came back to my parents so we were all together, whilst I've loved seeing my nephews it's also made me feel even more sad that we may never have a family to enjoy Xmas with. Added to this are the wider family get together where everyone asks when we are having children which is like a massive kick in the stomach plus my sister's partner (father of nephews) is just rubbish and we've all found it hard to bite our tongues when he''s being annoying or not playing with the boys and that makes me sad as my partner spends so much time playing with my nephews and really deserves to be a father, he'd be so great.
So we are entering 2017 where my partner is going for a sperm analysis (we didn't do it before Xmas as I knew I couldnt cope with the bad news before xmas) but now I'm just dreading next year. I've told no friends and only casually told my mum but not told her how miserable and sad it is making me, I told her we'd only just started trying! I don't know why I'm posting this really I guess just to see if anyone else is in the same position or can offer some advice or support or words or words of wisdom or just an ear to listen?! How are other people feeling about starting the year TTC??should I just prepare myself for a shit year and find some inner woman strength?!

Beansprout30 Mon 28-Dec-15 19:52:04

Hi, I know how you are feeling as it took 18 months for us to concieve but I wanted to say don't give up hope, it more than likely will happen for you even though you might be convincing yourself it won't!

The months I cried when my period arrived this year I just never believe it would happen.. But it did!

Well done for getting the ball rolling on tests, hopefully all will be ok but if it's not, there is a lot that can be done to assist.

broodynmoody Mon 28-Dec-15 21:03:47

It was hard for me too. My brothers 18 year old girlfriend whom he was going out with for 6 month had my parents first grandchild and had sit there sad and envious as they all spoil him and I'm sat there in my 7 month of Trying. It's god awful.

nashley Wed 30-Dec-15 01:41:50

I know how all this feels too sad we started trying in 2012 but my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer in 2013 so we stopped as thought it wouldn't be right. Younger sister goes and tries for a baby 2 months and bam she has the pregnancy of my dreams. She had the first grandchild - that hurts so bad to this day.
Just spent Xmas with them and my nephew. He's gorgeous but constant reminder of what we don't have.
Keeping fingers firmly crossed for us all that 2016 is our turn!! smile

star1980 Wed 30-Dec-15 07:27:41

Hi funnybeanz, I know exactly how you feel as I started trying in November 2014 too. I managed to stay upbeat over Christmas, partly because I didn't go back to my parents' so didn't have the big family thing and I don't have any nieces or nephews, so haven't had to contend with yet.

But I did expect last Christmas to be our last as a two and actually it's quite likely there'll be yet another after this one. When are you planning to get married? That's another thing for us, we got engaged before we started ttc and decided we would have a baby first. 14 months on and everyone's wondering why we haven't even set a date! Feel like my life's on hold and like I'm losing hope of it ever happening.

Sorry you're feeling down too and sorry to not actually offer any positive words! I think we just have to keep going and not give up completely. It does help to hear of people taking longer to get pregnant (congratulations beansprouut!) and hopefully we'll get some good news soon too. smile

m33r Wed 30-Dec-15 21:47:13

I just wanted to post hang on in there! It took us 20 months to conceive and I felt exactly as you describe at family gatherings but we got there and now have a 9 month old sleeping soundly. I really hope it happens for you all and you can stay positive xx

mrschatty Wed 30-Dec-15 21:57:46

I absolutely can relate to how you feel. Remember you're not alone as you can see from the replies! 2013 we stared trying and thought that christmas would be our last on our own. Even telling family were trying for a baby and getting so excited!! 2014 still no baby... but here now 38w pregnant bouncing on my birth ball. If it's been over a year see your GP honestly mine were great did bloods and semen analysis and then started further investigations and started down IVF route (which was not needed in the end..) please see your GP and start the ball rolling!! Fingers crossed 2016 is your year flowers

MrsH14 Fri 01-Jan-16 18:10:37

I'm so sorry your feeling this way funnybeanz. Unfortunately I don't have any words that might help you feel better because I'm in the same place as you.

We have been trying since September of last year. We have had all of the tests and my dh has been diagnosed with Azoospermia. It was a huge blow to both of us and at the moment we are waiting to find out whether we will ever be able to have our own biological child.

My sister also has 2 beautiful little boys who I love dearly but we couldn't bear the thought of spending Xmas day with the mall because I too expected this Xmas to be a family of 3.

The only thing I will say is don't put your life on hold.

Big hugs hun x

Mrscrabtree Sat 02-Jan-16 23:41:25

Sorry to hear that funnybeanz. I feel exactly the same (ttc since June 2014) and xmas has been tough. 3 friends just announced they're preg and 2 just going on mat leave... It's not great and I think it's just a really hard time in our lives. One thing that I found really helped me though was telling friends and family our situation. Opening up and being honest really took a weight off and people are very kind. I hope you might have someone you can confide in x

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