I'm not sure how to feel

[Fedupithink]

I've been lurking for a long while but this is my first post.

I've been with my DH for over 10 years. Love him and we have a fantastic relationship. We waited for just over a year to try for a baby while we sorted out buying a new house and lots of work things that were ongoing.

We were thrilled to find out we were pregnant after just one month but I sadly miscarried in early March at what should have been about 9.5 weeks but according to the scan, it seemed the baby stopped growing at about 7 weeks.

I miscarried naturally however, had a big problem with bleeding and ended up with an emergency trip to the hospital in an ambulance, a weekends stay and a couple of drips alongside somedairly invasive scans and procedures. All fine now however and we were told we could try again.

There was a small issue with me that was picked up from one of the blood tests which has been rectified, so we started trying again 2 months ago.

Today I got my period and although I was disappointed I just feel kind of flat. I'm not a very emotional person and feel I have dealt with everything really well and it hasn't been too difficult but I think I'm struggling knowing that we are no further along in the process than we were 8 months ago.

I feel like we are back to square one? I'm a big believer in things happening for a reason but I just don't understand the reason.

Due to an upcoming pre-paid for holiday we have now decided to wait a few months to try again to ensure we can still go away (both very happy with this decision)

But I'm just not sure how I feel about everything else.

Sorry for rambling, I just needed to get it out. Has anyone been in the same position? I'm sure it will get better and I'm just not used to feeling out of control or unsure of myself?

[Fedupithink]

Fairly not somedairy!

[MummyBex1985]

Sorry to hear you're fed up, it's an awful journey isn't it.

I would try and take some positives out of the experience - at least you can get PG so there's a good chance it will happen for you!

You've had an awful experience though so I'd just try and relax whilst you aren't TTC and get back into good habits

[waitingforarainbow]

Hi fedupithink. So sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I also had a missed miscarriage in March, at 10 weeks. I had a horrible week between scans where I didn't know whether I was going to miscarry or not (the baby had a heartbeat but was measuring small), and I just kept thinking 'I can't believe I might be back to square one'! The thought just left me feeling completely devastated and empty and hopeless.

I hoped to get pregnant again ASAP but five months on it's still not happened. I get good days and bad days - I had a bad day yesterday and actually posted a thread here, venting my frustration. But on my better days I do try really hard to look to the future instead of thinking about what could have been. I try not to think about it as being back to square one, and just take each day as it comes.

The lack of control over the situation and the 'not knowing' when you'll get pregnant again is really hard to deal with, but all you can do is try your best, and try to enjoy the trying!

I really hope you get to enjoy your holiday and have a nice relaxing time, as you obviously deserve it. Each month that I don't get pregnant, I'm treating myself to something nice (an expensive meal out last month and a spa day this month). I find it takes the edge off the disappointment of my period turning up. You can't put your life on hold until you get that BFP - you have to try and enjoy the present too.

Keep your head up and know that one day you'll have a healthy baby and all of this will seem like a distant memory. x