Have a 6YO a 3MO desperate to conceive again, feel guikty

[Tornupinside]

Hey

So I gave birth to my much wanted and longed for #2 in April and am absolutely delighted with her. She's hard work but so wonderful and beautiful. My 6 year old is such a sweet, loving, intelligent and handsome young gentleman. I'm honestly so blessed with them, but I feel so unfulfilled. Never in a million years did I think I would feel this way. I am DESPERATE to become pregnant again. Me and DP really struggled to conceive #2 (2 years of being at it like rabbits.... Honestly it was exhausting!) and I really want #2 and 3 close together in age.

I am exclusively breastfeeding but had what seemed like a very bizarre period on the 4th (spotting followed by heavy bleeding the next day, followed by dark brown spotting, followed by a heavy bleed in the afternoon then gone) and we had sex twice during my fertile days (well according to an online calculator!) and now I'm obsessively peeing on sticks in the hope of seeing my BFP, all negative of course

I feel terribly guilty because I feel like I should just relax and enjoy my delightful little Madame and stop chasing the next one. But I also feel that once I've seen those delightful 2 pink lines I'll be able to relax and enjoy her completely whilst growing my #3!

I'm struggling to find information online regarding pregnancy and breastfeeding- I want to know if once your period has returned, will you ovulate every month? Or is it sporadic? I've already got OCP (obsessive compulsive peeing) and I don't want to end up obsessing over everything!