2 kids, miscarriage, 42 - what now?

[PippaB007]

I have two kids - DD 5, and DS 2. While the pregnancies were not always fun for me (is it ever?), I conceived quite easily, there were never any concerns about the kids while I was pregnant, and I was blessed with 2 perfect, happy, healthy kids.

I came to parenthood late (out of choice), and will be 42 this month.

DH and I debated quite a lot on whether to have a third child. He was not really keen - he feels our family is complete (not to mention financial constraints, and the time and energy required to raise them well. Both of use work full time). I'd love another baby. I really love motherhood.

As a kind of compromise, I said I'd like to not use conception (periods only restarted in the last six months, as DS is still on the boob). We reckoned given the frequency of sex (not exactly every night...), my age, and still lactating would mean that there is a chance of falling pregnant, but it's not huge.

And then I was pregnant, and delighted, but had a MMC and subsequent D&C. The D&C was two weeks ago today. I'm still bleeding, and it has just been horrid.

I've tried to be as positive as possible - decided to throw a party for my 42nd birthday, and invited a lot of people. (I had hardly any birthday celebrations for my 40th and 41st, mostly because my dad was seriously ill both times - he since passed away from cancer - and also because I didn't have the energy to do anything).

But there is this 'what's next?' regarding children over me. OH is still quite adamant that our family is complete. I'm not sure that I want (or am ready) to accept that. Still, given how things are, it is very likely that if I were to fall pregnant again, the risks are even higher than they were before. And it is unlikely that I'd give birth when I'm 43, and DH 47. That's a very long haul before they are independent... (MY SIL is a year younger than me, and her first grandchild is already one year old).

Is it time to shut the factory, or should I leave the door open?

Sorry, I'm just rambling. What are your thoughts?

[Number3cometome]

I am so sorry for you having a bad time at the moment, it sounds awful what you have been through.

However, I can't help but think that if your DH is not fully invested in having a 3rd child that maybe it's best not to? It may put strains on your relationship, especially if money will be tight and with two relatively young children already.

I think even without the age consideration your DH is giving you signs this isn't what he wants?

I do understand as I am expecting DC3 now (different partner, his first child) and previously I was the one not wanting more children with my ex.

You really have to be fully committed, or it just isn't the right time