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Conception

Feel sad, silly and totally overwhelmed

21 replies

TwixyTime · 31/08/2014 19:40

Hi all, lurker, first time poster here. Feeling a bit silly but in need of support and no one in real life to turn to about this.

First of all my DH and I are not trying to conceive yet- we have agreed, for lots of practical reasons to start in the New Year. All very exciting and I should be happy with that but lately (probably obsessively reading up on pregnancy and ttc) I feel like just trying in the New year could delay a bfp until who knows when. I am usually quite laid back and an optimistic person but negative thoughts have overtaken.

This month DH and I dtd day 9 in my cycle. I am not on bc and while he usually uses protection we were both a little bit tipsy but we have never done that before and I took that as a sign that maybe on some level we would bring things forward. DH feels like this was a one off and we should stick to our original plan as we have things on that would make me being pregnant challenging. So deep down I know he is right but I have became an emotional mess!!!

It's as if this is my one chance which I know is crazy but I am obsessively looking up pregnancy signs and even though I know chances are slim I am desperate to opals which is still 10 days away.

So not to drip feed some of the reasons we are waiting to ttc until New Year is holiday planned in Nov, and big family wedding of close relative in April (DH is best man)

Sorry for the massively long post, thanks to anyone who read. I know compared to others my 'problem' is so trivial but I honestly feel like my emotions are running away with me. When I signed up for the site and there was a tick box for 'are you pregnant' I thought I might burst out crying!!

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TwixyTime · 31/08/2014 19:42

Opals? Poas!!

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antarctic · 31/08/2014 19:55

To be honest I would start ttc now if I were you. What's wrong with going on holiday or to a wedding pregnant?

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TwixyTime · 31/08/2014 20:01

That's the point I want to but DH doesn't -he thinks that even though it's not likely to get pg in fist few months I might and would literally be 9months pg for his db's wedding. Also it's a big holiday for us that's paid for and he thinks we'd be mad to ttc when it's less than 12 weeks away and risk me suffering with morning sickness.

The thing is I know he means well and I think my head agrees with him but what I'm not coping with is this surge of emotions that couldn't give a toss about practicalities Sad

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TwixyTime · 31/08/2014 20:04

Sorry I realise there is nothing anyone can really say and the natural response would be ttc. I just thought I would post on here to get it out of my head and really appreciate you replying

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angelaham · 31/08/2014 20:06

My husband is a few years younger then me i am 34 and he is 28, i felt i was ready to try when i was 30 but we weren't in the right place, lots of family problems, and he was not ready, we have only just started trying now, so i know exactly how you feel, all i can say is maybe get your body ready, take pre natal vitamins, keep yourself healthy and record you cycle pattern, so when the new year is here you have given yourself the best chance, dont look at it as your not ttc yet , think of it as preparation to give yourself the best chance, only when we started ttc i realised i knew nothing about my cycle and when ovulation was, its only a few months and it will be here before you know it

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TwixyTime · 31/08/2014 20:10

angelaham the kindness in your post has literally brought tears to my eyes. I'm honestly not normally this emotional! I love the idea of thinking this time is preparing to ttc as opposed to 'wasted time' which I keep telling myself it is.

I am going a bit crazy waiting on my DH for a few month, I can't imagine waiting a few years! So glad for you to be ttc now, good luck and thanks for some much needed perspective

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antarctic · 31/08/2014 20:11

Hope you are ok with whatever you decide. How old are you?

Good luck to you too angel!

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catnip85 · 31/08/2014 20:13

I can relate to this twixy it took me 18months to talk my husband round to having kids. He had a difficult childhood and literally couldn't even talk about babies without feeling extremely awkward. It took a long time to even get him to talk but the patience was totally worth it. Hes now really excited at the idea of having our own family. As Angela said, three months is the perfect amount of time to prepare, read up and take yr vits so hopefully you will get a bfp first thing in the new year. I know its hard but u can do it, think positive

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moggle · 31/08/2014 20:13

Honestly, you might as well wait until the wedding is out of the 'danger' zone... It's only a couple more months. Just been at a wedding this weekend where the best man had announced earlier in the year that his wife was expecting a baby two days before the wedding date, I know it's only a wedding but we were a bit like, couldn't they have just used protection for that one month!

We had a similar situation with waiting (reasons being: I could write up my phd by the deadline without potential early pregnancy symptoms, a big family holiday at the 8-9m mark and also lots of Olympic tickets at a similar time that cost ££!). I told myself that if it was going to happen easily for us, then it'd happen easily whenever we started TTC so waiting a few months should only mean potentially few months delay in getting pregnant. On the other hand if we were going to struggle it was really vanishingly unlikely that we would've got pg in those 'missing' months we could've been TTC. As it was we did struggle and finally got pregnant via ivf after 2.5 years.

Despite that I've never once regretted the decision to wait those last few months, I just don't think it made much difference in the end.

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TwixyTime · 31/08/2014 20:15

Thanks Antarctic, I'm 31 DH is 32

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angelaham · 31/08/2014 20:16

Thankyou Twixy, our emotions are all over the place, its hard being a woman lol, the weeks will go by so quickly and think of it as weeks rather than months , it sounds quicker,

antarctic thankyou for your good wishes,

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TwixyTime · 31/08/2014 20:26

That made me laugh moggle I think turning up to your bil's wedding 9 months pg would only be made worse in future sil's eyes if I was also wearing a long white dress! (I love her to bits but the wedding is kind of her only talking point right now!) she's furious with a member of the family thinking of getting a tattoo so you can imagine how someone who might need to rush off to hospital taking the best man would go down!!

I've really needed some perspective so thanks so much for those willing to tell me your story

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wanttobeamummyin2015 · 31/08/2014 20:28

Hi twixy I am/was in a similar situation - we agreed couple months back ttc but we won't until mid-October. Our reason is that I am doing prof qualifications atm so we new to time it so it doesn't clash with my exams! I know how you feel tho I do think blow it I want to bin the pill on now but then I think about he exams and really wouldn't be practical if I was more than 30wks!! Bide your time it will be better that way I'm sure as can enjoy being pg when it happens - I am going to start taking vita soon an try to be more healthy like the others said it is the pre-conception prep time so not wasted and gives chance to save a bit more money too :) good luck and look forward to hearing more posts from you in months to come!

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DaniAlvez · 31/08/2014 20:32

I would agree with waiting till the New Year. Use the next 4 months to track your cycle and symptoms of ovulation so that when you do start trying, you have an idea of when in the month is your good time. I only say this because it took us a while to conceive and we were a few months in before I started tracking my cycle. It really helped me to know when would be a good time but kept the pressure off a bit. Good luck!

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TwixyTime · 31/08/2014 20:34

Thanks wanttobemummy, likewise good luck for both ttc and passing your exams. It's mad to think others are in the same position it's just we can't talk about it in rl.

I think this site may be a saviour

moggle meant to say congrats on getting there in the end Smile

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wanttobeamummyin2015 · 31/08/2014 20:40

Twixy I am not sure if I am mad or deluded to be ttc (and hopefully eventually pg) when working full time and doing exams! I guess that is life though :) 2 of my 4 months have gone already it goes quick

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SunshinePickle · 02/09/2014 22:00

I'm so glad that I stumbled across this post. I've been lurking for a couple of weeks and seem to be in a similar situation to some of you guys. I've been really getting myself down because hubby and I have "jointly" decided to start TTC in the new year after my postgraduate exams are over.

I feel so much better knowing that I'm not the only person driving myself insane!

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m33r · 03/09/2014 21:56

Hi twixy. We started ttc 3 months before our own wedding. It took us 19 months. We actually had a GLORIOUS honeymoon and another luxury holiday in that time. We just kept living our lives but I am so glad we started trying when we did - it was a very frustrating 19months.

I'm only 11+5 now.

Good luck whatever you decide... And yes, mn is a lifesaver!!!

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Rufus200 · 03/09/2014 22:01

I'm in the same situation too, waiting till Jan as building work on our house will be starting end of this year and going on till May/June 2015. I decided while we were delaying anyway I would push back till Jan so that we don't have an August baby going into a school year as the youngest!

Using my months waiting to suppress my cysts from PCOS back down, which became really bad in the 3 months I was off pill earlier in the year to get fertility checked.

Stupidly get upset when I see people announcing pregnancy or birth on Facebook. There is a jealous twinge particularly with girls quite a bit younger then me that aren't being sensible and don't have their lives planned out and are pregnant.

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SunbathingCat · 03/09/2014 22:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TwixyTime · 14/09/2014 13:17

We'll af appeared (as I knew it would really) and it has helped me make peace with the fact we will be trying from new year - or possibly on our holiday in Nov...

Thank-you so much to all those who replied, it looks like I'll be in good company when we do finally ttc!

In the meantime I am doing as suggested and taking folic acid and getting to grips with my cycle, which has been a real eye opener in terms of how my mood/emotions are truly linked.

I've tried to limit myself endlessly looking up all things relating to pregnancy and babies but I am utterly convinced that pregnant women are following me everywhere!

Seriously thank-you for the support and I look forward to joining a ttc thread soon

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