GETTING PREGNANT AND WHAT I NEED TO KNOW

(205 Posts)
Jael123 Thu 12-Jun-14 13:08:28

I'm 18, just recently turned 18. I'm trying for a baby with my boyfriend, we have been planning this all for the last 6 months, this really is what we want, we have a good income (we don't currently have any benefits and we plan to not rely on them)I came off my mini pill 1 week ago, I'm having heavy bleeding now, I presume this is my period.what do I need to know, what's important. I've googled and googled but I want really advice. How long do you think it will take for me to fall pregnant etc?

Anything would help, thankyou!

ExBrightonBell Thu 12-Jun-14 22:52:29

Happier, I would absolutely also advise a 30 year old to stop living with her parents (assuming she'd never lived away from them) and live with her boyfriend before TTC.

WaffleWiffle Thu 12-Jun-14 22:57:31

Jael123

You asked for some advise on how to conceive (get pregnant). I can help with that.

- As mentioned, you should be taking folic acid vitamins from the point you start trying for a baby until being at least 12 weeks pregnant.

- What do you know about your menstrual cycle? You need to know how long your menstrual cycle lasts for so you could do with marking it on your diary/calendar for a few months. Some basic info about your menstrual cycle:

- Day 1 of your cycle is the first day of your period. Count the number of days until the last day before your next period starts.

- You are at your most fertile for the week around the middle part of your cycle. So for example if your menstrual cycle lasts for 28 days then you are most fertile around Day 14. This is called ovulation.

- When you know how long your cycles are and have worked out approximately when you ovulate each cycle (this differs for everyone), you could do with trying to have sex as much as possible around ovulation.

- The few days before ovulation are better than the days after you ovulate, but it is hard to be certain exactly when you ovulate (without testing) which is why maintaining sex after ovulation can still be important.

That's the very basic 'biology teacher' advice. I hope it helps.

There are many other emotional, personal and social issues to consider too.

Cardinal Thu 12-Jun-14 22:57:32

Move in together first, then take it from there. You need to live together to put your relationship to the test before having a baby. With a child all the little annoying things get so much worse and even marriages that have lasted decades can break down. 6 months/a year of dating whilst living with your parents does not tell you what your boyfriend is like stressed, sleep deprived, drunk or angry.

OP, please answer this - how much do you earn, and how long have you been with your boyfriend?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Fri 13-Jun-14 00:00:51

Speaking for myself the funny thing is, I would have repeated most of my reply to you had you said I am 25 what can I expect, how do we plan? There are many sources of information on the Internet so I presumed you wanted our own thoughts.

Lacking or blessed with wealth, education, prospects, frankly so what - anyone who plans starting a family is liable to find the reality quite different from how they envisaged. You can have it all mapped out but your baby won't have read the books. And if you get through the whole experience without ante- or post-natal depression, that is a bonus not a given.

Don't be put off posting here or on other sections. Ironically I forgot to say earlier, as soon as you cross into parenthood and child - rearing, no matter how old, best grow an extra thick layer of skin to deflect the inevitable judgmental comments on any and every aspect from everyone else that fly your way.

Just another voice saying wait. I'm 37 weeks pregnant with my first and nearly 12 years older than you with a husband, home I've shared with him for years, and a career I've been working in for 8+ years.

I'm thrilled but very scared- and I've had more life experiences, freedom and adventures than you. I would have been gutted to be pregnant at 18 when my life was just beginning really. Those 12 years have been great and I know the experiences I had in that time will help me be a better parent because I've got more to draw from.

Go to uni, see the world, be in love and have loads of great sex and great holidays and delicious dinners. Have different friends and different boyfriends if you want. See what jobs and career options suit you. Go out and be drunk and be daft and drink gin with your friends. Go to the cinema in the middle if the night for a double bill of horror films just because you can, earn decent money with no responsibilities and buy frivolous things: beautiful shoes, takeaways and nice wine.

I'm so excited to become a parent but so glad I did all of the above (and much more besides!) You've got so much time. Don't get stuck. I've seen so many of my contemporaries have children too young and so many say they wish they'd waited. My best friends sister thought she knew it all and had three kids by the time she was 20. Now in her 30s she says, with great conviction, that whilst she loves her sons, "I was a good new mum at 18 and I loved my baby but I would have been just as good a mum at 28 and wouldn't have loved him any less... And things would have been so much easier."

Singlesuzie Fri 13-Jun-14 00:39:12

I plan to love my baby forever

Ok i refrained from saying it on your other thread but that line is ridiculous. It makes you sound about 4 years old! You have a real shock coming to you if you do have a baby because you are nowhere near mature enough for it or have any idea what is involved.

Singsongmama Fri 13-Jun-14 01:36:23

My reply wasn't based on your age - it was based on life experience. I have also given exactly the same advice to people I know who are literally DOUBLE your age. If you think you know better then why ask?! Go ahead and have a baby, it will be the biggest shock of your (short) life.

You say you have supportive families - are you planning on turfing the baby onto them when things get rough? (Which they probably will quite quickly - based on experience and that of friends.) I'm genuinely interested - do both families seriously think it's a cosy super idea to have a baby together as you're just starting adult life?

No one on here is saying that you wouldn't love and care for a baby. And yes, your age shouldn't reflect on how you love and care for a baby. I'm not judging you, I'm advising you. I think you probably won't take that advice. Do it - set your alarm tonight three/four times and get up to do something physically demanding. Do it every night for a month and repost with a bit of perspective.

The internet is crammed full of info about TTC and also when I was TTC I bought a book about TTC, pregnancy and birth. I assume you have read books before...to get your qualifications.....

Jael123 Fri 13-Jun-14 08:06:42

You presume I am not an adult but I'm sorry you're all extremely immature, what you're doing is being awfully pathetic. I wanted real advice from mature adults. Not bitchy people behind a screen.

ManchesterAunt Fri 13-Jun-14 08:12:37

Don't wait to get pregnant for your boss to give you advice on maternity leave. Find your rights out first.

Don't expect to go to uni when your child is 4 - it wilk be almost impossible and you can't afford it.

You spend a lot of time explaining you are almost in the right place... almost have a home, almost married, started your savings.

You wonder why you have come onto Mums net and we're advising you against pregnancy... perhaps the unanimous vote should help you see thatcwe know something you don't.

Jael123 Fri 13-Jun-14 08:15:53

CAN SOMEONE HERE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT I DONT HAVE THAT I SHOULD HAVE OTHER THAN MY OWN HOUSE? Thanks smile

deepbluetr Fri 13-Jun-14 08:22:40

If you need to ask that question then you are too young to have a child.

No need to shout- you sound as if you are having a toddler tantrum.

I can assure you motherhood will be far more challenging than this discussion. So keep your cool.

Jael123 Fri 13-Jun-14 08:24:35

I was trying to get someone's attention, and no I'm purely asking that question as I'm sure I have everything that any other mother has.

Life experience and maturity.

Blueuggboots Fri 13-Jun-14 08:26:43

The ability to listen to more experienced points of view and take them on board??

Jael123 Fri 13-Jun-14 08:26:53

I am mature if anything people being so negative and rude is showing immaturity.

BreeVDKamp Fri 13-Jun-14 08:27:01

Jael, you say moving in together will be easy, so why not do it now and then once you're settled, start TTC. You don't have to do everything at once, I promise. Even in say 3 years, you'll still be a young, energetic, fun mum, just perhaps with a bit more life experience. You may find setting up bills and really looking after yourself quite a learning curve, and when you look back will realise it.
Like you I've wanted kids ever since I met my now husband at 18, I've been so broody!! I'm now 24 and I've got my own company, am married and own a flat in London. I know for a fact I wouldn't have this if I'd had a baby and I'm so glad we've waited!!

You sound like you've got a promising future so there's no need to rush it.

Jael123 Fri 13-Jun-14 08:27:44

I've listened and chosen not to take them onboard. I've asked for pregnancy advice not life advice. You're parents, not councillors.

BreeVDKamp Fri 13-Jun-14 08:29:30

:-O ok. I'm not a parent so can't give TTC advice, so sorry for sticking my oar in! hmm

Rkg233 Fri 13-Jun-14 08:32:13

Why the hell would you plan to have a baby at 18? I'm 19 with a 5 month old DS, I fell pregnant (accidentally!) when I was 18 to my boyfriend of 6 months. I thought he was the love of my life, etc etc, now our whole relationship is falling apart.
Go to university first. I'm starting a degree in September and my grandparents are having DS during the day while I'm at uni but I won't be able to go out and be carefree like everyone else my age, I'll have to do my work whilst juggling looking after a baby and then a toddler. Somedays I wish I could just get up and walk out. It's hard, it's really fucking hard. I love my baby more than anything, he has brought me so much joy but I would not have purposely got pregnant at 18. It's hard work, and babies are expensive. Your life will never be your own again. I would love to get up and go travelling or go away for the weekend with my partner but hey, guess what, I can't. And I don't resent my baby one bit but it is incredibly difficult sometimes.

Jael123 Fri 13-Jun-14 08:34:29

Listen to yourself, you accidentally got pregnant. It's not the same as planning for 6 months, then trying and knowing what you want and having everything planned out.

skippingthroughthefarm Fri 13-Jun-14 08:34:50

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ManchesterAunt Fri 13-Jun-14 08:34:58

The very first reply was mine. It had lots of sensible advice. Go back and read it. Especially the bit about checking the cost on MAS

Rkg233 Fri 13-Jun-14 08:36:01

Also you need to be living together first! Living with DP is entirely different to just being with him at my parents or his parents house. We have rent, council tax, utility bills to pay. We're responsible for making sure there is food in the fridge or that clothes are washed and ironed, that the bathroom is clean and the living room is vacuumed. And moving when pregnant is difficult. I speak from experience. I lived in an awful small flat for the first 4 months of DS's life. Now we're in a 3 bed semi but DP is older than me and has an established job with a good wage - can I ask what your 'good job' at 18 is? I worked for minimum wage in a shop until I was 38 weeks pregnant to make sure we could save for a mortgage deposit.

skippingthroughthefarm Fri 13-Jun-14 08:36:28

Oooh also you can "plan" all you want it rarely works out once a baby arrives they don't work to plans and baby books you know <laughing hysterically>

deepbluetr Fri 13-Jun-14 08:37:42

Pregnancy advice.

You will probably be tired, emotional, feeling sick,may have medical problems. Most women find the first and last trimesters difficult.
Pregnant women do best in a low stress environment where they get plenty rest and little worry.

What you are planning is to set up home with a man you have never lived with, learn how to manage your money, bills, food, housework, shopping, buying furniture, decoration and the huge transitions of not only living independantly but co habiting with your boyfriend. And you want to be pegnant throughout all this.

Not the ideal circumstance for a pregnancy. and if you want your baby to have the best start in life you will set up home together before considering pregnancy.

Stress in pregnancy can lead to complications, early labour and premature birth.

You are setting stressful obstacles in your path.

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