Early Miscarriage and intimacy with partner

(5 Posts)
impatientlywaiting14 Mon 02-Jun-14 19:27:53

Hi
I had what I suspect is a chemical pregnancy on the 19th of May (as had bleeding like AF and very painful cramping). I had a scan on the 21st of May which confirmed there was no pregnancy. The hospital couldn't clarify if it was a chemical pregnancy or miscarriage and classed it a miscarriage. I was 5+1 the day i started bleeding.

My partner wants to get back on the horse so speak and has been wanting to get intimate again. I'm really put off by it all at the moment and really don't want to be intimate at this moment in time as I'm worried of getting pregnant too soon and it happening all over again.

My partner has been supportive through it all, but i think is feeling a bit deprived at the moment (if that's the right word). I have tried to explain how i'm feeling but i feel like he sees it that i shouldn't dwell on it.

I agree i shouldn't dwell but i'm just feeling a bit fragile at the moment and want to wait till i'm feeling more ready. Has anyone else been though this/felt like this and has any advice? Thanks in advance xx

purplemurple1 Tue 03-Jun-14 05:19:48

Hi
I had the same (early mc / chemical) a few months back and the advice from my gyny was to wait until my second period before we tried again so my hormones etc would be back ro normal.
Tbh I didn't really feel like it either - not sure how my OH felt really but we just waited until I felt ready.

purplemurple1 Tue 03-Jun-14 05:27:13

Also it's ok ro feel a bit off - your hormones are crashing and you're getting over the disappointment - really it's normal ans to be expected.
Men tend to be fixers so want to get on and try again as a way of fixing it for you both. But our advice was wait as getting preg in the firat cycle you will have an increased risk of mc.

Sighing Tue 03-Jun-14 06:43:27

I am very sorry to hear that.

Waiting until you feel ready is entirely sensible. Talking about it with OH will help, we've become a lot closer. Even if I still nervously start these conversations with 'you might think this is a bit over the top but ...' We lost 'Roo' at 9/10 weeks pg. The loss of plans for the future hit me the hardest. OH turned it inside a bit. But he encourages me to talk, because he felt worse when I initially pulled away into myself too.

But there is conflicting advice about trying again straight away. The new advice/ research is there's not an increased risk in mc (after first).
Going when you feel ready seems the only way forward. The medical advice is conflicting, probably because of the diversity of women getting pregnant.

Brummiegirl15 Tue 03-Jun-14 12:42:15

Hi, I've just suffered a mc - was. 5 weeks when started bleeding.

My docs advice was to get back on it as so as you feel ready and you are supposed to be more fertile just after an MC.

She did also say that they prefer you to wait 1 cycle but that is just for dating purposes. So therefore I admit to getting back in the saddle and DTD.

And actually it's helped me - I feel like life is returning to normal. But I completely understand that not everyone will feel like that

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