How do you get over e cliche 'I'm not a piece of meat?!?'

(10 Posts)
Davidtennantmistress Mon 02-Jun-14 07:05:06

Coming from hubs not me, back story, loads of m.c undergoing fertility investigations, I'm taking all manor of herbs detox stuff and things, sing persona, cb and temping this month.

I've had two days high fertility, I knew today would be 'o' given past experience although that said, I haven't ovulated for the past few months, as confirmed with blood tests by the doctor. So I had hoped this month we would after taking all the drugs. Dtd Friday cd8 today is cd11, apparently last night I made hubs feel 'like a piece of meat' which I'm sure I didn't, but he just isn't getting the fact there's a limited window, he seems to think we only need to dtd on any random day in the month and whatcha know flowers with appear and all will be perfect!

This has been on going for a good six months, the rest of the month he can be fine but this week it's almost like he's being deliberately obtuse.

I probably sound mean and heartless, I'm not honestly, he claims to really want another one. :-( apparently I'm not romancing him enough, when I've just spent out over £60 odd quid on herbs and sticks I Don't want romance!

SweepTheHalls Mon 02-Jun-14 18:39:07

I never mention to DH when my peak fertility is, it's a bit of a passion killer!

ladyflower23 Mon 02-Jun-14 18:47:16

I've had to explain to my DH the mechanics of the woman's body, as before he thought we could just 'do it' without protection whenever and we would be in with a chance. Now he understands that he will go for it even if he's not in the mood if it's 'my time', but I try and still make it sexy by dressing up and seducing him. I know it's prob the last thing you feel like doing, but if it helps him feel romanced then maybe it's worth it and might make it more fun for you too wink

Davidtennantmistress Tue 03-Jun-14 07:25:09

See doing that makes him then feel pressured, into 'performing' apparently, I'm sure he's really a girl in disguise, I never discussed pek times etc etc with him, but he wonder why I was always getting moody with him; having explained why that there's only a few days window he seems slightly more understanding I think, but it's not helping him really. sad I give up.

Paq Tue 03-Jun-14 07:34:42

Does he actually want a baby?

Davidtennantmistress Tue 03-Jun-14 07:36:08

Yes he says he does, but he's scared of having another miscarriage, and seeing my disappointment when we don't catch.

Paq Tue 03-Jun-14 07:50:54

Is that the reason why he's moody?

Sorry about your miscarriage thanks is it possible it's affected him more than he's let on?

Davidtennantmistress Tue 03-Jun-14 08:04:54

I know it has, he's a soldier, after he went into true soldier mode, detached surviving and basically just functioning. I get moody if we don't happen to do anything when I'm possibly ov'ing, rejection, disappointment and feeling a failure which isn't fair to take out on him, but we are both agreed we want one last one.

I had a very similar struggle with my DH when trying to conceive DC1, it was a nightmare. He found the pressure just too much and could not perform. In the end I just had to let it go and let it happen. We conceived DD at the weekend which happened to coincide with peak fertility. I know its really hard to see the months slipping away, I had also had 2 MCs and was just desperate to get pregnant again.

I think men do feel the pressure and the grief of MC more than we given them credit for. Best of luck! We are ttc #2 now and I am really trying to keep the pressure off DH even if it means we miss a few months.

ladyflower23 Tue 03-Jun-14 09:19:13

It sounds like a very stressful situation for both of you. Do you think giving it a few months break might help you both relax and then start trying again (maybe without actually telling him then he might not realize you are instigating because it's your peak and he needs to perform?). I do feel sorry for them, we just have to lie there with our legs open!

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