First month of ttc after early miscarriage....

(71 Posts)
angelgabe Sat 04-Jan-14 13:05:20

....hi all
I had miscarriage the week before Christmas at 5 weeks. So disappointed I can't tell you as me and DH have been trying for 7 months and this is our first. We're both 40 so time isn't on our side.
BBT suggests i've ovulated 2 and a half weeks after miscarriage but i had no cm.
Could I ovulate this month?
Any thoughts would be welcome....

sizethree Sat 04-Jan-14 16:06:27

Hi angelgabe, so sorry for your loss. Awful at any time of the year but seems especially cruel around Christmas.
DH and I had been trying for 5 months before BFB, then had a MMC at 12 weeks in November.
For the month after my MC I just let me body to it's own devices as I have never used any ovulation prediction kits. But I did get AF 5 weeks after the day the MC started. I understand this is pretty early as average is 4-8 weeks for AF to return after MC.
My GP said that you do ovulate in the weeks after a MC, but it's harder to track, and it can take a while for AF to get back on track after the trauma of a MC.
So you can fall pregnant in that cycle before your AF returns. But do be gentle and not put too much pressure on yourself as although physically you are ready for another pregnancy, it may take a bit longer for you to feel emotionally strong enough.

Rockchick1984 Sun 05-Jan-14 09:04:50

Hi Angel sorry for your loss.

I had 12 week loss early last year, first cycle is often known as the WTF (what the fuck) cycle as it can be incredibly random re ovulation, AF arriving, spotting etc, or it can go straight back to normal.

My own experience was that I decided I didn't want to throw myself back into actively TTC (had taken 5 months, plus the 3 months of the lost pregnancy) but I was scared of another loss so we threw out the OPKs and just had sex as and when we wanted. First period arrived at about 5 weeks after miscarriage, then got pregnant that next cycle. There's an excellent thread for TTC after miscarriage which is worth you looking into as you're with lots of people in the same situation as you are.

PaulaFletch14 Mon 06-Jan-14 15:53:15

Hi Angelgabe

So sorry for your loss. I was told at early scan 8 weeks baby died on 6 December (the week before there was a heartbeat) opted for medical management and spent 3 days in hospital)

I agree it's hard at Christmas. Like you I'm older (39) and my DP is 43. He has two daughters from first marriage.

I haven't had AF yet but not using anything. Desparate to start TTC but anxious at same time

These threads are supportive

angelgabe Mon 06-Jan-14 20:08:37

Ladies thank you so much for your kind words...thank god for this site!

I think you're right sizethree....I haven't actually considered how I might feel if I fell pregnant soon. My emotions have been all over the place between thinking i'll never get pregnant, to getting pregnant, to miscarrying, so falling pregnant again will bring with it more emotions. Physically I feel well and as you mention Paula about being older i'm anxious to get pregnant soon.
Rockchick....think you're on to something there....take the pressure off, enjoy and let nature take it's course...you got pregnant so quickly!
I'm so sorry to all of us for our losses. I hadn't realised there was a TTC after miscarriage thread to that's been so interesting to read.....heartbreaking and reassuring all at the same time.
I wish you all luck and thanks for taking the time to comment.
x

Hi angelgabe,
I'm in the same boat, miscarried at 5 weeks on 30thdec.

I'm jumping straight back into TTC, if anything the miscarriage has made me more determined. I'm really sad for the loss but I don't want to hang around waiting for my emotional side to catch up with the physical. I'm obviously nervous that another BFP could end up the same way but feel I'll be nervous even if I wait a few cycles, so might as well bite the bullet.

Sending you hugs and well wishes for a healthy and happy pregnancy when it happens smile

angelgabe Tue 07-Jan-14 20:52:11

Hi English
Thanks so much for your message.
As much as i'm nervous we have started again and secretly hoping i'll be one of those lucky people who gets a BFP before her first AF. We are so desperate for a baby that' i'm more scared of not getting pregnant.
Hugs right back at you and best wishes to you as well. Sending positive BFP vibes!
x

Baxter2014 Wed 08-Jan-14 14:27:35

Hey angelgabe, I thought I would respond because I am also in a similar position.

Miscarried at 5+4 in mid December. It was our first pregnancy after TTC since June so we were over the moon when we got a BFP. Around a week later I started bleeding and we were devastated. It made it worse being over xmas I think. Although we hadnt told anyone I felt we needed to put a brave face on it all. It made it particularly hard because we were going to announce it on xmas day sad

Anyway, my last cycle has been a bit of a nightmare. We wanted to start TTC again as soon as possible (the miscarriage wasnt actually physically difficult for me, just mentally hard to cope with so we thought we'd get back on the horse!) We DTD a few times since I stopped bleeding but I was still getting positive tests. About 10 days ago I started having really sore boobs, mild cramps and night sweats which I though could be a new pregnancy so I went to the drs to get a blood test to monitor my HCG. Over the weekend whilst I was waiting for my results I got a BFN on an IC and AF started on Monday morning (making it a normal 27 day cycle). A little sad as I thought I was having pregnancy symptoms. Just know that periods after MC can be different - I have never had sore boobs before!

We are hoping this next cycle will be the one for us as long as everything is back on track. I dont want to get too technical about it (trying to avoid charting etc) we are just going to relax and enjoy it - Ive been getting too worked up over it and TTC is taking over our lives. Easy said than done I know.

You are supposed to be more fertile over MC but try not to put any extra pressure on you if it doesn't work out first time. You know your bits work and we must both keep the faith that it will happen again for us. 2014 will be the year! x

Tutti Wed 08-Jan-14 15:05:14

Right am jumpin on this thread...

Just found out that I am losing this pregnancy...I think English you and I were on the same antenatal thread..September...

apologies if offend anyone when I have not even fully miscarried yet..but its the only way I can cope at the minute is to start ttc straight away...in fact midwife e advised to start straight away ,get pregnancare etc...

so what do we do? do we do the deed every other day when I stop bleeding?

Baxter2014 Wed 08-Jan-14 16:05:41

Oh Tutti - so sorry to hear of your loss. I know it must be devastating. I felt the only way I could deal with it was to get pregnant again ASAP so I understand the urgency.

The only issue is that your first cycle after MC is messed up. Some people don't ovulate, some people dont have a period for 6 weeks or more and for some (depending on how far along you are) seem to take ages to get the HCG out of the system. The quicker the HCG falls, the more likely you are to ovulate in that cycle it seems although you can still ovulate with small amounts of HCG in the system (based on what others have been saying on here). You should be sent for a scan/blood tests after the bleeding stops to check everything has gone (although I wasnt). If not you can monitor your HCG at home by doing IC Tests (although this made me feel worse when I kept getting positives - stupid body).

DTD when you both feel ready. Try to relax if you can. We used it as a way to reconnect after a horrifically emotional week. Please do not put too much pressure on yourself or your body. It will only make it even more devastating if it doesn't work out first time. However there is hope - many mumsnetters have reported falling pregnant without having AF after a MC and you are supposed to be more fertile. Just do what you were doing before - some say to class the first day of bleeding as day one of your cycle and go from there.

I wish you the very best of luck x

Tutti Wed 08-Jan-14 17:53:29

Baxter thanks for replying ... My hcg levels have dropped already .. That's why they said I will miscarry ...

It's awful really ... I have pains but still no bleeding ...

But am optimistic about ttc ... Just so sad at the minute ..

I hope u can all tolerate the self pity ...

Baxter2014 Wed 08-Jan-14 18:32:13

God its bloody awful isn't it? I have been wallowing for about a month now so don't worry - allow yourself a bit of self pity because having a MC is beyond shit.

angelgabe Wed 08-Jan-14 18:46:54

Tutti I'm so sorry! And please don't worry at all, I don't think it's self pity, it's real and it's devastating and thank god for this site because we really understand.
Baxter I'm with you also, ttc straight away without trying to put pressure on. And I'm so sorry for your loss too. We had already told our mums, silly it was too early! We definitely won't say anything early next time as it's hard breaking bad news.
The first time we dtd we were both nervous but you're right Baxter it was reconnecting and in actual fact not babymaking! We waited about 3 days after I completely stopped bleeding. I am charting which is good but a pain in the arse also because everyday starts with analysis. However it has shown that I ovulated so that is positive. Emotionally I'm still desperately sad but physically I seem to have (very luckily) returned to normal, from what I can tell. From what I've read though many people say that your cycles and periods are never the same again after MC, even early MC. Will see if AF arrives next wed as it should. My hcg levels had dropped so low on the first day of miscarriage that I didn't have further bloods after stopping bleeding. I work in a hospital so took myself to EPAU as it started. No advice after just read lots online.
I'm sending lots of love as you miscarry Tutti, I am so sorry you're going through it right now. And Baxter fingers crossed for BFP this cycle!! For both of us early this year at least. And for all of us soon!! xx

Oh Tutti I'm so sorry. It's bloody awful isn't it! I had to tell people as I knew I wouldn't be able to get away with not drinking and then I miscarried while we had guest over de NYE! It was thoroughly shite!
I did a hpt a week after the bleeding started which was a bfn, so we've started DTD every other day. I'm back to charting in a hope that I ovulate and we get lucky. It's the only way I can really get my head round it all.
I found something online that said a miscarriage is not just the loss of a baby, it's the loss of a dream, a relationship, the future, control and trust in your body. That's exactly how I feel, even though my bean was just a lump of cells.
Thinking of you tutti, hope your recovery physically is speedy, but let yourself heal emotionally at a pace you feel is right for you. Sending you hugs xx

SwedeAway Thu 09-Jan-14 07:31:46

Hi all, jumping on this thread. I had a mc on the 27th December and it was absolutely devestating for us. I was only 6 weeks and the mc happened naturally and was more like a heavy period. I stopped bleeding last week.

I went to see my gyno yesterday, mainly to have a scan to check that all was gone and that nothing was wrong. He also checked my ovaries and confirmed that my left one is in the process of producing eggs! He measured the eggs and could establish that I was 8 days into my cycle.

He recommended that we start ttc this month. But he specifically said that we should wait to dtd until day 12 and then on day 14, 16 and 18 to have the best chance of conceiving.

So all in all, I thought it was positive news. I was very glad that he could answer all of the questions that have been running in my head since the mc. I thought I would need to wait a cycle to see when AF would return but he said that the bleeding after the mc (sorry TMI) can count as AF, especially if there is signs of ovulation (as in my case).

This has given me hope of conveiving again in the not too far off future and I feel much more at ease now that I have more information. Oh and I am 38 but he said, age had nothing to do with my mc.

Fingers crossed for BFP's for everyone this year.

Tutti Thu 09-Jan-14 09:17:25

morning...

well I have started bleeding heavily this morning...

that is so true about losing your dreams ,hopes etc...physically its easier to deal with...

when do I count the first day as...yesterday when spotting or today when first 'real' bleeding started?

SwedeAway Thu 09-Jan-14 09:38:26

Hi Tutti, I started brown spotting on the 27th Dec which continued for a day or so before proper bleeding started. Counting the days (comparing with the gyno's verdict on the age of my eggs), my first day in this cycle would have been the 31 December (as I am today 9 days in).

I guess it is all individual but if I were you I would count from today when the real bleeding started.

Big hugs to you. I know how you feel.

Hi tutti
I counted my first day of real bleeding as day 1. I had two days of brown spotting before that. Hope you have lots of support in rl. Lots of hugs from dp are in order.
Sorry for your loss also Swede. Hope you get your sticky bean soon.
Sending you both love and hugs xx

Tutti Thu 09-Jan-14 10:05:24

Hi English and swedes...

well just wen on sperm meets egg.com and gonna follow that..just ordered opks from amazon and seven seas tryng for a baby vitamins...

at least planning ttc is helping me to focus on that rather than the misery of this....

I am just so glad you guys are here... I think I would go mad not being able to talk..

my dh is being amazing ...but says he cannot wait to start either...he sai whilst literally rubbing his hands together 'fantastic that means we get sex the whole time ..yeh I'm all for it .." lol lol

I'm following sperm meets eggs too. I'm on cd 10 now so got a week or so of potentially fertile time.
I was actually quite surprised at how my DH took the mc, he clung on to hope until I did the hpt. He was so sad. He'd read so much online about spotting in early pregnancy he was convinced that was all it was. But I just knew. I felt it. But he's also been amazing positive and supportive.
It's so nice to have other women to speak to though who are going through the same thing, although obviously I'd rather you weren't having the same heartache. X

Tutti Thu 09-Jan-14 11:08:13

That was me too English....I just knew.

I had cramps the whole time ..I did with my son..but then I woke up Monday morning and just felt 'wrong' and that was the start of the nightmare that has followed.

You are right it is good to have someone in the same situation and perversely nice that we were on the same thread so I can relate to you iyswim....

I have just marked on my calendar as day 1 sad but hopeful...I just hope it isn't gonna be a long slog.....

angelgabe Thu 09-Jan-14 11:17:49

I have noticed from this first cycle that I have had no cm and as a result FertilityFriend is telling me I haven't ovulated yet. It's confusing as my chart would indicate I have. Temps were a bit all over the place to begin with but matching a normal chart now. My acupuncturist is convinced i have ovulated as well.
Do'nt expect things to be "normal" but keep dtd in case results show no ovulation but in fact you are.

SwedeAway Thu 09-Jan-14 11:53:13

I also just knew...Had a textbook pregnancy with my DD so just expected this one to be the same. However, at Christmas I just knew that something was not right and then when the brown spotting started I knew it was all over.

Very happy to have people like you to talk to who are going through the same thing at the same time. Other people just dont get it and most people dont know about it in any event.

Tutti - I agree that planning the ttc makes me focus on that rather than the past.

Will try to follow the gyno's advise this month and stick to the magic dates to see if it works. The month that I got pg we dtd every day during the fertile period and obviously that worked as well so who knows what works the best.

Baxter2014 Thu 09-Jan-14 12:36:14

I had a dream about miscarriage the night before bleeding started. Had some brown spotting a few days before but just felt something was wrong - I kept researching miscarriage symptoms online too but told myself to relax and everything would be fine. Seeing blood when I went to the loo was possibly the most heartbreaking thing I have ever had to deal with. I'm really glad this forum is so supportive as it's really helping me get through this and look to the future x

Tutti Thu 09-Jan-14 13:06:41

I know what you mean about seeing the blood sad every time I go to the loo I have to steel myself..i know what I am losing ....its horrible...I would really like a hot bath ..but am bleeding too heavily.. and the thought of it...shudders..

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