Is there ever a perfect time to try for 1st child?(21 Posts)
This is my first time posting so apologies if I get abbreviations wrong etc!
My dh and I have been married for a year now. I recently got promoted at work and my dh has just started his last year of degree. We are both 30 yrs old and want children. Personally I would like to have been in my new role a year before leaving for maternity. Dh therefore says we should start trying in Jan. our house is currently on the market as we are looking to buy a larger house. Tbh, we are lucky to be in a great situation in life, financially secure and happy but are there too many things going on at the moment?
Should we wait until we've moved? Until dh finishes degree? (he still works full time)
I know I'm not getting any younger! It seems at the moment a number of my friends are having serious problems conceiving which I turn has made me worry and think we should start trying!?
Dh is keen to start trying in Jan, but I'm trying to ensure it's the right time.
Any thoughts would be most welcome.
Thanks for taking time to read.
30 isn't old to be conceiving. If you were 40 I could understand that point better.
I don't think any of the other issues are deal breakers, by the time you actually have the baby, your DH is likely to have finished his degree, and you will be used to being busy. I got pregnant the day after I got promoted, so by the time I went on maternity leave, I had been doing the job for nearly eight months, which meant I had enough experience to know what I was doing when I went back.
Moving house is so variable, you can be in after a couple of months, or it could be closer to a year. Being pregnant won't really affect that.
I know that when I got married, I got broody almost straight away, whereas I never had been before. If you both want a baby, then I think you will make everything else work for you. If you have doubts, then there will never be a good time.
January is considered a good time to start trying, as hopefully you may have a baby born early in the school year. This is generally considered a good thing on MN.
There is no ideal time. Surely if you start trying in Jan, you will definitely be in your role a year before you go off - or pretty much, as even if you got pregnant first go, baby won't arrive till Sept? Plus it may take longer than you think - for some couples it is a year or more.
30 isn't old, but I started at 26, didn't have my first until 30, and at 34 am unlikely to ever have a second. I wish I had more years.
Looking back I wouldn't have started earlier though, 26 was young enough. If you're going to have problems it doesn't necessarily matter when you begin. And tbh you're not that likely to have problems anyway.
But tbh, I wouldn't wait much longer than 30. I remember thinking it was best to wait for the 'right' time. Then I ended up in tears (stupidly, but I blame hormones), when loads of people around me were getting pregnant accidentally and having fantastic families while I was still waiting to do it 'right'. There is no right time. Time is limited. If you are relatively secure I would say go for it.
Thank you both for replies.
Yes, if we tried in Jan, it would mean I'd have been in job a year which is fine (that's IF we conceive quickly!).
I think tbh I'm a bit of a planner freak. Always wanting to make sure everything's perfect. But I'm pretty sure I need to snap out of thinking that way especially when a baby comes along! My friends tell me the plans go out the window and you just do your best to muddle through!
Okay, note to self, stop being obsessed with trying to make everything perfect before trying to conceive.
Easier said than done but will try :-)
Know exactly how that feels. I'm the only one from a large group of girlfriends who is childless! All either pregnant or have one/two children.
I know I should't wait long as I don't want to be devastated when I don't conceive and it's too late.
You're only 34 though so no reason why you can't have your second, right?
There is never a perfect time cos life isn't perfect but I would say jan sounds like a good time. It gives you some space to build up your folic acid and hopefully you will conceive straight away but you never know, so I would say do start, you won't regret starting, but may end up regretting if you don't. Best of luck x
There isn't an ideal time because you never know for certain how things will turn out, that's the joy of life.
To me having a child isn't something you plan for, it either just happens or you consciously think now is the time.
That's just my opinion though. I know others feel differently and like to plan, save, wait, and many other conditions.
Do what feels right for you and your dh.
The title of this made me smile. My
very unsubtle mother has been telling me for years that there's no perfect time
The title of this made me smile. My
very unsubtle mother has been telling me for years that there's no perfect time. In my twenties it certainly wasn't right because of the relationship I was in. But now I'm 33 and we've just started ttc. A lot of my friends have children and I'm now worried I've left it too late. We'll just have to see. But we're moving house, dh is in the middle of a degree and I've only been in my job for a few months and he's starting a new one. But, frankly time is ticking and we want to get started - we've already had to delay this year because I've had an ovarian cyst and there's been serious illness in the family. I don't think there's ever a perfect time - there will always be something going on and never enough money saved up, and even then things outside your control can still happen. I'm not advocating complete irresponsibility and obviously it's worth thinking about timing quite a bit. But for me the question is do you feel so overwhelmed by everything else that you don't feel mentally and physically up to it?
We've been married nearly four years, making me 34, we're glad we waited as everything has been so uncertain until now.
It all just came together at the right time.
I guess if you have reservations or feel stressed when ttc it makes it harder!
But, there is no 'perfect time' and the only people you have to please are yourselves.
I'm one of those who wish they'd started trying sooner as it took a year to conceive first time, and 6 months second time around. You just don't know though - for some couples it happens right away... very difficult to plan for!
We started ttc DC1 at 30.
DD was finally conceived when I was 38 after several cycles of fertility treatment (our infertility was not age-related).
Now ttc DC2 at 40 with little chance of success
If you want to have children then the perfect time is if/when you can. If you can't then you will find you have plenty of time to do the other stuff!
It took me years to conceive, too.
I'd repeat what others say: there is no "right" time - though I do think there is possibly a lot of time when t would be crazy. So perhaps the "right" time is when it is no longer utterly crazy.
I envy those who can plan to the extent that they can work out the birth month of the child: so that they are not the youngest in the class, and in time for a tax write-off.
As I said, though, I started trying to get pregnant and then had to wait years. My body clearly hadn't had the message about it being the "right" time.
But they are here now - much longed-for and much-loved.
Mewling: <small squeeze> to a fellow "not-as-fertile-as-a-bunny" person.
I think it's right when you feel it's right
I'm 24 and my partner's 23. We work together on horrible shifts earning not as much money as we really need, and we live miles from where we work in a shitty area we really don't want to be in. I'm studying for a degree part-time and intend to re-train once I've got this degree out of the way. I'm also progressing at work. None of my friends have children, and we have no family to help out. Not perfect....but life never really is. We want it and we know we can do it, so that's good enough for us! Baby due June 2014.
I waited for a couple of years after we got married to start ttc so it would be the "right time". Took 2 years to get my first bfp which I then lost at 10 weeks. I am now pregnant again, though it's early days, and I bitterly regret those wasted years.
Wow, thanks so much for the advice everyone.
MrsCM8, you sound in such a similar position to me. Lots of luck to you! I really think come Jan we will be ttc. I feel as mentally/physically prepared as I think I could and I know dh is.
Mewling, Japan and Vanilla, you are the people I guess I was most hoping to hear from. I almost feel selfish saying that but you are what makes me think ffs get on with it! It might not happen quickly like you say so I'll wish I started sooner and this has certainly helped me realise I should go for it.
Can't thank you all enough. Shared your replies with husband who by the way, thinks counsellors will become redundant with you knowledgable women on here!
imagine of you poas and get a bfp? How do you feel?
If it's happy it's the right time.
Hey OP, sounds like you're ready to me!
I'm not old at 34 but I have scarring after a miscarriage that means it could be very tough to conceive/carry to term. But I have one child so I am counting my blessings or at least trying to
My dh and I also waited for the "right time". We'd wanted a family for a year by the time we started but had wanted to get some debts paid off first. We've now been trying for almost 3 years so my advice is, if you want it, go for it as you never know how long it will take. If you get pregnant straight away it will be a blessing and you'll make it work. Good luck
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