Can't decide about IVF - not even sure if it's feasible; can anyone help?(37 Posts)
I don't think I should post this in 'Infertility' as I feel that might be a bit insensitive.
I can't shake the yearning I have for another child despite everything telling me it's ludicrous.
I have health issues.
I have a balanced translocation.
I have had miscarriages.
But . . . apart from the old thing, I have had all of these factors when I've successfully had children before.
I have been wondering about IVF and that's really why I'm asking for some help. I know I'd have to go private, which is fine as I can make the money if needs be, but I have no idea what else it would involve. I know that it would involve pre-implantation screening for the BT, but would I even be considered in this country because of my age (47)?
If I did go ahead, how do I do that? Do I contact clinics myself? What is the process? How much does it cost?
I think there is still a chance I could conceive without IVF, but with the recent BT diagnosis, that is a something else to take into consideration.
I've name changed for this as I feel a bit of a fraud for even thinking of it at my age - but I also can't stop wondering whether there is any chance at all. I know I should just count my blessings, I really am very very lucky, but there's this niggle . . .
I guess they are in the 1%!
Thanks EuroShaggleton - my maternal granny had her last at 51, and my paternal great granny at 49, obviously long before IVF; makes you wonder what the figures were like back then, doesn't it?
I think the HFEA lists donor cycles separately, so it was my assumption that the figures above were for IVF with own eggs, but I might be wrong about that. I've had a quick google around and found these links.
This link uses figures from 2010 but the numbers are similar to the ones on the link above and it gives a success rate of 1.9% for over 44s:
This gives a general success rate for using donor eggs:
One other question, Euro - are there figures to show the numbers of live births without donor eggs, or do they not break it down that way?
Thank you Vix - that is helpful, and Euro for the information too.
The information really helps - I know that my chances are absolutely tiny, tiny, tiny and I am by no means blithely stumbling into this saying 'ooh, I'll just have a bit of IVF and get a baby.' But I also know that clinics are in the business of making money so I won't necessarily get what I want if I call them for info, so many thanks to those who have given some here.
Mimmum - that is exactly what I wondered, that natural conception may be more likely, even if still very unlikely. But the screening issue is what niggles me there.
Thanks to everyone who has sent good wishes and the best of luck to all of you who are at some stage of this journey too
GCRM in Glasgow is excellent. We did IVF twice (conceived 2nd time). It is bloody hard, and I was only 28.
i don't really have any advice, but best of luck op
Yours odds of having an ivf baby at your age without donor eggs are virtually nil-don't put yourself through it.
I don't think people can know how devastating a failed if cycle is unless they've been through it too. And sorry to be blunt but at your age the odds of success are minuscule with regular ivf add in pre genetic diagnosis and it drops further. I don't believe many reputable ethical drs will be prepared to take you on.
Natural conception would actually have much higher odds.
OP, I'm sorry you haven't got what you wanted from this thread. I'm going to try to answer the direct questions as much as I can.
A round of IVF costs from about 3k minimum up to about £15k, depending on the clinic and extras such as ICSI, immunes, etc.
The HFEA publishes success rates by clinic. I'm linking my clinic as an example. This shows in the relevant year, there were 6 cycles for women over 44 and none ended in a live birth. This compares against a national average of 1.1%:
So it can happen over 44, but it's pretty rare. I don't think posters are wrong to say you need to be realistic about your chances. I think it's fair to say that a lot of IVF successes over the early 40s are with donor eggs.
The HFEA website also allows you to search by the max age of patients the clinic will accept.
You can self refer to most private clinics. Most say on the website whether or not they accept self-referrals. I have no knowledge of Scottish clinics as I'm in London.
I have no knowledge of the translocation testing.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
I think you sound defensive too. However, you need to look into what is Actually involved in IVF including the emotional stresses it brings. I'm 40 and dealing with secondary infertility. We have explored IVF and for us were given less than 20% odds of success with my age being a significant factor so presumably yours would be lower. We have decided for many reasons not to go down that path but I haven't given up hope that somehow conception may occur naturally for us. Not an easy business for any of us!
Sorry cuddly - probably my reply questioning whether you'd thought it through from the point of the child has opened you up to some more questioning replies and people are expressing concern for you should it not turn out as you hope.
FWIW I have a very good friend who attempted 3 self funded cycles of ivf as she was older than 40, still single and wanted a chance of a family. All sadly unsuccessful but I know she takes small comfort in the knowledge that she tried, gave it her best shot and then came to terms with it. As much as you can, anyway.
I wouldn't restrict yourself to clinics in Scotland for the basic reason that you'll have to pay so you have the entire UK at your disposal. What you need to do is email a short list of clinics and ask
1) can they offer pre implantation genetic diagnosis for the BT
2) would they accept you as a self funding client
3) what are their costs for a single cycle, broken down completely
4) would they allow you to source your own drugs online (my friend used an online pharmacy to reduce her costs)
5) what are their success rates in women of 47,48,49 years of age in terms of resulting healthy babies (not pregnancies)
From their replies you can then select which to go to.
Off the top of my head I think 2 were recommended for the older patient in terms of success rates in those age groups - both in London. However it's a while since I was looking into this. So you'll have to factor in travel and accommodation costs too.
I have learned a lot since joining MN, but,for me,one little disadvantage is that I keep choosing to read topics concerned with babies as they are so interesting. Most of my friends have older children. Most of my family members have older kids. I am not surrounded by babies and FB pregnancy announcements. In a way, I think my choice of reading material may be prolonging my longing. Lately, I am pretty obsessed
maybe it doesn't , im holding out for grandchildren have told my kids they must have them and give them to me. in reality I wouldn't want to be in my 60's and dealing with teenagers but I do love babies and feel I would do a much better job now than I did in my 20's with a baby, maybe I will do fostering am considering it when mine have flown the nest.
Isn't it odd how many of us feel this way teenagetantrums at this age? Do you think it never goes away?
I think you need to re-read your own posts OP. Nice work evading the more difficult questions though.
I think you need to do what is best for you, as far as I know which isn't much you wont get IVF on NHS is you have a child nothing to stop you paying if you want another one, if you have the money and you want a baby just do it you have nothing to lose, as long as you go into with eyes wide open and know you may never have a baby, im 46 and sometimes I yearn for another baby I know that's never going to happen but doesn't take the need away.
Always interesting when someone goes for the 'defensive' and 'irritable' cheap shots when the other person is actually answering points calmly. Want so suggest it's my hormones?
I don't think I've derailed your thread at all. I've made a number of suggestions in fact. I don't think you are doing youself any favours by being so defensive though.
I'm not offended by women your age seeking fertility treatment. What makes you think that? I just think in your situation you're opening yourself up for more heartache not less and tbh every time you post irritably it make me think that more and more. Your family and friends will raise the same issues - will you believe that they are concerned for your welfare?
Is there a pulling hair out emoticon?
Northern Lurker - you have completely derailed this with unnecessary stuff, so if anyone has the patience to trawl through, can I please ask them the questions in the post I did at 14:40 where I try to recover my originally badly worded question?
I am not 'completely set' that I will conceive and carry to term or I wouldn't be asking these things, would I?
I don't need someone who obviously completely disagrees with me even posting this to express concern, and I'm not offended, just utterly bemused that you would feel that way. I can't see why it would matter to you in the slightest.
I don't necessarily think that generalised 'Scots' are the only people I should be asking here as there may be those who have moved, those who work in clinics, those who work in reproductive health who can help.
I didn't start a thread about any conditions I have specifically, so it would derail any further to go into that, but thanks for the really obvious suggestion.
Are you particularly offended by women of 'my age' asking questions about fertility treatment?
OP - it seems that you are absolutely set that you will conceive and carry to term and I think that crazyhead and I were expressing concern for you because the liklihood is that won't be the case. I'm sorry if the offended you but I won't apologise for feeling concern.
I would suggest starting a specific thread in Infertility asking for clinic recommendations from Scots and then give those clinics a ring to ask your other questions. I think the bigger cost will be the screening though - and that may not be a service that easy to come by. Could you travel to England if necessary?
I notice you didn't answer my question about diabetes. That's your perogative of course but if that is your diagnosis I would suggest some pre-conception discussions with your medical team to ensure you are as well placed as possible to continue to manage the condition in pregnancy.
WouldBeHarrietVane - thanks for that; it came through as I was trying to be a much clearer OP .
You really don't have to fear for me - and I don't see why you would?
Anyway, the reality is that I must have written a really appalling post. I was actually asking about the process and only have some background so that it didn't seem like drip feeding, or that I was attention seeking by getting people to ask me questions.
The whole issue of donor eggs is moot and not one I raised.
Thanks for the sad emoticons though . . .
So - if I wrote this again, I'd say:
does my age mean that I wouldn't be considered for IVF other than by dodgy places?
if I would, can anyone tell me what the reputable private IVF clinics are in Scotland?
can anyone give me an idea of cost for one cycle?
can anyone tell me whether you simply call them up, or whether you need a referral?
can anyone tell me whether the tests and procedures are more complicated with a BT or would they cover that anyway as usual?
My friend has just had a DS at 47 (we assume via donor eggs and ivf though have not asked her as I don't want to pry). Another friend recently had a dd at 46 , conceiving naturally after a mc. They are both very happy and both children are healthy. I don't think 47 is too old.
I say definitely go and get the info. Then make a decision as to what course is in the best interests of you, oh, any baby and your existing dc.
I think so too northernlurker
OP I meant your chances would be much better with donor eggs, so sorry for my appalling grammar.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.