Today, I am a bit sad. Cheer me up?

(28 Posts)
WrySmile Sat 25-May-13 09:28:45

Am usually ok with the whole thing; Mrs Positivity is absolutely great, etc.

But today I woke up at 6am and have just stayed in bed as I can't put my happy face on yet.

I'm just tired. 3 yrs ttc. Metformin, Clomid, am starting IVF soon.
Everything else in my life is brilliant, so I have told myself that nobody gets everything, that I am luckier than most, etc. I do actually feel this way usually. But today I feel flat and tired and sad.

All my friends are pregnant or have had babies. Am not exaggerating when I say I have had at least two (close) announcements of pregnancies a week for the last 6 weeks. I have bought presents, made cakes for christenings, laughed off ever-increasing comments about our childlessness.

Arghhh! Am just feeling sorry for myself! Need a kick up the ass. Have a 1st birthday party to go to today of a little boy whom I adore, so I need to get smiling and stop wallowing. Help!!!

(just read that back and have annoyed myself at how pathetic it is)

DizzyCow63 Sat 25-May-13 09:30:31

It's not pathetic at all, I used to have days like that frequently (4yrs ttc). Be kind to yourself, it's perfectly normal. Big non-MN hugs x

rabbitonthemoon Sat 25-May-13 09:34:28

Not pathetic. I could almost have written your post word for word (with a few less preg announcements in recent weeks but there is a new wave coming..) I'm two and half years in and getting ready for ivf too. Everything else in life is spot on. It doesn't stop it being hard or sad. Now, I'm supposed to be cheering you up! I think all I can say is that you aren't alone by any means even if it feels like that. You are an amazing person for going to the party and being so lovely to your friends and your day will come. It's just a pity we don't know when that is. Sending out empathy. You should keep in touch, no doubt ill be loitering on the assisted conception boards late summer/autumn.

WrySmile Sat 25-May-13 09:37:21

Thanks! I just feel annoyed with myself. I promised myself I wouldn't let this get to me and I have filled my life with so much other stuff that we couldn't do if we had a baby that I don't usually have time to wallow. Just today I feel so tired at the thought of going in to the party and seeing all my pregnant friends or friends with babies. Like they have all grown up without me. Have never told them how I feel sometimes, so it's an effort to keep upbeat, iyswim.

Thank-you for letting me know it's normal (and for the un-mn hugs!)

WrySmile Sat 25-May-13 09:39:24

Thank you, Rabbit! Chin up, eh? Will defo stay around - think I have possibly been in denial for a little while. Nice to know there is support here smile

rabbitonthemoon Sat 25-May-13 09:42:19

You have done amazing to get this far and to keep so together. I have had several periods of deep woe! I've filled life with non baby things too and I like it, a bit too much! And yes, my three closest friends are all now trying for number two in the same time I've been trying for one. They are in a different place and often I feel adrift, even though I don't say it. I have found huge solace from these boards and have met some amazing people in RL (all of whom are now pregnant or have a baby - hope that we will get there in the end) and online mates who I'd be lost without. It is totally normal because when you start trying you are in a place to have a family and it is a biological drive that gets a grip and is (for me) impossible to shake off. It's almost all about the bfp for me and a baby feels quite abstract.

rabbitonthemoon Sat 25-May-13 09:43:07

(I mean this gives us hope that we will get there!)

WrySmile Sat 25-May-13 09:45:45

Are we the same person?! Exactly how I feel on every count. I feel childish and needy admitting that one of the hardest things is feeling 'left out' with all my sisters, bfriends, uni mates, etc being in this 'club' that I am not part of. Will definitely hang around. This is helping already!

Bowlersarm Sat 25-May-13 09:53:35

I don't think your post sounds pathetic at all.

It must be hard, and I do sympathise. I had no real experience of this except it took us about ten months to conceive DS1. Even in that shortish time I remember the anxiety I felt as each month came round and no pregnancy. It starts to take over your whole life, and I can only begin to imagine how you feel after three years.

Focus on the ivf? Another stage that is moving you forward?

CaipirinhasAllRound Sat 25-May-13 09:53:57

Snap all round
TTC 3 and a half years, 1 aborted, 1 failed IVF, trying again with frozen embies next cycle. One of my oldest friends just emailed to say she's 6 months pregnant with twins and that she kept it from me as she hadn't known how to tell me. I hate that this TTC blocks makes people treat me differently
I've only fairly recently managed to get into "life is great regardless" mindset although with IVF 3 looming I can feel myself slipping back into woe is me! But life is great, just different

Stay positive, the sun is shining and you'll have a fun day! The lie in you've had this morning wouldn't be possible with babies!

Life is good x

conorsrockers Sat 25-May-13 09:59:35

I don't think that sounds pathetic at all. And you sound like a lovely friend! Fingers crossed for you xxx

rabbitonthemoon Sat 25-May-13 10:08:31

allround that's proper cheered me up thank yousmile the sun is out, I've had a lovely lie in with breakfast in bed, we have ace non baby friendly plans for the day, it really is good in loads of ways. Good luck with no3. wry glad this has perked you up.

PicardyThird Sat 25-May-13 10:13:51

Oh, you poor loves - all of you in this painful boat. Not self-indulgent or wallowing at all. I think there are few things harder, tbh.
I'm struggling enough with having just had mc no. 5 and I have the ridiculous good luck of two living children.

Among all getting on with life, take your pain seriously, it's real pain and much of the world has little time for it sad
Love to all.

CaipirinhasAllRound Sat 25-May-13 10:31:42

Glad to help rabbit!
Just re-read my post and I mean I had an aborted IVF attempt, I didn't have an abortion! Just wanted to clarify!

RaspberrySnowCone Sat 25-May-13 10:49:52

Same story for me too, just starting on the IVF waggin, four years in. Never had so much as a sniff of a BFP and have had a real run of struggling to cope with it all. I actually can't even ever imagine seeing two lines on a test now. I used to think about being pregnant/giving birth all the time, what my kids would be called/look like. Very rarely do that now, if I do I end up in tears. I'm not at that point yet though where I can imagine a childless life, that conversation with myself is going to be a very hard one and not one I can face at the moment.

WrySmile Sat 25-May-13 10:52:58

I have had a shower, put the finishing touches on the cake, and am going to wear the ridiculously high and ridiculously expensive shoes I couldn't wear if I were pregnant!

Thanks everyone. You are all entirely right. Think I need to allow myself a little down day now and again and not be overly upbeat.

So true about others treating you differently. This is theeee hardest part for me, and it's difficult because people are only trying to be sensitive. It takes so much energy to pre-empt people's sympathy and to be smiley and positive so that they don't get to that point in the first place (does that make any sense?!).

Anyway. There will be cake. And, more importantly, there will be WINE. grin

WrySmile Sat 25-May-13 10:55:01

Raspberry, I understand a lot of what you are saying. I actually don't believe I will get pregnant, this is just a big pretend game I am playing with DH and doctors, etc. Mad, isn't it? Hats off to you for coming this far x

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Sat 25-May-13 13:13:26

With you 100% my dear. 3 years TTC here too, with one chemical pregnancy to show for our efforts.

After my CP (Feb 2013) I was a wreck. My NHS fertility clinic offer a free counselling session for anyone undergoing treatment so I took it up in March. I admit I was sceptical that anything could help me feel less wretched, but it really did work.

The counsellor gave me lots of good advice for coping, and also said exactly what my DH has been saying for ages - I have done nothing wrong. I do not "deserve" my situation and I am not being punished by the universe. This is merely the hand that life has dealt me and how I respond to it is down to me. It helped to hear those words from an independent third party, as my twisted logic made me believe that when DH said the same things, he didn't really mean it: he said it because he "had" to.

Anyway, I'd recommend counselling if it is available to you. Since my session I agent had any of those sobbing-so-hard-you-can-barely-breathe moments which used to be a frequent occurrence.

WrySmile Sat 25-May-13 13:40:17

Have been considering maybe talking about it to someone. I don't talk about to anyone except DH, as my closest friends are all either pregnant or have new borns, and I don't want it to be all about me. Or for people to think I am not happy for them blah blah blah. It's just so bloody repetitive as a conversation in my head, that I don't want to bore others, too!!
Thanks for recommendation: fingers crossed for all

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn Sat 25-May-13 13:42:30

The best thing is the counsellors are an independent voice. We actually spent only a small amount of time talking about pregnancy/babies and focused on self-esteem, occupying myself (DH lives away Monday to Friday, so I spend a lot of time alone) etc. if you're on the IVF road it may be worth asking your clinic if they offer counselling.

DizzyPurple Sat 25-May-13 14:00:52

I second the counselling. Although I already have 2 children and feel thoroughly blessed to have them we have been ttc another for over 2 years. It has been really getting me down amongst other things and have recently started counselling which I find really helpful. Good luck.

CaipirinhasAllRound Sat 25-May-13 17:43:12

I have the solution, Ikea on a bank holiday weekend. I've just been and went round in record time thinking thank fuck none of those annoying screaming kids are mine!
Like with your heels wry, I used my new 'for best' expensive handbag, and whenever I saw a pregnant woman (of which there are loads in Ikea) I thought, you may have a bump but I have a very lovely handbag!

WrySmile Sun 26-May-13 00:50:42

Cairpini that made me laugh out loud! I have left the child free after-party thinking the same thing!
The party was lovely, my little niece and nephew were there being adorable, and st 6pm when we had cleaned up and discarded the balloons, the parents had to go home with 'My MIL: WTF?!!' threads pending, whilst we all went to a beer garden in the blazing sun and drank copious amounts of booze and cut loose in a big way! (this is ms leaving wayyyy early, btw!)
Bit massively pissed, but just wanted to say thank you for letting me vent and moan: it meant that I didn't have to say anything to DH today, which was a lovely release for both of us. Winey, boozy breath big love to you all.

WrySmile Sun 26-May-13 08:53:55

Cairpini that made me laugh out loud! I have left the child free after-party thinking the same thing!
The party was lovely, my little niece and nephew were there being adorable, and st 6pm when we had cleaned up and discarded the balloons, the parents had to go home with 'My MIL: WTF?!!' threads pending, whilst we all went to a beer garden in the blazing sun and drank copious amounts of booze and cut loose in a big way! (this is ms leaving wayyyy early, btw!)
Bit massively pissed, but just wanted to say thank you for letting me vent and moan: it meant that I didn't have to say anything to DH today, which was a lovely release for both of us. Winey, boozy breath big love to you all.

Wishfulmakeupping Sun 26-May-13 09:11:58

A big hug for you OP

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