TTC 10 + months, part 14 (eek)(1000 Posts)
A friendly, supportive thread for lovely ladies taking waaay longer than they ever expected to win their babies
pout I had to think about what you meant for a minute , ha I think its like what madness has been on so hoping its just one shot that will last 3-4 weeks I have no idea really. Ok looked at the prescription and its one shot, I better not fu*k it up then, might see if one of the nurses at work can give it to me, hopefully it will fit into my nice work bag
midnight sorry forgot to say, I never read the instructions for OPK's but used them for nearly 2 years I used a CBFM and used morning pee, I wouldn't say FMU as i pee during the night quite alot, when I was totally neurotic
which has been most of the time I was peeing on 3 sticks a day morning and evening this has been my first cycle in 23 where I have not checked for ovulation and no ladies the relax and don't stress and it will happen attitude doesn't bloody work
sar my lovely, I'm so sorry you have been so upset today, there are still options, ones you might not be aware of at this stage. I can't remember if you were NHS IVF?? You need to get through this stage and grieve, when the clouds lift you will have a different take on things and so will Mr Sar, I imagine it must be hard for him to see you go through all of this again and again, he most likely just wants to protect you from it all.
critter work is way to stressful, I had a bit of cry today
three times my hormones just feel all over the place, i'm thinking down regging might be a bit of a change from it all or make me feel ten times worse, aren't you going skiing soon ???
seeya thread 13. I didnt like you very much at all. Thread 14 here we go..
I've missed quite a bit. I have found my fsh score quite devastating really.
Me: scouring Internet for every borderline fsh forum story ever and discounting any successes and fixating on stories that had no clear happy ending.
Hare: downloaded, independently of me, 7 academic journals that conclude 10.2 is perfectly acceptable, move along please.
I feel like with my fsh and a 3-7% morphology we have our answer of why no baby has come. I always thought I wanted an answer but you know, it doesn't feel better. It feels pretty shite. Mostly because it feels like it is quite probable that we might not have our own genetic child and also because I feel it isn't fair. I don't drink more than 6 units a week, I don't drink caffeine, eat v little sugar, Im all organic, I take co enzyme Q10, I do yoga, I have acupuncture - in short I do everything you are advised to do if you have high fsh. But life isn't fair. This we all know. We are in an ongoing discussion with PALS about what the future holds for us in terms of nhs treatment. But I refuse to go back to Dr Big and they agree I have been treated poorly.
But enough of me. I go away next week on my hollibobs and I need to get some headspace. There is no need to keep on trying and hoping anymore so I'm having some time off with a view to treatment of all sorts over spring and summer.
So, I've been reading this evening and I'm here to prop up people feeling blue, in limbo and porky (here's looking at you art sar I'm gutted you feel af is coming. I totally understand what you say about post traumatic stress as I feel very similar at times - intervention and surgery and inconsistent frustrating advice is traumatic and we need to acknowledge, all of us on here, that we have been through far more than most people ever do. I truly hope you are wrong in your instincts and that this comes good. But sar you are 33, you make good embryos. There are other avenues to explore if this doesn't end as we all hope it will. And there is time for you to pursue these. I'm sure none of these words are of much comfort today and when we feel the blues the natural instinct is to want to draw a line it all. But all you have to do today is breathe in and breathe out and be. And tomorrow, and the day after. Just be. You don't need to decide anything just now.
euro I hope this is all complete for you and I'm sad it ended this way but also so so hopeful that ivf will overcome things for you.
joycep agreed that the white company is a tear provoker. I only accidentally saw the clothes last month when looking at bedding with my mum and almost blubbed. Amazon all the way for me. That said, I have made my friend clothes for her baby with little issue, other that aw it's cute - hare was worse than me. nelly I too am at the juncture of hobby learning that small items would benefit my skills. But gin I'm always wary of the crazy baybee lady bix of c,othes under the bed syndrome and try to stay away. It's hard.
free sorry you have the headfuck of fuzzy lines. But many a million babiess start this way! Fingers crossed.
pout I'm soooooo (6 eggs in the os) excited for you. This is amazing news and promising. I will say no more!
critter yay for an egg popping! Timing sounds good to me?
art I can well imagine how you feel. Long term trying lays down cautious foundations and I know, should I get there, that I will be exactly the same. The worries don't stop and I'm sure you will feel a huge sense of relief when your 20 week scan is another hurdle climbed. Keep popping in, I love it when you do. I would love it even of you moaned all about aches and changes. You are one of us.
lemon interesting.....any updates?
Well this is long enough to have made everyone fall asleep. Wave to buzzy, sea, grouch, doll, madness and anyone missed. At least it's Friday.
Hello lovely 10 plussers - I sometimes skim read the thread to keep up with where you all have got to, and I just wanted to pop on and give a massive hand squeeze to all of you having a tough time, and especially to Sar, Joy and Euro. I'm so sorry you've all been through such ordeals. The ladies on this thread are a special bunch and you deserve good times not this crap.
Anyway, just to say I'm thinking of you and hoping everything starts to go your way soon. If its helpful at all coming from someone who's had several failed Ivf s and now decided to stop (which I have btw, 99.9% anyway), I currently feel a huge relief and feel like I'm in the process of letting go. It doesn't feel as bad as I thought it would to be in this place and maybe that's to do with being ready? I feel like there's still a minute chance of being one of the ones who it happened to when they stop trying, but i think stepping away from the thread and working on a fantastically selfish and indulgent life plan b, is all helping. I think it will always be a burden to carry though, and catch me out unawares but I'm starting to feel more balanced. Have you seen the gorgeous advert for a romantic tropical holiday island (can't remember the company) - i watched it the other day and thought, thats aimed at child-free people that, that's not for families, that's for me!
Best wishes. Xxx
Oh and Doll, super thrilled by your news by the way, and Art massive good luck to you, oh and now i feel very remiss not doing a complete roundup, but i haven't followed exactly where you all are, so forgive me for a group hug instead. X
Welcome thread 14. 13 did have a lot of bad news but we did have good news for doll so it wasnt all bad.
Sar I am sorry you are feeling like this. A big hug to you. I really hope you are wrong and this cycle is the one for you. Its only normal to get these ups and downs. You have been through a lot. Go easy on yourself.
Euro It does amaze me how the docs always focus on the woman and less so on the man. Its good that Mr Euro is getting some tests done. At least you can get all bases looked at and covered.
Joy thanks for the info. Much appreciated. Did you do your karyotype? The tests take a while dont they? I did mine a while ago and I think it took 3 or 4 wks to get results.
Doll hope you are well and everything is going swimmingly. Nice to see you pop in.
Buzzy hope the cold is better. A lot of it around at the moment. All very exciting now for you .
Nelly I know how you feel when you say you want a babee so much it hurts. I had this feeling recently on the Tube when I heard 2 mums chatting about where they were taking their daughters for Easter some educational museums. It struck me that is a long long way away for me that is if it ever comes. On happier note I have always wanted to learn to knit but I am v clumsy and terrible with my hands.
Rabbit Enjoy your hols. You sound in good spirits. I am sorry you have been worrying about your FSH. It really does flucate from cycle to cycle. Sometimes these tests really make me cross as we become nothing more than a number and they worry as when they really shouldnt.
Free Yikes I hope Monday comes quickly for you Enjoy the hotel stay with Mr Free
Pout you are quite right about NHS funding it is a mystery and a postcode lottery. I am not complaining as I did get v good care and 2 IUIs but the 9 month wait for IVF is just too long for me.
Art your story does give me hope. I am really sorry you are not having a carefree pregnancy. I can totally understand why though. I only hope that as the months go by you will feel more relaxed, confident and happy and enjoy this amazing experience. Would you mind reminding me of your TTC history?
Cosmos1 I am glad you are happy with your decision to stop. There is life after TTC. I guess its a process one has to work through. I know a couple of people who have stopped after multiple IVFs and they tell me the important thing is not to have regretted anything.
I cant remember who but someone asked for a recommendation for a reasonable priced hols in Italy. I think the South is always better priced. Southern Sardinia or somewhere like Puglia is nice, relaxing and well priced. Ask or PM me if you need more details.
I have decided not to think about babies until my appointment at ARGC in April. I am not sure I will have access to MN as I will be far away lands where they block internet pages for the next 10 days. I will miss chatting with you all.
Wise words cosmos. I think doll on here was close to reaching that point but gave one last round of IVF a go and got lucky. I'm not there yet but I can see a day when I might be.
sea Puglia is lovely. That is where my ex was from.
rabbit hare sounds luffly. I hope your holiday lets you clear your head a bit. Can you give us a clue where you are going?
How is everyone else doing today? joy do you have a nice weekend planned? free how are you doing? sar are you feeling any more positive today?
I've had an early morning visit to the GP, which was pointless. He just felt my abdomen and said that if the bleeding and pain has eased, everything is probably fine. No referral for a scan or anything. It's fine. At least it is on my medical records so if we ever <deep breath> get to three, we can be investigated.
cosmos good o hear from you again, you sound in a good place, this was our last go at trying naturally, for me it is a release, I need to see the light at the end of the tunnel. If IVF doesn't work and we don't have a chance at FET then it is adoption all the way and I will be glad to stop taking the drugs and pregnacare stuff. I wish you all the best
sea are you going on your hols or is this for work, enjoy yourself either way
lemon any exciting news to report??
sar thinking of you, big hugs
euro hope the trip is not to much for you, look after yourself
joy I hope you are ok and looking after yourself
rabbit I'm totally jealous of your hollibob
nelly must be
bloody freezing fresh up your way, hope you and your hobbles are safe and warm
pout wahoo ET day only 2 weeks away from the beginning of motherhood
well I still feel crap but need to go to Tesco, Barry is dilly dallying this morning which does not help. Kayla has also licked a couple of bold spots on her leg, I think from boredom any suggestions of what I can put her would be great, she has licked off what I tried already
waves to art doll madness midnight critter gin and free hopsfully I hav not forgotten anyone
x posts with euro are you able to refer yourself to EPAU
lovely to see you cosmos , you are right sea I think I was the lone surviver of the horrors of thread 13. Has there ever been a thread like it? Good to get that well and truly behind us. Grim. Good that you checked in with your GP euro best to get it done. When is your US trip?
Yes, actually it was right in the middle of the last IVF that I realized it was the end of the road for me. In my case, while it had been floating around for a bit, it was a sudden and clear feeling. I feel the same now too, I'm sure I will never try to get pg again regardless of the outcome of this one. I was talking about that yesterday with a friend who is 16 weeks now, she said the same. In reference to what artemis wrote about feeling 'safe' in pregnancy, she has no problem getting pregnant but my she is good at the worrying part. I think is does go with the territory of TTC but not exclusive to it. Although in our case it's over forties talk too.
Good to see all the up coming hols sea (perhaps work trip though?)
rabbit (going far?) joy.
Sorry you have been so very low sar any news today? How are you feeling?
I have some more to say but just lost my train of thought as the boys crashed through the door. I'll catch up a bit more over the weekend. Good to see you all here on the thread where the big finger was waiting all along. x
Sar - I'm so sorry to hear you are suffering like this. I'm not surprised you are scared to poas. I remember the stress of those few days before OTD. It was just horrible. Is your official test via blood test? Or do you have to poas? It may help to get MrSar to look at it if that's easier. We are all here for you and I hope you are proved wrong with your fears.
Buzz - where do you get your drugs from over here? Out of interest have you found a cheap source?
Rabbit - I'm so sorry you have been hit so hard by your results this week. Life isn't fair and I find it difficult to swallow when I read about unfit parents or pass them in the street. I find I have to think about people who are a hell of lot worse off than I am - and these aren't people I know - I can accept that life is a challenge for so many and in fact I have much to be thankful for. Anyway this is how I deal with those 'life is unfair' thoughts.
Sea - yes we had the karotyping blood test yesterday. I think it will take 4-6wks to get the results back. I hope you have a lovely time away.
Cosmos- so lovely to hear from you. I think about you often. I really hope that one day you are blessed with a very unexpected and much deserved bfp. You have been through so much. I guess there comes a time when you know that you can't carry on being locked in this world. There is so much out there to do and enjoy and our lives get put on hold whilst we try and achieve the dream. I guess when we are ready to stop, we will know it. I know moving on means coming off here but please do pop back and update us on the indulgent and wonderful life you have forged. It is inspiring to hear about life beyond ttc. Of course it will always be a burden and a grief to bear but I am sure time will make things easier. I think it will be a huge sense of relief to stop this compulsive drive to have a baby but I guess we just have to go through so much emotional and physical crap before our bodies and minds tell us enough is enough. Wishing you so very much happiness for the future.
Euro - oh a helpful GP, not. I'm surprised he didn't refer you for a scan but I'm sure everything is absolutely fine. I hope you have something nice planned this weekend. We are visiting a newborn today [Roy went and bought the furry bunny] and we are off to visit a 5 month old at another friends house straight after. We have ignored people for a good 3 months now and we have to be polite. I just hope this gay couple aren't over the top and don't tell us how amazing it all is. Anyway i think i can handle babies, it's the pregnancy announcements and baby shops that are the killer.
pout good luck today, please come and tell us all about it.
Hello all, quick phone post. Wanted to give another hug to sar and a wave to pout - all the luck in the world to you both. Cosmos - I think you are very wise and I so hope that one day you get a surprise out of the blue BFP but understand the need to let the worry go. Joy you are a saint. No way could I handle seeing babies after the shit you've just been through. I hope you're ok. Euro can't wait to see you next week, I hope. Buzz poor Kayla - maybe she's stressed? My dog used to do that when he was fretting about something. Am skiing over Easter, well remembered! Can't wait. Love to all. About to go to get a haircut - cant wait - first time in 18 months. My hair has got super long and I've singed it when cooking a couple of times so the moment has arrived. Doll lovely to see you too. You're so wise and humane, as always. Back later - tail feathers x
Happy Saturday lovelies!
So sorry there is so much misery on the thread again. Handhold to sar. It is not over yet. Thanks for your message cosmos. It is great to read of people who do get past the aching for a baybee stage - I so know what you mean rabbit and someone else. Thinking of you euro and joy still. It is a bloody tough ride.
Massive good luck for embryo transfer, pout.
Sorry not to name check fully, I am knackered
as I am waking up at 5am and not getting back to sleep with menkulling. So far no news, which is good news. Even if this is nothing particularly exciting going on, if my body keeps AF away for a few more days, we'll only miss one cycle over our amazing hols, instead of the two expected. SB will buy some hobnobs this afternoon and there will be testing tomorrow AM, as we'd like to talk to the clinic about hols if there is something good going on.
lemons I will be thinking of you tomorrow morning and hoping
critter how is the hair do? MrP does mine. His mum is a hairdresser and it's amazing how much he must have picked up from just watching as a kid!
joycep massive good luck with the visits. You are obviously a much nicer person than I am! Good for Roy for getting the bunny!
It's lovely to hear from you doll. How are you feeling?
euro It's good that your GP is happy that things seem okay though I can understand that you might have expected a scan or something.
cosmos thank you for coming back on and letting us know that you are okay. It is comforting too to know that there is a peaceful end point - thank you for that
sea have a lovely trip. We will miss chatting to you too!
rabbits hurrah for Hare and his academic journals. Do you feel a bit better about things? [envy} at your upcoming holiday. It will do you the power of good.
buzzy sorry to hear that you still feel rough. Tesco on a Saturday and illness not a good combination make. I'm sorry that Kayla is a bit unbder the weather. Big Dog regularly mithers patches of skin too and it goes all bald and scabby. We're not entirely sure why but we know that he is very allergic to any little bites he gets. We have done the whole vet thing many, many times but all we get is expensive creams and anti-histamines. We have found that generally we can sort it ourselves by trimming the hair back so we can see the affected area and then bathing it daily until it heals with warm water & a tiny, tiny amount of Savlon antiseptic liquid dissolved in it. We then rinse that off and put on a dab of germolene to soothe and numb it a bit. To stop him biting it we tie an old t-shirt around his bottom half - his tail pops out of the neck end! Sometimes if he wriggles out of the t-shirt too often we have had to resort to using the buster collar but that upsets him so we try to avoid it. I guess you can get them for cats. I hope this helps and she is better soon!
I had my ET. We opted for one blasto to be put back though we are in two minds as to whether we have done the right thing. We just didn't want to put all our eggs (no pun intended) into one basket! We have another blasto left, one crappy embie and 4 borderline blasto stage embies left over (I misheard the clinic and had 7 fertilised eggs - doris!) the clinic will call us to let us know what the remaining borderline 4 have done. It was funny, the clinic was quite busy and there were a gaggle of ladies talking about how they were going to "eat all the right things" etc... and all I could think of was whether we would pass a Drive Thru' MacDonalds so I could have a cheeseburger
buzz yes, one of my two local EPAU's takes self referrals, but my initial inclination was just to follow the advice I had seen online to POAS about 2 weeks after the bleeding started and if that was negative to just leave it unless you have any symptoms of infection or something. I only went to the GP because of people on here and IRL saying I should. I'm not desperate to have more fiddling around if I feel that all is well.
joy how was the visit? We had friends over for lunch with their two children. They started trying for their second a month after we started ttc. They got a win on the 2nd cycle and she is now 16 months and spent a couple of hours rampaging around our living room. It is hard not to think of what might have been, but I don't want her baby (adorable though she is), I want ours.
Critter what's the weather like over there at the moment? I remember from previous visits that March and April can be very changeable. I hope your swishy new hair feels lovely.
Waking up at 5 am, you say, drizz. Hmmm....
pout - woo hoo: lady with a blasto on board comin' through! How exciting. And there will be something for the freezer too. Brilliant. How was it?
euro I can understand the not wanting any more fiddling. In stirrups today I was stressing about my flabby tum being exposed for the ultrasound and then thought what the hell was I worrying about a few rolls of flab for when my chuff was out in all it's glory. It's messed up when that doesn't even register anymore
Good for you at the positive thinking when you had a little person visiting. 2nd month of trying you say...silently weeps.
ET was absolutely fine thanks for asking. It was slightly more uncomfortable than the trial run but I guess that's because they were more worried today about the safe transit of the embie than my comfort! It only took a few minutes which surprised me.
Just popping in to wave hello. have been madly cleaning the house all day. i feel like if i get the place organised then maybe i will feel more in control of everything else.....
Well done pout for getting through et. bring on the 2ww i have my dummy run on Monday morning.
i have to run for bday drinks with brother in law but will check in properly with everyone tomorrow. sorry for lack of capitals. i blame the phone.
Yay pout for getting through ET! Well done you, hurrah! And yay that you have frosties too. Remember that doll had just one embie transferred, and it took. I hope the little fella is settling in, in his or her new home, putting up feet and getting comfy for nine months. And a cheeseburger sounds absolutely perfect after going through the ET.
madness ooh I love that clean house feeling - satisfying! Especially when the bathrooms are all shiny and lemony smelling. You might even have inspired me to do a scrub!
euro unfortunately the weather's a bit crap here today and will apparently be not very nice until Wednesday. Think rain, grey, about 15 degrees c. Like London in November. I'd bring layers as it may get warmer later in the week, and boots as it'll be wet. Can't wait to see you, if you have time of course. It'll be lovely to catch up in person. Hope you're feeling ok today, and boo to unhelpful GPs.
lemon Wow, so no AF yet? I know it must be really stressful after all you've been through, but oh I am so hopeful for you. It would give us all such a lift if tomorrow's hobnob was a stripy one. You must be menkulling, I certainly would be.
sar and joy a big hug to each of you. Thinking of you both.
sea will miss you but understand need to take a break. Drink cocktails, go out dancing late, and do everything fun and non-baby friendly that you can. Your appointment is just around the corner, and I really have high hopes for you.
rabbit hare is my hero. What a fab bloke you have there. Downloading academic journals! Amazing. I do also think that the fact that you are so healthy will give you every chance of having your own little rabbit soon. I really do. Did you decide on whether you'd do IUI or go straight to IVF yet? Are you still consultantless?
Well I am swishy of hair, having just had the closest I'll come to a real tailfeather blow-dry. I hadn't had it done in 18 months, and the hairdresser commented on my tres trendy 'ombre' two-tone colour which was actually just grown out mousy roots and old highlights! I felt very au courant. Amazing what a gym class and a haircut/blowdry does for one's mood. Waves to all I've missed - hope everyone is having a lovely weekend, being creative, sleeping, baking, reading, chilling out or drinking .
Thanks for the weather report critter. That sounds a bit mizz, but not too different to London.
I am going to get my greys covered soon. I had decided not to do anything for the first trimester and realised as I got my BFP that I should have prepared for this in advance!
Lemon - I really hope you are waking up to some happy news. I am rooting for you 100%.
Pout - what excellent fertilisation and embryo development rates you have. You and Mr Pout are allowed to start being excited. Wonderful news. I hope your embie is snuggling down for the next few months in its new home. Don't worry about the 1 v's 2 decision - your instincts told you what to do and that will be the right decision.
Critter - loving the sound of the swishy hair. Hope you and Euro manage a catch up this week.
Cosmos - how lovely to hear from you and thanks for popping in for a catch up. I am delighted to hear that you are happy and content. You certainly deserve to feel at peace. Who knows what the future will hold. But living in the present sounds fantastic. You should so book that holiday.
Buzz - sorry to hear you have been feeling a little crappy. I think the enourmity of what we are doing catches up with us sometimes. You may find downregging makes you feel less full of emotion. I know it isn't like that for everyone but for me I just felt chilled out and a bit sleepy. Hoping it is like that for you too.
Rabbit - I also agree that Hare is a wise young man and I like the fact that he put his sensible head on to try and reassure you. Have a wonderful wonderful holiday.
Well AF is here in full flow. I have been desperatly sad. Thursday night through until yesterday afternoon was awful as I had that ongoing stomach ache / deep grief feeling constantly. We told my parents the bad news yesterday and I sobbed and wailed like an animal . That made my dad cry. . But it did release a bit of tension. One small thing which is good is I seem to be crying now and feeling the pain now rather than 3 months down the line which is better for me in the long run.
There have been some vague talks about getting my nk cells and general reproductive immunology testing done and discussions around seeing another fertility Dr who is apparantly an expert in tubal problems. We both hoped that the lap has given us some chance with natural conception but have already been told it won't but we want to check that out again. We won't be going back to my current clinic apart from our review consultation. We had 1 round of IVF under NHS. Luckily for us that covered any FET's too. But then the down side of that is that we already know we have significant problems with repeated implantation failiure.
DH does not want to do more IVF and can't see the logic about why that would help us after all these fails. Although he would if I really wanted to. I am frightened and so is he. I think things may be sad here for a few more days, but that is to be expected. I am going to make beef brisket in the slow cooker today for the first time today and hopefully do some gardening. Sounds silly but I don't know what else to do apart from give myself some sort of task each day. We have talked about going to the GP for anti-depressents. I guess if we don't start feeling better then it is an option.
Anyway enough of my drivel - this is thread 14 and this is a new start for many people here. Thread 13 did produce a wonderful BFP for Doll and I hope you are doing ok Doll with feeling tired and running around after the boys. I am sure that there are far more BFP's and exciting stories to come. Sending you all happy Sunday vibes.
Just popping in to tell you the hobnob was negative, AF still absent. Very confusing and annoying. If no change will retest on Wed. Needing to chat to SB, who is taking this one badly. We'd both convinced ourself that the miracle was ours. It looks like a fucked up flu-cycle. If AF holds out til Tues, there will be the upside of only missing one cycle whilst on hols.
Not read back, just wanted to let you lovely ladies know.
Oh sar now I've just seen your news. So sorry it failed. But good for wailing, even if it made you dad cry to. Let it out. This is all SHIT.
Oh sar and drizz sorry for the disappointments. This is all just so hard.
I'm so terribly sorry sar you post brought tears to my eyes. And to lemon too, yes these disappointments are overwhelmingly shit.
sar I am so so sorry. I can't imagine how you must feel but I know that it's a scenario that we have all thought about and hoped we wouldn't have to face. Now is not the time to make decisions about more ivf or not. You need time to grieve and to accept (both of you) and definitely to wail. Your plan for food and gardening sounds good. You need to be busy doing things that will give some comfort. Take care and come back to us as often as you need to xx
lemon limbo is the pits isn't it? You'd think after all this time we would all have mastered the art of not getting our hopes up but that is obviously not part of the human condition. I hope that you and SB do something nice today to help distract you.
My cold is steadfastly refusing to leave me so having a very quiet day. Happy that I cleaned yesterday so that I am not hanging around in a depressingly messy house. Have sent off MrM for a wet and windy hill walk. Tea and a murder mystery await.
Shall we all focus on taking it one day at a time? Waves to all.
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