Trying for a girl

[Fevdou]

Hello,

This is my first ever post on mumsnet.

My husband and I are about to start trying for a baby. If we are successful the main think is that the baby is healthy but we would love a baby girl.

I have been doing some reading and for a girl it is best try to try a couple of days before ovulation. You can buy clearblue digital ovulation testing kit. This will tell you when there is luteinising hormone increase which happens 24 - 36 hrs before ovulation.

Silly question - does this mean that this well help us increase the chances of a girl?

Do you know of any other things we can do to increase our chances of having a girl?

Thank you

[FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn]

There really is very, very little you can do to influence the sex of your baby. Some people claim to follow certain methods successfully, but they are not a guarantee - if any of them genuinely worked for everyone, then we'd all be able to choose the sex of our unborn child.

Without wanting to sound patronising, all you should be hoping for is a healthy baby, regardless of sex.

[HavingALittleFaithBaby]

Hi, welcome to MN.
Always a bit of contentious topic, trying for a particular sex! The ovulation tests in themselves won't necessarily help you conceive one sex or the other. There is some suggestion (although not really scientifically proven) that girl swimmers live longer than boy swimmers. Therefore you'd time intercourse to increase the liklihood of getting one sex over the other. Course the risk is that if you only have sex early on trying for a girl that you miss the ovulation completely!
There's other stuff about diet too. I suggest you look at the Shettles method for more info but honestly, don't get too hung up on this because I'm skeptical about how well it works!

[melliebobs]

Ignoring the 'theory' I found ovulation tests to be a complete waste of money. According to them I never bloomin ovulated. But lo and behold I got pregnant!

Just chill, relax n focus on a healthy baby

[ArielThePiraticalMermaid]

How about just TTC for a while and seeing how you get on?


And yes it is contentious. I can't help feeling that people trying and planning for one particular sex can't help but feel disappointed when the wrong sort of baby turns up.

Good luck though.

[lollydollydrop]

Hello Fevdou,

How old are you?

Like others I would recommend searching for the Shettles method online; there is quite a lot of info out there on it/discussion groups too and although it is by no means scientifically proven there do seem to be some avid followers.

As well as the timing of intercourse, he recommends altering the ph level of your body through eating/avoiding certain foods. This creates a more alkaline or acidic condition in the cervix..boy swimmers dont like acidic conditions whilst girl swimmers favour alkaline.

I can understand where you are coming from in wanting a girl, I too thought about trying to influence gender as my OH and I would love a girl.. I think this desire is born out of our experience with children of both sexes in the family and how comfortable we feel raising each gender.

However, I have since aged and become more desperate mature, and so my viewpoint on this has changed somewhat. If you are going to be trying for a girl, you will have to time intercourse so that you abstain 2 days or so before ovulation, so that the short lived boy swimmers die before they can reach the egg, whilst the girl swimmers are still trooping on. Therefore conceiving can take longer as of course you are not having as much sex.. I will be trying when I am 30, and I do not personally wish to limit my chances and slow the process down by being 'picky' over what sex baby we conceive. Part of me thinks its even asking for trouble/bad luck, and that fate will decide the gender of our baby. Also, what if I did conceive a girl through intervening but she wasnt 'meant to be' and I had altered the course of what should have happened in my life.. does that mean I/she/we would be unlucky? Thats just the superstitious me!!!!

Also, I would quite like a surprise for my first one :)

Like you I think the most important thing is to have a healthy baby, and by no means would I be dissapointed with a boy (especially when you come on MN and realise that fertility problems are more rife than you expected, each child is even more of a blessing). I do think I would be dissapointed if all I had were boys.. rightly or wrongly.. and as I think we can only afford 2 children (3 would be a strain) I will think again about trying to influence the gender of the baby for my SECOND bugs, not my first.

Just another perspective!

I will post again with some tips. Good luck!

[lollydollydrop]

Just another thought, have you heard about gender running in families (on the mans side). If your husband has many brothers and no sisters, and his dad and granddad is the same, chances are it'll be more difficult to conceive a girl (you can research this online too).

My OH has one sister and his dad has one sister so hoping that means his X and Y sperm are both strong! Harder to tell with smaller families x

[Wishfulmakeupping]

Have a look at the chinese gender predictor it's been correct for myself and 3 others I know -obviously after we were pregnant but you could we which month is your 'girl' month. Either way I'm sure OP will be over the moon :)

[lollydollydrop]

To boost the odds of having a girl through diet:

Increase calcium and magnesium

Calcium:Yogurt, spinach, tofu, almonds, cashews, beans, oatmeal, broccoli and oranges, hard cheese, canned salmon, rhubarb, spinach, tofu
Magnesium: Brazil and cashew nuts, whole wheat cereals, figs and beans


Avoid salt and potassium

Anchovies, bananas, potatoes, olives, bacon, salami, smoked salmon, shrimp, processed meats, avocadoes, dried apricots, white beans, bread and pastries.

[HavingALittleFaithBaby]

Either the Chinese predictor is wrong or my scan was...or my due date will be....it's only a change two days away from my due date.

[Tincletoes]

Threads like this are contentious for a reason. You know, I really do "get" why people would like both sexes. I can understand it can even be "disappointing" if you already have eg a boy and were hoping DC2 was going to be a girl.

And of course there are cases where people want one sex because of genetic conditions.

But having had problems with fertility it makes me (probably unreasonably) cross when I see threads like this. What is so wrong with boys anyway? I am "lucky" (and I use that very loosely) to have both sons and a daughter. But girls are not better than boys. They don't even have different personalities to boys. My daughter is different in personality to my sons, definitely. But that's because of who she is, not because she's a girl.

Sorry I know I'm being over sensitive. But it really annoys me.

[lollydollydrop]

For a girl (or boy) you supposedly need to change your diet, the timing of intercourse, and even your sexual position (shallow vs deep) and whether you should orgasm!!!! (no orgasm for baby girls :(

Some other 'helpful' hints' for a girl..

Have sex in the afternoon, rather than at night.
Woman has an orgasm first.
Only have marital relations on the even days of the month to have a baby girl.
Woman initiates sexual relations.
Woman on top or dominate positions. (Sitting or laying.)
Have sex during the full moon. (my personal favourite) PMSL!!

[HavingALittleFaithBaby]

Tincle we TTC'd for two years 8 months. I know there's others on this thread who have been trying at least as long/longer...now I'm 25 weeks, people are asking what I'm having and basically suggesting that I might have been disappointed if it wasn't a girl. I did not spend the night before thinking Gosh I hope the scan says its a girl, I spent it thinking I really hope our longed for child is a healthy baby.

lolly what if you come at the same time?!

[FunnysInLaJardin]

ooooh, I predict a less than PAR discussion on this topic. OP just be aware that some people feel very strongly about this topic, myself prob included at one time. Don't be surprised if it gets out of hand

[lovethesun1]

I have a boy & am now pregnant with a girl. I did nothing different! I would be careful about getting too hung up on wanting a girl-I think it's easy to associate certain qualities with each sex,when in actual fact personality will differentiate your child,not gender. I have friends with two of each & they could not be more different.

This time around I genuinely would have been delighted with a second boy. My first has additional needs & I think the whole process has made me realise how fragile & precious life really is. Good luck with everything :)

[EvenIfYouSeeAPoppy]

Tbvh, OP, I would be using the time you are spending on looking into methods to conceive a girl to work through your feelings about the gender of your potential child.

Girls and boys are not separate species. It is not wise to go into having a child with a defined idea of what it will be, in any respect.

[melliebobs]

When they are hear it all goes out the window anyway. When I was pregnant me and dh really wanted a boy. When we found out it was a girl I wont lie we were a teeny bit dissapointed but we were quickly over it. But now she's here i don't see her as being a girl. I see her as a little person who will develop into her own little character

[Fevdou]

Wow lots of responses.

First of all what does TTC and OP mean?

One of the people who responded asked my age - I'm 28

One of the people who responded asked about my husbands family - he is a only child, his father is a only child and so was his grandad. On my side there are lots of children and the majority are girls.

I'm not sure why there is a problem with wanting a girl and trying to achieve it. The priority is, as it should be, to have a healthy baby but what is wrong with seeing if I can do something to give the 'x sperm' a boost?

Why is it wrong to say that I would prefer a girl to a boy? It seems similar to the outburst I get when I say I would love to be able to stay at home when I have children. People seem to believe that I am letting other women down by not wanting to work,especially as I have MA, and have children - a female teacher at my school said to me when i was 18 that I had no business going to university if I wanted to stay at home if I had children!

Any way thank you again - I'm still not clear if the ovulation testing kit would help me - can you help?

Thank you lollydollydrop.

If anyone else have any advice to give the x sperm a boost I would be grateful.

Thank you again

Xx

[Tincletoes]

Maybe if you spend ages trying to conceive, or you have several miscarriages in a row, you'll see why it can seem really upsetting to people that no, you don't just want a baby, you want a particular sort of baby. I really hope you don't have any problems like that as it is just lousy.

And your comparison with wanting to be a stay at home mum is ridiculous.

[Chrysanthemum5]

I've not seem any evidence that you can influence the sex of your baby, and I know people who've tried - some got what they wanted, some didn't. There are millions of sperm swimming towards each egg, and it's pure luck which one gets through.

And, I have a DS and a DD and did absolutely nothing different when we were TTC the second time. DH's family is split evenly along boy/girl, and my family is very boy heavy in my parents generation, and girl heavy in mine, and evenly split boy/girl in the generation below me.

I think people get upset with these threads because they are almost always about trying for a girl, and it appears to devalue boys. For what it's worth (and I'm sure you know this!) every child is an individual, and their gender is generally the least important aspect of their personality.

Good luck with the ttc

[lollydollydrop]

Havingalittlefaithbaby.. coming together? Bonus!! (Though I'd make sure the woman comes before the man and together, just to be safe..

[bluer]

I think the gender its entirely random and you should feel lucky with what you get. What's wrong with wee boys then? Are you going to smoother some poor wee girl in impractical ruffles and princess pink? !

[WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful]

Hi OP (that's you, original post)

Best of luck ttc (trying to conceive). I would say don't worry about the sex. I really wanted a boy. Didn't do anything to make it happen and wasn't devastated when the scan said girl but I would have prefered a boy.

Now I have my dd I wouldn't swap her for anything in the world. I am ttc again and in my heart of hearts would prefer a boy but after 8 months if trying and 3 chemical pregnanices I just want a healthy embryo to implant in there. I really could care less what sex it is.

[lollydollydrop]

I think some credit should be given to the OP for her honesty- I think a lot of people secretly do have some sort of gender preference (though not all/most by any means) and it is still considered quite taboo by society to voice that desire.

I have done a little reading on the topic and there is a tendency for women to report a stronger desire for daughters, whilst men hanker for sons. Yes, a bit of a stereotype and not applicable to all, but maybe there is some truth in it. Those responding to surveys airing this opinion obviously feel strongly about it anyhow to be able to express that preference. I think these days, with people having smaller families gender becomes more of an issue.. in our grandparents era you would have many children, and so the chances of having both sexes would be greatly increased. Today however we are under more pressure.

I do agree with melliebobs and lovethesun in that personality is more indicative of the character of your little one than gender. I think that the 'ideal' dream I had in my early 20's of a daughter who I could bond with as we would have shared interests is wishful thinking and not reality. Having a girl is not a guarantee that you will be able to do the things you may have once fantasised about (if this is the reason for wanting a daughter).

One of my reasons for wanting a girl somewhere in the mix is due to the old saying 'A daughter's a daughter, for the rest of her life; but a son's a son till he gets him a wife' Indicating that when boys grow up and get married, the mother becomes less involved in his/the children's lives compared to with a daughter. Now I know this is total shit, as my partner and I see his parents and are involved with them probably even more than my own.

I agree that it may be wise to consider how you would feel if you didnt get the gender you want, or try to assess whether you have built up an image of the 'ideal' child, or even just what you expect. What if your daughter was a clunking muddy-knee'ed tomboy?!

The ovulation kit would likely help as you would know when to have/avoid sex but I would look on specific sites/groups for this as I'm not clued up on it.

It was me who asked about age and gender in the family- gender runs only on the males side by the way. And its not exact of course. But sounds like on the mens side they were all boys? Just one male each generation. Are you TTC now? I would ask about whether they tried for more children and could only conceive one, as it may be indicative of the sperm count/quality on his side of the family. The girls on your side dont mean you are any more likely to have a girl i'm afraid. xx

[WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful]

Oops

I really could not care less what sex it is (one day I will learn to proof read).

[FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn]

Hear, hear tincletoes