Mumsnet Talk

ARGHHHH!! In the last week THREE people I know have announced babies, two of which have been unplanned. I can't help but feel disgustingly jealous and overwhelmed! Seems like the entire world and their sister either has a baby or a bump!!

I completely feel your pain bundle4me - my SIL did the same before Xmas. In fact she was still on the pill so doesn't even know how far along she is. Her eldest is just turning 1 FFS and I'm not exactly comfortable with the way she "looks after" that one!

I on the other hand, have been trying for 2 years (which she knows) and had 2 chemical pregnancies. I probably imagined it, but there seemed a certain smugness attached to the announcement. And then I was told that perhaps I ought to try her DP's "super sperm" - at which point I nearly vomited on the spot. Gross! Especially as her DP is a total and utter w*nker and I wouldn't touch him with a fully extended bargepole. Bleurgh!

* heads off to find the sick bucket *

Super sperm??? Bloody hell that's rude. I think I'd have told her to fuck off at that point. Jesus, what IS wrong with people? Sorry * drwho* hope you are ok after that.

drwho even!

Who the hell told you you should sleep with her dp? Bloody hell - nasty, smug and disgusting all in one short sentence.

SHE did SPBInDisguise. I know, gross. It WAS a joke, I know she wouldn't actually want me to, but all the same... Yeah, so not just me being over sensitive then, she really was being a smug biatch?!

I'm ok, but I'm trying to be nice through gritted teeth. Thing is, I adore my nephew. He can't help who his parents are.

Yes. Smug bitch.

I'm not jealous, I just didn't like her attitude. And I certainly didn't like the suggestion that her DP has 'super sperm' - that much is obvious from the amount of kids he has...

Personally, watching the way that the children in their lives are 'dealt with', I know that my DP and I can be better, more loving parents. It just is what it is. I don't see the need for there to be a competitive attitude when it comes to getting pregnant. The whole "look how fertile I am" attitude stinks.

And I don't need it rubbed in my face when she is fully aware of how hard we're ttc and how much we want to have a baby. It's just rude.

Thanks for that witchestit I'll mention that to our consultant. It's not DH's medical condition that's preventing me concieving, it's my bad attitude.

i don't think jealousy or bitterness affects the ability of a sperm to get to your ovaries

Bundle - at least you know that when you get your BFP and DC that they will be so wanted and willed into existence. I'm sure unplanned babies are wanted too, but yours will be extra special.

Your SIL is very rude. I can empathise. Mine asked me in front of the whole of my family at Sunday dinner whether I was planning on having children. She's had 2 mcs and lots of problems, but now has a DC - you'd think she'd be more sensitive to other people therefore, but no. DH says she's just plain stupid. I agree.

I think you should remember that jealousy and other negative states of mind can be a barrier to welcoming life to your womb.

THAT has to be the smuggest, most patronising thing I have ever read on MN. I really, really hope it was supposed to be funny/ sarcastic.

P.S. Disagree WitchesTit - they are all perfectly normal feelings to have when TTC. You do have to try not to be comsumed by them, but you need to let them out rather than bottling it all up - that's far worse and will cause stress which could affect ovulation.

Lmao @ highlove's comment!

DoctorWhoFan, that's outrageous! How insensitive of her to make such a comment!

Thanks Bearface. I'm not saying unplanned pregnancies aren't loved as much etc but for someone like us girls who are trying their hardest to fall pg its difficult not to feel a bit bitter and jealous about it.

No Bundle - neither am I. I totally understand what you mean. I was just covering myself in case someone said that to my post. It's really hard, but don't give up hope.

It's hard, but hang in there.
When I was about 16, after numerous gynae exams, I was told I only had a 5% chance of conceiving naturally
At that age I didn't care. I was planning my wedding to now DH, and had a routine (for me) scan to start some treatment. I found out that day that I was pregnant with DS!
Took almost a year (ie till he was a few months old) to get used to the idea. DD was conceived the first month of actively trying
No one knows how we did it, but I hated seeing people moan about unplanned pg and how hard it was being a parent etc.
Good luck and I hope you get your BFP soon xx

See, now ladies I was trying to be nice about WitchesTit comment, cos I found it nearly as annoying as SIL's smugness, but I generally don't rise to silliness, and I didn't when SIL made her comment, I just smiled sweetly.

I'm neither bitter, twisted or jealous - if I was, I wouldn't take every opportunity I can to spend time with her eldest. It just was a bit much given how desperately we want our own DC, and the fact that she knows it. Anyhow, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but the thought of her DP's sperm going anywhere near me was just too gross to contemplate! Why is there not a "I'm going to throw up" emoticon on a pregnancy forum?! Surely we need one!

We'll get there ladies. I don't know, maybe babies that come from parents that have had to try that little bit harder are more treasured? I don't know...

I remember feeling exactly like this OP, I always tried to be pleased, and hopefully never showed my sadness to others, but it is hard. I hope you have a diagnosis and some way forward with ttc. It took us 3yrs to have ds1 and ds2 was a lovely surprise , I found out I was pg the day before our appt to start fertility treatment again.

I wish you every success in the new year x

Thanks girls.

I hear you!

The announcements I get seem to come at around 5dpo, and then when I get my BFN shortly afterwards, as illogical and irrational as it sounds, I always feel like they "stole" my BFP. I swear for the last 4-5 months there has been an unplanned pregnancy amongst people I know shortly after ovulation for me. It is a battle to contain emotions.

I am obviously happy for them (nobody so far has found their unplanned pregnancy unwelcome) but can't help but wonder when it's going to be my turn. There's even a bit of a running joke on the former due date forum I'm on where a lot of these unplanned BFPs show up that the only way to get a BFP is accidentally.. I do wonder if I should stop trying and go book a non refundable skiing holiday or something so it would be a pain in the neck to get a BFP!

Good luck - I hope it is your turn very soon. And mine, and all of ours ;-)