Fantastic Forty Plus, part 9, this time is our time,bring on the bfp's!

(993 Posts)
hopefulgum Tue 01-Jan-13 23:20:41

We've filled out thread - I do hope you all find your way here. I can't add a message on the old thread to let you know it is here...smile

This new thread, will no doubt have its own set of bfp's and babies. I am excited to see what it brings.

Diege Sun 10-Feb-13 14:47:06

Happy birthday Calibee!!! A nice big glass of wine for you and dp smile
Jbrd I'm not sure about aspirin. I remember after my mc reading about it and thinking, hmmm, that sounds sensible. Then I read something else that strongly suggested NOT taking it unless you had a specific condition (can't remember what - Hughes'?_. And somewhere else that her GP had prescribed it for all over 40s when they got their bfp... So not much help then blush other than there is a debate on it that would be worth following up. I think you take it Gum or am I making that up? grin
Have left ds's and dd3 in the kitchen with flour, cutters and left over cookie dough hmm. We've made strawberry shortbread but only had self-rasing flour left...dd3 has just announced that the biscuits (in over presently) have gone 'all puffy' so had better investigate.
7dpo here and have bad cramps...Now I know I'm not ttc, but I think we did cut it a bit fine with the opk result this month blush so hoping nothing untoward is going on in there grin Would be sod's law wouldn;t it hmm
Love to all, and a big hello to the newbies xx

DoctorWhoFan Sun 10-Feb-13 15:05:42

Just wanted to pop on and wish Calibee a happy birthday. Can't stop though...watching the rugby, well, the thighs mostly grin

notsoold Sun 10-Feb-13 16:31:56

Calibee happy birthday!!!! Xxx
Lots of presents, lots of kisses from your loved ones and lots of cake on your special day...may the sun shine on you as you walk and the rain bring you coolness as you rest ( that is what my auntie used to tell me ...works better in a tropical country, but the feeling is the same)

Isabeller Sun 10-Feb-13 17:23:18
Irishmammybread Sun 10-Feb-13 17:31:40

Happy Birthday CaliBee!

Morien Sun 10-Feb-13 18:40:07

Happy birthday calibee - hope you've had a lovely weekend with your DP.

sparklysapphire Sun 10-Feb-13 19:16:17

Calibee, Happy Birthday! I hope you're having a lovely day, & your DP has been spoiling you with lots of special treats.xx

CaliBee Sun 10-Feb-13 22:36:37

Just flying in very quickly to say thank you all so so much for remembering my birthday. I was treated by dp to a lovely day at a spa yesterday with a couples massage, followed by cinema then chinese.
For some reason today i have crashed a little...dp left as usual at lunchtime...may be a month before he can get back again sad. All i could think about today was the fact that i'm not pregnant anymore and i am now 43....chances of baby dwindling . I've had that awful permanent lump in my throat and have felt thoroughly antisocial on the whole. Its very much one step forward...two steps back just now. X

JBrd Sun 10-Feb-13 22:55:51

Cali I know what you mean! Just when you think that you're starting to get back to normal, another hole in the ground opens up... It's part of the grieving process, I think, very difficult to deal with because you never know when it happens...
Hope you can pick yourself up again soon, be kind to yourself thanks

Irishmammybread Sun 10-Feb-13 23:36:04

CaliBee glad you had such a lovely day yesterday but sorry to hear you feel down today. Everything is so recent and raw for you,it's understandable you're going to feel like this,especially if DP has gone back and you're on your own again.
At 43 though you're still one of the younger members of the thread! You responded really well to Clomid and conceived first cycle of trying it, who's to say that won't happen again. Also having a young DP(with warrior sperm!) is probably also an advantage . Don't despair!
If you feel like I do though it's a combination of grief for the little one you're not pregnant with any more,who is irreplacable, and a longing to have a baby to ease that "empty arm syndrome".
I don't know of any easy way of getting over it or when things will feel better, I thought I'd been coping ok but then had a meltdown myself last night. I think I've been feeling low because of my due date anyway and a work colleague announced her pregnancy on facebook with a lovely 12 week scan photo.I just ended up last night when everyone else had gone to bed staring at the photo and mentally comparing it to the scan photo of my little dead baby which the sonographer printed off when we found the heart had stopped. Once I started crying it was like flood gates had opened so I had a rubbish night's sleep too. I am pleased for her, it's not that I don't want her to be pregnant, I just wish I still was too.I don't want her baby, but I want mine.
I just hope time heals and I'm trying to focus on the positives in my life, which works most of the time, but sometimes everything just gets a bit too much.

JBrd I've been advised to take aspirin if I conceive again. When I started to miscarry last time the midwife enquired if I was on aspirin,she assumed after two miscarriages it would have been advised but no one had mentioned it up to that point.They wont do any workup on my miscarriages due to my age and having dc already so I've not had any tests but I was told aspirin may help and wouldn't do any harm.I am left wondering if it might have help avoid losing the last baby, but I'll never know I suppose. The advice on when to start taking it varies, Gum I think found research suggesting to take it from ovulation, some people on Mumsnet have been told to wait for BFP first, my GP told me to take it every day but that seems excessive!

Gum how do your DDs feel about both of you teaching at their school! It musn't have put DD off if she's thinking of being a teacher herself. The long school holidays are probably a major plus factor(you probably hear that a lot!).
Thanks for the advice regarding tests .

Diege how did the strawberry shortcake turn out?
It looks like you're actually in the 2ww too!!

hopefulgum Mon 11-Feb-13 00:42:08

Morning ladies.

Calibee, Irish and Jbrd, you all have my sympathy. I know exactly what you mean. It is so very hard during the early weeks after a miscarriage, but I am amazed at how the grief can come back and bite you when you have no expectation of it.

I spent Saturday feeling absolutely desolate, feeling very sad about the miscarriages and remembering that had Louis been born, he'd be a year old (about a week ago). I think I was so tired from going back to work and juggling everything that I was caught off guard and didn't have the resilience that I usually do to cope with it all.

When my DH told me that his mum and niece were coming for lunch on Sunday, when we already had our builder and his DD coming, I was very snappy and angry with him. Poor thing had no idea what he'd done. Eventually I told him why and although he had no words (He has no idea how to deal with grief) he did give me a lovely big hug and tried to keep the kids off my back all afternoon.

It is also so hard to stay buoyant and hopeful at the age of 46. I am aware it is unrealistic to expect to get pregnant again, but what a else can I do? After all this heart-break and time, I still haven't got to a stage where I feel comfortable about giving up ttc.

As for the aspirin thing : what I've heard is that it works in a couple of ways: it reduces the chances of tiny clots, which in recurrent miscarriage can be common. I believe it also helps as it is anti-inflammatory and particularly for the over 40's it may help the body to not see the embryo as a foreigner that needs to be gotten rid of. It also helps give better blood flow in the body, including the uterus.

I won't take it all through my cycle, but will take it after ovulation. I really don't think it will do any harm, unless you have problems with bleeding too much and not clotting effectively.

It's going to be a really hot week again this week. I am glad I have air-conditioning in my classrooms, it is so hard to teach when kids are moaning about the heat!

I hope it isn't too cold over there. I can just imagine how nice it would be to snuggle by the fire with a hot chocolate in hand brew Mmmm....

CaliBee Mon 11-Feb-13 07:58:44

Thankyou all.
I feel a little better this morning...I actually got a fairly constant sleep last night, which is unusual for me.
irish you put it very well. Something I will never do,if I ever get the chance, is announce a pregnancy on facebook. I do less and less on there nowadays to be honest....except the goddam addictive games raaaa.

gum the due date must be an awful time to get through. I imagine our other halves dont tend to remember it so its also another lonely milestone to get through.

jbrd big hugs...I hope work is ok.

So I am now back taking my DHEA and C0-q10...I thought I may as well give it a whirl. I really must take a long hard look at my diet and exercise too...laziness prevails.
DP and I sat down to look at the funds yesterday morning....it looks like the Grenada visit is out this year, but as we both need something to focus and look forward to so much, we have decided on a weeks break in a months time. Anybody know the best way to book a cheap break in Europe?? A quick internet search last night seemed to show The Canaries as being fairly warm at that time of year. Do last minute bargains still exist? I can count on one hand, the holidays I have been on abroad so my knowledge of these things isn't great.
Apparently DP wants to do the "proposal" properly....when he has a ring (he watches far too many films me thinks). But hey....whatever he wants lol. I may just have been a teensy, eensy little bit disappointed yesterday, but money is sooo very tight just now. Having carried him through the last year (before army training started)on my very modest wage and him not being entitled to any government help whatsoever, has taken its toll on the old bank account. Is anybody else noticing that the more they seem to cut back...the less difference it makes????

notsoold Mon 11-Feb-13 11:12:58

Jbrd...we went to malta last year ( a treat for us really). It was a very reasonable price and we used travel comparison sites....you could try it???? smile

Heeelllloooo to all of you....
My af is 3/4 days late and after many poas ( all bfns) I am startingto believe that taking vitex agnus castus ( so helpful before) has somehow messed with my already long cycles....
Or maybe I didnot ov as my cbfm stayed on high without a peak and ov sticks were the same ( ov sticks do not seems to ever, ever show a dark line for me anyway.)
As I do not have any symptoms of af or anything I am coming to think this will be a wtf cycle after all....do you agree????
All my bruises are gone and only right wrist is painful. As I am left hand only for writing and texting I am struggling to lift pans....on Saturday hubby fixed the wallpaper damaged with the fall ( and mocked the whole thing). So I told him that my right hand so useful to him and a certain part of his body , can't do that ;) for a while. I know I am a lying bitch as I am left hand for that....lol;)

My apologies for my depressed last post....the race against time is so unfair sometimes!!!!

I am so sorry gum and irish for your due dates and although I am not name checking I just wanted to say to you all that I admire the strength that you have in walking this hardous ttc path ( I used to think it was easy....)don't get disheartened!!
And we are due some bfps here so back to shagging your ohs smile

Isabeller Mon 11-Feb-13 19:53:41

Lovely to read everyone's news, I'm just back home and almost asleep but wanted to drop in and wave (as I drop off smile) xx

greenlizard Tue 12-Feb-13 08:24:08

Morning all

You have been busy when I have been away! happy belated birthday calibee.

I have been up at the in-laws as they had been involved in a car accident on holiday in florida and had to fly home early. Of course they didn't tell anyone and they had ended up in hospital - MIL in particular is very badly bruised and shaken poor thing. She has been very tearful and clingy which I think must be normal after such a trauma. DP was really upset seeing his mum like that - she is normal a very strong woman! I am sure she will be back to her bossy self soon.

Calibee what do DHEA and C0-q10 do? I am always on the look out for more supplements to try smile! I am trying EPO again this month to see if I can't gee up my CM to actual EW (even if DP will be whizzing down the french alps at the time and not in me grin). I have started using my CBFM this month and today as CD6 it asked me to test and came out high rather than low! I was a bit shocked but have read on the WWW that on the first cycle this can happen whilst it gets to know your hormone levels etc. Is this true or does it mean that I might be ovulating earlier than last month and I should get down to it!

I have been doing some investigating around fertility clinics and it looks like we will probably go to the Oxford Fertility Unit - which has had very good results (as best it can in the 40's range) and is fairly accessible from where we live part time (complicated housing situation linked with DSC) and where I work. Apparently if we go for IVF there are loads of appointments you need to attend and I am not quite sure how I would be able to square this off with work (and I won't be telling my boss why that's for sure). Also DP works all around the country so that would prove to be a challenge!

Morien I think you asked about the age of my DSC? They are 13 and 11 and gearing themselves up nicely for the teenage rebellion grin One boy and one girl and they live with us part-time. They are really nice kids (most of the time) but SD does seem to have a periodic melt-down every now and again directed towards me and her dad but these have been getting less and less and now just teenage stroppiness!

Be interested in hearing what supplements you all take? xx

greenlizard Tue 12-Feb-13 08:25:56

ps. Calibee have you looked at Turkey - I have been to Turkey a few times on cheap deals and have always had a really nice time. If you stay away from the really big resorts you can find some nice hotels and Turkish food is lovely (and good value too!)

sparklysapphire Tue 12-Feb-13 11:57:06

Gum, irish, calibee, & JBrd, I'm sorry you're all going through such a hard time with your recent due dates and m/c's. I think it just hits you unexpectedly sometimes, I hope you can all find ways to be gentle with yourselves.

Calibee, in terms of last minute holiday bargains which we were hoping to do 2 & 3 years ago, none of it seemed particularly cheap, but I think if you can be flexible, it might be easier, and you could probably get a cheap week on the Costa del Sol if you think that'll be warm enough. We tend to go self-catering, as we have DD, and also like to be left alone. We've been looking at Canaries holidays but were unimpressed with the prices. If you've got tesco clubcard vouchers you can use them up to 4x face value for some holidays until the end of Feb. We save ours for just that reason (but still think Canaries too expensive).

Glad to see you're almost recovered from your fall notso, it sounds like it was worse than you let on. I hope it soon becomes clear what's happening with your cycle.

Green, good luck with the fertility clinic - how close are you to making an appointment and being seen?

The midwife has been this morning to book me in. I didn't tell DH she was coming as it seemed pointless. He doesn't even seem to want to be in the same room as me at the moment, never mind talk about what's happening. The lovely Dr is obviously concerned about how this might affect me as she mentioned it in her referral letter to the m/w. I can't imagine it's going to be much fun at MIL's at the weekend if things don't improve. I won't have had scans by then, so I'm not going to tell her, although will have to figure out how to avoid the wine, but I don't think it'll occur to anyone, least of all her, that I might be pregnant.

love to all xx

notsoold Tue 12-Feb-13 13:37:55

Green good luck regarding choosing the right clinic. I have not been in that situation ( as we could not afford it) but I wonder if it helps towards some sense of control???

Sparkly it is really difficult for you isn't it??? I do not know what to say, becauae if I step in your shoes my heart would be breaking as I am sure yours is....maybe the change of airs at MIL will help? And other people to talk etc???? I offer you a very unmumsnetty hug xxxx

My ds is going to London on a train next weekend to visit relatives. He booked ( we made sure it was ok- it was and payed), he packed and already sorted his itinerary etc....he is our youngest and as always a thought crosses our minds....should we stop here???why to stress ttc instead of living the life of teenager parent's?? I feel it would be easier for dh than for me to leave ttc , although dh was the one to want to ttc now in our old age...smile questions inside and empty arms outside...not a good combination for contentment....

CaliBee Tue 12-Feb-13 18:29:00

lizard basically they are both "supposed" to help improve ovarian reserve. There is lots if you google it. But take a quick look at www.manchesterfertility.com/patients/page/poor-ovarian-reserve-dhea/
and
www.advancedfertility.com/blog/coenzyme-q10-and-fertility/
I figured anything is worth a try at this stage grin
Sorry to hear about pil's..hope they recover very quickly.
I will be serching the bargain holiday sites this week so will add Turkey to the search...thankyou.
sparkly you must be going through hell...and you have the patience of a saint. Spain doesnt look too warm at that time...if I'm on a plane I want it hot hot hot loool. Unfortunatelt we cant be atall flexible with dates dur to DP's army leave....its set dates, no questions.
Big hugs to you notsoold....sounds like you have lots on your mind x

Irishmammybread Tue 12-Feb-13 21:07:54

Evening all!
Gum it's understandable you would feel sad around the time of Louis's birthday, and you have so much going on in your life at the moment. It's good you have the support of your DH, sometimes there are no words and a hug just says it all. x
CaliBee we tend to go to France or Ireland in the car for a lot of our holidays,neither would be sunny or warm this time of year! It's a really good idea to go away with your OH and have some time alone together. I have a friend who had a mmc, then shortly afterwards lost a baby at 23 weeks. She was off work for a few months,went back and wasn't coping so she and her DH decided to get away from everything for a while,went away for a fortnight to the sun...and came back pregnant, 9 months later had her DS.
Sparkly we use clubcard vouchers a lot too, on ferries to Ireland, some hotel stays and in a few days we're travelling via Eurotunnel courtesy of tesco!
We're going to stay in Belgium in Ypres for a few days. My mil's grandfather was killed at the Somme in WW1 and she's always wanted to visit the grave and the area so we're taking her for a short break.
I'm glad you've seen the midwife, I hope your DH starts to come round and you're getting support from others.
Greenlizard hope your pils are recovering, sounds like a nasty accident if they had to cut short their holiday.
Supplement wise I take Pregnacare Conception and aspirin (after ovulation thanks to gum's advice!). I might think about DHEA and Coq10 too.
How old is your youngest DS notsoold ? I think you have a lovely way with words "questions inside and empty arms outside" is a good way of putting it!
Hope the 2ww is flying by Isabeller !
hi to everyone else

notsoold Tue 12-Feb-13 21:20:45

My youngest is 13 and a handsome 5'9 lad!!!! I know... Proud mother and all that...
Today I as 3/4 days late and my sensitive ic showed another bfn...no symptoms sooo my af is late..very late!!!
Irish pregnacare conception is a nono to me as I get nauseous and always think I am pregnant....

Isabeller you must be on the second week of the tww???

Hello everybody!!!

CaliBee Tue 12-Feb-13 21:31:10

Hi to irish and *notsoold
I used to take pregnacare but did a bit of research and found that Boots own conception support tabs do everything they need to and at half the price too.
Part of my job at work is to scource generic medicines and compare them like for like to branded drugs. Recently a branded antipsychotic lost its monopoly on the market and other companies were able to manufacture the same drug under the generic name.....I was gobsmacked to find that the original manufacturer of the drug had been charging £530 for a box of 28 and I am now able to buy it for £4.57 for 56.

Irishmammybread Tue 12-Feb-13 22:11:47

notsoold wow,how tall is your DS going to be when he finishes growing! He sounds very independent travelling to London on the train on his own , very grown up. I can't imagine my 13 year old DD being able to manage that yet.
I wonder what's happening with your cycle. Are you sure when you ovulated? Maybe there's still a chance of a BFP over the next few days.
CaliBee thanks for the tip about the Boots conception tablets!

notsoold Tue 12-Feb-13 23:11:56

Calibee that is incredible....such difference in price....
I take Sanatogen and am quite happy with it( I mean about side effects)...

Irish our ds is very independent regarding travelling and going places. My brother will pick him at the right bus stop but still....I agree and is a shock as dd ( almost 19) even now is not as adventurous in that way ( she is in others believe me).
Ds is taller than all the men in my side of family ( I am 5'4).Dh is 6 footer so I don't know...ds has always been been tall since birth....following that high fish protein??? Did you guys had it here??? This idea in the 60s??? My mother followed it and so did I ( my dd is 5' 1 so maybe did not work there)
Let's hope my ov was latter than I thought....

Good night girls....tomorrow I shall try to buy a frer just in case ( because I need to hope)

sparklysapphire Tue 12-Feb-13 23:49:09

Irish, I took Boots conception too for about 6 months, due to it being much cheaper than Pregnacare. Last time I took the Sanatogen one, but they seem to have re-named it mum-to-be, and I just couldn't face that. Also why do all pregnancy/conception supplements have to be pink? I'm sure it's not necessary. Your Belgian break sounds like an interesting trip, I hope it'll be enjoyable too.

Calibee, that's an amazing price difference between the branded & generic drugs. I know the drug companies have to re-coup their R & D costs and drug development isn't cheap, but £530 - was that really necessary? Sorry I forgot DPs army leave is so rigid, I'm still getting used to the idea of having to go in school holidays but at least there's a bit of flexibility there. I hope you find somewhere warm and cheap - what's Greece like now, that should be fairly cheap perhaps?

Notsoold, I'm impressed by your DS's independence, off to London at 13 on his own. Still no AF then? I hope you get some sort of result soon! Thank you for your kind words (and calibee), I am indeed heartbroken by all this. I've cried a lot today. No further progress since DH came home and then slunk off to bed an hour ago without a goodnight kiss. That really hurts as we've always been physically affectionate.

I've got my 12 week scan on Friday, so things have moved along much more quickly than I expected, but so far a big tick to the NHS.

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