TTC after recent mc - thread 3. Handholding, naff jokes and the infamous Laura Ashley skirt.

(976 Posts)

Happy new thread! Here's hoping for lots of Christmas and new year bfp's, and long healthy pregnancies for everyone. smile

Bakingtins Mon 17-Dec-12 13:33:52

((*Bodice*)) it'll do you good to have a weep. I think I've done much better after 2nd miscarriage by just going along with the emotions - be positive and look forward when you are having a good day, have a cry when you feel sad, recognise that the anger of the unfairness of the whole thing and the jealous feelings about others are normal. After first MC I felt like an irrational monster, this time I've recognised the stages and accepted them.
Christmassy things are making me a bit sad too - always have a tear in my eye at a nativity at the best of times, but keep thinking that I should be 6 months pregnant right now and sporting a big bump with a spring baby to look forward to (and spend Christmas being waited on instead of being expected to do everything!)

Can I just add an off-topic moan? I'm worried about my Mum - she has been diagnosed with glandular fever but also has some abnormalities in her blood cells (she either didn't know or wouldn't tell me what) and hepatitis. She's nearly 70 and I've seen plenty of young fit people knocked for six for months with glandular fever without any of the complications. She has more tests tomorrow. sad I've sent her a Christmas wreath with sprouts in (family joke) but I feel a bit helpless as we're 200 miles away.

BumpKitty Mon 17-Dec-12 15:10:47

hi pink welcome to the 2ww! I don't think i'll be in the running this time, with everything that's going on DH and i have only dtd once! (it was yesterday - i wooed him with 'shall we have some entirely functional sex?' grin
Also I did one opk the other day and it only came up with the test line; that means it's faulty doesn't it? Booze I know what you mean re ovulation signs - I thought I didn't have any till I actually started trying to look for them! I'm just not very in touch with my body.

I've come home from work early, my job is appointment based and I had appointments all morning which is good as I can just get on with them but then I had nothing booked in this afternoon. I had a chat with my boss and told him my mum hasn't got long left and he basically said to do what I need to do. He is such a good boss, which is a godsend at the moment (my last boss was an uncaring witch).
Bpeanut to see the photos just click on my name then select the photos link
Bodice I echo the advice of if you need a good cry just go for it. I haven't been taking this advice myself but when I do have a good cry it does make me feel better.
messtins sorry about your mum, does she have family near to her or good friends? Hopefully she will keep you informed and tell you if she needs help xxx

In more unrelated news I just rescued a dog grin when i arrived home there was a dog wandering around in my street, near a busy road. I went to check if he had a collar but he didn't so I went home and asked DH what to do, we thought he might have been abandoned as he looked pretty old and doddery. I decided I'd go and catch him and put him in my garden then ask the neighbours/call the animal shelter. Luckily as I was herding him down the road one of my neighbours came out and said she knew who he belonged to, so she lent me a lead and I returned him home. That's my Christmas good deed!
Also, I got to work this morning to find 2 raffle prizes on my desk. I had won..... an ice scraper and a tub of men's hair molding mud - this is what lottery winners must feel like!

chocolateteabag Mon 17-Dec-12 17:50:57

Wow Bump - an icescraper and hair product grin that would be my christmas pressies for DH sorted!

Our boiler has been off since Friday night, have been at FIL's over the weekend but spent today alternating between overheating in the snug wih woodburner on or frezzing in the rest of the house. Boiler man has just been to look at it and has to come back tomorrow with a different part. Damn DH and his grand ideas that he could service it himself angry

Have been feeling like I'm getting flu today so called my EPU again (worried myself about infection - I need to step away from Google) and she brought my scan forward to tomorrow afternoon to check I've passed everything etc. So feel alot better that will at least know what is going on tomorrow rather than waiting til the 28th

Boozeandadietjinglebell Mon 17-Dec-12 17:55:02

chocolate poor you without a boiler! You must be freezing. I came down with everything going after my mc - cold, flu etc - the EPU told me my defences would be down so I guess it was that. Some of me wondered if I felt so ill because she'd told me I might!

Feel better soon smile

yorkiebilb Mon 17-Dec-12 19:18:13

chocolate really pleased you've managed to get a scan tomorrow and don't have to wait until after Xmas.

BumpKitty Mon 17-Dec-12 21:14:01

ooh ace news on the scan chocolate remember to drink lots (I forgot EVERY time!). But, thinking about it, they actually scanned me with the internal camera for a better view EVERY time! Hope it goes well fx

literaryone Tue 18-Dec-12 05:22:25

All the pregnant ladies, all the pregnant ladies! Gld things are going well.

Hello, newbies -- sorry you have to be here and for whatever you've gone through or are going through. Hugs.

I've had a rubbish couple of days -- highly stressed out because of work, and two things happened to set me off grieving again. One, one of those damn BabyCentre emails about your pregnancy week-by-week (I subscribed at around 15 weeks) turned up suddenly in my inbox (after my setting a filter to delete them because I couldn't find a way to unsubscribe) and reminded me that my pregnancy "is now 33 weeks!" No, it isn't. Two, I met up with a friend who was passing through this city and had lunch with him, during which he talked ad nauseum about his baby daughter, asked me repeatedly about work and never once asked me how we're doing after the miscarriage -- and this is the first time we're meeting after it, and he's the person who talked quite knowledgably about TTC and cervical mucous once, so I didn't think wimmin stuff would be off limits. I guess one has to write some people off at certain times and get back in touch when feeling less fragile.

Boozeandadietjinglebell Tue 18-Dec-12 08:14:37

I. Hate. OPKs. Still no sodding smiley. I may have missed it by testing with FMU every day, or I may be on for a long cycle, but I'm bored and tired from all the sex

In other news, I'm going to try and take the Laura Ashley skirt back today.

Bakingtins Tue 18-Dec-12 08:17:11

Thanks BKitty. Hoping my dad and all the people my mum spends her time caring for will step up and look after her for a change! We're going up to DH's parents for Christmas but will be visiting mine so can see for myself how she is then.
chocolate hope you get the all clear at your scan. Look after yourself, I've felt pretty run down after the MC - bad skin and a cold to add insult to injury. You need a bit of pampering and TLC.
literary I'm sorry your friend is crap.
I think I'm ovulating early this cycle, though I'm only on CD9 had loads of EWCM so DH is on duty earlier than advertised. Will keep up the good work and hope for some good news in the New Year... grin

literaryone Tue 18-Dec-12 08:37:07

bakingtins, that's crap about your mum. It gets to be a major worry with any illness at that age. Hoping her test results from today come back okay, at least.

Bump, nice on the dog and the prizes!

Booze, Not so nice on the lack of smiley faces. sad

I think this miscarriage has taught me that some people are fair-weather friends and will not be arsed to even say a couple of sympathetic things when life is difficult. Sad realization but I feel fortunate that only four people are in this category and there are many who have been so very supportive.

BaublesForSally Tue 18-Dec-12 10:01:34

bakingtins sorry about your mum and the general sadness. I'm finding Christmas stuff incredibly emotional too - went to a carol service on Sunday and had a proper weepy meltdown.

literary I guess it's good to know... still pretty crap though.

chocolate good luck with your scan, hope it's good news.

I am completely shunning all cycle-monitoring this time. I've lost my thermometer (HOW?) and am going to be spending so much time all over the country/up late/getting up at funny times this month I don't think temping would be particularly useful anyway. Just going to have a month of not thinking about it and having a nice restful Christmas. Today is my last day of work until January, WOOHOO.

chocolateteabag Tue 18-Dec-12 14:29:44

Phew - scan was ok - everything has gone!
Was advised to wait for AF before ttc-ing again but when I asked why was told that physically I'm good to go, but "emotionally might need to recover" hmm
so have already decide to "forget" that advice and now waiting for a BFN - which is just the weiredest thing to do!

Re friends - those that knew I was pg have been great, but FIL & MIL who both called me last week to check I was ok, totally ignored the subject when we saw them on Sunday - never once asked me how I was - which was really odd. But I guess it was their ham fisted way of trying not to upset me.

I am now sat in very warm snug (little stove on) waiting for man to arrive to fix our boiler. Feels like I'm on a sneaky duvet day, except then I remember I'm actually signed off til Thursday

yorkiebilb Tue 18-Dec-12 15:30:01

chocolate pleased to here that the scan went okay and you don't have to have an op.

I'm still bleeding after the erpc and it's been 12 days now since the op. Just wondered whether that is normal? I just want it to end now!

Boozeandadietjinglebell Tue 18-Dec-12 15:43:47

Glad the scan went well chocolate.

With friends I'm a victim of my own behaviour. When it happened I wanted to be alone. I didn't want to talk about it at all. I just wanted to deal with it in my own way.

Now, I need to talk. I need someone to ask me how I am. No one has asked in weeks, and it feels like everyone has forgotten, when a lot of the time, it's all I can think about.

chocolateteabag Tue 18-Dec-12 15:45:25

Hi Yorkie - I would call your EPU up and ask them. Maybe they need to scan you again to check everything came out with the ERPC? If there was nothing there then at least would be peace of mind?

My EPU did say that I could bleed for another couple of weeks even after everything has been passed out so it could just be a waiting game sad

literaryone Tue 18-Dec-12 16:00:35

chocolate, so good to know the scan went well!

Booze, with some of your closer friends, can you just say that you would like to talk? I'm sure they would understand. Talking does help especially if you're worrying or grieving periodically.

yorkie, as chocolate says, it is a waiting game sometimes. Hoping it does stop sooner rather than later so that you feel better. Hugs.

BumpKitty Tue 18-Dec-12 18:12:06

chocolate so please you got the all clear. Hope you get a BFN soon.

booze I'm so glad you're taking the skirt back, I can't stand the thought of you wasting £55! - let us know how you get on

Regarding the friends thing. I think some people are just better at judging when we want to talk and when we don't. I seriously doubt the ones who don't ask us aren't thinking about it and feeling bad for us they just have no idea how to bring it up. Equally it's hard for us if we want to talk about it to know what to say... that's why it's good that we all have each other here smile

AlmondFrangipani Tue 18-Dec-12 19:27:26

Hi Girls,

Well I finally managed to convinced the GP to see me and he referred me to the EPAU this morning for a scan...and I got to see the bean! Luckily it was in the right place (phew no eptopic/cyst) and with a heart beat. My dates werent too far off either, they said I am 6w+5 which is 2 days less than I thought. The weird pains could be pelvis or gass blush. Just got to get to the end of Jan and the 12 weeks now...(all I can think is get me over this ms!).

Chocolate glad you got the all clear on your scan. I was like that waiting for a BFN but it didnt take too long once the bleeding stopped. I sort of ummed and arrhed about TTC straight away again and sort of tried but my cycle was so long we missed ov I think. I then had a mini melt down and decided to wait. I guess what I am saying is just take it day by day!

Booze I was using opk's on the cycle I got pg and didnt get a smiley so just keep DTD regularly and you might catch it!!

Baubles soooo jealous of your long break! I work in the most unfriendly industry and I am working Boxing Day and all sorts so Christmas is cancelled (along with the no drinking) in our house baah humbug!

BumpKitty Tue 18-Dec-12 19:59:51

oh almond that's fab news, yey for the sympathetic GP!

IBelieveInPink Tue 18-Dec-12 22:30:29

almond fab news! Really pleased for you, glad they referred you smile

yorkie depends on the sort of bleeding I think. I pretty much bled on and off until my next af. But it was only heavy for the first 10 to 14 days, then eased off to just a bit every day. If it still heavy after 2 weeks, get checked.

booze I know what you mean. I couldn't handle talking to most of my friends as I didnt really feel they got it. 'there there it will happen soon' didn't really cut it! But a couple really did, and actually the unexpected ones. Try and bring it up when you can, you will soon judge who is able to handle the conversation. Or we are always here for a rant (I know not quite the same as RL, but still)

So, I have already started symptom spotting at 2 dpo. Which may not have even been ov. Do I get some kind of award for this?!

shellshock7 Tue 18-Dec-12 22:59:16

Hi everyone, may I join you please smile

I think this is the same thread I started off on when TTC DS so I am hoping it is lucky for me again. Brief history: Luckily pregnant first month of trying, but MMC at 10 weeks, was very painful physically and emotionally and these boards were a great help. Pregnant again after 3 months with DS born in March smile been TTC for two months and just had another miscarriage at 5.5 weeks, am coping much better than last time (and was nowhere near as painful) had scan and all clear so feel very much ready to start TTC again. As a PP stated was advised to wait a month even tho completely clean, so will only have half hearted attempts over Xmas but will go for it properly in the new year.

Good to read of some pregnancies on the thread already, here's to MANY more smile

Bodice Tue 18-Dec-12 23:13:35

Thanks for messages of support bump and baking.. Feeling better today and going to work tomorrow hopefully. Just realised GP wrote sicknote for two weeks off so need to check I am insured to go in the morning. Nightmare. The Receptionists at GP's were useless. Thought they had sorted me a fit to return note. Seriously why do they make it so hard, I really want to go back.

Just ordered a load of different pregnancy tests off amazon. Bit premature maybe but cheered me up.

Glad scan was OK Chocolate.

Yorkie think light bleeding is OK. I am still bleeding a bit after a week but not gonna worry about it yet.

Hi just a quick one as I'm meant to be sleeping. Hope you're all ok, welcome to all the new faces, sorry you're here, hopefully 2013 will bring lots of well deserved, well incubated babies! Good luck to everyone in the tww. Earliest I've ever got a recognisable bfp is 12dpo. And to everyone waiting to ttc, make the most of the Christmas booze! smile

Brie, how are you? No, I haven't used the test you sent me yet, I've been trying to be good and save it til I get a 3+ but knowing me I'll cave tomorrow morning now grinit should at least be 2-3 by now, right?

Chocolateteabag, you sound like me a few weeks ago. I said the exact same thing "the world fell out of me" it's shocking and horrible, I was really shook up by it for a while. I'm glad you've had a scan now, I was about to say that the period style bleeding continued for me until I lost the sac a couple of days after the main loss, and then the bleeding went immediately much lighter and tailed off entirely after a few days. I got a bfn after a week or two, then a bfp a couple of weeks after that. Hmm, I'm confusing myself now but anyway I'm 5+4, no af in between. I do tend to fall pg scarily easily though, it's keeping them I worry about now! hmm

Everything ok here, no news is good news eh? grin

yorkiebilb Wed 19-Dec-12 00:07:47

Welcome Shell and sorry for your loss. I can vouch for how lovely everyone has been on this thread since I joined.

Thanks all for the advice re the bleeding. It's not heavy any more, just carrying on...I didn't really know what to expect tbh.

Had my first eve out tonight and had some very lovely cherry beer which got me quite tipsy as I haven't had any alcohol recently! grin opened up to one of my best mates about what had happened and he was so lovely - didn't make any comments such as you'll get pregnant again or at least you know you can get pregnant, just said how sorry he was for me and what a crap thing to happen. So nice to talk to a friend about it finally - I thoroughly recommend it to those contemplating whether they should talk to their mates or not.

Anyway, sorry for the long post (think its the cherry beer talking!)

Good look to those ttc at the moment!

literaryone Wed 19-Dec-12 04:15:53

Almond, wonderful news! grin

Shell, so sorry to hear of your loss and I hope you feel physically fine again soon. This is a lovely, supportive thread indeed.

Bodice and Yorkie, hope your bleeding comes to an end soon.

Yorkie, I have to say, some of my most supportive friends have been also the ones I wouldn't have expected to find supportive in this specific situation -- single women uninterested in having children, single men, single gay men specifically! They may not have empathized but they were all outstanding at sympathy and have listened to how I've been talking and tailored their responses accordingly. What has been a bit upsetting is very often the people who have babies on the way or have very young children -- there's been a lot of avoidance on one end of the spectrum, some super-insensitive things said ("How lucky, you can drink now!" and "This was not your time" being among the most annoying, from people who went on to talk and talk and talk about their own pregnancies/babies) and too much of "I don't know how you can be so brave, that's my worst nightmare ever" -- which makes me feel like the poor thwarted thing gritting teeth in the corner with the dead baby, the stuff of nightmare indeed. Whereas the friends who just treat it as something sad that's happened but don't either avoid the issue or overplay the drama are wonderful. It's part of the sadness of normal life for them, not something abnormal. On the whole, I am enormously grateful for my friends.

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