Single Male / Surrogacy

[LittleLostSometimes]

This is my first post so please excuse me if it is in the incorrect section or format.

I am hoping to find some help or even some one with experience of IVF Surrogacy for single men. I have recently started my research but currently the only people I have spoken to are those involved with the process itself and so far I have only been able to respond to the information in a logical sense. I don't have any sense of the impact on the individuals (a Child without a Mother, the Surrogate herself)

I don't know how much or little information is relevant or needed for a response? I am in my late thirties and have had a number of long term relationships over the past twenty years. The most recent ended 18 months ago when my partner decided that children were no longer part of her "plan".

I have always wanted children and am a Godfather to three delightful children but I would like a child of my own. I am in a situation of finacial security and my job would allow me to focus on raising a child. I have only spoken to my Sister about it and she has been incredibly supportive. I have spoken to neither of my Parents yet and feel they wouldn't understand (or consider it unnatural) although I am friends with my exs I haven't spoken about it with them or any of my female friends. The idea of raising a child without a "Mother" makes me uncomfortable and yet I feel any child I had wouldn't want for love or care.

I would prefer constructive feedback if possible or directions to a forum more appropriate to my question. Thank you in advance,

LLS

[juneybean]

Would you definitely not want the woman involved, otherwise you could try looking on the co-parent website

[LittleLostSometimes]

I guess because I always assumed the Mother would be someone who I loved and cared for and wanted as part of my (and our Childs) life the thought of a Co-Parent seems a bit odd to me. But I guess it's just the other half of the equation? ie A Woman wanting a child but not having the Man.

I find it hard to explain but it seems fraught with possible complications and I guess it makes it even more important to find the right Woman as in a very real sense you are choosing a Mother/Parent rather than an egg donor. I think if I could find that Woman I would actually want to have a Child with her not be a Co-Parent.

But thanks for the suggestion. I will have a look as it is much too early in the process for me to closed-minded to anything.

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

Have you been in touch with COTS?

[blouseenthusiast]

Just a thought - being a single parent to a new baby would be very hard. The co-parenting idea seems at least worth investigating.

[blouseenthusiast]

I see you are looking into that as well. Might be easier on the child too.

[LittleLostSometimes]

Many thanks for the replies. I have been in touch with COTS and Surrogacy UK but most of the information I have had has been via HRC in the States (I was out there early this year) Perhaps I am being a little unfair but the UK organisation seem concentrated on single female and even homosexual couples wanting children but not really single males.

The issue I have with Co-Parenting is that my feeling is if I could find someone who I cared about enough to be in my and a Childs life then I think that is probably someone I would want to love as well and be a whole family unit. Not sure if that makes sense? and it isn't said with any intention to offend people for whom that works its just how I feel. Similar with adoption. I have always wanted a child of my own and I appreciate you can create that bond with someone elses child and yet for me its still not quite the same.

[juneybean]

I understand what you're saying, I'm doing something similar in a few years, I just have the advantage of having a uterus! But I agree there's not much for single males in the UK.

[LittleLostSometimes]

Do you mind me asking juneybean do you intend to Co-Parent? or a will you be using a donor? Is there a significance in the "few years" time frame? I think I see my Parents getting on and I know how happy it would make them (and me) and how much love we could give ... Awww :'(

[juneybean]

No I will be doing it alone with an anonymous donor. I say few years as I'm only 27 at the minute and have some weight to lose first. But yes my mother is desperate to be a grandmother :)

[duplotractor]

Hi there,
I just wanted to say have you thought about surrogacy in india? I know someone who has gone through surrogacy there (hetersexual couple) but they have met loads of gay men couples as well as single men on their journey. GOogle surrogacy in india and there are a lot of websites and blogs that will give you more info and help make a decision. Unlike the uk india allows surrogates to be paid and so they are a lot easier to recruit and you can get started quite quickly.
hth

[duplotractor]

just did some googling for you and here's a blog of a single guy who became a father to twins through surrogacy

asurrogacydiary.blogspot.in/2012/08/aimon-and-asa-week-1.html

[CatPussRoastingOnAnOpenFire]

Indian surrogacy isnt anywhere near as great as it seems. The mothers are used as incubators, and get very little from the transaction.

[wrighty2010]

Hi, if ypu are going to consider coparenting it may be worth you looking on aq conection website. I know you are only thinking about which route to take but it may also be worth talking to other people considering co-parenting to understand why they are consdering it too? Pride Angel is a connection site and has a mix of both hetro and gay people looking to become parents. I hope this helps you. Let us know how you get on. Good luck xxx

[AmericanLondoner]

Just wanted to respond the the posts suggesting surrogacy in India. It is no longer an option for gay couples and singles (regardless of sexual orientation). The rules were on the books by July 2012, but it wasn't enforced until January.

Commercial surrogacy options for single males include: the US (ca$90K), Thailand (ca$35-40), Cyprus (EUR40k), and then there are other places that apparently are options as well, but I don't know anything about them (i.e. Panama).

Until recently we were going to go to India for surrogacy -- and I'd be happy to go through the pros and cons if you like. We're currently trying to find alternatives. The key is to find an agency that treats their surrogates with respect and dignity.

[ZolaBuddleia]

There's a feature on the One show at the moment about single male surrogacy.