dear pregnant work mate spare thought before...

(63 Posts)
bluer Thu 22-Nov-12 17:30:07

whining about how worried you were that your second child took so long to conceive you were getting worried....when you only had your implant taken out four months ago.
And not only showing your scan pix once but actually leaving them lying out on the table all through dinner even though we have all seen them...
And then moan about how far you're getting and how awful it all is. ..
When the green eyed monster has me and I'd quite happily chew your arm off to be in your shoes...

JethroTull Fri 23-Nov-12 21:37:11

Another Barren reporting for duty. I'm a natural over sharer so I tell everyone. I make a point of it. Even if it makes them uncomfortable. If I had bad eyesight I'd see an optician . I've got the ovaries of an 80 year old so I need help to have a baby. People don't need to feel sorry for me.

<steps of soapbox>

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo Sat 24-Nov-12 08:56:08

jethro thats a great way to put it! Thats exactly how I approached it I just struggled to get the help from the doctor. Personally I think that the attitude I got from the doc, and the fight I had to get any tests, contributes to the secretive attitude that surrounds problems TTC.

mrsHY that is a fab one liner!

I must admit that I'm not perfect myself and think Im guilty of offending at least one colleague before I knew what problems could be faced, but Hope that now, the majority of the time i would react in a way that would be supportive.

Although I must say that having someone not respond, literally pretend you hadnt spoken, is almost worse than a crass response.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid Sat 24-Nov-12 10:35:04

My MIL did that when my SIL told her there would be no children unless she had an operation followed by IVF. Literally no response at all and then changed the subject. It took lot for her to pluck up the guts to tell her, and then that.

Poor MIL with her two barren DILs. At least her own daughter is fertile <catty>

bluer Sat 24-Nov-12 11:46:46

Ariel your mil sounds like a right charmer...shame you can't choose your relatives eh?

HavingALittleFaithBaby Sat 24-Nov-12 21:10:06

I agree about the honesty with infertility! We TTC'd for 32 cycles (ish, I lost count!) and were gearing up for IVF when I fell pregnant. We'd told our families about our woes after about 18 months because there was a lot of expectation about us having a baby. I told several friends - I agree with another comment above about knowing who your friends are!

When we had the first scan and went public, I wanted to be clear about our fertility problems because its been so taboo and tough. So we (without detail about the problems!) that it had taken nearly 3 years and had been a tough journey and we were so blessed that I was diffed. Interestingly, lots of people messaged us saying they had been in or are in a similar position and appreciated our honesty so I'm glad we did it that way.

FriendofDorothy Sat 24-Nov-12 21:51:11

I agree with faith - I have always been honest with people about our TTC woes. It always pissed me off when I got to hear about how wonderful their bloody children were and decided that the least they could do was acknowledge that life isn't all sunshine and roses.

Griffomais Mon 26-Nov-12 17:50:05

Can I ask for some advice please? I'm at 26 months of TTC had various tests all came back clear, husband's sperm is fine. Really at my wits end as no apparent reason - Now at the stage of needing to share this information with my family as they have no idea. Everyone assumes that we don't want children. My Mum constantly makes reference to me being career minded and liking my exotic holidays. If only she knew I cry myself to sleep on a regular basis and feel bereft about a little person I'll probably never have. So so sad right now.

SinkyMalinks Mon 26-Nov-12 19:09:44

Dunno griffomais, but I'm in the same position, it that's any conciliation. I'm the uber driven career girl. And about to start ivf after TTC from 2009.

Good luck with the family. I'm sticking with the ostrich approach and hoping for a miracle.

MysteriousHamster Mon 26-Nov-12 19:15:44

Griffomais, you've probably thought of it but have you tried the ClearBlue Fertility Monitor? I only mention it as we were 'unexplained' for a long time but using that suggested I ovulate from days 8-10 which is much earlier than I thought.

Being unexplained is just bloody awful, when there's no reason for it not to happen but it isn't all the same.

The other option is to tell your mum. It does depend on your parents though. When I finally got up the guts to tell mine she just said 'it'll be okay' and didn't mention it again until I successfully (eventually) got pregnant with my DS after treatment.

I am honest with friends about my issues, but not at work. At work I'd feel like they'd take the piss (a lot of young guys), and it's just not worth the hassle.

Griffomais Mon 26-Nov-12 19:25:17

Thanx for your replies guys - going round the twist more than normal this month no idea why. Feel like giving up but just can't. Maybe it's time to go private and get some assistance just don't know if I can face it. Sinky good luck with your IVF I really hope it works for you. MysteriousHamster thanks for your advice Ive been using ovulation sticks for a while now but think I'll give you the ClearBlue Fertility Monitor a go. Thanx again ladies x

ArielThePiraticalMermaid Mon 26-Nov-12 19:40:17

I am Unexplained after three years. We are now telling everyone. Fed up of hiding it all. Tell them exactly how you would like them to treat you when you do it.

Griffomais Mon 26-Nov-12 20:07:01

Hi Ariel thanx your advice is very much appreciated - don't know if I have the strength to do it before Xmas but I know I can't hide it of much longer as it's killing me. How are you coping?

ArielThePiraticalMermaid Mon 26-Nov-12 20:11:05

Well there is a lot in my life at the moment, even without the TTC and IUI, so at the moment I am kind of taking it on the chin smile

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