TTC after recent mc - Thread 2

(994 Posts)
woody17 Mon 08-Oct-12 08:28:35

Hi everyone - I've started the new thread as our original one is nearly full.

I really hope that this is the one where we all get our BFPs and don't have to experience any more heartache.

messtins Wed 10-Oct-12 08:02:26

* Betty* I'm sorry about your Grandad. I hope you manage to get the practical stuff sorted. How is your DD coping? Boo for BFNs - hope this is your month.
I got first AF post MC today. Should have known because I felt crap yesterday - really down. Ah well, CD 1, onwards and upwards. I'll keep you company on testing late - I'm pretty good at not POAS (one of my few virtues).

lolC my dog is a heinz 57, mostly terrier, and she's 13. I don't think we'll be getting another when she goes. I rescued her when she was about a year old, but then I was single and could take her to work with me, neither of which still applies. I don't think we'd cope with a puppy again, couldn't give it enough time. She's the perfect fit for our family really - old enough to be happy to doze the day away but still up for an hour sauntering round the park with the boys on their bikes. We'll really miss her when the time comes.

suzy that's really crap about your appointment.

MissMedusa Wed 10-Oct-12 10:26:52

I'm still here too. Still recovering emotionally and physically but I'm back at work and things are getting better. I had my post op check up yesterday and everything seems to be ok. I still have a bit of spotting 13 days later but I guess that's not outside the realm of normal. I think I am slowly starting to come around to the idea of TTC again although I'm still pretty scared.

Can I ask those of you who got PG again quite quickly after your MC, how long it took you to TTC before you conceived the first time? Judging by this thread it does seem to be true that we are more fertile after MC as there have been a lot of BFP's which is such a good sign.

suzydelarosa Wed 10-Oct-12 13:42:31

missmedusa - I got pg in April and had a mc in May; was pg again at end of June then mc in July.

So I seem to get pg easily and certainly easier after mc. Unfortunately while I really want to get pregnant and keep the pregnancy, my uterus doesn't!!!

messtins Wed 10-Oct-12 15:08:27

Having a crap day today. Bumped into an acquaintance in the supermarket, who gave me a hug and said "I heard what happened, I'm sorry" before proceeding to spend the next 10 minutes telling me all about her new pregnancy. There was no need for it, she's not showing, I wouldn't have guessed, she could just have let me find out on the grapevine at a later date....I am trying to be charitable and think in being awkward about the miscarriage she was just burbling on without thinking, but really, how tactless!
First day of AF and feeling rubbish, it's bringing it all back. TBH today I'm not even sure I want to get pregnant again - we were TTC for a year before the MC, I don't want to put my life on hold for another year of getting my hopes up and having them dashed every month. It just feels really unfair that we wait so long for a BFP and then lose the baby when for some people it seems to come so easily. We definitely want another child - I just want a crystal ball to see that it all works out ok before committing to another pregnancy. Being pregnant after loss is rubbish, instead of being happy to get a BFP you just immediately feel really vulnerable. I can't face losing a third baby.
Have two colleagues who both had babies the week after I MC, both whinging on Facebook about sleepless nights and I just want to slap the pair of them.
I think I've hit angry and unreasonable!

babyjamesblackberrycrumble Wed 10-Oct-12 16:09:34

Hi all,
Big hug for you Messtins , really what a tactless woman! shock You deserve to treat yourself today. Each flipping AF is like a slap in the face sad
I have also been trying for #2 a while now and MC in August and again in September. I had a major meltdown last night at bed time with proper sobbing blush DH just doesn't get it. He first was saying lets relax more about it and it will all be ok. He wants to stop the ovulation sticks etc. When I got upset he then said maybe we should forget it all together as he can't bare seeing me like this sad I am massively grateful to have my lovely DS but just feel our family is not complete and feel so sad after 2 MC. I agree that now any future pregnancy will be a total worry.
I often feel like telling people to stop whinging about their kids on facebook. Really winds me up!

woody17 Wed 10-Oct-12 18:05:57

So, I'm still feeling nauseous pretty much all the time and my boobs are sore/tingling - they are now tender to the touch kind of under my arms, right on the sides of them. I'm trying not to get my hopes up as I'm only about 9/10dpo (I think) but it's hard not to. Anyway, I'm off to Rome first thing tomorrow morning for a long weekend so I think that I'm going to wait and test when I get back. The first time I fell pg I definitely felt sick before I got the BFP but I didn't get a BFP until the day after af was due so I don't think there's any point in testing this early - what do you all think?

posy I really hope that you get a BFP at the weekend! FX.

Suzy that's terrible about your appointment - have they rescheduled it yet? Sorry that af arrived.

messtins I think it'd be really interesting to explore acupuncture for animals. There must be a lot of ways that it could help ill animals. I have a dog and I absolutely love him!

lol that's quite a career change! Glad that you are now doing something that you love.

littlepinkfizz where are you in your cycle? I really hope that you get a BFP soon.

bettyflutterbly I'm really sorry that you are having such a tough time. Sorry that af came. I've almost convinced myself that I'm pg but I think I'll end up being really disappointed - it's so hard.

messtins sorry that af came. Your acquaintance sounds very tactless. It's so hard isn't it? Like you said, why do some people get pg straight away and then have no problems? I am desperate for DC no 1 but it just feels like it's never going to happen some times. I don't think that you are being unreasonable at all.

missmedusa it took me about 5 months to get pg the first time, I had a mc, had one af, got pg again and then had another mc. I'm waiting for my first af or BFP after my 2nd mc. I hope that you are getting lots of support in RL.

babyjames my DH sounds a bit similar in that's he's really relaxed about it all and just feels that it will happen eventually...whereas I want it to happen now!

littlepinkfizz Wed 10-Oct-12 19:05:45

Oh have a wonderful weekend woody and I hope it gets topped off by a really BFP!
AF due sat but been lightly spotting since last Saturday. Wish she would just come xx

woody17 Wed 10-Oct-12 20:10:35

Could it be implantation bleeding?

MunchinMango Wed 10-Oct-12 21:00:42

Hi woody, I have fx for you. But hope you have a really great time in Rome. My pg hallucinations are continuing also. Still feeling nauseas, sore boobs comes and goes and slight crampy feeling. I'm on cd 28 today. I've decided not to retest til sat. I think it will be easier to deal with a bfn at weekend and no work.

Messtins Betty and Suzy sorry that af came. That's awful Suzy about your appoint. Messtins your acquaintance was very insensitive to say the least!!! Betty so sorry to hear about your grandad.

Medusa glad to hear you are coming out the other side.

Baby it is perfectly natural to have a good cry. It's part of the grieving process. Although I suppose it's hard on the dhs seeing us so upset. Hope things start to look more positive soon.

Scared sorry you are in limbo and I really hope you get good news on Friday.

Posy and littlepink hoping yous get bfp's at weekend. We need some happy news.

Wow lol that was some career change dentist to bank manager. I'm afraid of the dentist!!!

How are our pg ladies doing Jessie and kitty?

Waves to peanut, jelly, janie and anyone else I have left out.

messtins Wed 10-Oct-12 21:51:14

woody have a fab weekend. Hope it's good news on your return!

YorkshirePeanut Wed 10-Oct-12 22:04:36

Evening all!

Second of two long shifts over and done with, finally got time to say hello - I've been lurky-lurking from my phone at work but just can't be doing with typing on the teeny tiny keyboard.

posy, woody, munchin and fizz FX for you all - hoping for BFPs all round! Agree with munchin, we need a happy fix!

scared poor you, the waiting is bloody awful, I had to wait 3 days for my scan and yo-yo'd between being hopeful and gutted. Didn't work out for me but keeping my fingers crossed that you get good news.

messtins I could happily plant a foot up your friend's backside for being so insensitive - yes, probably because of awkwardness but still! Dumbo!

baby Hugs! I could have written your post. My DH is also struggling to know what's going on with me - he seems very placid about everything, whereas I'm rabid about getting pg again and am constantly up and down, with occasional psycho outbursts. He thinks I'm mental - so do I half the time confused! Hope you feel better soon x

And hello to everyone I missed out!

Very excited about going to see the acupuncturist tomorrow. DH is telling me not to get my hopes up - he's not really into happy clappy woo-woo stuff. Nor am I really but acupuncture seems to get results, who am I to argue! Anyway I can't help hoping I'm going to come home tomorrow, AF is going to arrive with a bang and then we can get on and make babies. I know it's unlikely, but it would mean so much to just feel normal again, even being able to join in with the monthly AF grumble would make me feel better. I don't like being broken with no end in sight sad. FX the acupuncture helps eh!

Right, off to bed, my brain is fried. Night night one and all. Hope the sandman brings babydust tonight! x

babyjamesblackberrycrumble Wed 10-Oct-12 22:33:05

Good luck with the accupuncture Yorkshire I really would like do be doing that too but DH also not a believer!
Enjoy Rome Woody smile

kittykatskumkwat Thu 11-Oct-12 07:42:27

Good luck peanut, hope af arrives or bfp!!
Missm, I took me 18+ months to get pg with dd then I fell pg as soon as I stoped bf before af, mc had one af fell pregnant again mc then fell pregnant again so I'm alot more fertile, not sure if it was mc or pregnancy that's contributed to the difference?
Good luck testers!! Woody I dont think it matters when you test if it was neg you could put it down to being early but do what will allow you to enjoy your Holliday the most would be my advice!! Hope you have an amazing time, I am off to Egypt tomorrow and doubt I'll have Internet access so will anxiously check in on you all when back
Scared, I hope you get good news tomorrow!!
Mess, that was very insensitive and it must have felt like a double blow being on af sad hope this is your month

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful Thu 11-Oct-12 09:47:57

Have only just caught up with this thread

scared so sorry this is happening to you again sad

messtins I am not prone to violence but I want to slap your friend. Don't let the insensitive cow get to you.

woody enjoy Rome, fx for a good result for you.

MissMedusa Thu 11-Oct-12 10:47:39

Thanks for sharing your stories. We have been TTC for a year, DH had motility issues but they are better now and at his last test his counts were normal. It's hard to accept that it took us a year just to get here, what if it takes another year before anything happens again :-(

messtins I really feel for you, either your friend is so unimaginably thoughtless or there's something malicious about her. How could she be so stupid?

scaredmummy2B Thu 11-Oct-12 16:11:27

Thanks girls but I'm bleeding a lot and very sore today so any hopes I had for tomorrow have faded hard :-/ 3 mc in ten months just seems a bit harsh to me!

messtinspeople are so bloody insensitive sometimes! After my 2nd mc my friend came round and told me she was pregnant like 2 days after I came out of hospital from the d&c thankfully I was given the heads up from my man that she was going to tell me as he's friends with her husband! This allowed me to lay screaming and crying for 3 hours before she got here! I coped with the News very well to her face. A bottle of wine later she decides I'm so comfortable with the news that it was appropriate to show me the baby clothes she brought for her baby people just don't think and to top it all off now I'm having my 3rd mc she is just getting her 20 week belly and I can't escape it as she lives bloody next door :-S

How was acupuncture peanut?

How you doing woody did you give in and test?

littlepinkfizz Thu 11-Oct-12 16:54:49

Poor you scared . Its terrible and harrowing for you.

woody did you test this morning? Hope you are enjoying Rome!

Well been v lightly spotting( barely enough for a liner) since Sunday.af due on Saturday and did a FRER this morning - bfn. So disappointed. Fooled myself into thinking it was implantation bleeding( I mean, does anyone actually get this?)
Do not know what is happening . Have hack 2 normal cycles after mmc, 28 and30 days. Really pissed off and tbh feel like knocking all this ttc on the head.
Have no idea what is happening now to my cycle. This was my 3 rd mc and my cycles all returned to normal.
Any ideas? X

littlepinkfizz Thu 11-Oct-12 16:57:10

Have made an appointment with my gp next week. He'll probably tell me I'm peri menopausal. Great

messtins Thu 11-Oct-12 17:10:11

scared I'm so sorry you are going through this again. Life sucks sometimes.

pinkfizz I had my very sympathetic GP point out that my fertility was dropping and my MC risk rising every year past 35. Thanks for that. I'm 37, not a spring chicken but hardly ancient.
Last time I MC I had bizarre cycles for months afterwards. When do you think you ovulated? Could it just be a long cycle? (is there still a chance of a BFP-in-waiting?) Hope either BFP or AF has arrived before your appt to set your mind at rest. I think it's frustrating but normal for cycles to be a bit strange for a few months afterwards, hopefully not a sign of anything sinister.

littlepinkfizz Thu 11-Oct-12 17:31:49

I got a smiley on opk on day 17 * messtins*

posyplum Thu 11-Oct-12 19:17:31

Peanut am laughing at 'happy clappy woo-woo stuff'!

Woody have a fab time in Rome! I'm weljel!

Well ladies, AF arrived today, bang on time. So much for this post-mc fertility!! Oh well. On we go! Will catch up with the rest of the thread and post shortly. xx

littlepinkfizz Thu 11-Oct-12 19:22:20

Really sorry to hear that posy Thought we'd be celebrating together but maybe next month... [grun]

babyjamesblackberrycrumble Thu 11-Oct-12 19:47:46

So sorry Scared . It really just doesn't seem fair does it. People who have never been through it just don't understand but actually being that insensitive is quite shock . Have you considered counseling at all? I'm going to ask my Dr I think.

I also grin at 'Happy Clappy woo-woo'
Sorry AF arrived Posy sad
How is everyone else?

posyplum Thu 11-Oct-12 20:09:10

Hi littlepink sorry to hear you're feeling down. I felt exactly the same earlier when I started bleeding, just so disappointed. Had convinced myself I was pg and when I first started bleeding also started to persuade myself it was implantation bleeding (before also concluding, when is it ever that?) I then wondered if it was a chemical pregnancy... but AF has arrived exactly on time!

I am starting to think that this is going to take a bit longer than I had hoped and that maybe mc will delay things a bit. Maybe my body just isn't ready again yet. It's so frustrating though isn't it.

Messtins when you say you had strange cycles for months after mc, what were they like out of interest? I am so sorry to hear about your friend - what an insensitive idiot! I hope you're feeling better today. I can't get over how ridiculous some people can be ref. saying things. It's like they don't know what to say so go into inappropriate overload. A close friend of mine told me, after hearing about my mc, how quickly she had conceived her kids (first time, both times!) and how fertile she must be. She didn't mean anything by it, and would prob have been mortified to have clocked how insensitive it was, but it really wasn't helpful at the time!

I hope you're feeling better today. I totally know how you feel about 'not even sure I want another one'. I mean I know I want another one but sometimes I am not sure I can face all that may or may not come before it. I can't not keep trying though, so have to plod on!

posyplum Thu 11-Oct-12 20:49:31

Scared so sorry you think you are now mc for the 3rd time. That is so rubbish. Big hugs - life is so unfair sometimes. I can't believe your friend! Seriously insensitive.

babyjames sorry to see you had a meltdown yest - hope you're feeling a bit better today. I am a bit with you on timeline - really thought I would be well into my 2nd pregnancy now, in fact it's 7 months since we started trying and various things including mc have prevented it from happening. I had a moment today of feeling sorry for myself about that and if i hadn't been on a train might well have started sobbing too! (though I might have got some funny looks!)

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