Feelings/Emotions when TTC

[CatAndFiddle]

Hi Ladies,
I know this sounds dramatic and silly, but over the past few weeks I have started to feel like I don't know who I am anymore.

DH and I are having trouble TTC and the more this has dragged on the more I have started to find my work unfulfilling and shallow. I always wanted to do work that would "make a difference", but by various twists of fate I ended up in my current role, which pays well but helps no one (well, it lines the pockets of a select few).
Although I have often had little niggling thoughts that what I am doing is not really me, these feelings have escalated and are now there constantly. My job is cold and clinical, and I want to be warm, compassionate and loving.

I am thinking about leaving my job to re-train (maybe nursing). My friend thinks this is all due to not being able to conceive, and will pass in time. I feel like an empty shell, completely bereft. How have you ladies dealt with similar feelings?

[weimy]

Cat

I am having similar feelings and find that work is very unfulfilling. I don't feel challenged and do feel cynical about every policy and new acronym.

I'm not sure what to suggest but wanted you to know there was someone else feeling the same :)

[localcrackpot]

I'm a teacher. I can recommend it. Don't get me wrong, it can be hellish. You're meant to do everything all the time and no-one acknowledges that doing your job "properly" is actually impossible - you just ought to have better time management skills.

But even on my worst days I know that what I'm doing is important. It allows me to be creative, and when you contribute to pupils' growth as people it's amazing. Whatever you teach, you're really bringing up children for the community.

It's physically, emotionally and mentally draining. But good, too :)

[lily06]

Cat, I think it makes you think about your life more in general. I had an EP and MC last year and it really put things into perspective. I closed my business and started a new one and I'm so much happier. I probably would have done it eventually anyway, but it kind of puts things into focus I think. We're now TTC again so will see what happens next.

So, what I'm saying in a round about way, is that while your friend might be right that you're feeling like this because you're having trouble TTC it doesn't mean that the feelings aren't real or that you shouldn't act on them.

Lily

[Bexamundo]

Hi there. I'm a nurse and I love my job. I'd suggest doing some voluntary work or getting yourself on the nurse "bank" (their equivalent of temping) as a healthcare, That will teach you the basics of nursing and you'll know quickly if nursing is for you.
TTC is a huge challenge (we've been trying for 11 months). It does affect your perspective on life but that doesn't mean you're not destined for change. I was unhappy in my last job and wondered wether it was a bad idea to look for another role, thought maybe that TTC was making work seem worse. In the end I went for a different job and I am very happy.
I think TTC without success just highlighted the areas in my life I needed to change. I am now better off (am in a higher paid job and get more time with patients).
If you feel you want to change, don't dismiss it out of hand. Do some research (even if it's just helping to give out tea to patients in a hospital or feed the homeless) to see if it's really about work. Feel free to ask me about nursing! Good luck

[CatAndFiddle]

Thanks for the replies everyone. I think lily06 and bexamundo may have a point that these feelings are real and probably would have come to light sooner or later. I think I'll start down the voluntary route as bexamundo suggests. thanks for the advice.

[weimy]

I think I am going to listen to that advice as well! :)

[Folicacid]

I can sympathise as I feel stuck where I am at the moment. Enjoy my job and the values etc but politics and dynamics are a strain. Stuck feeling as don't want to go somewhere else and then have to put mat leave on hold until have the job 'licked' so to speak.

It's a tough one but great advice here in that what you feel is what you feel so go for it if you want to.

[littleshamrock]

Hi there,

I can understand completely where you are coming from after TTC for nearly two years myself. However, I also feel the same about my work and my job is a nurse!

I hope I can explain this in a way that doesn't offend anyone but I find myself getting very angry and emotional over some of the patients who are admitted for treatment when I am sitting on a long waiting list myself and will most likely not get any treatment. For example, one patient is admitted up to six times a year, so drunk they can't breathe and is given intensive care treatment plus an expensive CT scan until they waken up. Probably about half of our patients have a similar history involving drink or drugs. Every shift I hope that I look after a patient who has an actual medical problem that isn't self inflicted.

I realise this probably sounds very bitter but I go in and do my job to the best that I can despite this. Nursing can be a wonderful job, however you do invest a lot of yourself and with the added stress of TTC there can be nothing more to give.

[PhoebeC]

Hi Cat,

I think what you're feeling is completely normal and very, very common.

When you have difficult conceiving not only is it stressful, but it starts to change the way you see yourself. We all have an idea in our heads, however vague, of how our lives will pan out and where we'll be at certain times in our lives. Having trouble TTC suddenly challenges those ideas and can, in my experience, bring on self doubt and cause you to question all sorts of aspects of your life.

I'm lucky, in that I love my career and it has been a source of pride and comfort during the last few years of unsucessfully TTC, but socially I have lost a lot of confidence and often feel isolated and excluded. I think it's all part of the same emotional response.

But..... I'm going to go against the tide here and say, however strong these feelings, be very cautious about making big changes while you're this emotional and while your going through the TTC process. You need to honestly and carefully examine your feelings and be certain of them before you do anything that can't be reversed. By all means investigate volunteer work in the sector you're interested in, but don't burn any bridges just yet - however strong the Monday morning urge to stride into your boss's office and shout "I QUIT" is!

Also, and I know this'll probably make me sound entirely materialistic and I'm honestly not, do think about your financial security before you do anything dramatic. Do you have the savings to retrain? Would you honestly be happy with a change in your lifestyle to take a more fulfilling job? What about when you do become pregant? Will you be giving up a good maternity package? NHS maternity conditions are good once you're working in the system, but it takes years to train as a nurse and as a student you'd only be entitled to state maternity benefit.

Littleshamrock makes an excellent point. Nursing is fulfillng and a noble profession, but it's hard, sometimes really really hard and generally underappreciated.

I'm not saying don't do it, I'm saying think long and hard and be honest with yourself about what you really want and what you're prepared to give up.

But most importantly, I'm saying you're normal, and what you're feeling is normal and I wish you all the best in acheiving what you want.