First post - Likelihood to conceive at 18?

[Kazine]

I know what you are probably thinking - "Why is this girl trying to conceive at 18, she is just a child herself?" But I do have my reasons for trying to conceive, number one being that a baby is what I want more than anything. Number two being that I suffer from very bad depression, and the idea of a baby is the one thing that keeps me in a consistently happy mood. I wouldn't say that I was still a child myself as I have been through more difficulties in my 18 years than some people go through in a lifetime. I hope you will all treat me as just another mum-to-be trying to conceive!

Now, onto my question. Since I am so young, and my partner is also young, is there a greater chance of me conceiving? I know it can take a while to get pregnant, but I'm just wondering if the process of conception may possibly arrive sooner because of my age? :)

Thanks for your help,
Kazine x

[bigchris]

yes the chances are greater
good luck
just keep at it
welcome to Mumsnet

[Littlefish]

Are you receiving any treatment or counselling for your depression? Whilst the idea of a baby may be the one things that keeps you in a "consistently happy mood", you need to consider the raised possibility for Post Natal Depression due to your current depression. Perhaps you could go and talk to your GP about your desire for a baby, and your depression at the same time.

[Kazine]

Yes Littlefish, I am receiving treatment. My GP knows of my depression, although I am nervous to mention my want for a baby to my doctor because I know anything he will say to me will not be positive because of my age :|.

Also, bigchris - thank you :).

[Kazine]

TBH korma, I'm already on the brink of desperation. It's what I know will make me happy. I don't smoke, I won't drink during pregnancy, I don't do drugs, I know I can be a better mother than a hell of a lot of people who have children at my age, and even some people who are older.

[Nagoo]

Yes it will, but I am getting all judgy because I suffered with depression when I was younger, and the idea of a baby is not the same as the reality.

IMO getting pregnant before you have sorted your head out is a bloody terrible plan.

I made my primary focus me. I had to. I had to sort myself out before I could have my children. It took me until I was 23. We started trying for a baby when I was 26, and it took me 6 weeks to get pg.

You are more likely to conceive quicker at 18, but it is also about luck.

I also got PND after having my son. Having the tools to deal with my depression previously, and being able to access the help I needed were vital to me getting better.

The thing here is not necessarily your age, it's your health.

[Kazine]

Health wise, my depression periods don't usually last too long, 3 or 4 months usually. So realistically, I don't expect the depression to still be around by the time I would be expecting. :)

Thank you for answering my question.

[phipps]

Having a baby now, when you are suffering from depression is not a great idea and not fair on the baby. As a previous sufferer of depression you are more likely to suffer from PND and add on extreme exhaustion and things will be hard. You should never have a baby because you think s/he will make everything all right.

[phipps]

Being on the brink of desperation because you want a baby makes me want to shake you tbh. And if you are so sure it is the right thing to do, why not tell the doctor.

[Kazine]

I'm not here to defend myself or to take lectures, I'm just here to ask a question :).

[Georgimama]

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[GetDownYouWillFall]

Hi kazine first of all, welcome to mumsnet!

I don't want to patronise you by saying "you are very young, you've got your whole life ahead of you etc. etc." as you;ve probably heard it all before.

If you are dead set on having a baby at 18, no one is going to persuade you otherwise.

However, let me just say it is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I found the first few months SO hard that I ended up in a mother and baby unit with severe depression. I am not saying this will happen to you, but just want you to at least listen to the advice of others on here that having a baby will not "solve" your depression. Having a baby brings out and exaggerates the depression you already have.

Having said that my DD is now nearly 3, I am not depressed anymore and love being a mum. That first year was really, really tough, but I came through it.

Good luck!

[phipps]

You can't dictate what we post.

[Kazine]

Phipps, there is no need to be so hostile towards me. I'm just asking a question.

[phipps]

Hostile? You must be joking.

Are you an adult?

[Kazine]

Okay, from now on I respond to helpful posts only, and not hostile ones. So hostile posters - you're wasting your time.

[pozzled]

Yes, you are likely to get pregnant fairly quickly if you don't use contraception.

You say a baby is the one thing you want and it will make you happy. Have you ever looked after a baby before? Do you know someone who has a young baby? If so, I would seriously consider spending as much time as possible with them before ditching the contraception.

Being woken up every 2 hours by a screaming baby for weeks on end really isn't a great cure for depression.

[phipps]

Clearly, no is the answer.

If you calmed down a bit you would see we are trying to help you by pointing out the madness in your plan and how difficult it is being a mother even without added pressures of mental illness.

[Georgimama]

You are just asking a question and don't want any opinions. Fair enough.

Have you heard of google?

here

[wannaBe]

I'm going to be blunt - having a baby is possibly the most selfish thing you could do.

The thought of having a baby might keep you going, but the reality is far, far different.

And when that baby does not fulfill your expectations there is a real risk that you will end up far more depressed than you are now. Plus putting the burden of expectation on an as yet unborn baby is just wrong on every conceiveable level.

You cannot know whether you will be a good parent until you are one; you cannot know whether a baby will make you happy; but you can get treatment for your depression from your gp/counselling, and once your head is in the right place there will still be time for a baby.

But a baby is not a magic wand and will not make things alright.

And babies don't stay babies - what happens four months, two years, five years down the line?

And I would say the same whether you were 18 or 38.

[phipps]

wannaBe is very wise.

[Kazine]

I'm perfectly calm, Phipps. If you'll read what I'm saying, it's very unlikely that I will still be depressed by the time the baby would arrive.

And if you say that because I've suffered depression before, I'm more likely to get post partum depression, would you advise anyone who has been depressed before to not have children on the off chance they will suffer post partum depression?

I do see that you're trying to help, but do you seriously think the opinion of people on a forum is going to change my mind, when it is the only thing I want to live for at the moment?

[Fedupttcnosuccess]

Rofl Georgiemama!