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When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Conception

Difficult / traumatic first birth, trying for a second??

11 replies

BiscuitBob · 05/11/2010 13:20

I just wanted to ask anyone who had a difficult first birth, about your feelings about deciding to get pregnant a second time? Does your previous experience make you feel particularly anxious? If so, how do you cope with that?

I had a difficult birth (Keelans Forceps - ouch!) and then this was followed a week later by a postpartum haemorrhage. I lost 6 pints of blood and was later told I was lucky to be alive. Apparently I had a deep tear which they didn't stitch up properly, but what made it all worse was that when I was re-admitted to hospital they refused to listen when I started bleeding very heavily until DH screamed at the midwife to get a doctor now!

Anyway, I now REALLY want another baby, but at the same time feel terrified that if I get pregnant I'll be so anxious about the birth that I won't be able to cope.

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berri · 05/11/2010 13:22

Sorry for your experience BB - I'm watching with interest as my first birth was terrible too and it's really putting me off getting pregnant again as the thought of the birth makes me feel physically ill.

DS is nearly 2 and most of my friends as pg again - how old is your baby?

I actually thought about hypnotism but thought that was a bit silly! I seriously think I'd spend the whole 9 months stressing about the labour.

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BiscuitBob · 05/11/2010 13:36

Hi Berri, sorry to hear you had a hard time too. It's nice to hear from others in the same boat.

I know what you mean, its horrible isn't it? My DS is almost 2 as well.

I don't think it helps that I'm naturally quite an anxious person anyway. I am trying to work on that though for the sake of DS DH said I'm smothering him! He could be right though

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ArabellaRose · 05/11/2010 13:46

Have you thought of asking to talk through your concerns with an obstetrician/midwife before conceiving? Or at least with a sympathetic GP? If they knew how bad your experience was first time round they could take care to keep a closer eye on things with a subsequent pregnancy and this would make you less anxious. You could even consider a planned section if it is specifically the birth which worries you?

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BiscuitBob · 05/11/2010 14:01

Thanks AR. I have thought about talking to my GP, but I'm not sure what he'd be able to say that would make me less anxious. I had a debrief with my consultant 6 weeks after the birth where she did emphasise that I had just been very unlucky (or lucky I guess!) and if I choose to have another baby there was no reason why it wouldn't be fine.

I have also seriously thought about a planned section, I guess that's something I could mention to the midwife if / when I got pregnant? I guess I worry about that too though, as they seem to be so frowned upon and I don't want to have to fight to get one.

Perhaps I should get some counseling? I used to dismiss that idea, partly because I just want to forget about the whole thing, but perhaps it's not such a silly idea after all.

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ArabellaRose · 05/11/2010 14:10

That's a good idea BB. Maybe you could tell your gp how anxious you are and see if he thinks CBT would be useful? Don't put it off though as waiting list likely! good luck:)

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ArabellaRose · 05/11/2010 14:14

I meant to add that they will consider a section for psychological reasons as well as physical so it's something for you to think about. And you could even discuss that with gp before getting pregnant so he knew how serious you are about it.

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BiscuitBob · 05/11/2010 15:03

Thanks AR, that's really helpful advice.

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bishboschone · 06/11/2010 04:45

Not sure it's any help but I had a terrible birth( also nearly died ) and I have only just been brave enough to ttc no 2 and Dd is 7! I regret not doing it before so much as I am petrified I am going to do it.

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Thandeka · 06/11/2010 06:55

I had to see a pyschologist for a bit after my horrific birth she has written me a letter reccommending an Elcs next time. Am not 100% I will have an Elcs but having the letter helps me argue my case. We are going to ttc at Christmas and will be demanding meeting my consultant early on in my pregnancy. One thing the whole sorry previous experience taught me is how to get stroppy assertive with hospitals!

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GetDownYouWillFall · 06/11/2010 08:42

I had a terrible first labour and birth too, horrific tear, PPH requiring a blood transfusion, urinary incontinence, in hospital 9 days....

The trauma of it all really messed me up, I ended up in a mother and baby psychiatric unit for 3 months - I couldn't sleep and became very anxious and depressed.

Against all odds am now TTC #2. Never thought I would have another one. However, DD is so gorgeous, I realise now that all of that awful stuff was worth it, for my lovely little girl!

My psychiatrist has agreed to support me in decision to have an elective c section, if that's what I want.

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BiscuitBob · 10/11/2010 22:17

Bishboschone, Thandeka, GetDownYouWillFall sorry to hear about all your bad experiences. Its awful isn't it? Such a special time gets turned into a terrifying ordeal.
I too suffered from depression and anxiety after I left hospital.

GetDownYouWillFall I know what you mean, I look at DS and how utterly wonderful he is and despite everything I feel like I really want another one...

It sounds like its definitely worth looking into an elective c section, even just so I know its a possibility if I realise I can't go through a natural birth again.