To go for no 2 or not??

[skandi1]

Not sure whether I'm posting in the right place so apologies if I'm not....

Have a 12 months old DD and she just lovely. DH is mad keen for another one.

When I look at DD I think she's so wonderful and how could I not want another one and I think: "yes lets do it". But I also catch myself thinking about the practicalities of having 2 (So close together and we've no family nearby and DH works long hours and is sometimes away on business).

Its hard to decide. My age means that we cannot hang around too long and procrastinate. And I am really torn on this issue.

What makes me question having another baby, are things like: "will I be pushing DD aside" - "will I be able to handle two small ones" - "will it be so much work that I will not enjoy the early years of my children"?????

Any experienced MNers outthere who've gone for several babies in quick succession and what it was like??

Particularly keen to hear experiences of older (35++) mothers.

Many thanks to you all.

[tyler80]

A few months of ttc and a 9 month pregnancy gives a 2 year age gap which I don't really think is a particularly small gap, fairly standard in my experience.

As you say time isn't on your side I'd just go for it, you will cope. Remember you won't be dealing with your child now and a newborn, it'll be a newborn and your child a year older.

[skandi1]

Thanks tyler80. When you look at it like that I suppose I'm worrying about nothing.

Still a bit concerned that DD will feel pushed away? Or is she just too young to know whats happening??

[SpanishLady]

Hi Skandi1 - your post is interesting as I am thinking along the same lines except I am 36 and currently pregnant (22 weeks) with my first child!

I am mostly anxious about money as we couldnt afford for me to give up work or go part time and know we would have to share childcare between grandparents and nurseries etc.

my current plan (and you know what they say about best laid plans) is to hopefully have this one and then start ttc #2 around baby1's first birthday - that gives me about 6 months back at work after mat leave from baby1 then 9 months before baby2 arrives - and of course I am ignoring the possibility that it might not be as easy to conceive #2 as it was #2 (I got pregnant the 2nd month of trying)

I think you just manage but I must admit I am fearful of doing it and doing it badly and not doing it and not having the 2 kid family we woudl dearly love.

At the mo as I dont have any baby yet I am just trying to get through to dec and have this baby but I do think ahead and am so worried it will be too much for us or that it wont happen - I guess my response to your post is that the only thing that should stop you is if you dont want another child - I think your DD would benefit from a sibling

[DawnAS]

skandi1 - I envy you ! I would LOVE to try or DC2 as our only DC (our gorgeous DD) is coming up for 14 months and is amazing.

But I have two rather major blockers in the way - number one, DH doesn't want another baby. He may relent in the next couple of years but certainly not at the moment. Secondly, we cannot afford it. I work full-time and am the higher earner. We have looked at every way of doing it financially, but we just can't. We only got married two years ago and have been together six years, but only bought our first house 18 months ago. So we really have no way of being able to have another as our mortgage is so high.

I am 36 so it looks like we won't even be trying for number 2 until I am 37-38. So in your position, I would absolutely go for it.

If you definitely want more than one baby, your current DD will not remember not having their DSis or DBro around if they are only two. Much better (in my humble opinion) than waiting until your LO is 4 or 5 and KNOWS that they're going to have share you.

HTH hun and good luck!

xxx

[Bumpsadaisie]

Hi Dawn

Sorry to hear you're not able to try for another DC when you really want to.

We were saddled with huge mortgage costs at the time I had my DD. But we moved when she was 6 months old - downsized so we can both work part time.

Could you perhaps do that, or even sell up and rent so you can have more time with her? There's much more to life than a mortgage after all! There's nothing more important than DCs, esp when they are so little. Plenty of time for a mortgage later, when they are at school and you can work again?

Bumps xx