Have agreed to go to my Mothers for Christmas and desperatly want to get out of it without causing a major bust up. Two reasons, she has a drink problem and I am finally losing the plot with it. She is in total denial and I can't say anything about it. Also my SIL, hates me (my fault, can't change it) and will be there too. So we are supposed to sit round the table playing happy families when inside I will be dieing and will spend the entire journey home in tears. Am terrified that DS who is 6 will pick up on the vibes and don't want to spoil his christmas in the way that so many of mine have been.
If I had any money, we would be on a plane out of here! But thats insane!

You need to finally stop trying to please your Mother and look after yourself and your DS.

Tell her you want to spend Christmas in your 'own house' this year and suggest another day to meet up.

She may not be overly pleased but it could actually prompt her to do something about her drinking.

Best of luck - you deserve a happy Christmas as much as anyone else

We were originally going to do that and I rashly changed my mind as she has just moved house and wanted to christen her new place. This will just add to the mayhem, it will be chaos and she will be horribly insulted as she will be making a complete martyr of herself to make it all work but I know from experience just how wrong this will go.

Oh and nothing will stop her drinking, I have tried to tackle it in the past, once she attempeted suicide and the further times she just makes me feel like the devil – how does that work!

would agree this is not a happy envrionment to expose your ds to. he is your family and put his and your needs first, the anxiety this is causing you will just make you miserable! grab the bull by the horns...she has no control over you (you are not a cchild living at home anymore) and i also think parents who burn their bridges with their children don't deserve our sympathy and warmth at christmas time (this is from personal experience..so is my own opinion). your ds is 6...christmas should still be magical at this age....i only started enjoying christmas at the age of 25 when it meant i didn't have to spend it in the company of my mother.

however i have relented this year (expecting dc3 in the spring...grandmother is 95) but will be arriving lunchtime christmas/leaving lunchtime boxing day

This is a pattern which happens a lot but, as you cannot help her (especially if she won't help herself) you need to look out for yourself and your dc.

<hugs>

x post with wideratthehips, and can relate entirely to her experience, sadly

any thoughts goingslowlyroundthebend?

Have been looking at last minute deals online, ha ha, can't do that. Just don't know what to do. I don't know how to detach myself and really want to but I will hurt her but it hurts me and might hurt my DS

One positive thing, I have put in a call to her GP to see if he can help at all.

Good work, goingslowly.

Why don't you decide not to go there, just for this year? Try it and see.

Fairly sure that once you realise how good Christmas can be, you'll feel better.

Good luck anyway.