The gift set of Royal Jelly smellies from Boots to MIL was a definite low in my giving history it must be said. Found in original packaging in box room on her demise some 10 years later.

A bleeping pillbox which told MiL when to take the pills which keep her alive (what was I thinking? )

<snort>

The welly remover we have bought this year will probably rank highly up there - but we have bought it in good faith, (and if they don't like it it means that we can have it)

The vibrating polyester footwarmer my sister got for my grandmother in 1993 will never beforgotten.

PMSL at WMMC.

I bought a football on a string for DH a couple of years ago.

I never buy shit presents. I spend ages shopping and thinking about what people might want.

Which is why it pisses me off when I get an ill-judged present that the giver has obviously not given a seconds thought to. Or just buys me the same thing every year. And I am talking about people who have all the time in the world.

This year my DH has bought his mum a 'Granny's cookbook'. She'll freak.

She's been cooking for like 40 years.....

I also gave my DSiL a book on etiquette

Bet you soooooo do, Fucker.

soap on a rope - people used to buy them for their dads in the 70s in case any of you are quite young. ditto Brut gift sets.

For mums - Avon "perfume" and talc combinations. Or (more upmarket) Charlie - first time round not the relaunch. For grannies, tweed perfume.

(my brother once bought me a torch ffs. however it is such a large and reliable torch, rechargeable with various sirens etc on it, tradesmen go all quiet and respectful if I offer the loan of a torch)

I overheard a woman in the queue in The Pier today saying "I want it to at least seem like I've given the present some thought"

TBH I've thrown in the towel with SIL - she gives me unwanted body lotion and weird kitchen stuff, and I've started reciprocating.

What not to wear for my mum

I'd really like A soap on a rope. It is a positively Proustian thing (with brushed nylon nighties that would go up in flames at the merest scent of a match and those blue coats with furry hoods that lads used to roll out to max. length.)

Ah - soap on a rope! Classic! And Tweed!

I once gave my dad a video case which held 10 videos, just after videos came out. Was so chuffed cos it cost £5. Also that year gave my sister (who was like 14) a colouring set cos it was £1. Bet she loved that!

torch with sirens sounds like my ds's idea of heaven.
Er..where was it from?

Well, the M & S cardigan that I chose for MIL a few years ago received a very lukewarm response - I now insist that DH chooses her gifts. In my defence she has been responsible for many a shite gift to me! I do love her really.

I did buy my parents many awful presents when I was a child, but I think that's par for the course. It's DD2s Christmas fair at school this week and I know she will spend piggy bank money on some truly dreadful tat for DH and I, but she gets so much pleasure from it that I will love whatever she gives me.

moondog as a child I had nylon nighties from Brentfords.

The torch was (I think) from Argos about 7 years ago. I was expecting perfume as he had asked me what I wanted and that is what I suggested.

The torch is a bit bigger than a brick, it is rechargeable, in fact it stays charged for months (if not used) when it is getting low it actually speaks and tells you. Would be hours of fun for the average ds (or dd for that matter) It can be rather alarming to hear a disembodied voice under the stairs requesting to be recharged. (especially in the night)

Sincere apologies to the op for spoiling the thread.

Every present we get MIL gets a lukewarm response - even handed back THEN AND THERE!!!! Once I gave her the tattiest shitest figurine I could find to say 'THERE! What about that then??"

AIBU???

My friend sold a small child (too young to know better) a truly horrific tea set at the Summer Fair. He only paid 50p for it. She boxed it up quick for him and told him his mother would be delighted.

Oh, just remembered I gave my Mum and Dad one of those foot spa things. Dad said "when have you ever seen me with my feet in a bowl of water?" Eh - actually most nights Dad. I think he was embarassed because Dh (boyfriend at the time) was there. Macho thing maybe.

'Twas a crap pressie though

fartmeister with people like your mil (mine is the same) I say loudly (before handing the present over) that the receipt is in the bag. Most people aren't rude enough to challenge you once you have basically told them to return it themselves if they don't like it.

I once gave dh's baby niece a beautiful book and sil was rather rude as she already had it. Like I was meant to know.

Dh and my father both like cycling (I know, I know...we are truly blessed in our family )

This has resulted in some dire presents, all at their request I hasten to add.

Tyres, crankshafts, chamois cream (don't even go there), chain rings, track pumps...god, I don't even know or care what half of it is.

My mum and I have given up trying to wrap it all up and get excited. I wonder what it is, I wonder what it is...!?

(Oh. What is it?)

Last year I won some prizes in a raffle. One of them was a 'lamp'. It was a perspex case with nasty blue silk flowers in which were fibre optic and tacky as hell!
I hated it at first sight.
Gave it to MIL as a christmas present.
She adores it.

Also decided to get her a watch, so chose a fake gold, OTT nasty shiny tat watch. She loves it also.

I gave my mil the most beautiful glass dessert dishes gift wrapped from John Lewis. She asked for them so it wasn't a bad choice. She was in a foul mood however when receiving them and barely acknowledged my efforts.

Might follow Goober's example this year!

onepieceoflollipop, you know where I am coming from!! I have totally given up tbh. AND she has the gall to get us TAT which we are always very polite about! Once, for me - a PVC black 'porn star' coat to which I said 'lovely, thanks'!!

For my DH, those slimy shiny shirts - silvery, you know?? She bought one for my DS recently which I quickly put away from sight.

BUT we are always polite. Once we got her a Cliff DVD (she is a big fan ) and she opened it and immediately gave it back. 'I've seen it'. It was from Amazon and difficult to take back

Guitar leads!

It was what dh wanted, but it looked soooooo boring that I was quite embarrassed to give them.

And moondog, I also remember the nylon nighties from Brentfords! I remember putting my head under the covers and watching the light show of sparkles from the static electricity!

DB and SIL had three kids under 5, absolutely no money and were being shunted from damp flat to damp flat while they tried to get themselves sorted... so I gave them an exquisite Japanese, hand painted, laquered chopstick and rest set in a bamboo and rush presentation box, because I thought it would be nice for them to have something beautiful in their lives . I still cringe to think of it. I was only 15.

I Also found out years later that neither of them can use chopsticks.

Actually this year I've managed to shame my DSiL and MiL by pretending to be desperately upset because 'I work so hard to pick out presents for people I care about' (i.e people apart from them) '.....and always feel they hate whatever I buy them because they are so obsessed with labels and social climbing discerning.' So I bluntly said: 'right you have £X, what do you want.' Unbelievably they came back with a list within an hour by email with URLS and asked 'does the budget include P&P?'

Am very tempted to get them both pile cream because it has to be painful being so up oneself!

BroccoliS they may well have appreciated the kind thought (but at the time wished it had been a bottle of wine. )

Girlandboy - don't feel bad - DH asked for (and received) heat shrink, a solder iron and a new capo last year!

When I was about six or seven, I was allowed to do some Christmas shopping by myself. For my mum, I chose a pink plastic ballerina (I think it was meant to be a cake decoration or something). I remember choosing it because I thought it was lovely and would have loved it myself. Mum, bless her, declared that she loved it. If I remember rightly, that year Dad got a desk tidy made out of toilet roll tubes (as seen on Blue Peter). My gift-giving has improved with age!

ROFL at 'does the budget include P&P'!!!

wmmc - buy mil some new batteries for her pillbox - not your fault if they are faulty

Buy your sil the same book on etiquette - clearly she didn't read it first time round!

onepieceoflollipop - do you know she actually gave the book to her friend the next year?! I know because I saw it on her bookshelf and asked her where she'd found it and she told me. SiL doesn't know I know. I'm desperately looking for a book with a title like 'what not to wear when you are a dried up bitter husk who needs a kick up the arse'

Your ils and mine sound like they would get on spendidly wmmc. Was it you (before you had your ds) who had a thread asking for tips on how not to give birth until your mil had safely left your house? (and you weren't joking!) - sorry if that wasn't you.

Moondog, unfortunately my Mum loved Brentfords (it was called Brentford Nylons in my day).

I had a brown and cream nylon layered nightie which together with the orange fitted nylon sheet and red and white floral nylon duvet cover produced a spectacular static light show. I did have a nylon valance as well, but that didn't really add to the light show - only to the horror which was my bedroom.

Ah yes chopchop but in the days when no one had tumble dryers your mum could practically take it out of the wash and straight back on to the bed.

Ah, all those nylon bed accessories.
My sister (same one) once gave my elderly grandparents some rustic Moorish hand glazed and crackled (or whatever you say) tiles.

They were lovely but what would a no nonsense ex miner and his good lady wife want with stuff like that? You will understand the kind of people they were (RIP) if i tell you they had a nallotment with a shed, and a bathroom cabinet with an ancient teeny tiny bottle of oilve oil in it for medicinal purposes.

Hand glazed tiles indeed!!!

When I first got together with dh MANY moons ago, I discovered his Mum was into history.

I bought her an enormous edition of 'The County Maps of Olde England'. Dh said 'oh, do you think my Mum will like that? (he's so polite)

Bless her, she was kind enough to spend a bit of Christmas Day pretending to be interested. I had foolishly misinterpreted historial interest for a liking for ancient cartography.

What was I thinking??????

'into history'

That's a preeeeeety broad statement eh???

It was me lollipop - managed it too!

My gran bought me (when I was 14) a yellow nylon, bobbled baby doll nightdress and two pairs of american tan tights!

I had just married DH when the question of xmas present for MIL came up..so i asked him. His response someting like 'she loves pampering bathy type things, and she loves lavender' so obviously I took the hint and bought an expensive, beautiful bath set with real lavender etc.

THIS year (nearly 6 years later)I overhear her talking to a friend at the church bazaar about how lavender makes her physically sick.

She must have thought I was trying to wind her up! Poor woman.

A battery operated machine which turned your bath into a jacuzzi . We fell for the blurb, don't think MIL did.

Talking of "shite" presents my father has specially requested a book called "The Big Neccessity-adventures in Human Waste" for his present this year, yes, that's right, a book about poo. DH has asked me to request that he does not read extracts at the xmas dinner table (he probably would given half a chance).

A golfing jumper with a hole (very very small) from a charity shop for sFIL - dh chose it. They despise each other and he doesn't really speak to either of us; I wouldn't have given him anything, but felt quite gleeful about this as it was dh's choice.

my dh bought me for our first christmas together (he was dp then) a singing chief (from southpark) i didnt even watch it and i think he saw my upset as the presents since have been fab

DH was very unimpressed with the CD rack I bought him for our first xmas together.

He still goes on about it, 12 years later.

alltjyd - lol, I've bought that book for somebody who hasn't requested it!

that book sounds really interesting actually.
Honest.

Snort at jacuzzi thing.
We had a bath in Turkey (when we lived there) which did the same.God it was so noisy and stressful.Bloody dangerous too.Was washing baby clothes in it once and it ate a cardigan. Never saw it again.

ROFL at cardigan-eating bath.

Dh often asks for really, really tedious practical presents that I know he wants but just Don't Count as presents. Tools and gadgets and stuff. I HAVE to buy him something else as well.

Have given my ex-stepmother the lavender pillow type of present. Thankfully don't have to bother these days, hurrah!

I remember BGD or UQD spent ages on here telling me howe to get it out with bent coathanger (there is a certain type of chap who does a lot with a bent coathanger I find) to no avail.

Love that about MIL talking of lavender making her 'physically sick'

A teatowel from my mum....

I used to have a friend who was notoriously mean. I realised just how tight she was after she gave me the following presents on consecutive Christmasses. 1. A packet of three cheap black tights... with one pair removed. To add insult to injury, she worked as a silver service waitress at the time and had earlier told me that she bought the black tights she needed for her uniform at a subsidised rate.
2. One of those cheap, vinyl makeup bags that they give away attached to women's magazines, containing about five free sample sachets.
Now, I know it's all about the giving not the receiving and that it shouldn't matter how much you spend, but I'd have honestly have prefered it if she hadn't bothered - or had made me a few biccies instead.

Our friends used to be dreadful at choosing presents for us. After telling us to make sure we did a wedding gift list because 'people get it so wrong otherwise', they were the only ones to buy OFF the gift list - and a particularly wierd udder-like light it was. However, nowadays, their present-buying has improved, and it is now us that give the shite presies (bright blue pashmina and coasters). What goes around comes around.....

Delia's 'One is Fun' for a divorced potential MIL. And I wondered why she didn't like me?!

My dp bought my mum a sudocu (SP?) toilet paper for xmas, she hasnt used it. Oh and for my brother he bought a coin sorter. When i say dp i mean WE bought.

I am sorry...I haven't read the thread...but I cannot see how I can possibly lose this contest.

I once bought my mother and soap on a rope.

It was a shaped soap on a rope.

It was long and and well...erm...shapely....

Now I feel

my dh when he was a lad bought his mum a bottle of almond essence-thought it was right posh!

On MIL birthday, some danish leaf tea (bought a year before, on holidays, and not being use, with a couple of months 2 be off), and a soap tray from sainsbury's (with 3 soaps, but nice ones)!!!
NOt that bad, if you consider being invitate the day before, and not even knowing where it was, until 2 hours before, your husband call a relative to find out!! on top of that, you are asked to pay for the food!!!
Plus receiving like a wedding present a couple of tacky wine glasses, painted with glittery pen by a child!!! and every christmas, birthdays, is like a slap in the face, but worse
all that after my husband spending an average of £5o per head for their family, and latest gift to mother 'til I decided ENOUGH, a leader design handbag £2oo pounds aroun(choose by my)
Tired of being mocked!!!

Moondog,do you mean snorkel coats? Thats what we used to call those navy nylon jackets with fur around the hood.Mine had a luminous orange lining.

I'm also old enough to remember Brentford Nylons.My sister and I had matching navy nylon quilted bedspreads from them,which my mum still probably has packed away somewhere.s long as you didn't set fire to them,they were indestructible.

BIL is notorious for shite presents so yesterday DH has bought him.....................................some onion goggles!!!! Brotherly love eh?

Last christmas (a dooby doo ah) my very own mother bought me some tights. I was 6 months pregnant at the time. Instead of useful maternity tights, or luxury post birth tights, she opted for size 22 Aldi tights which she thought would be good 'as I got bigger'. Fast forward 6 months - she's helping me put the bags in the car for a frantic post-delivery clear out charity shop run - and there are the tights..... There was no way out.

When we were teenagers, my brothers and I chipped in a couple of quid together and bought my parents a silver plated tray (in one of those cardboard boxes). It was for their wedding anniversary from the local co-op.

But that was eclipsed by the time we bought poor BIL a voice changing megaphone for his birthday (he was over 25 at the time). I have no idea why.

Actually once when we were really skint I persuaded dh to give his mum a hatbox that he had painted with old poster paints and stamped silver hats on in potato prints.

She still has it to this day - must be sentimental reasons.

edam - why dont tools etc count as presents??

OMG. Just remembered one year that I went mad in the gadget shop, and bought lots of little gadgets for dh. I only realised how stupid it was when he opened 'world's smallest radio'.

I think it only cost a couple of quid.

I gave my dad a horrid fake bronze cannon from a primary school journey to a farm when I was 9 (which he gallantly put in his study, bless him).

But since then I have never given a duff present <<preen>>.

Oh God I cringe at this now but I got dp's parents a lamp for their pearl wedding anniversary when I was 19. My thinking was that I couldn't afford pearls so a creamy coloured lamp with a pearl light bulb would have to do!

dh was given a gift proudly bearing the title 'the best gift in the world...ever!'.

it was a video of RTA's from police camera action type programmes.

Promptly re-wrapped and passed onto my BIL.

niiiiiiice.

Accidentally got mil choccy first year together- well i'd only known dh 2 weeks how was I to know she had ocd and anorexia?

Please can i have a link to the poo book to buy for my dh too....

I have just asked dh what was the crappest thing i ever bought him,,, he listed 3 which has now made me a bit

baby carrier (metal framed rucksack type) last yr
a sit up bench (he returned that on boxing day the yr b4 last)
A fishing game he could sit and pretend he was fishing - whoich actually to this day i thought was fab as he doesnt get out fishing as much since little people.... Clearly these were items i put alot of thought into so this year i wont.

When I was about 11 I gave my parents a brass fireplace matches holder thingy.
We had no fireplace

Once I gave DH a bicycle repair kit. We were skint, I did not drive,DS was very tiny, and we lived in a very small town.
He doesn't really cycle that much, but the kit has proved to be useful (nearly 10 years later...) on bike rides with the kids

OH!!! I Once got my sister a second hand wooden bread box, and I sprayed some sort of paint effect on it - it was pink. And actually quite ugly. Bless her, she had it in her house for quite awhile

My Nan always went on about the year Grandpa bought her a hoover; his retaliation was she'd bought him a bible . My worst gift were lumpy home-made cushions in delightful shades of brown - I think I win!

DH always empties his trouser pockets on the bedside table at night. So, rather cleverly I thought, ordered him a leather 'gentleman's leather night tray' complete with his initials. He was dead chuffed with the present, filled it with crap important stuff (like currency from countries we will never visit again, broken watches, odd cufflinks - you get the idea) which is now covered with a thick layer of dust, and he still empties his pockets onto the table!

When i was about 10 I bought my Mum and Dad a book about well dressing in Tissington (Derbyshire). We lived nowhere near Tissington, nor had we ever been there. It was the only book for sale in our local newsagents and was absolutely covered in dust. Is there a message there?

The brilliance continues!!
Bravo ladies
(Yes furious, exactly sort of coat I mean)

lolol Cloudhopper - you should win the prize for the funniest shite presents

Isn't she just the best?!
Also pissing myself at well dressing tome.

MUM.... bath cubes
DAD.... comb and brylcreme
SIS.... come sent pack for drawers or something like that.
3 MONTH OLD NEPHEW.... pack of bibs

Nephew was the only decent(ish) pressie out of all of them, but, heh I was only 8 and budget was a massive £2.50.

This was also in the 1970s

As a child (also in the 1970s) my brother used to buy each family member a packet of polos and a pencil, each item carefully wrapped.

A fake taxi meter that said 'dads taxi' that also doubled as a car air freshener. To be fair I did get him some lovely leather gloves too.

We used to give our mum a wooden spoon and a pair of pants every birthday and Christmas until we were old enough to know a lot better.

my birthday is just before christmas and one yr my brother bought me a hair clip for my birthday and i got the matching one a few days later for christmas

SIL a chocolate cluedo game that we were given last year and have never opened. Mind you don't feel guilty she usually sends us nothing or some biscuits - she even sent my ds a chocolate selection box when he was 4 months old!!!

After XH and I finally got divorced and I drove off in the car that he was still paying the loan on I bought him a car cleaning kit from Sainsburys from DD, he was less than thrilled as he didn't have a car anymore but was paying for mine.

(He is/was a wanker so please don't feel sorry for him)

I once had the crushing experience of buying MIL a rather nice plant pot holder and then noticing on Christmas morning that she's got herself exactly the same one. Too late to do anything about it. Nothing like opening a present to find it's something you've just bought for yourself, eh? I felt like such a twat. But at least I'd got it right in a way.

My mother once made the mistake of opening a gift from her sister in front of everyone, including her. It was a particularly vile vase, in bright red glass. "Oh, how beautiful!" she said, gallantly. "Where shall I put it?"
My brother (not known for tact): "how about the loft?"

By magicofchristmas on Tue 02-Dec-08 00:15:44
MUM.... bath cubes
DAD.... comb and brylcreme
SIS.... come sent pack for drawers or something like that.
3 MONTH OLD NEPHEW.... pack of bibs

Come ? &

Pinner4, I have no idea what your post said !

I have given many a shit present in my time. Highlights include a 'constance carroll' pressed powder in a fetching orange umbrian sun sort of a shade for my Mum from the pound shop (in my defence I was about 11 and had £5 to spend on about 4 people), a book of the greatest 500 movies of all time ever for my nanna (who didn't even own a VCR) and later a copy of some godawful musical on DVD before realising she didn't actually have a DVD player

Last year bought mil a lovely designer watch and we got royal jelly soap and bath gel.
A few years ago my nana bought my mum some cheap kitchen scissors and a packet of shoe insoles..which left my mum completely baffled, gave us lots of laughs round the table on christmas day.

NDP.... ROFL my spellings attrocious it should have been SOME and SCENT not sent.....then again you've got me wondering i'll have to ask her. Can just imagine my poor parents faces if it was, they are from the older generation and would have been horrified.

My brother once gave me a wrapped up roll of sellotape for Christmas.
(He has SN so I was quite grateful - it acutally came in very useful!)

By BIL once recieved (from his extremely wealthy and titled mother) a (wrapped up) box of mansize tissues and his wife (my sister) got a bottle of tea tree oil.
(His mother may be very wealthy but does all her shopping at Macro!)

I also (years ago) asked my DH (who was then my boyfriend) for a copy of 'The Wasp Factory' by Ian Banks. He got it wrong and instead gave me a vidoe of 'Watership Down' . Which I have never watched as I am freaked out by evil rabbits

And then I married him!
The following year he bought me a Gucci watch

a pack of 3 hair scrunchies for MIL from pound shop last year
a 10p name sticker for my brother when I was about 8 and the same year a pack of 10 cheapy biro's for my dad.

I proudly presented my parents with a piece of slate, lovingly lugged back from a school trip. The slate was tastefully decorated with a shite rustic painting of two hedgehogs loitering by a flower.
My mother (lovely woman) put it up on the wall, and spent the next two months inching the pot plant in front of it, until it mercifully disappeared behind foliage, never to be seen again...

Last year my dh received a book on Great Toilets of Cornwall from his father.

I once gave my mum a little bronze statue of a horse that had broken off its base (I'd bought it for myself at a jumble sale). By bedtime I was missing it sooo much that I became distraught and went to ask mum if I could have it back!

But then my mum did once give me, as a stocking present, a pair of knitting needles and enough wool to knit a scarf for my dad - because she thought I'd like to knit something for him - I was really upset that I'd been given a present that was basically for someone else, but she guilt-tripped me into keeping it and knitting the scarf!

I once gave my father a box of Terry's All Gold - he doesn't like plain chocolate.
Have also given an aunt a bathmat. In my defence I must say that she is impossible to buy for, and I hit the last minute head spinning frenzy. She bought me pants anyway - and they were at least six sizes too big so I don't feel too bad.

I have been reliably informed by FIL, that MIL would like a pair of CHAINSAW gloves this Christmas.

So, in the absence of any dissent from DH, that is what she will be getting....

Have I really killed this thread with chainsaw gloves. They are bad, but surely not that awful...

Have I really killed this thread with chainsaw gloves. They are bad, but surely not that awful...

So bad I killed it twice...

Sorry, just can't top that....

My husband suggested that a Christmas present to us both this year could be....

weighing scales for our bathroom.

That would be fun.

This is a gift I received not gave but one year my DH gave me swimming goggles.
Useful? well, they would have been if I ever went swimming which I don't. Not if I can help it anyway. Don't know where he was going with that train of thought. He was crestfallen when I questioned him - he thought I'd like them

I once bought my brother a bar of whole nut for christmas, and I dont mean one of those big bars, just a small one, it cost 27p

I did wrap it though.

That was OK, then whoingodsnameami.

A couple of years ago I bought my dad a remote controlled speedboat for him to play with (on his lake) for Christmas.
I don't think it's been out of its box
Last year I bought him a Nintendo DS with brain training.
Ditto the box.
What was I thinking?

This year he's getting a scarf

Also bought my FIL and MIL a pasta making machine one year and wrapped it up with packets of flour and eggs. Which I thought was a fab present.
Till I discovered they already have one gathering dust at the back of the cupboard, also never used

Then another year I gave them Denby egg cups. Don't think they've ever been used!

And also bought them a selection box of coffee. I think that did get used but in retrospect it's a strange christmas present.
I like trying to be creative, but sometimes it just backfires!

my dad once bought my mum a deep fat frier.

An auntie of mine once bought me a digital watch, must have cost about £2.50 as it had a plastic mickey mouse stuck to the front of it. I was about 16 at the time, I am also totally blind and have been since birth. . Wonder if I could get her to buy me a car.

A friend of ours once bought his wife (for Christmas) - an egg whisk and a pineapple. (That was all)
She wasnt' very pleased.

Nappyzone, sorry but am roffling at you not seeing why dh wasn't thrilled with his pretend fishing game. Because sitting at home pretending to be fishing is exactly the same as going fishing .