The Mumsnet Nativity Play, Christmas 2006

(111 Posts)
TheMumsnetNativityNarrator Mon 18-Dec-06 21:55:08

Good evening, ladies and truckers.

The children have worked very hard this term to bring you this, so without further ado, here is the Mumsnet Nativity 2006.


This is the story of Mary, Joseph and the birth of Baby Jesus. Along the way we shall meet shepherds, angels, wise men, a crotchety innkeeper and all manner of animals.

Our story starts with Mary having a very special visitor...

TheAngelGabriel Mon 18-Dec-06 21:56:18

Hello, Mary!

Oh, sorry, did I make you jump?

AngelNo3 Mon 18-Dec-06 21:57:06

<cries - "i want mummy">

MaryMotherOfJesus Mon 18-Dec-06 21:57:07

<<gazes with wide eyes, having forgotten lines>>

Miaou Mon 18-Dec-06 21:57:12

<<<<round of applause for AG whose halo has slipped slightly>>>>

MaryMotherOfJesus Mon 18-Dec-06 21:59:09

<<pulls at blue dress>>

yulemoonfiend Mon 18-Dec-06 21:59:34

'''ooh, er, hello there'' <<hisses to unseen person to stage right ''get yer trousers on, quick, and get into the wardrobe, someone's at the door, and it ain't Joseph!>>>

Miaou Mon 18-Dec-06 21:59:56

Loud whispered hiss <<Stop picking your nose Mary>>

NativityPrompt Mon 18-Dec-06 21:59:58

<<hisses line at Mary>>

2ndKing Mon 18-Dec-06 22:00:15


yulemoonfiend Mon 18-Dec-06 22:00:25

whoops, sorry, wrong thread!

MaryMotherOfJesus Mon 18-Dec-06 22:00:59

Hello, Angel.

I like your wings.

thechoir Mon 18-Dec-06 22:02:58

Likkle don.key. Likkle. DON.key.tum-ti-tum. la la.
Likkle DONK-ey. cary MARy. Safely on. her waaaayyyyy.....

StarofBethlehem Mon 18-Dec-06 22:03:54


Miaou Mon 18-Dec-06 22:04:02


MrsMaloryTowers Mon 18-Dec-06 22:04:27

play is interrupted by snivelling emotional mothers

ptmum Mon 18-Dec-06 22:05:52

Mary was very pleased to hear such great news, especially as she only got to be a sheep last year

MrsBadger Mon 18-Dec-06 22:06:00

<takes photograph and blinds entire cast with flash>

<snivels into hankie>

ThreeWiseWomen Mon 18-Dec-06 22:06:13

Virgin my ass.......

ThreeWiseWomen Mon 18-Dec-06 22:06:41

I knew her at school, proper little goer she was.

thechoir Mon 18-Dec-06 22:06:56

<<<Loudly, with great gusto>>>


<<Huge breath>>


etc etc

MrsMaloryTowers Mon 18-Dec-06 22:06:59

<<<<annoying toddler throws keys onto stage and announces loudly that he "needs a wee">>>>>>>

ThreeWiseWomen Mon 18-Dec-06 22:07:09

Drop them for a bag of chips and 20 Woodbine.

StarofBethlehem Mon 18-Dec-06 22:07:14

<still twinkling> (glitter on a star-shaped card - waved with gusto by Gabriel)

thechoir Mon 18-Dec-06 22:07:46

<<four beats too late, young billy remembers his triangle>>>


PercussionSection Mon 18-Dec-06 22:08:25

CLIP CLOP (on woodblocks)

(Slightly late for Little Donkey, but such is the way with Nativity percussion sections!)

RATTLEATTLEATTLEATTLE as I accidentally fall over my tambourine.

ThreeWiseWomen Mon 18-Dec-06 22:08:45

Right lets get this place tidied up....FFS straw is so yesterday.

TheAngelGabriel Mon 18-Dec-06 22:08:56

Er, thank you, Mary. <<wonders if Mary heard the Prompt>>

I bring you glad tidings. You are to have a baby.

But you've got to walk a long way first. With a donkey. And an ass.

<<looks round to hiss from Prompt>>

Oh, sorry. Your husband Joseph. And an ass.

ptmum Mon 18-Dec-06 22:09:15

Mary and Joseph had to go on a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooong journey ( waves at mum and chews sleeve)

Miaou Mon 18-Dec-06 22:09:26

billy's mummy <<<<<<<<ooooooh well done Billy>>>>>>>>>>>>


StarofBethlehem Mon 18-Dec-06 22:09:30

<still twinkling> (waiting for narrator to start bloody narrating!)

annoyingtoddler Mon 18-Dec-06 22:09:37

''BOB de Builder CAN he fixit. Bobde builder yesseecan...ow!.leggo..leggoo mummeeeeee..''

PercussionSection Mon 18-Dec-06 22:09:41

Ooh, are we on Away in a Manger


ptmum Mon 18-Dec-06 22:10:43

teacher pushes fed up joseph on stage pulling a v . small wooden donkey

MaryMotherOfJesus Mon 18-Dec-06 22:10:44

<<turns to face back of stage and puts pillow up front of dress>>

ThreeWiseWomen Mon 18-Dec-06 22:10:48

Pass me the Anti Bac this place is a disgrace......

MaryMotherOfJesus Mon 18-Dec-06 22:11:13

<<turns back looking lopsidedly pregnant>>

ptmum Mon 18-Dec-06 22:12:05

Mary and Joseph walk round stage 4 times looking at teacher who loudly whispers stoooop after the 8th time

SecondNarrator Mon 18-Dec-06 22:12:17

And so it came to pass, when Qu...
[starts to hyperventilate]

was governor of Syria, he ordered a census, and everyone went to their own town to be taxed

and Mary went with Joseph to Bethlehem in Judea, because he was of the hosue and line of David.

But when they got there the twonw as already busy...

SecondNarrator Mon 18-Dec-06 22:13:44

[looks sternly at innkepper who is picking her nose]

StarofBethlehem Mon 18-Dec-06 22:14:04

<twinkles approvingly at 2nd narrator>

ShepherdDressedAsBatman Mon 18-Dec-06 22:14:31

<<Enters stage right, as though pushed forcibly(!) Perhaps by a stressed Mrs MaloryTowers.

Glares beligerently at audience.

Mumbles in monotone''what is that bright star''

flops down at side of stage, legs folded, arms folded, head down. Sulking>>

ptmum Mon 18-Dec-06 22:14:45

Rat a tat tat
Rat a tat tat
No No no

Ther isnt any room and you cant stay here
There isnt any room for strangers

<<<< v. bad recorders...all car alarms go off outside>>>>

MerryChristmasPANDAGHappyNewYe Mon 18-Dec-06 22:15:06


SecondNarrator Mon 18-Dec-06 22:15:08

[kicks innkeeper sharply on the ankle]

PercussionSection Mon 18-Dec-06 22:15:41


PercussionSection drops drum!

ShepherdDressedAsBatman Mon 18-Dec-06 22:16:03

<<Starts to sob audibly>>
Exits stage left, as though forcibly (!) removed from stage by a stressed Mrs Malory Towers

StarofBethlehem Mon 18-Dec-06 22:16:13

<twinkles shakingly as Gabriel has hysterics at not being on stage any more>

JollyOldSaintNikkielas Mon 18-Dec-06 22:17:03

Joseph Mon 18-Dec-06 22:18:07

<studiously avoids looking at Mary cos she's a girl>>

ptmum Mon 18-Dec-06 22:18:28

Enter grumpy innkeeper who wanted to be the main keeper not the NO rOOM MAN

JollyOldSaintNikkielas Mon 18-Dec-06 22:19:02

<Nikkie cowers down in the audience in case anyone recognises mad sheep as her dd2>

PercussionSection Mon 18-Dec-06 22:21:05

Throws castanets at mad sheep...

clatter clatter clatter

Mad sheep (who has adopted the 'method') runs around stage with castanets in mouth pretending to eat them.

PercussionSection Mon 18-Dec-06 22:21:07

Throws castanets at mad sheep...

clatter clatter clatter

Mad sheep (who has adopted the 'method') runs around stage with castanets in mouth pretending to eat them.

grumpyinnkeeper Mon 18-Dec-06 22:21:14


ptmum Mon 18-Dec-06 22:21:24

teacher hisses ' ellie get off at once '

PercussionSection Mon 18-Dec-06 22:21:40

Oops, sorry... got a bit excessively percussive on the old 'post' button there!

StarofBethlehem Mon 18-Dec-06 22:22:01

Glitter is falling off all around the stable set.

NiceInnkeeper Mon 18-Dec-06 22:22:56

Yes, come in, we've got lots of room, would you like an en suite?

ptmum Mon 18-Dec-06 22:23:32

wood blocks bang twice ....two mins after door knocked and while grumpy innkeeper two is speaking

PercussionSection Mon 18-Dec-06 22:24:52


SecondNarrator Mon 18-Dec-06 22:26:35

[loudly over Misguidely Nice Innkeeper]


DonnerDasherDancerDior Mon 18-Dec-06 22:27:27

This nativity should have got to the baby bit by now. And who keeps waving that bloody star around?

PercussionSection Mon 18-Dec-06 22:31:16


No particular reason, but things seemed to be drying up so I thought I'd get my triangle out.

foxtrottothefestivegrotto Mon 18-Dec-06 22:31:38

Cockerel <<<Is the Baby Here Yet?>>>>

ReluctantNarrator Mon 18-Dec-06 22:32:14

an maryhadthebaby an laidhiminamanger an abrightstarappeared an kingssawthestarfromfaraway an followedthestar

pushymum Mon 18-Dec-06 22:33:34

''sorry, sorry, do excuse me'' <<beams braodly at audience before pushing vicar aside for seat in front row and proceeds to rummage in handbag for rustly sweets and enormous videocamera>>

DonnerDasherDancerDior Mon 18-Dec-06 22:34:39

Shouldn't that be 'pushy, very late mum'?

foxtrottothefestivegrotto Mon 18-Dec-06 22:34:51

Kings arrive on hobby horses, and skid to a halt in fornt ogf the baby jeezuz
<<we bringed ya some presunts>>

1stwiseman Mon 18-Dec-06 22:35:23

Look. a. Starin the East. Let. Us . Followit. For today in beffleham a king is born.

2ndwiseman Mon 18-Dec-06 22:36:51


DINOsaurmummykissingsantaclaus Mon 18-Dec-06 22:37:31


You've missed the bit with the shepherds. And what about PA RA PA PA PUMMMM!?

Pushymum Mon 18-Dec-06 22:37:35

<Still beaming broadly>>

''Can we just do the triangle bit again for the camera? My boy Billy you know. so talented. Self-taught you know...''

3rdwiseman Mon 18-Dec-06 22:37:45

is it my turn to wear the beard yet?

go on, you've had it aages

DeckTheHallsWithFRAUsOfHolly Mon 18-Dec-06 22:38:15

<tiddle ner ner tiddle ner ner tiddle ner ner ner...tiddle ner ner tiddle ner ner tiddle ner ner ner..tiddle ner ner tiddle ner ner tiddle ner ner ner><a harrassed mothe crabbles in her handbag to stop mobile phone from blaring>

PercussionSection Mon 18-Dec-06 22:39:08

We three TING of OrienTING
Bearing TING we TING so far
Field and TING
Following yonder TING

Star of TING
Star of royal TING TING bright
Westward TINGing
Still proTINGing
Guide us to thy TAMBOURINEY-RATTLE.....

ShepherdDressedAsBatman Mon 18-Dec-06 22:39:47

<<<Red in face and sobbing uncontrollably, Shepherd dressed as Batman stumbles back on stage looking for angels and his cue>>

SecondNarrator Mon 18-Dec-06 22:39:55

[flaps script bossily]

and there were shepherds abiding in the fields keeping watch over their flocks by night

when suddenly an angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were very afraid!

PercussionSection Mon 18-Dec-06 22:40:31

[Percussion section takes a bow after moment of glory with triangle and tambourine, falls over, bangs head on drum, gets a nosebleed and starts to cry loudly dripping snot and blood on to assorted instruments...]

ShepherdDressedAsBatman Mon 18-Dec-06 22:41:03

<<Batman escorted off stage by harrassed reception teacher, followed closely by MrsmaloryTowers bearing a mop to deal with puddle left in Batman's wake>>

JollyOldSaintNikkielas Mon 18-Dec-06 22:41:47

Yr2 child in the audience very loudly
"they're getting it wronnnnnnnnnggggggggggg"

<Nikkie slumps down further>

foxtrottothefestivegrotto Mon 18-Dec-06 22:41:51

precocious younger sibling pipes up <<<mummeee why is that BOY dressed as an angel?>>>

StarofBethlehem Mon 18-Dec-06 22:41:57

Cue star being waved with gusto...

TWINKLE - more glitters drops off into Mary's hair

JollyOldSaintNikkielas Mon 18-Dec-06 22:46:55

precocious younger sibling and Nikkies dd1 start comparing the mistakes in very loud voices

thechoir Mon 18-Dec-06 22:47:08

Oh. likkle town of be-he-he-lee-hem
how still we see thee lie.
Uh. Buv thy deep and dree-hee-heem-less sleep
The silent stars go by.....

thechoir Mon 18-Dec-06 22:50:08

<<<looking around uncertainly at narrators and teachers for guidance>>>
We WISHHOO a merry Cwithmath
We WISHOOOO a merry Cwithmath
We WISHHHOOOOO a merry cwithmath
And a happy noo year.

PercussionSection Mon 18-Dec-06 22:51:58


CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell Mon 18-Dec-06 22:52:39

<parents sneaks out hidden bottle of wine and starts glugging it>

JollyOldSaintNikkielas Mon 18-Dec-06 22:55:04

Joseph picks up baby Jesus and starts pulling its arm out

PercussionSection Mon 18-Dec-06 23:00:49


[PercussionSection falls over drum on way out and starts to cry again]

Troutpout Mon 18-Dec-06 23:01:10

<< comes tap dancing on stage dressed to the nines in professional glitter and stardust outfit (and putting homemade dowdy shepherds costumes to shame)>>
'twinkle sparkle, twinkle sparkle
<<points at chest>>
'I'm the shiniest star of all'

<<pushy mother mimes words back to brat>>

StarofBethlehem Mon 18-Dec-06 23:02:14

<Droops as last of glitter falls off in presence of pushy brat>

maryhadaharpsichordyeahlord Mon 18-Dec-06 23:02:16

<picks nose>

StarofBethlehem Mon 18-Dec-06 23:05:16

Star of Bethlehem leaves to do some last minute ironing. Leaves the mantle of glitteriness in the capable hands of pushy-mum's brat...

BabyJesus Mon 18-Dec-06 23:07:20


JollyOldSaintNikkielas Mon 18-Dec-06 23:32:20

Mary snatches baby Jesus from Joseph and starts smacking him with it

DeckTheHallsWithFRAUsOfHolly Tue 19-Dec-06 01:03:10

"and they all lived happily ever after"


kickassangel Tue 19-Dec-06 10:26:48


All the mums gather around the mice pies, trying to help their LOs get changed, eat a mince pie, and have an adult conversation, whilst checking through the pictures on their digital cameras.

kickassangel Tue 19-Dec-06 10:27:27

miNce pies

CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell Tue 19-Dec-06 15:10:28

Elbows kickassangel out of the way and snatches the wine.

expatinscotland Tue 19-Dec-06 15:13:05

Can I be the Virgin Mary?

I haven't been a virgin in a loooonnggg, looooonnngg time .

earlgrey Tue 19-Dec-06 15:14:11

What goes well with Myrrh? And what can I sprinkle the Frankincense on?

Doh, I'll just take the gold, but thanks anyway!

CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell Tue 19-Dec-06 15:14:59

It's finished Expat! Now stretch 'em whilst I search you for more alcohol. There's gotta be some more wine around here!

MrsMillsletoe Tue 19-Dec-06 15:17:17

So that'll be £15 for the dvd please, all proceeds to a good cause natch.

Cannot be guaranteed for Christmas delivery

DeckTheHallsWithFRAUsOfHolly Tue 19-Dec-06 16:56:24
JollyOldSaintNikkielas Tue 19-Dec-06 19:33:47

MrsMillsletoe Tue 19-Dec-06 19:34:37

HaveIGotTheWrongDateBugger Tue 19-Dec-06 19:47:57

Bit quiet in here isn't it?

I came to watch my nephew perform!

JollyOldSaintNikkielas Tue 19-Dec-06 19:54:43

You'll have to buy the DVD

twinkletinselpud Thu 21-Dec-06 20:40:52

Milliways Tue 23-Dec-08 22:25:01


Milliways is trawling through her old watched threads in a fit of nostalgia

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