Poll: My parents have just anounced they are coming to stay nearby for Christmas. To what extent would it be wrong to...

[FillyjonkthePumpkinEater]

...go away without telling them?

Seriously, my father likes to celebrate Christmas in an aggressive strop, and I am sick of mending door handles and plaster. Not a fab example for the kids really, either.

My mother likes to get Christmas out of the way early, so starts eating dinner around 10.00, on her own if need be. Then with that out of the way she is free to needle my dp and make dispraging comments about his family for the remainder of the day.

my brother retires to the bathroom with a 2 l bottle of diet coke and a copy of "Which Model Aeroplane" and stays there all day.

Alright, I am a cow, but I said I wanted a quiet family christmas this year, just the 4 of us. No rows. Just us having fun.

So they have rented a cottage a mile away and are just going to pop in for the day.

Am thinking Edinburgh is nice this time of year. Or I have a friend in Oban.

Scale 1-10. where 10 is very wrong and 1 is ah sod it, pls?

[SKYTVMOSTHAUNTEDADDICT]

1

[alexsCURSEDMUMMY]

10 i'm afraid

[alexsCURSEDMUMMY]

if they are coming to you, you have to teach them how you celebrate christmas and insist on things being done your way.

[SKYTVMOSTHAUNTEDADDICT]

No def 1 - I would like to go away too!

[Blu]

10 - but but it would be a 1 if you said 'oh no - but i've just rented a cottage in Edinburgh!'

[FreakyFloss]

send them this thread - then they might just not bother or else might try to change...

[Gobbledispook]

1 - do what you want and what makes Christmas best for your children. I'd put my children first and it sounds like it's crap for them with your family there.

[FillyjonkthePumpkinEater]

they will follow me to edinburgh

would it make a difference if I tell you all I am crap at confrontation?

[ScreamandYellowFeathers]

1

xmas is about your kids really and if you think it wont be as enjoyable with them there, then do something else.

[Greengirlforever]

Why does she have to teach them anything Alexscursedmummy? It sounds like they are way past being able to be taught anything. They announced they were doing this without asking what FJPE or her family thought (or were doing) - sod it and sod them. Off you go! How about a trip to Lapland. Or just go to a good friend who does Christmas the same way as you and have a happy chaotic time.

Scale of 1-10 its a minus 10 = the completely right thing to do. Just make sure you get a happy Christmas for you and your family!

[alexsCURSEDMUMMY]

but if it's a 1 and she goes away for christmas after her parents have arranged to stay nearby so they can come for christmas, is that not just asking for trouble? she might as well write the january thread now " parents have fallen out with me, mum is very upset, what do i do now?"

[JackieNoHeadJustABloodyStump]

NO advice, just sympathy, Fillyjonk. My ILs decided to do this three years ago - DS was due (and was born) on 22 Dec, and they decided to come and rent a cottage just up the road so that they could spend Christmas with us. To be fair, they're lovely people, rather than the nightmares that your parents sound, but to have them foisted on us 3 days after having a baby was quite a .

[Sunnysideup]

GO GO for god sakes GO!

Give your kids a NICE family christmas and DON'T feel guilty!!!

[NastyNemo666]

mmm will have to go for 5..can understand you not wanting them around but you need to be a bit more confident in telling them that you are having a quiet xmas otherwise every year you will be having to hide/go away.

[FillyjonkthePumpkinEater]

if i am honest kids actually quite like them there

my mother is good with them

but they don't like christmas, they kind of think its bourgeois and hegemonic (my mother did sociology). they see it as a metjod of social control and don;t think it should be treated as a special day.

and I do. I love christmas . it was never special growing up. it was great for just a few years when it was me and dp and everyone else bogged off and we got to fill the house with candles and crap and go to midnight mass.


I want to share it with my kids in my way. . don't want my mum coming in to our candlelit christmas eve-with-roaring fire and saying "oh its a bit dim inhere" and turning the lights on.

[JackieNoHeadJustABloodyStump]

Can you limit the time you have with them - say - right we'll see you at 11am on Christmas day, and then send them off at 4pm?

[fairyjay]

What you have to do is get dh to call and say I'd arranged a special surprise for dw, and we're actually going away this Christmas. I can't possibly tell you where, because no-one knows, it's my surprise!

He could then perhaps add 'shame you didn't check with me, before you booked the cottage!)

[MrsApron]

1 your family dh and kids deserve to do what you like and enjoy xmas. you didn't invite them they are being rude not you.

[FillyjonkthePumpkinEater]

can i just say I have told them to bog off? repeatedly?

and I have told my mum thast she and db can come alone, as long as she keeps her light switch habits to herself.

oh also she tries to outdo me in present buying. which is easy cos she has more money and better taste than me.

my kids will be 1 1/2 and 3 and I just want one frigging special xmas.

hmmm. maybe could houseswop with a friend. interesting...

[marymillington]

Ah, but being a bit miserable with your family is what its all about isn't it?

I think it scores a 1 on the wrongness scale. But it would be better to say, ok you can come but this is the deal. We are going to celebrate and have a nice time. Dinner will be when I say and we will all be eating it together, we will be going for a nice long walk and saying "merry christmas" to all the strangers that we meet and generally getting into the spirit of it. If you can't do that, don't come.

[FillyjonkthePumpkinEater]

"11am on Christmas day, and then send them off at 4pm? "

rofl.

um

no, this is not their way

fairy, idea has potential, interesting...

[FillyjonkthePumpkinEater]

"I think it scores a 1 on the wrongness scale. But it would be better to say, ok you can come but this is the deal. We are going to celebrate and have a nice time. Dinner will be when I say and we will all be eating it together, we will be going for a nice long walk and saying "merry christmas" to all the strangers that we meet and generally getting into the spirit of it. If you can't do that, don't come. "

they just don't do this. And they tell the kids not to either.

God its like spending xmas with the trolls from the hobbit.

[Bozza]

So if they think that why are they choosing that week to rent a cottage a mile away? Why don't they stay at home and clear out the loft or redecorate the bathroom and then come to you mid Jan?

[marymillington]

and er she must think its a little bit special and important or she wouldn't want to spend it with you. she won't want to spoil it for the little ones, will she? maybe they will give her the excuse she needs to embrace the concept.

[Glassofslime]

We had Christmas day alone last year, FIL spent the previous one tutting as the children opened their presents muttering about how he only had a satsuma and children these days were spoilt etc. We did enjoy the day, it was lovely not to have to stick to any schedule and we all wore pj's the whole day, BUT ... The children missed having a house full, they didn't feel it was Christmasy without all the normal hullabaloo and to be honest so did we. So this year we have invited them again.

Grin and bear it, it won't be as bad as you think and the whole aggrivating family thing is part of the christmas experience. When the children get older they'll be sharing that with you, they'll be raising their eyebrows when Grandad slams another door etc.