Sob! My beautiful DS#1 is no longer well-built, he is fat!

[OrmIrian]

He is 12, 5'2" tall and has outgrown his 12yr old school trousers. I couldn't get him any 12/13 yr old ones so had to get 14/15. I took the waist in so they fit but are too long on the legs. He is quite flabby TBH I know long term he will grow out of it as both my DB and I went through a sort of pupa-stage in their early teens when they were fat, only to emerge tall and skinny in our late teens. But I am worried that he basically eats too much and for the first time in his life is quite sedentary.

He is becoming self-conscious of his weight and hates PE (for this reason I think). But atm he is very reluctant to change his eating habits. He tries to ride his bike with me when I go running but he doesn't want to most of the time. He walks to school and skates but that is about it these days.

How can I convince him without making him even more self-conscious? I'm cutting back on his portions, stopping him snacking - he used to snack on fruit which is Ok but it was by the KG . And drink fruit juice in litres.

As he is quite old I want to get him on board. What are your best tips for encouraging a reluctant and hungry 12 yr old (without resorting to calling him fatty that is)?

[pramspotter]

I don't have any great advice but I didn't want to leave without posting. My ds1 is very overweight but my other children are very thin. I feel bad for him. The whole family is doing a healthy eating project at the minute and we are not keeping biscuits and things in the house. We haven't singled ds1 out, we just told all three kids that we all want to be healthier and more active so we can have more fun. It went over like a lead balloon at first but now they are enjoying the healthier foods.

We have him on the wii fit which he really enjoys and we are walking too and from school everyday. I signed him up for karate as well.

[brimfull]

A wii fit??

We haven't got one but it's supposed to be good.

Do you think it's beyond the puppy fat stage?

[pramspotter]

There are all sorts of activities they can do on the wii fit. It also moniters their weight and tells you what your BMI is if you want it too. It tells everyone that they weigh too much though LOL. You can skip that part of it. It has hula hooping, yoga, running races, dancing step aerobics,boxing..
once you finish one thing it unlocks further activities.
My kids love it and forget that they are exercising.
My ds1 is also mildly autistic and he isn't too bothered about looking silly while exercising in the middle of the lounge. Older kids who are sensitive may feel a bit silly. I personally love the thing.

[OrmIrian]

Thanks.

DS#1 did karate for years. He also used to cycle a lot more and even skateboarding has faded since the summer.

I am going to drop the fruit juice I think. Empty calories.

I eat like a horse I must admit but I exercise a lot. I think I am going to have to go down the route of encouraging DS to come with me or do something else regularly.

The other 2 DCs are slim.

[OrmIrian]

DD got a wii for her birthday. Is Wii fit just another game for it?

[OrmIrian]

yes we have one of those too profiterole. That is a good idea. Why didn't it occur to me. DD and DS#2 loves it and DS#1 used to use it a lot. I will suggest it.

[TheProvincialLady]

Does he have much access to money for spending on junk food and sweets etc? If so then I would think about changing the way he gets his pocket money etc.

Secondly, what is your family diet like? Be ruthlessly honest If there are crisps, cakes, sweets, chocolates, pies, snack type sausages etc available then he will be able to get in a lot of calories in a short time. Do you all eat together and are they healthy, home cooked meals? What is your own weight and diet like? Portion sizes? Do you snack and graze as a family or do you have regular meals at the table?(Don't answer any of these questions here unless you want to - I am trying to suggest things for you to think about).

In my opinion it is not his weight you want to change, it is his attitude to food and his access to the less healthy fare. The best way to achive a good diet in a child is to eat it yourself and as a family. That is good for everyone no matter what their size is, because the point of eating healthily is to be healthy, not to be slim IYSWIM?

The same can be said for exercise - not much point in expecting our children to want to do it if we ourselves drive everywhere and sit down all day.

Here endeth the lesson

[TheProvincialLady]

Sorry, I missed the bit where you said you exercise a lot. Consider yourself saved.

[OrmIrian]

Thankyou

I run 3 times a week (12 miles on Sunday!). And walk everywhere (not that I've ever noticed that helping with weight loss TBH).

He has no access to money unless we specifically give it to him.

We do have crisps etc in the house but he has restricted access to those. I'm afraid it's simply quantity and lack of moving that does it.

Dh eats too much too and is getting fat. Which winds me up when he starts on DS for eating too much But as DH doesn't eat in between meals he thinks it's OK. Makes me cross!

[TheProvincialLady]

12 miles I started couch potato to 5k last week and don't think I have run - or even walked - 12 miles in total yet! I used to be really fit from ballet and walking but then I got nerve damage in my legs giving birth to ds1 and fat with ds2 4m ago. So I have a way to go before I get to that level. Good for you!

[cory]

I would do what you plan and lose the juice.

I would also look at any hobbies that may have an active lifestyle as a sort of secondary characteristic. I have always hated sports and running, but kept quite fit as a young adult because I developed an interest in archaeology. Birdwatching, photography, volunteering for a wildlife trust might also be good ways.

And I too recommend the wii fit. My db has one and it is fun. But don't use the bit on it that tells you you are overweight, it
is very inaccurate.

[alexandre]

A friend of mine had the same problem. The boy was a bit older though - about 15 - and realised himself that he had to do something about it. They got a treadmill and installed it in front of the TV. The boy was happy to try it out and then got hooked. Now he is as skinny as the rest of them.

He was too lazy/embarassed to exercise outside the house but happy to do it in front of the TV inside the house where none of his friends could see him.

It only came down to exercise in the end.

[savoycabbage]

I was just going to say that Cory! I use the wii fit and it is a lot of fun. It does weigh you though and it tells you if you are overweight, ideal weight etc. It has to know how much you weigh though to work. So if I go on when my dh's character is showing it doesn't work properly. Also it adjusts your mii's appearance on screen so if you are overweight your mii is overweight too.

[OrmIrian]

cory - funny you should say that. I come from a family that always walked a lot. A day out for us was always a long walk with a picnic or a pub lunch. In my early teens I got to hate it. Until I discovered archaeology and then I was dragging my family out across fields and bogs looking for crannogs and broch and stone circles The Victoria County History became my best friend.

[Merrylegs]

Orm - my DS is 13 and he and a lot of his friends are quite into weights and boxing (not hardcore lads club type boxing, but they do this 'boxercise' class at school).

DS has a weights bench and also a punch bag, which hangs from a beam in his room which he punches with boxing gloves. (I think he finds it quite therapeutic!).

It is a surprisingly good workout, something he can do by himself and IME appeals to boys? It could help turn some of the flab to muscle. While he may not end up thinner, he will be more toned, which may suit his body type?

[OrmIrian]

Thanks merrylegs - I think he would like that. We have just sold DH's van so we have room in the garage to hang a punchbag. Would also help to channel some of his bad temper I will speak to him this afternoon.

[sugarplumfairy]

My DS always had a bit of extra weight around the middle from about age 8. I had to buy him age 15 trousers when he started secondary last September. He has now shot up and is as tall as me at 5'7" and has lost the tummy and needs a belt to keep the trousers up, that are now getting a bit short. Your DS could be about to do the same. My DS is eating loads so I let him have things like oat/rice cakes, fruit or a bowl of cereal if he is still hungry.

[OrmIrian]

sugarplumfairy - that is what I am hoping. That is what both DB and I did at that age - especially DB, he reached 6'2 at about 16! He is now 6'5". DS#1 is going to be very tall - no doubt about that. But in the meanttime he is self-conscious and I would like to get him into good exercise habits as early as possible. He is too fond of DVDs and his Xbox atm

[muffle]

Have some healthy snacks always readily available, eg if you prepare/chop up carrots, peppers cucumber etc and they are in a dish in the fridge, and there are no biscuits or chocolate around, it's easier to eat the veg (I do this to get my 5-10 a day up, and it works well, when I remember!)

We also have a set amount of fruit juice each week (3 1-litre cartons for a family of 3) and eke it out by adding water, and when it's gone it's gone (except for special occasions like having people round). You quickly get used to it (also better for DS's teeth which is why I started with this)

Exercise is by far easiest when it's part of some other activity eg beachcombing, gardening/housework, dancing, or even just playing music. Have active days out, you could also give him pocket money in return for active chores selected by you, and could you get him interested in a physical but interesting hobby such as playing the drums? (I play the trombone and an evening practising is a workout)

[OrmIrian]

muffle - he does play the drums! But we don't as yet have a kit at home. So he's only having a lesson a week and some practice in his lunch hour.

[SauerKraut]

So do I Muffle! (What kind of stuff do you play?)Playing the trombone is definitely a workout in itself- if your ds is really keen on the drums, OI, you could use that to get him exercising with you by telling him it'll help with stamina.

[muffle]

Oh hello sauerkraut! I'm in a cheesy soul covers band at the moment - ideally I'd like to do something more folky or avant-garde but you have to take what you can get (I don't have the forcefulness to actually start and lead a band...)

Paarrrrrp!