advice please on dealing with 7yo DD who has tendency to OVER EAT AND also has...

[noonar]

...quite low self esteem.

dd1 - just 7, is a really pretty girl. she is olive skinned and gorgeous. she is a sporty, sturdy build, is strong and muscular and average height. she is quite heavy, but not flabby. she is, however, sturdier than the average child in her class and possibly very, very slightly overweight.

however, dd makes comments about the size of her legs (you know how some people are just not born to have stick legs...)and seems to have a poor body image already

i always tell her she is muscly and strong and 'just right', and that people come in all shapes and sizes.

the difficulty is, though, that in addition to trying to boost her self esteem re her size, i am also trying to educate her about the need for a balanced diet and sensible portion sizes. this is something that we have chatted about only recently, as she oftens asks for second helpings and complains that dh and i have bigger helpings than her! left to her own devices, she would eat virtually no fruit or veg and just over do the carbs, so i do need to explain to her about healthy eating.

we are a very healthy household. we rarely have crisps, cake etc in the house and eat a mainly vegetarian /wholefood diet, but we do have treats when out and sweets once a week.

the purpose of this thread is to ask if you think that all this talk about healthy eating (it comes up everyday, at least twice, due to her always wanting more...)might actually contribute to the problem of overeating. i want to balance educating her with the need to proceed cautiously with a child who may well have a disposition towards having food issues in later life.

how do i deal with her continual requests for second helpings, ice creams etc etc without making her feel that she's greedy/ bad about herself?

any advice?

[Idranktheeasterspirits]

My dd did the same and is also a lovely solid build.

I emphasised eating slowly and enjoying a meal rather than talking about not eating too much.
I also made sure she was having a drink of water before meals and a drink with her meal also.
The eating slower thing helps because it gets you to recognise when you are full. If you eat quickly you tend to over eat because your stomach doesn't tell you it's full instantly if you see what i mean.
I also talked about how you don't have to clear your plate all the time, it's ok to leave things if you have had enough.
Dd is really good at knowing when she is full now and she is also aware that sometimes thirst is mistaken for hunger so she tends to have a drink more often than ask for a snack now.
We also talked lots about how peoples bodies change as they get older, so i showed her some photos of when i was in my early teens and solid. Then we looked at some when i was a little older and the puppy fat had gone. (although i never mentioned puppy fat or weight, emphasis very much on bodies changing and being different shapes)

We looked at different characters as well from tv so the cast of Raven are mostly well built.Also, HSM (boak) is a good one because there are characters who are of different builds in the films.

The main thing to do is to make her aware that people are different and there is no one ideal body shape.

[paranoidmother]

Ok only thing I can think of. How about halving all of your portions at the dinner table and then when she asks for more you could all have more but are still only having the normal amount?

What does she drink? I know with diets (and I'm not suggesting she should be on one) they say to drink water 20 minutes before hand and that will help to fill you up or perhaps soup.

Could you do a first course of soup - veggie (no carbs)/or salad and then your meal. She might feel fuller, no need to ask for seconds and doesn't feel bad. As an alternative could you have a tasting session and make some healthy juices/smoothies that she can drink during the day that aren't full of extras but goodness.

Perhaps get a selection of fruit and veg in and have a tasting session and make some really yucky ones and nice ones and get her to grade them and say what it tastes like to her. Make it fun and she might drink more of them.

Don't know whether any of that is of any help but I hope you sort it out. 7 is far too young to be worried about your body, we get enough of that as adults. I bet she's lovely.

[noonar]

what lovely kind, helpful posts.

the water thing and eating slowly would really help, i imagine, as she does wolf her food down!

like the fruit tasting idea too

[Idranktheeasterspirits]

Ooo forgot about the first course, that's a fab one that we do as well.
I normally do some crudite type things or home made tomato soup.

Try brown rice/pasta etc as well as it fills you up for longer than the white stuff.

[noonar]

yes i think crudites with a dip might be a better way to than trying to get her to eat a side salad.

[morningpaper]

If she's too hungry when she comes to the table then she might wolf stuff down quickly... perhaps give her some veggies to nibble before dinner, while watching tv or whatever she does at that time? Mine eat bowls of carrots, apple or kidney beans... that way they aren't STARVING and also have some proper veg in their tummies so I don't worry too much if they don't eat veg at dinner time...

It is a TOUGH one

[noonar]

mp, good advice. she usuallt ignores th salad/ veg. i need to get in threr with it first and take the edge off her appetite. thanks.

[notnowbernard]

I also think it's really important to completely Chill Out (am not saying you're not, btw! )

From what you say she's a pretty healthy eater in that you limit sugary snacks etc

I'd play down the "big legs" stuff as much as possible whilst still telling her that she's completely lovely and normal etc (as you already do)

I think sometimes as parents we can go into things too much and feel it is a slightly bigger issue than it actually is in the child's mind, IYSWIM (have been guilty of this myself with playground stuff... "Nobody plays with me" - OMG, dd is all alone and friendless! - in reality not the case at all) etc

Both mine eat like horses. Wrt to the sugar and treats stuff I use the "sugar is bad for your teeth" line as opposed to the weight-gaining line

HTH and is not terribly waffly

[noonar]

good idea to focus on dental health, notnow.

[Elibean]

Really helpful thread

I give my dds a plate full of raw crunchy veggies every evening, before supper, in front of their quota of DVD/TV - it usually gets munched up, and is both healthy and slightly filling. Could help?? When they've been through reluctant phases, I give them a bowl of said veggies and ask them to arrange them on a big plate in a pretty pattern/face etc and for some reason, if they've 'made' the plate, they eat it even better.

Another vote for focussing on healthy bodies rather than body shape, and using dental health as good reason not to stuff on sweet things!

[noonar]

so hard tho, eli, with all those easter chocs aound.

[Elibean]

Oh yes, absolutely - not least for me