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Relative, cold sores and kissing dds

(12 Posts)
QueenMolotov Tue 12-Jan-16 17:12:21

I posted before Christmas on this subject (here and in Chat).

Basically, I have a close family member who gets cold sores. She insists on kissing my dds on the lips (which I have never liked). She has never kissed them with an active sore (obviously) but before Christmas, she kissed them on the lips and a couple of hours later, a cold sore started to develop (redness, etc). She said it was probably nothing as she couldn't feel tingling, however, I texted her the next morning as I'd been very worried and she said it had developed overnight.

Anyway, the girls didn't show any symptoms of primary herpes simplex (feeling unwell and mouth ulcers), thank goodness, so I'm confident they dodged it this time.

We saw her once over the holidays where I asked her to only kiss them on the cheek from now on. She can't feel them coming on, so that's the only solution I can see working. I have avoided her until today (I have felt very upset). We saw her today and she tried to kiss 3yo dd2 on the lips! Dd2 being so young must have forgotten me saying not to kiss her on the lips anymore so I shouted out "Cheek! Cheek!"

And now I'm annoyed again and don't want to see her, although am relieved I stopped it happening (no sore present but that's not the point here).

I feel pissed off in that she doesn't seem to take on board the fact I don't want her kiss my dds on the lips. She seems oblivious. I feel I have to keep watching her, which makes me look neurotic. But I think I'm in the right about this.

Please, does anyone have any advice/tactics for how I can make her stop?

Snowball789 Tue 12-Jan-16 20:43:30

Who kisses someone else's child on the lips!? Regardless of the coldsores!!! It is UNNATURAL!!!

You are within your rights to tell said relative to cut it out and not be polite about it. Tell the woman quite stright forwardly without getting emotional that as she knows how unpleasant cold sores can be she OBVIOUSLY wouldn't want to inflict them on her nieces (or whatever relation she is) so would she kindly desist from kissing them onn the lips (preferably at all!). If she is the kind that can't take no for an answer tell her your daughters have nightmares about her, tell her she is weird, tell her anything that will get her to stop!

Snowball789 Tue 12-Jan-16 20:47:33

Sorry, but you are not over-reacting or anything - I repeat IT IS UNNATURAL TO KISS CHILDREN (PARTICULARLY SOMEONE ELSE'S) ON THE LIPS. She's perverse, weird and shouldn't be around children! Grrrrr!

tictactoad Tue 12-Jan-16 20:52:08

You've asked her nicely even though you shouldn't have had to and she's taken no notice. She now needs telling to cease and desist with immediate effect. I can't imagine why she thinks this is OK. Gross woman.

GinQueenie Tue 12-Jan-16 21:15:07

Snowball, while it's wrong to kiss anyone on the lips when you've got a cold sore, particularly children and babies, and I don't think OP is being unreasonable on this point, I do think you're overreacting massively to the general act of children being kissed on the lips by family members or parents themselves assuming the parents are happy with this. It is absolutely fine if OP doesn't want people to kiss her children, but that doesn't mean its perverse to kiss a child on the lips FFS!! You're making out that anyone who does so is a pervert which is just ludicrous...

OrangeSquashTallGlass Tue 12-Jan-16 21:19:09

Chill out Snowball, 'peverse' is a bit much...

RandomMess Tue 12-Jan-16 21:23:24

I would just say "please do not kiss my dc anymore, hugs and cuddles are fine but I do not want them to catch the virus"

AnotherTimeMaybe Wed 13-Jan-16 03:35:16

Exactly what Snowball said
Also very suspicious that she's not listening to you
You might have to stop seeing her just to make a point at least! you should have gone to AIBU with this one

Ipsos Wed 13-Jan-16 03:42:36

I think it's fine to be upfront about this and tell her not to kiss your children on the lips or cheek or anywhere. I was kissed by an elderly french relative who has a really awful cold sore when I was six years old and I've been plagued with the things ever since. It means I can't kiss my own child as I don't want to pass it on. Whatever you do, stop the woman before she does that to one of your kids, even if it means totally putting your foot in it with her.

Friendlystories Wed 13-Jan-16 04:01:26

I can't believe anyone would risk passing what is, after all, a virus with unpleasant symptoms on to a child. You wouldn't be unreasonable at all to stop seeing her altogether but I would at the very least tell her again to stop doing it and if she still doesn't stop I honestly would just stay away, you certainly aren't being neurotic for watching her. Slightly different scenario but my DM has had awful warts on her hands for ages now, they are finally dying off thankfully but she's always purposely avoided my DD holding her hand because she doesn't want to risk DD catching them. She's taught DD to hold her sleeve instead when crossing roads etc and I don't think warts are anywhere near as contagious as cold sores, or quite so unpleasant. I would be just as concerned in your position, fair enough cold sores aren't life threatening or anything but they're still not something you want your DC to have if you can help it and it's incredibly inconsiderate of this woman to risk passing them on when it can be so easily avoided.

kickassangel Wed 13-Jan-16 04:11:36

Even if she kisses them on the cheek, she can still pass it on. If she has a cold sore, particularly in the early stages, she shouldn't kiss them at all. They can kiss her on the cheek, but she shouldn't be touching her lips to their skin (or anyone else's).

QueenMolotov Wed 13-Jan-16 09:42:37

Yes, agree Angel, dds should kiss her on the cheek and not vice-versa. Thank-you for pointing that out.

Another, I couldn't face posting in AIBU! I have been so upset over what happened that I couldn't face the more unreserved/aggressive replies AIBU sometimes attracts. That said, I've been surprised by how ever poster who has replied to the threads I posted about this are all supportive of me. So it's been a relief to read that I'm not actually BU here.

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