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Feeling forced to chose a circumcision...is it my husband,is the religion,is it really necessary?

(368 Posts)
efy Tue 11-Feb-14 01:19:10

I have read some messages related to this tread by some of you and I understand when you guys call people like us....crazy etc.
I come from a non-circumcised family, my three brothers have never done or need it.
After I have changed my religion I wanted to follow the requirements of being from this religion. I like to believe that I have personally done some changes which were related to my self.
Now that I have an almost 12 months son, it looks that I have to fill up another requirement, which is circumcision, because I am from the religion that requires circumcision but the difference is....the change I need to do does not envolve me directly...is actually my little baby boy.
How do I feel about this?? Well I feel is unnecessary, I already feel guilty for planning to handle my little precious boy in someone's else hands to just harm him...yeah that is exactly how I feel...me and his father taking him with his little smile to a place that God knows what may happen.
And you know what, it was actually planned for tomorrow but I feel relief for now because we have discovered the person who was suppose to do it has had an unfortunate case where the little boy had to be taken to hospital for more operations in order to be 'fixed'.
My husband was circumcised when he was 5 and he believes in it, I don't believe and I think is more cultural than religious, I just do not understand why God will leave this for us humans to do it? Why did he leave that thing there if it need to be removed and why on such as small baby? Why??
My husband speaks about it as being just a simple procedure because he is a doctor but this is not the point, what about the baby? how is he going to feel?
I am relief for now but I am not convinced that this is in anyway necessary if at all...
I rather feel pushed to do it along with my baby.

clarinsgirl Tue 11-Feb-14 01:57:09

Your instincts are right. Handing your baby boy over for an unnecessary medical procedure feels wrong because it is wrong. If your baby boy reaches the age of 18 and decides that he wants to be circumcised then that's fine, his decision. Until then it's your job to keep him safe. Trust your instincts and protect your baby.

efy Tue 11-Feb-14 11:53:16

Hi clarinsgirl and thank you for your opinion. You are right, this is my instinct, I will just have to persuade my husband about this who thinks is not a matter of why but where and who is going to do it for the baby...

SamG76 Tue 11-Feb-14 14:38:49

For my DSs it was a very simple procedure, and of course it will help that your DH is a Dr. The answer to your question is yes, and assuming you discussed it before, I suspect your DH will be pretty furious that you're changing your mind. Why did you convert if you knew this was going to be an issue? Of course, if you can persuade him, all well and good.

WhiskyTangoFoxtrot Tue 11-Feb-14 14:46:22

It is a simple procedure, and usually uncomplicated.

But I think it should only be done when medically indicated.

I think your instincts are right.

MegBusset Tue 11-Feb-14 14:49:53

Your instincts are absolutely right. Over my dead body would anyone mutilate one of my sons unless there was a damn good medical reason.

eurochick Tue 11-Feb-14 14:50:36

Your instincts are right. There can be complications (as you have heard). I believe it should only be done when medically necessary.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Tue 11-Feb-14 14:52:06

Your instincts are correct. If your child grows up and wishes to be circumcised let him make that decision for himself. It is wrong for a parent to modify their child's bodies to suit their own views (genuine medical reasons obviously excepted)

VegetariansTasteLikeChicken Tue 11-Feb-14 15:04:13

if there is a god, he created us in his image. So your baby is perfect and doesn't need to be altered.

If there isn't a god and you believe we evolved over millions of years and we are the pinnacle of evolution so far.. he is perfect and doesn't need to be altered.

I am American ds was born in the states where it is the cultural norm. I looked at my perfect little baby and knew there was fuck all I could do to improve him.

mercibucket Tue 11-Feb-14 22:06:33

its pretty unlikely your dh is going to change his mind tbh if it is for religious reasons. if it was purely cultural eg north american, then maybe, but if he is muslim or jewish, even non believers mostly see it is an essential op. always exceptions of course.

culturemulcher Tue 11-Feb-14 22:14:31

Trust your instincts!

Would you have an unnecessary medical procedure? No.

squeezelouise400 Sun 23-Feb-14 13:53:35

I would suggest you find a doctor/surgeon if possible of the same religion as yourself who would perform the procedure more safely and then your son will be in the best hands.

You need to make sure the person who performs the procedure is suitably qualified to do so, that they are particular about sterility and find out about pain relief.

Paintyfingers Sun 23-Feb-14 13:58:39

I think you should be honest with your DH and explain how you are feeling.

Topseyandturvey Mon 24-Feb-14 08:25:06

Because you have posted in health and not Aibu or chat I will answer the practical element of your post. I suspect I am from a similar background to you. I have 3 circumcised sons and come from a non circumcising family.

To reassure you I would say the following, please, I am not wishing to open a debate here, just sharing some info that might be useful to the OP: more than half of American babies are routinely circumcised and have been for years and years. None of my children felt a single thing during the procedure (no general anaesthetic), really and truely, and there was absolutely no indication that they were even in discomfort afterwards. Some babies sleep through the procedure. The most distressing part, if the baby is not satiated with milk or sedated in some way, is keeping them still (like you have to for injections). Circumcision is scientifically and medically known to be highly preventative in the transmission of HIV and cervical cancer virus. To such an extent that governments in Africa are introducing a persuasive voluntary circumcision campaign in sexually active adult males. It has been practiced for thousands of years without any effect on sex life (as you most probably know!).
Best wishes

Topseyandturvey Mon 24-Feb-14 08:26:04

Squeeze is right, sterility, pain relief, and experience are the most Important factors, whatever the religion or ethnicity of the practitioner

MoominMammasHandbag Mon 24-Feb-14 11:40:02

Just not true about the sex life thing Topsey. Circumcision removes thousands of nerve endings and leaves the penis exposed and further desensitised. Sex with a circumcised man, in my experience, is just much more abrasive.

SimLondon Mon 24-Feb-14 22:34:02

About a year ago a baby died after the procedure at a synagogue in London. There is no physical need or cause for a baby to go through this - its purely religious tradition and superstition - would you like to have some skin cut off you without pain relief by a non surgeon because its tradition? Think anyone who say's otherwise is clutching at straws.

SimLondon Mon 24-Feb-14 22:36:34

Look at the nhs's article on advantages/disadvantages, it comes out quite strongly on side of 'do not cut bits of skin off your baby without a good reason and a surgeon'

Martorana Mon 24-Feb-14 22:43:42

"Circumcision is scientifically and medically known to be highly preventative in the transmission of HIV and cervical cancer virus."

Replace "highly" with "marginally". Condoms are significantly more effective, actually, and do not involve performing non medically necessary surgical procedures on people who can't consent.

gobblegobs Tue 25-Feb-14 08:51:28

Topsey

The governments in west Africa are introducing campaigns to circumcise as the men refuse to wear condoms. The point highlighted in the study published in AAP journal. The same study showed "marginal" improvement in transmission do HIV and was carried out on CONSENTING adults.

Topseyandturvey Tue 25-Feb-14 18:44:20

Hmm, the report I read did not say marginal. of course condoms are more effective. This isnt a debate thread, please reread what op is asking.

Topseyandturvey Tue 25-Feb-14 18:46:54

And Sim, whyever do you think the op would be considering this without pain relief???? Im sure if she is hesitant she would consider lack of pain relief to be barbaric...

Martorana Tue 25-Feb-14 20:46:59

"Hmm, the report I read did not say marginal. of course condoms are more effective. This isnt a debate thread, please reread what op is asking."
No, it's not a debate thread. That is why the OP needs information, not misinformation.

baggins101 Mon 14-Apr-14 12:39:59

The arguments AGAINST circumcision are even more spurious than those supporting circumcision. There is NO evidence circumcision makes sex less enjoyable for men (I was circumcised at 29 years following a rather messy zipper accident and can honestly say sex is just as enjoyable.) The argument that uncircumcised is just as clean is clearly rubbish: the urethra isn't straight and ALL men lose a drip or two of urine some minutes after urinating which means the uncircumcised glans is bathed in urine which goes stale quickly in that nice, warm environment. This might not bother you, smelly armpits don't bother some people, but please don't claim uncircumcised is just as clean as circumcised: it isn't, no matter how well you wash. And my son was circumcised at age 5 (last year) with a plastibell: the ONLY pain he felt was the local unaesthetic injection, and that just for a moment since the injection immediately numbed the area. 8 days later the ring finally fell off in the bath. Circumcision IS a valid choice for parents since there are some benefits to it even if they are not so great that it is absolutely necessary. Unlike 1 in 600 uncircumcised boys, my son will never lie in a hospital bed waiting to have his penis amputated because circumcised men almost never get invasive penile cancer. And in the meantime his penis won't be soaked in stale urine most of the day.

Martorana Mon 14-Apr-14 12:43:15

Baggins, 1 in 600 men do not get penile cancer.

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