Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications, experience, or professional qualifications of anyone posting on Mumsnet Talk and cannot be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you have any serious medical concerns about your child, we would urge you to consult your GP.

Dd2 (13) saying she can't do this anymore and wants to be dead. No gp appointments left for today, what do i do ?

(58 Posts)

She is suffering from depression and anxiety (imo) and has been referred to camhs, but our appointment isn't until 25th June.

Have had an awful morning with her and I don't know what to do anymore.

Ah yes, school have ,mentioned a time out card too.

Dd has exmas this week coming, but the head of year has arranged for dd to do them in a room on her own, as dd doesnt want to walk into a room full of people.

Apologies if I have already said this, I am getting confused with what I have said to whom atm lol.

cuggles Sun 23-Jun-13 18:01:46

You have had some great advice about ignoring school and referring to CAMHS etc on here OP...I hope it helps and I would agree with it all....just a quick additional strategy you could ask school to implement (I am a former HOY) is a timeout card..basically a card they can show to teacher if they begin to feel unsafe/unhappy/about to bolt or whatever and this gets them permission to leave the classroom and go to a place they have previously designated as "safe"..maybe Hoy office or welfare room or whatever..they can then regroup/calm down and return to lesson when ready or to next lesson. This can help if they are reluctant to go as they have a "getout" and I have found that often just having that tucked away can be a comfort and it is rarely used. HOY needs to monitor when it is used and check they turn up to safe spot etc and it is not intended as a long term thing but might get her there on days when she is feeling overwhelmed maybe?

Hi, sorry for the lack of udpdate.

We saw the emergency camhs worker again on wed as planned, and the meeting was ok, but quite short tbh. Oyr original meeting with our local team (25th june) has been cancelled, as this was an assessent to see if dd was right for camhs, and because of everything thats gone on, they have already assessed her and know she is. So now our appointment with our local team isn't until 8th July. I am not overly pleased at the wait, but I know how streched they are, so I suppose it;s not that bad.

Dd went to school on Thursday as agreed, and even stayed all day instead of half a day, but then as predicted (because i was off work) she refused to go on Friday.
In the end after talking to her, I removed her phone. I wasn't sure wether this was the right thing to do or not, but I wanted to see what she would do if there was a punishment attached to not going.
Within half an hour of me removing it, she'd changed her mind, and she went into school at 11.

We still have a long way to go, and I am still very worried about dd, but we do seem to be making very small steps in the right direction.

Dd is still keen to view other schools, and so that is something we are looking in to.

Any news on that appointment yet, OP?

I had a bout of this at 11 when I was getting bullied/picked on at school (parents realised how truly bad it was when I ran to get a knife) and at 14 (when I changed medication and the doctors didn't wean me off properly) and again at 17 due to something not very nice and gradually coming off my meds. Each time I was advised to not be left alone by the GP. I didn't want to kill myself but didn't want to be alive either. I know the true despair she must be feeling and I am so sorry for her that she's feeling this way. If there was anything I could do I really, really would!

I am always here to talk if you need someone even though I'm a stranger. I also have a sister who suffered from depression who had to be taken in as she felt so bad and another sister with borderline schizophrenia, so I know how these kind of things work. It can be pretty daunting, but sometimes it's the preferred option than for them to stay in the situation they are currently in, because it isn't helping them. It also means they wont be a danger to themselves or others.

I hope the appointment with CAHMS can be brought forward. I dealt with them and although the waiting list can take a while once you are on the list, they are very regular (once a week for me). I found it really useful to look at myself and am fascinated in psychology now myself. I am stable now and have a little girl and am as happy as could be now. On the lowest dosage of medication I can be on and I am on top of the world being a new Mummy - so she can get through it.

Sorry this was so long. I am wishing you both the best of luck. Big virtual hugs to your DD.

Camhs have said that they will authorise any absences that dd has, while she is under their care, and so school can't do a thing.

I am happy to put dd in another school if she wants to but atm she wants to at least try and go back to her current school. I will e keeping a very close eye on what happens once she does though, and will pull her out at the first hint of it not working.

3littlefrogs Fri 14-Jun-13 18:51:05

OP - don't underestimate the effect a bad environment can have on a child.

I learned the hard way that instead of wondering what was wrong with my child, blaming myself for somehow being at fault WRT his upbringing etc, I should have realised earlier that it was the people he had to spend all day with that were the problem.

I am not saying this is the case with your DD, but just getting her out of a place that is making her stressed could make a big difference.

cestlavielife Fri 14-Jun-13 15:29:03

ask lea for the named oficer in charge of pupils with medical reasons for not attending school - it might not be the attendance/welfare officer. that person can help liaise with school/CAMHS and might arange home tutor or small group or hospital school in the interim

3littlefrogs - That sounds awful for your ds sad, but i'm glad he is happier now.

Dd does want to try and return to school, but we have sat down and looked at her timetable and there are some lessons that she won't be doing when she is in Yr 9 in Sept, so there is little point in her going to those now anyway.

I have spoken to school again today and I am meeting with them next tuesday. They wanted the astoral worker that upset dd in on the meeting but I said no way, and they have said ok.

Camhs are sending me two copies of the letter they are sending to our local camhs team, and so I school can have one of those.

Dd is quite bright today. Took her out for breakast at Asda, so she isn't just sat in the house all day.
If the phased return to school doesn't work for whatever reason, I will pull dd out of there permanently and look for another school.

I am ok, tired and a bit down but trying to remain positive and upbeat for dd.

chimchar Fri 14-Jun-13 11:05:34

So sorry to read about your daughter.

I hope she (and you) are feeling a little better now she has some help coming her way.

I would write a note to the school saying that your dd is not well, is under the care of CAMHS and that she won't be in for the coming weeks. You will be in touch when she is ready for a phased return.

In my area, it would be the Attendance officer who would visit you... they are the "goodies" as it were, and will go between you and school to arrange a satisfactory compromise. In my experience, if you have kept school informed of what's going on, you have done what you can.

good luck to you...here's a little hug too. ((())) x

LilRedWG Fri 14-Jun-13 10:35:43

Refer school to CAHMs.

mummytime Belgium Fri 14-Jun-13 10:25:50

Don't worry about school if you have CAMHS on your side there is nothing they can do really. Did CAHMS give you emergency phone nos. etc?
Actually can you put something in writing referring them to CAHMs, and if they give you more hassle, then write/email saying the phone calls are harassment and enclose a copy of the first letter referring them to CAHMS (I would also at that stage copy in a Governor).

piratecat Fri 14-Jun-13 10:24:45

3littlefrogs your poor ds, so glad he his doing better at the new school.

3littlefrogs Fri 14-Jun-13 10:23:42

I wouldn't even think about sending her back to school. It sounds as if the school is the cause of her problems.

Maybe focussing on getting her a bit better, then a change of school would be a better plan.

Different scenario, but DS1 was suicidal due to bullying at primary school. We had counselling, part time return to school, but in the end, taking him out and sending him to a different school was the thing that turned our lives around.

piratecat Fri 14-Jun-13 10:09:06

how is she today nutty? xx and how are you

grandmainmypocket Fri 14-Jun-13 02:40:47

Thinking of you. You're daughter's lucky to hsve you.

Thanks PC. Haven't spoken to you for a while. It's nice to hear from you smile

School are annoying me, and they shouldn't because I am quite a quiet, reserved person, but upset my kids, and piss me off and I wil fight them all the way. As far as I am concerned, this woman is having nothing to do with my dd again, and if school have any problems with dd's absence, I don;t care.

piratecat Fri 14-Jun-13 00:46:23

hiya. i am so sorry.
just saw this and am half asleep.
don't get upset about stupid school stuff. i have had so much shit over my dd absences through health. they don't get it and only care about attendance.
i know what its like to be the only one they have to be there for them and i like you struggle with my mental health.
Will pop back tomorrow to see how you are. x

I meant i am ok, but not great

Oh mediaction for dd hasn't ben mentioned btw, so i am assuming they think it isn't approrpriate.

Hello everyone.

Dd is home, came home yesterday infact. She had an hour long meeting with an emergency camhs worker before ahe was discharged.
We have an appointment next wed with the same worker, and her file has been expedited with our local camhs team, so we sould see them soon too.
Dd is ok, very quiet and very very clingy to me, but otherwise ok.

I spoke to school briefly, and they have said she can have a phased return to school, but i feel they are not quite getting it.
They rang requesting a meeting be arranged with me, dd, head of year, and the pastoral worker that upset dd so much just before she was admitted.
I have already told them that I refuse to deal with that woman any more.

Camhs have said that if school ring me asking about any of dd's absences at school, to refer them to them, and they will authorise it all.

I am not ok, but not great. I am finding the fact that I am dealing with this alone, quite hard to take. I do have family support in the form of my mum, but we don't get on that well and so I feel quite alone.

SacreBlue Wed 12-Jun-13 12:55:54

flowers just posted on teen thread and saw this one - so sad actually to hear so many others have been through this. I was hospitalised as a teen and I am not sure if you will appreciate my input (so do ask for it to be removed if you wish)

I had to go to family therapy after hospital but the therapist I saw 121 was very judgmental of me and the family therapy focused on me 'being the problem' rather than family dynamics or addressing the issues I was facing. I am so glad to hear the hospital you have is a good one and of course I expect things have moved on in the intervening years. Checking out with your DD about how things are going is a good idea as adults are advised to 'shop around' for a 'best fit' therapist and I think that's a good idea for children too.

I was on medication for a long time after but found 121 talking therapy followed by group (of peers rather than the family therapy but that, again, may be better now, and in your area, than my experience) worked really well for me.

Looking back I realise a lot of my anger was at perceived favouritism within the family as well as chemical imbalances so at the time I resented 'help' for other family members (making me the 'bad' one) but I later realised the terrible impact that my suicide attempts had on my siblings and regret inflicting that on them and resenting the support they got.

On a happier note after help I have gone on to have a good life and my experiences have certainly helped me with my DS.

I wish you and your family all the best and will be thinking of you and yours xx

FWIW in later years I have come to respect and love my DP and siblings much more for their love of me at what was an horrific time in my life because I now realise how horrific it was for them too.

Januarymadness Wed 12-Jun-13 12:38:20

Well done. Stay strong. She is exactly where she needs to be xxx

LilRedWG Wed 12-Jun-13 12:32:26

Well done. I'm glad DD is safe and you are right BCH is a wonderful hospital!

notasaint Wed 12-Jun-13 12:17:33

Well done OP. Your DD is in a safe place now and I am sure the doctors will treat her appropriately. It's tough that she is not at home with you but it does sound like some inpatient treatment could be good for her. You did the right thing. I wish you all the luck in the world with her treatment.

I expect you feel shattered. Are you ok? How are the younger ones taking this? I expect they will need reassurance too.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now