Mumsnetters aren't necessarily qualified to help if your child is unwell. If you have any serious medical concerns, we would urge you to consult your GP.

Dd2 (13) saying she can't do this anymore and wants to be dead. No gp appointments left for today, what do i do ?

(58 Posts)

She is suffering from depression and anxiety (imo) and has been referred to camhs, but our appointment isn't until 25th June.

Have had an awful morning with her and I don't know what to do anymore.

3littlefrogs - That sounds awful for your ds sad, but i'm glad he is happier now.

cestlavielife Fri 14-Jun-13 15:29:03

ask lea for the named oficer in charge of pupils with medical reasons for not attending school - it might not be the attendance/welfare officer. that person can help liaise with school/CAMHS and might arange home tutor or small group or hospital school in the interim

3littlefrogs Fri 14-Jun-13 18:51:05

OP - don't underestimate the effect a bad environment can have on a child.

I learned the hard way that instead of wondering what was wrong with my child, blaming myself for somehow being at fault WRT his upbringing etc, I should have realised earlier that it was the people he had to spend all day with that were the problem.

I am not saying this is the case with your DD, but just getting her out of a place that is making her stressed could make a big difference.

Camhs have said that they will authorise any absences that dd has, while she is under their care, and so school can't do a thing.

I am happy to put dd in another school if she wants to but atm she wants to at least try and go back to her current school. I will e keeping a very close eye on what happens once she does though, and will pull her out at the first hint of it not working.

Any news on that appointment yet, OP?

I had a bout of this at 11 when I was getting bullied/picked on at school (parents realised how truly bad it was when I ran to get a knife) and at 14 (when I changed medication and the doctors didn't wean me off properly) and again at 17 due to something not very nice and gradually coming off my meds. Each time I was advised to not be left alone by the GP. I didn't want to kill myself but didn't want to be alive either. I know the true despair she must be feeling and I am so sorry for her that she's feeling this way. If there was anything I could do I really, really would!

I am always here to talk if you need someone even though I'm a stranger. I also have a sister who suffered from depression who had to be taken in as she felt so bad and another sister with borderline schizophrenia, so I know how these kind of things work. It can be pretty daunting, but sometimes it's the preferred option than for them to stay in the situation they are currently in, because it isn't helping them. It also means they wont be a danger to themselves or others.

I hope the appointment with CAHMS can be brought forward. I dealt with them and although the waiting list can take a while once you are on the list, they are very regular (once a week for me). I found it really useful to look at myself and am fascinated in psychology now myself. I am stable now and have a little girl and am as happy as could be now. On the lowest dosage of medication I can be on and I am on top of the world being a new Mummy - so she can get through it.

Sorry this was so long. I am wishing you both the best of luck. Big virtual hugs to your DD.

Hi, sorry for the lack of udpdate.

We saw the emergency camhs worker again on wed as planned, and the meeting was ok, but quite short tbh. Oyr original meeting with our local team (25th june) has been cancelled, as this was an assessent to see if dd was right for camhs, and because of everything thats gone on, they have already assessed her and know she is. So now our appointment with our local team isn't until 8th July. I am not overly pleased at the wait, but I know how streched they are, so I suppose it;s not that bad.

Dd went to school on Thursday as agreed, and even stayed all day instead of half a day, but then as predicted (because i was off work) she refused to go on Friday.
In the end after talking to her, I removed her phone. I wasn't sure wether this was the right thing to do or not, but I wanted to see what she would do if there was a punishment attached to not going.
Within half an hour of me removing it, she'd changed her mind, and she went into school at 11.

We still have a long way to go, and I am still very worried about dd, but we do seem to be making very small steps in the right direction.

Dd is still keen to view other schools, and so that is something we are looking in to.

cuggles Sun 23-Jun-13 18:01:46

You have had some great advice about ignoring school and referring to CAMHS etc on here OP...I hope it helps and I would agree with it all....just a quick additional strategy you could ask school to implement (I am a former HOY) is a timeout card..basically a card they can show to teacher if they begin to feel unsafe/unhappy/about to bolt or whatever and this gets them permission to leave the classroom and go to a place they have previously designated as "safe"..maybe Hoy office or welfare room or whatever..they can then regroup/calm down and return to lesson when ready or to next lesson. This can help if they are reluctant to go as they have a "getout" and I have found that often just having that tucked away can be a comfort and it is rarely used. HOY needs to monitor when it is used and check they turn up to safe spot etc and it is not intended as a long term thing but might get her there on days when she is feeling overwhelmed maybe?

Ah yes, school have ,mentioned a time out card too.

Dd has exmas this week coming, but the head of year has arranged for dd to do them in a room on her own, as dd doesnt want to walk into a room full of people.

Apologies if I have already said this, I am getting confused with what I have said to whom atm lol.

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