Should I speak to MIL again about feeding DD?

[SneezySnatcher]

First of all - I genuinely love MIL. She's great with DD and we are so lucky that she takes care of her two afternoons a week.

Anyway, DD is almost three. DH has recently been diagnosed with T2 diabetes despite being a healthy weight (it's very prevalent in his family). The doctor has said DD is going to be prone to developing it at some point.

DD is very active and eats a very healthy diet (loves fruit and veg, is very rarely given sweets or juice). She has only put 1lb on since 2 year check but has barely grown height wise so, despite remaining on the same weight centile, she has dropped height-wise and is classed as 'overweight'. She's definitely due a growth spurt and this will be resolved (had same size feet since June) so I'm not overly concerned, but I'd like to address this now. We can't really change her diet at home as it's great (have checked portion sizes but that's fine) and we make sure she gets at least one hour of exercise every day, usually more.

The problem is with MIL. At home, we give DD her meal and then if she wants anything else she can have veg sticks or fruit. We ate at MIL's today and after lunch DD asked for ''ginger cake, ice-cream and toffee sauce". MIL said "shush DD, you are giving away our secrets!"
It turns out that DD gets a big pudding after every meal at MIL's. it also transpired that she'd had three biscuits before I arrived (had been doing errands in town).

Anyway, sorry for waffling. I am a bit annoyed. We have explained why we want to monitor DD's diet and stop her getting too much of a taste for sweet things, but I feel like we've been ignored. We do let DD have treats on occasion but I like to keep an eye on it.

Should I have another word with MIL or am I being precious? They have DD two/three times a week.

[Sirzy]

It's a tough one, perhaps ask them to reduce the portion sizes a bit.

Do they normally have puddings and things as standard? If so they it would be unfair to expect them to change that.

Realistically as long as she has a balanced diet then the puddings won't do any harm though

[SneezySnatcher]

Thanks sirzy. I'm prepared to accept I'm being precious, but I'm scared to set DD up for health problems. Equally though, I don't want sweet stuff to become completely banned and have DD overindulge when she's finally allowed some. It's trying to get the balance right! It's probably more the three biscuits that has bothered me, although we are always given fruit as pudding when we eat there! MIL has said she finds it hard to say no to DD.

[bigkidsdidit]

If she was caring for her daily I wouldn't be happy bit a cake twice a week should be fine I'd've thought. As long as you emphasise to Mil that you are doing it because of DH's diabetes and not just to be mean; mention it every now and again.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

To be honest, what would worry me the most is her getting your dd to keep these treats a secret from you - the occasional treat won't do her any great harm, but encouraging your dd to lie to you (by omission, at least) is not good.

Can you talk to your MIL and agree 'Granny's treats' - where granny can give your dd one treat (a reasonable serve of pudding or a couple of biscuits or a little chocolate bar) so that your MIL still feels she is getting to give her dgd a treat but you know what she is getting, and are in some control of what she is getting.

[RandomMess]

fruit has lots of natural sugar in it is that actually a good thing for your dd to be having in mind of her tendancy toward T2 diabetes?

[SneezySnatcher]

Random I asked DH's nurse about that and she said the best thing to do is to promote a low fat/ high fibre diet so lots of fruit and veg is fine. She mostly has veg sticks for snacks and fruit with meals. We've also swapped to multigrain bread and brown rice/pasta.

SGTG I agree with the lying by omission. We do give DD treats occasionally but if I'd given her some chocolate today, for example, she'd have had biscuits and chocolate, which IMO is too much.

[RandomMess]

All you can do is keep explaining to dd and MIL that it's fine for her to have treat puddings but not biscuits as snacks as they will make DD ill (as in eventually) - I think that is the best you ccan hope for with your MIL.

[RandomMess]

Could you also tell MIL what dds favourite fruit treats are. If you want to treat DD how about buy her Mango/pineapple/blueberries - or even send them with DD as a special treat to have at grannie's?

[SneezySnatcher]

Good idea. I'd have just hoped that MIL would have understood our concerns as her son, mother, brother and two nephews all have T2 diabetes!

I'll send some veg sticks and fruit next time! Happily I'm on maternity leave now so, although MIL will still see DD frequently, I can wangle it to avoid mealtimes! I'll remind her about the snacking!

[RandomMess]

Granny's love to treat their DC so I think giving her suggestions of things that are treat may help. Perhaps you could find some low fat low sugar cakes for her to bake for DD as a treat at her house?

[DontmindifIdo]

If you don't need her to have DD on her own 2-3 times a week, then stop leaving her, go and stay too, or invite her over to you.

Either way though, you need ot sit her down, perhaps stretch the truth a little about what DH's nurse has said, suggest that it's a big problem, you really need her help etc. That you're really worried about DD developing it too, that you've been told she's "high risk" and you might be over panicking, but you've agreed to really cut her sugar intake and can MIL not give her anything other than fruit and maybe 1-2 biscuits max a day, and when she's coming to your MIL, you'll make sure she gets to do the treat by not giving DD anything sugary before hand so she gets to give the biscuit budget...

really though, if you are going to need her to do childcare when you go back to work, you need her to be "retrained" into good habits...

[SneezySnatcher]

Don'tmind you're right - it does need sorting. I don't like the idea of stopping her seeing DD alone as she is truly fantastic with DD and they love their time together. I don't want her to think that now I don't 'need' her to look after DD she can't spend time with her.

I think I'll ask DH to say he's spoken to his nurse and that we are cutting right back on sugar, so to put a limit on it. As you said, lay it on thick. I'm a P/T teacher, so when I return from ML, DD will be in nursery in the afternoons and I'll have her every morning and it'll be less of an issue.

I think I'm worrying because I always associate T2 diabetes with overweight people who eat unhealthily, but DH has proven this is not always the case. I'd like some control over DD's diet and to instil good habits as early as possible, especially as she 'grows into' her small amount of excess weight.