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New nanny - unreasonable?

(74 Posts)
Mamafoof Mon 09-Sep-13 12:07:26

I really need some perspective here as each little thing that is happening with new nanny is starting to snowball and I am worried I am becoming resentful and unreasonable!

I'll start off by saying nanny started 3 weeks ago. She is very fun and likeable, Seems like a genuinely nice person. She had a difficult start in life but seems to have pulled through. My kids are 4 and 2.

She worked one week with us which was ok but not great. The place was an absolute mess on first day but after I mentioned to her the issue, the place is tidy when I return – not perfect but fine. She seems to lack common sense though. Dishes piled up dry on the kitchen counter – she doesn't think to put them away. Tiny bit of leftover pasta in a massive bowl which doesn't fit in fridge so she leaves it out and I have to deal when I come home. Open yoghurt pots in fridge – not cling filmed. She doesn't label kids' drinks so they end up drinking each others' which isn't ideal.

She texted in sick for whole following week with 45 mins notice. She was ill – bad case of food poisoning so we had to deal with the inconvenience (and we paid her half pay – as we felt bad to just give her statutory but she had only worked with us for one week). Then when we were expecting her to come again on Monday, she texted again on Sunday to say she couldn't come in as she was ill again. Apparently, the food poisoning wasn't treated properly. So she missed a further three days.

Generally, she is not responsive to texts, emails and calls unless she is requesting something. I find this very annoying as I really do value quick responses. She is getting better but it's still not great.

She also requested holiday, which I then had to request at my work and then she told me, she got dates wrong so I need to cancel and reapply with my work. I get the feeling she is not very organised, just by the questions she asks. She runs out of the door telling me 'she thinks the keys are in the bag but not sure'. She doesn't give me great de-briefs of the day and tries to remember times of feeding, naps, despite me asking her to write stuff down.

Then today, she was 2.5 hours late. The trains were terrible (I checked) but she waited 1.5 hours on the platform before deciding to take a bus so she could have been a lot earlier. It worries me that she lacks common sense. She has also asked for 10 days unpaid so she can study – this is over and above all her holidays. I feel like I am fitting my life around her at the moment and we wanted to get a nanny to make our lives easier.

Am I being too picky? I need to raise this with her but the common sense point, is something I think will be hard to change? I don't want to overwhelm her but am getting v frustrated with all of this.

CaptainSweatPants Mon 09-Sep-13 12:12:14

I'd get rid
She sounds a nightmare

runningonwillpower Mon 09-Sep-13 12:15:42

So, in the course of three weeks, she has had six days' sick leave and has negotiated 15 days' holiday/unpaid leave?

How can you organise your work around this?

cathpip Mon 09-Sep-13 12:18:46

Yep, I'd get rid as well, she is supposed to be making your life easier and she is just creating more work...

Mintyy Mon 09-Sep-13 12:19:22

I think you are never going to get on. You sound quite demanding (tbh!) but I am sure you could find a nanny who would suit you better.

culturemulcher Mon 09-Sep-13 12:23:58

I'd worry much less about the yoghurt pots, labeling drinks (which are v. small issues) than about her time keeping and organisation skills.

Did you negotiate a trial / probation period with her when you took her on? If so, I think it's time for a formal 'let's see how this is working out' chat. Outline your concerns clearly and give her clear steps as to what she needs to do to ensure that she's kept on after her probation. Then, if things don't improve you can let her go in the knowledge that you gave her fair warning and a chance to put things right.

AMI88 Mon 09-Sep-13 12:43:53

Please don't judge all nannies by her standards, I was a nanny for a family for 2 years, I never once was late or called in sick!! It is worth having a really frank discussion about what you expect and what she is willing to do, although as she is paid to look after your children she should really do things your way so to speak.

Lack of common sense can't be fixed, she seems like she is not very bothered working, I would let her go!

I'm based in London and know a lot of nannies, if you are in same area and need some names/good agencies, let me know!

Mamafoof Mon 09-Sep-13 13:02:20

Thanks for your comments. I worry though that she is having a really bad bout of bad luck in the first few weeks. But I agree it's cheeky to ask for unpaid leave this early but i did know she had study commitments so should i have expected this? I think she was genuinely ill and the trains were late. I was more annoyed she didn't give me more notice (she was v sick on sat and she told me on MOn am) and she could have got a bus on Monday. Here refs said she was rarely sick and always punctual. She really needs the job to fund her study plus she looks after sibling. Plus we have specific hour requirements which suited her study pattern so not sure we will find someone quickly.

Mamafoof Mon 09-Sep-13 13:12:34

Mintyy - out of interest, can i ask what in particular makes me sounds quite demanding? I am inclined to agree with you but was wondering which bits were unreasonable so i know not to focus so much on those things. Thanks!

Theresadogonyourballs Mon 09-Sep-13 13:17:33

I'm afraid I'd get rid, and I speak as a nanny! I've worked for four kind, understanding and reasonable families. Not one of them would have put up with this sort of nonsense, I would have been out. I don't think you'll have much trouble finding someone else, there are more nannies than jobs at the moment, and even the really experienced ones are having to accept part time/funny hours. She'll drive you mad in the end. If you really want to give her the benefit of the doubt however, I'd give her a written list of the issues you're unhappy with, and a set timeframe for her to buck her ideas up, (and I know she can't help being ill, but she certainly can help not keeping you properly informed). Best of luck!

Mamafoof Mon 09-Sep-13 13:20:43

ok, thank you! Yes, we will sit her down and chat things through. Her probation runs out soon but may ask to extend it as she's only worked 7 days in the month!

WeAreEternal Mon 09-Sep-13 13:22:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OutragedFromLeeds Mon 09-Sep-13 14:18:09

I'm not sure.

The sickness, if true, can't be helped, but she should have been much better at keeping you informed.

The lateness is unacceptable, but as a one-off it does happen.

Booking holiday and requesting unpaid leave is fine, she's giving you as much notice as possible by doing it straight away which is what she should. You're free to turn that request down if you wish.

The rest of it just sounds like needless picking tbh. You do sound hard work.

Dishes piled up dry on the kitchen counter – she doesn't think to put them away - she doesn't think or she doesn't have time?

Tiny bit of leftover pasta in a massive bowl which doesn't fit in fridge so she leaves it out - really?

Open yoghurt pots in fridge – not cling filmed - and?

She doesn't label kids' drinks so they end up drinking each others' - does one of them have the plague?! I have never, ever been asked to do this by any parent ever.

Generally, she is not responsive to texts, emails and calls - what do you mean not responsive? At all or within 10 minutes of receiving it?

She runs out of the door telling me 'she thinks the keys are in the bag but not sure' - why is she running out? Are you home late?

tries to remember times of feeding, naps, despite me asking her to write stuff down. - are they 2 and 4 months old? If they're 2 and 4 years old surely an approx. time is fine? Why do you need to know exact feeding times? Again I've never been asked to do this for a child over the age of 1.

AMI88 Mon 09-Sep-13 14:37:26

I think you're being a little harsh Outraged, I don't think it's out of order for a parent to ask times of sleeps and naps, even if the child is a little older, they are the parent, they have a right to ask about their child's day.

With regards to how nanny leaves the kitchen, they may sound like little things, but again, when you are in someone's house they have the right to ask for things to run a particular way, you don't want to come home from work and have to tidy up!

As previous posts have said these should be easily fixed with a frank conversation, but I don't think it is at all out of order to expect certain jobs done how parents want them done!

OutragedFromLeeds Mon 09-Sep-13 14:46:45

AMI the OP asked 'out of interest, can i ask what in particular makes me sounds quite demanding?'.

Those things all added together sound demanding to me. It's just my opinion.

AMI88 Mon 09-Sep-13 14:58:00

No I understand, and it's definitely interesting to see what others think, when I was a nanny I got asked to do quite a lot, so this mom sounded easy to me in comparison!

MissStrawberry Mon 09-Sep-13 15:04:50

She doesn't seem to be bothered about giving a good impression.

I was a nanny and always eager to please and do the right thing, especially as I knew I wouldn't have a job if mum/dad didn't have theirs. and without each other we couldn't do our jobs.

Mamafoof Mon 09-Sep-13 15:32:16

Outraged - thanks for feedback. May possibly be OTT but i never had one issue with my previous nanny who did all the above - basically, she was really on top of everything and organised so i expect that from the next one. And no, I'm never late home. She is generally quite a flustered person. Often saying 'I'm so confused - haha!" which doesn't inspire confidence. As for texts, sometimes she doesn't respond and when i ask her if she received it she just says yes, oh sorry. Not very professional.

IMO, I think she has had a run of bad luck and I feel bad for her. But I do feel a general unease at her common sense and general chaotic demeanor. So if this continues, then maybe she's not for us.

NomDeClavier Mon 09-Sep-13 15:47:55

As a nanny she should be working with the parents. If the parent wants drinks labelled and a log kept then that's what should be done. If that's not something nanny is happy with nanny is within their rights not to take the job. Because nannying us such a flexible arrangement there's room for all sorts, and one nanny's demanding is another's perfectly reasonable minor adjustment.

Sickness: okay, terrible luck, she had a good record so just be vigilant in future.

Lateness: this is bad luck compounded by a lack of common sense. There's no real way to mitigate it.

Unpaid holiday: why can't she use her paid holiday for this? Was it discussed at interview that she needed these days? What was your position then? On the other hand it's unpaid so although you have to source an alternative you're not paying double.

Tidiness/food hygiene: none of those are deadly sins assuming you're in the UK not in the tropics. If tidiness is important to you then you need another nanny. I don't think it's something which naturally improves more than it does after the first reminder and usually results in an uncomfortable nanny. Uncovered yoghurt is not the end of the world unless you've got a fridge full of Petri dishes.

Upshot is if you're happy the children are safe and thriving in her care, and you can reign in your standards a little (not that they're necessarily unreasonably high but higher than mine, say) then keep her. If this is just going to make you more stressed or you feel the children are genuinely going to be put at risk (and sharing drinks and uncovered yogurts isn't really what I mean) then get rid.

If you do keep her then definitely extend the probation to get an accurate reflection.

sameoldIggi Mon 09-Sep-13 15:55:47

I have no experience of nannies but I would not want to leave my small children in the care of someone with this catalogue of silly behaviour. How much sense would she display in an emergency?

Mamafoof Mon 09-Sep-13 16:27:08

thanks Nom. All good points. Thanks Same. I guess that's my issue - not wholly comfortable with the albeit 'small' stuff - but i do wonder if she would have sense in an emergency. I guess i need to give her a chance.
she has used her paid leave by booking those dates too. i agree at least we're not paying but that does leave a lot of time when she is not working and we need to find alternative solutions. i do feel like we are running around for her at the moment but hope it's a phase and she'll settle down.

Ebb Mon 09-Sep-13 16:52:01

I don't think you're being too demanding but then I can't bear things put in the fridge or left on the side without cling film. A nanny is supposed to make your life easier. I wouldn't agree to the unpaid time off as it means you have to sort out cover. One of the reasons for a nanny is continuity. As she's only been with you 3 weeks, I would get rid. In the first few weeks of a new job, most nannies bend over backwards to make you feel like you've made the right choice.

If you're feeling generous though, I would sit her down and go through the issues with her and make it clear what you expect. I'd definitely extend her probation period too.

Wickedgirl Mon 09-Sep-13 19:50:15

As a nanny I would say get rid of her. You need someone that you can rely on in any circumstances and it doesn't sound like you have that at all.

Laquitar Mon 09-Sep-13 20:46:03

You don't sound demanding to me.

- Food, dishes etc you could write down few things and she must read and follow the list.

- Feeding times etc she must keep a diary.

- 2.5 hours late is too long! If she has no alternative routes i would be get rid off her pronto for that reason alone. If there are other commute options for the days when trains are very late then she must find them out and make sure she uses them next time. Is cab very expensive?

Give her a second chance if you wish but do make clear to her that she has to improve.

Laquitar Mon 09-Sep-13 20:49:33

Is she very young? She doesn't seem to understand professionalism. Or, perhaps from another country ?

ZeroTolerance Mon 09-Sep-13 20:55:43

I think she's lying to you about the food poisoning. Food poisoning doesn't get "treated" - it gets expelled from your body over approximately a 24hr period and leaves you feeling rough and weak for another day or possibly two. It doesn't go into a second week and definitely doesn't come back because it wasn't "treated"! hmm

Ruggles Mon 09-Sep-13 20:58:37

Hello! You don't sound too demanding to me either. In fact, I don't really get the judge-y sort of implications of 'too demanding'. It's how you want your house to run with your DCs and it sounds quite normal to me and your nanny should be happy to fit in with your way of running your house! I think you have been unlucky with your nanny as there are lots of great ones out there. Good luck.

Hiphopopotamus Mon 09-Sep-13 21:06:12

yoghurt pots in the fridge covered with clingfilm? Is this a thing that people do?
(I'm not being snotty - I'm genuinely wondering - because it's not something that I ever would have though of blush

Mintyy Mon 09-Sep-13 21:06:13

Food poisoning such as salmonella can take weeks or months to resolve.

AMI88 Tue 10-Sep-13 07:51:54

Part of a nannies role is to do light housework, this obviously differs from family to family, but I am shocked that people have called you demanding on here! When I was a nanny I was asked to do an awful lot more and my children didn't even sleep!

Talk to her about her absences and lateness, but please don't think of yourself as demanding or picky, I really don't think you sound that way at all!

Helpyourself Tue 10-Sep-13 08:07:58

I'd forget about the housekeeping and concentrate on the flakiness- illness, lateness, unpaid leave requests, wrong dates for holidays and not sure whether she's got the keys would be enough to to get rid.
She sounds exhausting and not someone I'd be comfortable leaving children with.

elah11 Tue 10-Sep-13 08:22:05

I think she sounds disorganised and unprofessional tbh and not up to the job.

whois Tue 10-Sep-13 08:37:56

I think she's lying to you about the food poisoning. Food poisoning doesn't get "treated" - it gets expelled from your body over approximately a 24hr period

That is not correct.

valiumredhead Tue 10-Sep-13 09:03:14

That is not correct, in fact it's utter rubbish. Food poisoning can be very serious and can hang around for ages, or come back even when you think it's gone.

OP-if I knew I was going to be even 20 mins late I would ring my employer to let them know.

Wrt not answering texts-always ring her so she had to answer.

Food-not sure, depends how high your standards are, she's either really lax or you're super fussy, can't really tell from this.

I think more than anything is the fact you don't have faith in her to cope in an emergency. I think that should be the number one thing when employing a nanny and everything else can be negotiated.

Is she on probation still? See how it goes for another couple of weeks then review?

TwoStepsBeyond Tue 10-Sep-13 09:44:15

She sounds like a bit of a nightmare to me. I don't know how the notice thing works with nannies, but I'd be looking at finding someone new - its not your responsibility to look after her and her sibling, its hers and she hasn't shown great commitment to this job so far.

However, I think it sounds a bit controlling to specify which bowl things were in and how they should have cling film on etc. If dishes have been washed and left to dry then saying they could also have been put away is a bit petty, she is a nanny not a cleaner, so I would prefer she spend the time playing with my DCs rather than tidying the kitchen.

Ok things should be relatively tidy, but picking on those things makes you sound a bit obsessive. (Not judging as I am the same, but the problem is, DP doesn't help me as much as he could for fear of getting it 'wrong' so if you are employing help, you need to allow them to get on with things).

DCs drinking each other's drinks really isn't a big deal as long as they don't mind. You could make things easier by getting them their own drinks bottles if it really bothers you.

Do you have a little book to use as a diary, rather than just asking her to write things down, if you have a specific place you can use it to communicate, leave her notes and she can fill it in throughout the day.

But tbh, does it really matter what time feeding/naps happen? If you're not a parent it must seem very odd that anyone should care exactly what was eaten and when, it would seem sensible that if a child is hungry you feed them, especially at an age where they can tell you that themselves.

Mamafoof Tue 10-Sep-13 13:40:49

thanks for all the responses. I went home last night, thinking perhaps I was being too picky and so I haven't mentioned the little things. I said I wanted to extend probation as she had only worked 8 days in the month (one of which she was 2.5 hours late). She is from abroad but speaks excellent English and so there aren't really any cultural differences. As for diary, I had to print out some sheet asking her to give brief details of the day. I don't think this is OTT as my kids are still young and I would like to know what they ate and how much. Plus naps dictate roughly what time I put them to bed so the info is useful.

This morning, she asked me if we can just do v brief handover as she has to rush off to stufy. I was taken aback a bit as I come home 15 mins early anyway. Plus I like to have a quick chat as to how things have gone on, especially as I feel disconnected as I don't do school drop offs and pick ups. I think I will try to be quick when I ask her stuff but it's not enough to just look at the sheet, as she is so vague.

I haven't really raised the late morning thing. I don't want to seem like a witch, if it was the trains' fault. As for how I would feel if there is an emergency, I don't feel that comfortable yet, which is worrying me.

Mamafoof Tue 10-Sep-13 13:40:56

thanks for all the responses. I went home last night, thinking perhaps I was being too picky and so I haven't mentioned the little things. I said I wanted to extend probation as she had only worked 8 days in the month (one of which she was 2.5 hours late). She is from abroad but speaks excellent English and so there aren't really any cultural differences. As for diary, I had to print out some sheet asking her to give brief details of the day. I don't think this is OTT as my kids are still young and I would like to know what they ate and how much. Plus naps dictate roughly what time I put them to bed so the info is useful.

This morning, she asked me if we can just do v brief handover as she has to rush off to stufy. I was taken aback a bit as I come home 15 mins early anyway. Plus I like to have a quick chat as to how things have gone on, especially as I feel disconnected as I don't do school drop offs and pick ups. I think I will try to be quick when I ask her stuff but it's not enough to just look at the sheet, as she is so vague.

I haven't really raised the late morning thing. I don't want to seem like a witch, if it was the trains' fault. As for how I would feel if there is an emergency, I don't feel that comfortable yet, which is worrying me.

valiumredhead Tue 10-Sep-13 13:43:24

A quick ten min handover is perfectly normal as is keeping a diary. I've always done both in all my jobs.

Mamafoof Tue 10-Sep-13 13:43:28

Helpyourself - she is exhausting. I dread getting a text from her (unless I have asked her something) in case she asks for leave, tells me she is sick. It's only been a few weeks!

And thanks to those of you who think I'm not being too demanding (as well as those of you who do - good to get a perspective on things)!

valiumredhead Tue 10-Sep-13 13:48:05

I think this early on she should be on best behaviour. If you are dressing phone calls already I think your answer is to find someone else. Do you actually like her?

valiumredhead Tue 10-Sep-13 13:48:15

Dreading

Mamafoof Tue 10-Sep-13 13:56:07

I like her - she seems genuinely nice. Just a little flaky. Basically, sometimes I feel I have hired a really fun playmate for my kids. Oh, just can't bear the thought of finding another. Especially, if I'm overreacting - hence this thread.....

valiumredhead Tue 10-Sep-13 14:03:08

It's good you like her and she seems nice. Is she is probation atm?

MissStrawberry Tue 10-Sep-13 14:10:12

If your child was taken badly ill or had a serious accident are you 100% sure she would know what to do and be able to do it?

I used to be a nanny and this just is not how a professional nanny works. Nannying is so different from many other jobs. It isn't just about a means to an end, a way to pay the bills. You get close to the children, maybe become genuine friends with the parents, and hopefully feel like you want to make things as easy and drama free as possible for everyone.

To me, she sounds like it is an inconvenience to make notes, do a handover and doesn't understand what you miss when at work and want to know that Johnny ate more than usual or tried a new food, etc.

valiumredhead Tue 10-Sep-13 14:13:09

I agree miss strawberry, part of a nanny's job is to fill the parents in and let them know what you have been doing. Also making things easy by being organised.

Is she experienced?

Mamafoof Tue 10-Sep-13 14:15:18

ok thanks. She worked for three years with another family - but older children and think she just got on with stuff as parents worked really late. I think I am prbably quite different to previous mum but perhaps because my kids are younger.

Open yoghurt pots in fridge – not cling filmed. She doesn't label kids' drinks so they end up drinking each others' which isn't ideal.

I don't understand this? If big pots don't they come with a plastic lid, and if little pots what are you doing scraping together half eaten yoghurt. I don't understand the bit about labelling drinks really. If that stuff is really important to you then I think you definitely need a different nanny. She doesn't sound organised enough for you.

The rest of it, if you're not that bothered about dry plates being in the wrong place etc. She may have had a nightmare first couple of weeks. It does happen. So I'd give her longer but not too long to see whether theses were just a run of one-offs.

Open yoghurt pots in fridge – not cling filmed. She doesn't label kids' drinks so they end up drinking each others' which isn't ideal.

I don't understand this? If big pots don't they come with a plastic lid, and if little pots what are you doing scraping together half eaten yoghurt. I don't understand the bit about labelling drinks really. If that stuff is really important to you then I think you definitely need a different nanny. She doesn't sound organised enough for you.

The rest of it, if you're not that bothered about dry plates being in the wrong place etc. She may have had a nightmare first couple of weeks. It does happen. So I'd give her longer but not too long to see whether theses were just a run of one-offs.

NomDeClavier Tue 10-Sep-13 14:43:29

If you want a log and you want a handover, and you've come home early to facilitate that, then she should definitely be respecting your wishes there. That is by no means demanding.

I think what would irk me is not so much her housekeeping competence, which is what stuck out for me at first but it seems you're getting a handle on that but her general attitude to it all. It doesn't matter to her if she's sick/late/needs extra holiday to her, and that means she's putting her needs way ahead of yours. Not that I'm am suggesting a nanny's needs should always be subservient to those of the family she works for but work sometimes needs to have a higher place in the pecking order than it seems to here. A professional nanny respects the trust placed in them by the family and appreciates what their role is. A professional nanny may be sick or unavoidably late but communicates that and will usually do their best to ensure their employers don't experience too much disruption.

Add that to the flakiness and I can see why you might have concerns around general safety, security and communication. It's a pretty fundamental attitude problem.

Mamafoof Tue 10-Sep-13 21:21:33

So I got home today. Pasta from lunch in the pan on the hob (with cling flm on it). So I had to clear it all up and put it in fridge. Then I walked past sink and brushed past a dish balancing on top of a pile, which smashed on floor. I don't think I would bother with this so much usually - but it's a snowball of irritation now. I fear I may have gone past a point of no return as fr as resentment goes. Oh dear

Hm. Maybe set out clear rules and give her some time. Although tbh it does sound rather as if she isn't going to naturally do what you would like or want & it might take rather a lot of effort to change her.

valiumredhead Tue 10-Sep-13 21:49:47

Do you have a dish washer, is it not part of any nanny's job to clear away/fill and empty the washer ?

valiumredhead Tue 10-Sep-13 21:53:29

When you say you had to coat up the pasta what do you mean exactly? A pan with cling film, is that all? Or was it just the pan cooling down?

valiumredhead Tue 10-Sep-13 21:53:43

Clear up

Mamafoof Tue 10-Sep-13 21:59:54

Pasta was in pan on hob since lunch. So I had to empty it and wash the pan. Not a big deal but it would be nice to have the kitchen as I left it. We have a dishwasher and I had run a load this morning. It wasn't emptied but wouldn't expect it to be, to be honest. My previous nanny would have done it anyway but feel like i have to expressly ask this one to do stuff. I am not bothered about dishwasher as it is not related to her duties so thats fine.

valiumredhead Tue 10-Sep-13 22:04:49

I think the dishwasher is related to her duties a she should clear up after making meals and you can't without emptying the washer.

I think you need to tell her that the kitchen must be left tidy unless the kids are ill or something.

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Tue 10-Sep-13 22:08:36

It doesn't sound like organisation or being very reliable are her natural characteristics. She can learn how to be like this but only if she really wants to if it isn't how she naturally is.

I don't think you're making it clear to her how important it is that she does things like do a proper hand over / be on time / reply to your texts. Can you sit down with her and make it clear that you really need her to do these things all the time and reliably as a core part of the job?

As for the kitchen stuff, you need to give her really clear instructions and see if she follows them. Just leaving it and hoping she ll get the message won't end well!

Good luck

valiumredhead Tue 10-Sep-13 22:11:36

Double is right. Make a list and go through it with her all this stuff was in my contracts when I was a nanny. My last contract was pages long but it was really good as everything was very clearly laid out as to what my employers wanted.

Wickedgirl Wed 11-Sep-13 04:08:14

Did you ask her why she hadn't tidied the kitchen after lunch?

ifink Wed 11-Sep-13 05:00:19

my previous nanny would never had called in sick with only 45 mins notice...and if she was running late would have been in constant contact as to what was happenning/asking whether she should get a cab etc. She was completely and utterly aware that my employing her meant I could WORK and earn her and our keep. Your nanny doesn't seem to get this...you need to have the chat i.e. improve or you are out and only give it another week or so.

LolaCrayola Wed 11-Sep-13 05:20:16

You are bothered about the dishwasher not being emptied though, aren't you? Otherwise why would you have mentioned it here. Yes she does sound a bit flaky, but you sound like VERY hard work. I think she might be getting cold feet about working for the type of person who labels their children's cups!

mykingdomforasleep Wed 11-Sep-13 05:35:12

You don't sound like hard work at all! I have similar aged children and a baby and do exactly as you do - am SAHM but if I was working I'd expect my nanny to manage the day as well as I do - surely from a tidiness point of view everything should be no worse than you left it in the morning.

Also I would have thought it basic to cover stuff with clingfilm, that would piss me off too!

Eastpoint Wed 11-Sep-13 06:00:06

I think you need to lo

Eastpoint Wed 11-Sep-13 06:01:35

I think you need to find a new nanny. She doesn't sound like a good match for you & at the moment you can just tell her she isn't working out.

Blondeshavemorefun Wed 11-Sep-13 13:50:10

I think you need to find a new nanny - nannies are meant to make parents life's easier and yours isn't

Trains Etc so get delayed / it happens

Really don't understand the yog pots things - big ones have lids / little ones get eaten in one go

Drinks - labelled?? Really. Why?

Personally I prefer to unload dw rather then wash up

Maybe she was letting left per lunch cool down and then put in fridge /freeze it - clingfilm to stop flies

Do you trust her to cope in an Amergency?

Reinette Wed 11-Sep-13 20:14:38

I'm a nanny for young children and there is nothing you've complained about that I think is OTT (aside from labeling drinks, which is unusual but which I'd happily do if you told me it was important in your household).

Of course cleaning up after a meal is part of my job! Of course keeping food and dishes tidy and put away is a part of that. Of course I keep a detailed log for the parents and I always stay until my end time to give a daily debrief, I'd never dream of asking to rush out the door when they come home early to chat! As for being out sick, that sounds like some bad luck but her lack of common sense with regards to how much notice she gives you would be the last straw for me - I once went to work very, very ill because an hour simply wasn't enough notice for my boss to change her plans (although she kindly reciprocated by coming home early to relieve me).

Basically at work I think of any daily tasks like this - first priority: is this healthy/stimulating/appropriate for the children? second priority: is this making family life/running the household easier for the mom and dad? What's easiest or most natural for me does not factor in at all - I'm at work, not at home, and my job is to ensure those two goals are met every day. I truly think you should let her go ASAP and find someone who is more naturally on top of things, a little less absent-minded and better able to communicate with you. Yes, you'll need to manage any nanny you hire, but this one sounds like she needs much more management than you should reasonably have to provide.

Mamafoof Thu 12-Sep-13 21:50:48

Thanks Reinette - you sound like a great nanny and one that would fit well in our family! I think we will find a new one. She also has other commitments in evenings which wasn't allowing her to focus so I think it's best for her also.

MGMidget Thu 12-Sep-13 23:30:53

Drinks labelled because one may have a cold, the other doesn't (yet) so why make it a certainty that they will catch it by swapping their drinks around?

However, the big stuff for me is the lateness, the absence and the general chaos. 2.5 hours late because of trains rings alarm bells - is this a one off or is her journey to work going to cause frequent problems ( in which case you need to hire someone who lives in a less problematic location). Secondly, the sickness absence - several days for food poisoning and only been in the job a week. Did she visit the doctor? For that many days sickness I would expect a doctor's note, especially since she seems to have said the food poisoning wasn't 't treated properly. You mention she's looking after a sibling. Do you mean her sibling? I am wondering if the absence has something to do with that rather than food poisoning?

I suspect it's going to end in dismissal soon but you need to give her a bit longer ( not much longer) to see if she just had a run of bad luck at the start of the job.

mykingdomforasleep Thu 12-Sep-13 23:33:48

By the way everyone is mentioning the drink labelling - I am in Australia and we are always told not to share drinks or let even siblings do so cos of the potential riskof meningococcal disease... so here you would not be considered OTT. At birthday parties names get scrawled on plastic cups as a matter of course.

Mamafoof Fri 13-Sep-13 13:02:33

Thanks - the labelling is just so they don't pass on germs - I know it could be inevitable anyway but would rather do what I can to avoid it. She never did provide a sick note - she said she would have to go back and get one and pay for it and she didn't want to spend the money. I believe her though. Since I first posted, we had a chat and she hasn't improved - it's definitely an inherent trait to be disorganised and untidy. She is basically just a glorified babysitter.

I don't think you sound like hard work.

Realistically you are employing someone to do a job. Therefore that is what they have to do.

If I employ someone at work and they are unable to follow instructions, turn up on time, take a lot of time off, I would review their position.

It doesn't matter if people think cling film on yoghurt a in unnecessary, that is what you have asked to do. It's not really a difficult task is it?

rabbitstew Sat 14-Sep-13 23:20:56

Well, clearly this nanny's kitchen hygiene gives her food poisoning grin. Someone who shoves half-eaten, uncovered food in my fridge and leaves dirty saucepans on my cooker for the food inside to solidify rather than clearing up after herself wouldn't last long in my house. It sounds like living with a student - oh yes, she is, really, isn't she?... I wouldn't trust her with a 2-year old.

Echocave Sun 15-Sep-13 04:09:57

OP, I don't think you're being too demanding either.

If your nanny is on probation, you should tell her what you want doing differently and if no improvement, let her go.

Sickness is tough and she may well have actually been ill but I think the rest of her timekeeping, asking for lots of leave immediately, only replying to texts when she wants something is a bad sign especially so early on.

Blondeshavemorefun Sun 15-Sep-13 08:25:38

Different colour cups works instead of labelling. At 2 and 4 they are capable of knowing they drink from say a red or
Blue cup smile

My 16mth knows his cup from his 3yr brothers cup and brings to me if out at the park etc

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