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Do nannies dislike jobs where mum works from home? Or does it just depend...?

(62 Posts)
emeraldgirl1 Sat 03-Aug-13 05:23:17

I work from home and am starting to look into finding a part time nanny fr baby DD.

But can any nannies/parents tell me if there are reasons why good nannies prefer jobs where mum is not working at home?

I am new to all this but am getting a slight impression that nannies prefer to work without parents in the home?

Is it (if it is actually the case) because they are worried the parent will hover and interfere?

I have no option but to work from home and ideally would like to be able to leave a nanny totally in charge for eg a three hour block in the morning, then I join them for lunch, then a block again in the pm with nanny in charge. I would be in home office but would aim (unless extraordinary event) to stay 'locked' away for the three hour blocks ie I wouldn't intend to pop out every ten minutes to see what was going on etc.

I couldn't promise to be that disciplined at the start!!!! Would be hard not to pop out if DD was crying for me sad But intention would be to wean us all off that over time.

I do worry however that working from home night be more disruptive for baby than me going out!! Had always thought working from home ideal as you could be with child when they needed you but in reality am beginning to recognise that actually this might disrupt a baby more??

And hadnt even thought about whether nannies might not like this kind of arrangement...

Any advice or experience gratefully received! I have just been let down by MIL who had promised childcare so am floundering a bit. sad

nannynick Sat 03-Aug-13 08:36:52

Yes the interference, constant checking, plus having to keep noise level down are all potential issues.

Can you lock yourself away in part of the house?

SunnyIntervals Sat 03-Aug-13 08:41:43

I have tried to recruit a pt nanny while working from home and it definitely is harder!! I had two false starts and in the end opted for an ap.

Would you consider a nanny with own child?

SunnyIntervals Sat 03-Aug-13 08:42:23

How old is she?

emeraldgirl1 Sat 03-Aug-13 09:15:01

Nanny nick, yep I would plan to shut myself away in top floor office... As I say I would aim to leave nanny completely to it apart from a break at lunch. I couldn't promise it wouldn't take a few weeks for me to not leap up at every cry but my intention would be to get the nanny in sole charge ASAP.

Sunnyintervals, DD will be 7 mo when I start.

I guess I could consider a nanny with own child... Do you think that would help?

emeraldgirl1 Sat 03-Aug-13 09:16:08

Sunnyintervals, can I ask why an au pair was easier for you?

valiumredhead Sat 03-Aug-13 09:21:11

You need to do sole charge right from the start ime, unless the nanny comes to you and asks for help. Kids aren't daft they know their mum is upstairs.

It's only worked ime where the house is massive and mum or dad really can be out of ear shot so aren't coming down every 5 mins and the nanny isn't worried about noise levels etc.

petuniapickletits Sat 03-Aug-13 09:34:17

I work two pt jobs. One were mum is regularly at home nipping in and out. Its so disruptive. LO is on edge and anxious for her mum and I can see she doesn't understand the situation.. mums here..but then shes not....

SunnyIntervals Sat 03-Aug-13 09:38:03

Basically, I was very ill when DS was 8 months and had to have surgery. I wasn't allowed to pick him up at all. So I had to have an ap at that stage even though I was still on mat leave. I hadn't intended to go back to work and thought aps weren't suitable for babies.

I got a trained teacher aged 25 who was amazing with DS. When I unexpectedly went back to work pt at home 4 months later it worked like a dream - ds thought he was with someone in his family as he'd become so close to ap who lived with us.

I then hired nannies when the ap left as I felt she'd been a one off and nannies were much better for young children. Found it impossible to recruit and (sorry to the excellent nannies on MN) both nannies I got were awful sad I then went back to aps - all have been mid 20s and trainee primary school teachers from eu countries. DS has been amazingly well looked after.

SunnyIntervals Sat 03-Aug-13 09:40:27

Aps are also much more flexible than many nannies - ours didn't mind me popping in and out and DS was so happy with that arrangement - no different from his point of view than when DH and I look after him together at the weekend and pop in and out with first one then the other doing stuff with him.

Raggerbums Sat 03-Aug-13 09:42:56

I personally would never take a job where a parent works from home. Some nannies don't mind but I think the majority find it disruptive with a parent home. Coming to "help" when they here the child crying just makes it harder for the nanny. I also personally think at the age of your child (depending on the individual child) may find it hard that your their for lunch then of again. Also another thing I would add is the first few weeks of a nanny starting a job is such an important bonding time where they do need that one on one. You would have to try your up most hardest like you said not to pop Down every time your child crys will just make it harder for everyone to settle.

OutragedFromLeeds Sat 03-Aug-13 09:47:21

Generally nannies prefer to work with parents out of the home. Not that it's impossible to find someone, but it will be at the bottom of the pile for many nannies.

Main reasons are;

1. It's so much harder to settle the children. The early days are the most important in terms of settling/bonding so saying it will just be at first isn't really helpful. When she's older she'll know you're upstairs and spend the whole time wanting to come up/wondering why you're ignoring her.

2. At least at first she'll be upset when you leave. Why put her through that twice each day by coming down for lunch?

3. Could you work knowing your boss was listening to everything you were doing?

4. Many nannies (me included) find it hard to relax and sing/mess about/pull funny faces with another adult around.

5. No-one will ever look after your DD exactly the same as you do. The nanny will do things differently (not better or worse, just different). Some parents find this impossible to deal with and are better not knowing exactly what goes on all day i.e. working out of the home or using out of the home childcare.

emeraldgirl1 Sat 03-Aug-13 09:49:10

Thanks everyone!
Still not sure what to do...

Sunny, I am very envious of your experience, it sounds amazing. Insinctively I feel I would like to be able to pop in and out (my work would allow this) BUT I also fear it disrupting DD... I don't think I'd know if it would work until I tried...

Do nannies who have answered (petunia?) feel that even me popping in for half an hour for lunch would be disruptive for a 7mo? The way I see it I woudl ideally like a nanny to take her out (a class or activity) in the morning, come back for lunch and then do 3 ish hours with her after that. I wouldn't intend to interrupt at any point except lunch.

Bad idea...?

Also we would only want the arrangement 2 or maybe 3 days a week (a nanny share I assume) - again, I had thought that just a couple of days would be better for DD (and I can get away with that amount for work) but can any nannies tell me if babies settle better with more days? Perhaps 4 mornings is better than 2 days?

Sorry for such basic questions but I am really in a pickle as had not planned to need to hire someone...

emeraldgirl1 Sat 03-Aug-13 09:52:22

Thanks so much ragger and outraged!! That is seriously good advice.

It wasn't until I began to realise I needed a nanny that I actually began to think about how to avoid disruption to DD... obv it's nicer for me to be able to pop down to say hi but I totally understand that it wouldn't be nicer for her.

Oh, dear, i feel like I'm at square one!!!

OutragedFromLeeds Sat 03-Aug-13 10:01:06

A nanny share is where a nanny looks after the children from two families at the same time, so this isn't a nanny share. A nanny share could work for you though as you could have a nanny, but at somebody else's house!

Have you looked into childminders?

If it's only a few hours a day even a nursery could be ok?

petuniapickletits Sat 03-Aug-13 10:10:14

Its hard to say..Some children are incredibly placid and wouldn't be phased but I do think this is rare. My other pt job mum is out of the house, but in the beginning (and even now a year on struggles) was so distressed when mum left..She would be near inconsolable for a good thirty minutes or so, it broke my heart! We have a wonderful relationship now but every Wednesday (I do wed-fri with them) She struggles to say bye to mum and dad. Rarely mum works from home and its a mission to stay out of the house all day. She will literally go mad of she knows mum is in the house somewhere and is difficult for everyone. . Normal days where we are together all day nipping in and out to groups etc She is a little gem..laughing and so easy. Its a stark contrast. When my contract ends with other PT job with mum at home I will chalk it up to experience and probably actively avoid jobs where parents are at home.

Originally I was sceptical of nannies who didn't like the parents being at home..in fact when ptjob#2 asked howI felt aabout her being at home during my interview my response was very much. . 'I know im a good nanny and ive nothing to hide, its not a problem for me! ' - now I realise why its a problem! lol

JellyTopicecreamisthebest Sat 03-Aug-13 10:11:26

I have worked in a few jobs where a parent has been working from home. It has worked best where there has been clear rules. One of the advantages of working from home is you are there a child can bring you a cake they have just made show you a drawing ect. The one it worked the best was when the parent said goodbye, went upstairs and left me to it. If the children wanted to show something if the door was shut they could knock and go in. If I put the kettle on if the door was open I would pop up and offer them one. If she came down to put the kettle on he always offered me one. I went out with the children. The parent only worked from home one day out of the two I worked.. I am sure if one of the children had really hurt themselves or where clearly really upset I think she would of come down and popped her head round the door.

One advantage of a parent working from home is they are never late and if you see them at lunch/ coffee time only a quick handover is needed at the end of the day.

nbee84 Sat 03-Aug-13 10:59:42

"One advantage of a parent working from home is they are never late and if you see them at lunch/ coffee time only a quick handover is needed at the end of the day."

Not in my experience grin The amount of times mb is caught up in a phone call at my finish time! You can't really interrupt a call to say "excuse me, do you realise what the time is?"

Another disadvantage I find to having Mum or Dad at home is that we often get caught up chatting. I've often over-cooked the pasta or lost track of scoops of formula when we are having a gossip. And the children aren't getting my full attention - a little one hanging on my leg saying "nbee, I'm waiting for you to read my book" Or putting the baby down for a nap, getting my little jobs done and then wanting 10 mins peace with my feet up and boss will choose that time to come and natter.

nannynick Sat 03-Aug-13 11:05:33

You need to find the right nanny. It won't suit all but some of us work with an employer at home some of the time, mum on maternity leave.

OutragedFromLeeds Sat 03-Aug-13 11:09:16

Maternity leave is different to a parent working from home and in most cases happens after the nanny has already been there for a while. Very few people take on a nanny the day they start maternity leave!

GuffSmuggler Sat 03-Aug-13 11:10:06

I'm a SAHM and DH works from home one day a week and it can be a bit of a nightmare.

The older DS has got the more aware he is that DH is in the study and goes to the door and tries to get in and has a tantrum when he can't. Then he sees DH when he pops out for a coffee or lunch and is confused why he won't play with him etc. and tries to follow him back into the study and the tantrums start again.

It's also very stressful trying to keep noise levels down if DH is on an important call or something. So I basically make sure we're out most the day when he's working from home!

SunnyIntervals Sat 03-Aug-13 11:18:54

What I did emerald was blocks of time alone with ap, building up v gradually.

If I was where you are I would start looking at ap world and call childcare international and find a nice eu teacher or trainer teacher (lots of germans, Spaniards and Italians looking). My latest recruit has near-native English, is an amazing cook and a trainee primary school teacher doing the final year of her degree in her home country - in sole charge of a class of 7 year olds one day every week as part of her course. She has babysat 1-3 year old's once a week or more for two years.

You can get them over for a trial weekend, check you are happy and get them started a month before you go back. That way dd will be very used to her. Aps do small amounts of ironing, babysitting, cleaning too if you need.

Mine do 30 hours a week for £90 plus free petrol for car and gym sub. All have become family friends and are coming to stay this summer /get invited to birthday parties etc.

If you are working from home I honestly think aps provide better quality Childcare unless you are very lucky in your nanny as most good nannies do not want this kind of job.

SunnyIntervals Sat 03-Aug-13 11:19:55

So by a few months in I was out for 2 hour blocks at a time - DS just thought I was shopping or cleaning and never even noticed my absence!!!

GuffSmuggler Sat 03-Aug-13 11:20:57

I thought au pairs couldn't look after babies?

I'm going to try avoid it this time I think, it's been a nightmare for me, child and Mum.

My charge won't let me settle her because when I first started with her MBoss bfed when she was overly tired or overly upset and would come out to do so when this happened in my care. I was perfectly happy to support breastfeeding (and still do support the extended bfing) but it has made things a hell of a lot harder and I'd have to seriously consider working for another parent working from home. It sounds like you would have a good set up with the home office though.

Parents popping in is a nightmare, because when you do, the child wants a cuddle, then time with you and then they don't want you to leave so it's a cycle of that all morning which is frustrating for the nanny and emotionally draining for Mum and child.

"Another disadvantage I find to having Mum or Dad at home is that we often get caught up chatting."

I find that too. The chats last a lot longer and happen more frequently when the parent isn't rushing out of the door!

SunnyIntervals Sat 03-Aug-13 11:36:58

Guff, they shouldn't have sole charge for a WOHM but the agency is perfectly happy as long as there is someone at home. Any issues and I am 30 seconds away smile

An ap like mine - mid 20s, teacher trained or in training and with plenty of Childcare experience is not that different to a brand new and inexperienced uk nanny - just need good supervision and training - long lead in of a good few weeks.

SunnyIntervals Sat 03-Aug-13 11:40:15

You can see from this thread why I found it incredibly hard to recruit - work from home, was extended bf, ate all 3 meals a day with DS and ap. most nannies don't want this tbh!

It has been great for DS though - he has been very settled and happy in the arrangement. I feel the working from home has been great for him. All aps have kindly recommended us to friends, so they were happy too!

Sunny: you could see why though, it makes it very difficult to start a relationship with a new charge if Mum is close by because what child wants a nanny to soothe them when Mummy is nearby? I adore my charge, she's coming up to 3 now and I've been with her nearly two years, but it is hard when she's upset and even Mum Boss feels that if they were to have another she would have a nanny start earlier and she'd be stricter on herself with coming to the aide when the child is upset. Must be very very difficult to avoid it though.

Another thought, if you bf OP, when recruiting talk to your nanny about it and make it clear you intend to continue if you do. I was amazed to discover a maternity nanny who made it clear that she thought my boss was insane and 'encouraged' her clients to stop breastfeeding by 6 months or earlier if possible. I have met a few others who feel a similar way which has shocked me.

emeraldgirl1 Sat 03-Aug-13 13:12:09

Oooh it really does seem as though there are different opinions on this one!!!

Sunny, stupid question probably but were your au pairs live in?

I am starting to wonder if the best solution for a few more months/up to a year is to get a mothers help to take household tasks off my back so I could get a couple of hours work done instead of laundry and ironing in the evening. And could slot in some work in the day when DD naps rather than running round tidying/loading the dishwasher...

If DD started sleeping through the night (!) I could also start early, 6am ish, and do a good hour before she wakes.

I guess I might try that and see if I can carve out enough work time that way. DH can take her one full day on the weekend and my mum will do what she can. If I stayed up at my parents a couple of nights a week my mum could take DD out two mornings for 3 hours each time and I get 6 hours that way.

Just desperately don't want to confuse or frustrate my LO!!!

emeraldgirl1 Sat 03-Aug-13 13:14:16

Sunny, that is great advice re au pairs, I will certainly start to look into that... Thank you!!!

GuffSmuggler Sat 03-Aug-13 13:16:29

Why not just do a nursery 2 or 3 mornings a week or drop her a nearby childminder if you can do 3 hour blocks without breastfeeding?

It would be cheaper to use a CM and better IMO. I don't like working from home when our nanny is home as we just get in her way. Dc both want to see me and come to me for stuff so I'm careful to stress that our nanny is in charge not me.

emerald: what about a girl who's worked in a nursery for a year or two and hoping to become a nanny? You're home, she can get that step up and gradual working to being fully sole charge and you have a slightly cheaper option to a fully qualified nanny?

SunnyIntervals Sat 03-Aug-13 14:27:57

Emerald, they do live in, which I was a bit dubious about initially. However, we've actually loved having them and even though DS is now at an age where we could more easily opt for nursery we've chosen ap care again.

I think ap sounds perfect for you tbh, as it would be very flexible. My last one used to take DS off to a music group one morning a week which gave me a few hours of solid working - was great!

nannynewo Sat 03-Aug-13 15:56:43

You have been given a lot of good advice here. From a nanny's point of view I agree that it is a lot more difficult working knowing the children's parents are in the same house. I feel as though I can't completely relax/be silly and am constantly asking the children to keep the noise down because mummy or daddy is working! I guess my situation was more difficult because both worked from home in separate parts of the house so almost everywhere we went we would have to keep the noise down. Another bad point I would add....the children I looked after were almost 2 and 5 when I started and although the youngest was not bothered by her parents being in the house the eldest was and would ALWAYS go into the mums room while she was trying to work and I mean ALL the time! It got to the point where I really wanted to just put a lock on her door myself haha! Also hard to discipline (naughty step) because the kids will scream again being too noisy for parents to work.

However, as much as I am making it sound like complete chaos, it worked out well in other ways because if one of the parents had finished a big chunk of work they could take one or both of the kids out unexpectedly which would allow me to get out the house too. It also has advantages to the nanny sometimes because they may say 'oh i'll make dinner tonight and dh will take over with the kids so you can leave early tonight' which is always a nice surprise for the nanny and keeps a positive relationship.

I say give it a go but agree with those who say try to leave the nanny alone with the baby until she settles and then perhaps join for lunch once they have bonded.

emeraldgirl1 Sat 03-Aug-13 17:35:15

Thanks everyone!

The nursery-worker-training-to-be-a-nanny idea is a good one, I think. We're in SW London so I'm hoping there are reams of suitable candidates around here... lots of people wanting nannies too, though, of course...

I still may look at the mothers help idea too - does anyone know how much per hour a mother's help would expect in SW London?

Renovatinghouse Sat 03-Aug-13 20:24:55

Hi! just wanted to say that I also work from home and have a 6 months old baby. We hired an au pair a month ago and are really happy with the arrangement. It was the last option but after we couldnt find part time nannies we decided to try and it has worked really well. The ap is mid twenties, very friendly and sensible and extremely loving with the baby. She is not very experienced but eager to follow instructions and does not mind at all me popping in and out several times a day to check on the baby.

She works 35 hours per week, but most days I let her go half an hour or more early and we pay her £100 per week, plus some extra if she has stayed late one day. So far so good!

Blondeshavemorefun Sat 03-Aug-13 21:33:44

honestly yes most nannies hate their employers working from home - not coz we do anything that mb/db wouldnt like but more that they do things us nannies dont like grin wink

leeds explain it well, also

the popping in to say hello disrupts what we are doing,plus when they leave some children cry and we get left to sort them out

if child is crying then parent comes in, they soon learn from an early age to cry/say mummy and the nanny loses authority knowing their parent will come in

parents allowing child in to their office, yet other times doesnt ie if on phone - totally confuses child and sends mixed signals

playing each other off against, ie you say no, they go and see mummy and she says yes

meal times are horrendous as they get older

im happy to sing/dance around room, crawl on hands and knees playing chase etc but you do feel silly doing it if parents about

it can work, but you need to have rules and stick to them - when my ex mb worked the odd day at home and when was on ml but going back to work

if the children went to see mb, she kept door locked from inside and odd time she did reply to them talking through the door,she said ask blondes, im working, she always said that, so eventually kids stopped seeing/asking her stuff

the odd meal she came down and middle one was a pain, so i said either i do tea and mb works, or she does tea and i go home early

db's are easier to have working from home then mb's - they leave you to it more i find

MGMidget Sat 03-Aug-13 22:09:22

I was in a similar situation to you Emeraldgirl and went for a nanny who was trained (level 3 Cache diploma) and recently out of college with limited experience. Hence she was pleased to have the opportunity to take charge of a baby and I was able to give her a bit more time to train her up for sole charge nanny work and to be on hand in an emergency. I stayed out of the way during the day (loft room home office) showing up at lunchtime for a chat. It worked very well and DS was never upset. Noise not a problem as I was sufficiently out of the way. Also, now he's 5 and we now have an au pair he is comfortable with me being in the house working and he stays with the au pair as long she plays with him/keeps him engaged (which the current one does). Temporary babysitters also have no problem getting him to stay with them and there's no upset ( never has been).

The important thing is not to interfere and let your child know the nanny is in charge when you are working and it's fine. My DS was 5.5 months when our nanny started and there were no tears (ever) when I left the room or went out. I would stay for a few minutes in the morning though to give our nanny time to get him engaged in something before I excused myself. I think at 7 months separation anxiety may be a bit worse but probably still not bad. I would feel more comfortable with a newly trained nanny rather than an au pair for a young baby.

forevergreek Sun 04-Aug-13 07:56:10

I would maybe go for a childminder. At 6months they aren't so noisy but in a year they will be having little friends over to play and 3/4 toddlers running around would make a lot of noise!
With a childminder you could pick the hours say 3 days a week, and have a quiet house to work from more productively. If baby starts at 6 months they will get used to everything now rather than nanny for 1 year, then swap. Its also a lot cheaper as no tax/ insurance etc to pay, and no food, activities on top.
Sw London, I would say £6-7 per hour at a childminder. So £50-70 a day depending on price and hours. And that might include x3 meals and nappies for child depending on what they offer exactly
Compared to a nanny of approx £13 gross, say 10 hrs= £130 per day. Plus £10 min a day to cover food for nanny and child at home, plus trips to toddler group/ library session/ bus ticket.

Welovegrapes Sun 04-Aug-13 08:47:13

But if you have a cm you lose a lot of the benefit for the child of working from home - meals together, mum around if needed, able to continue bf on demand as baby moves across to solids and until feeds naturally start to drop off.

Welovegrapes Sun 04-Aug-13 08:47:25

I would go for an ap personally

Cathyrina Sun 04-Aug-13 15:53:56

Im a Nanny and didnt like my previous role which was shared care with mum at home. It was a bit different though as she was on maternity leave and around all the time. Constant checking at every single cry, having to keep noise level down when she or newborn took a nap etc. all was tricky to manage but the worst thing was the little ones separation anxiety. Mum would run around the house, constantly leave and come back all the time and wasnt really supportive so in the end little one would not only cry but have a proper melt down and scream for ages every single time mum left or even when she got up the sofa to change rooms. It was a nightmare but they didnt want to hear about it and just kep on with it. In your case I would simply make sure that the position is sole charge right from the very beginning to avoid confusing your little one. You do however need a proper handover period for the baby to get to know the new nanny with you around for security in the beginning. Make sure that when the Nanny comes in and starts her working day you have a smooth handover of a few minutes every day so baby can relate to new nanny as a new play mate and person of trust and not as someone who will take her away from you (I had this in last position because mum threw the baby at me the second I came in and disappeared immediately) . I would suggest that you sit down with new nanny and create a schedule for you to come down regularly i.e. for lunch and for tea so baby gets used to you being nearby when she needs you but only being around at certain times.

BerkshireMum Sun 04-Aug-13 23:56:56

I worked from home when I had nannies - sometimes all the time, sometimes part-time. I was scrupulous about saying that nanny was in charge when she was working and I wouldn't intervene. When DC were toddlers they'd come to knock to give me a kiss before they went out or to show me something they'd made, but it was very brief and I didn't interfer in how nanny had planned the day etc.

emeraldgirl1 Mon 05-Aug-13 17:46:32

BerkshireMum, that's exactly how I would want to do it... Can I ask how old your DCs were when you started the arrangement?

Thanks Cathyrina, that sounds a bit of a nightmare job for you!!! I'd never intend to be anything like that boss! My main priority would be to make sure DD feels that the nanny is in charge and to not unsettle her by popping in etc.

ChickenLickenSticken Wed 21-Aug-13 20:14:45

Emerald, I wfh 4 days a week and when I was still on mat leave I thought I could do similar with dd (ie lunches with her, have her looked after at home whilst I work) but in the end we found a great nursery (she does 2 days pw there's and the other 2 days with her grandparents). Nursery is a 5 minute walk away, and whilst at first it felt a bit strange shipping dd out for the day, it now works really well.

Could you consider nursery?

You say about early mornings - please remember that DC are bloody inconsistent and whilst they might go thought a phase of sleeping in until 8am, this is just a trick wink and they will lull you into a false sense of security and then wake up at 6am for the best part of 3 months.

Do you work for yourself or are you employed? I'm employed and lucky to have v flexible working arrangements which is great - but flexibility is required of me too. Having very concrete childcare means I know exactly where I stand with that and can make work plans around that.

okiecokie Wed 21-Aug-13 22:39:12

I wfh and have an nanny and it works really well. My nanny hours are 8.30-5.30 and I do not have a 3 hour to and from the office each day so U have more time with the children in the morning and the evening. However there are some rules. I always get the children up and give them breakfast each morning. Our nanny arrives and I have a coffee with her while the children have breakfast and we discuss the night before and day ahead. Then I leave and go to my office. From then it is her day. She is in charge and I do not interfere. I even text her from upstairs rather than come down as I know that would upset the apple cart and confuse the children. All I need is a cup of tea or coffee now and then. As I am home, she tends to go out more which I agree with, playgroups, parks, swimming etc. It works well for us, but largely because I am hand off.

NannyBeth Thu 22-Aug-13 01:34:00

I work for parents who are around sometimes and away sometimes - mb works shifts but is also studying and db is self employed and does about half his work at home. For us, it works! If mb/db are home and free, they come with us to the park etc. One of them is always home to take the kids to ballet one day a week. And if they aren't home, obviously we just get on with it. Since its been this way since the kids were tiny, they accept that sometimes mum and dad go upstairs to do work and sometimes they walk/take the car and go somewhere else. Yes, they do cry occasionally but it takes 5secs to distract/calm them down (they are now 2.5).

I think it works really well for this family - they get to spend more time with the kids, take them out individually for one-on-one on a regular basis as there's someone to watch the others, and be involved with their lives. However, they also get the "break" of work and the income of course!!

Just be honest in your ad and with any nanny who you interview - you will be working from home, you want to be involved, etc and you should be fine!!

oscarwilde Thu 22-Aug-13 14:47:56

I've worked from home for an extended period and I think only Berkshiremum and Okiecokie's approach really works, and only then if you can be tucked away somewhere you can't really hear the noise.
I made a point to pop downstairs and grab a cup of tea just before the kids come in for lunch at 12. They have usually been active and are a bit cranky by then so it's disruptive to have me around at lunchtime.

It's useful to establish what you want to be interupted for (eg: a quick goodbye; major bump on the head etc; but that you will wait to be called on and so it is at the nanny's judgement. Otherwise you will have a child on your hands that assumes you will pop out with a concerned face at every minor bump and bruise and you will never get any work done. Ignoring an upset child is the hardest point at first but you quickly learn how fast they get over it if you are not around smile

SunnyIntervals Thu 22-Aug-13 15:36:18

Beth, you sound like you have just the arrangement I have with my ap - I pop in and out just as it works for that day and DS - now 2 - is fine with that.

HiccupHaddockHorrendous Thu 22-Aug-13 19:30:54

I nannied for a family (for almost 4 years) where both mum and dad worked from home.

The baby was 5 months when I started so it became a very normal routine for her, very quickly.

The only time I felt it was harder (than if they worked out of the home) was when my charge started nursery and we wanted to have friends over for lunch/play. I was always worried that any noise would disturb mum and dad.

Overall, it worked very well for all of us and I think that was because 1) the baby was so young when the arrangement started, 2) mum and dad had a good work routine ie always in their office by 9, lunch at 1, finish by 6 3) they were very clear that when I was on duty I could do my own thing as if they were wohm.

They were a very good family to work for and I miss that job very much.

I also worked for a family where the mum would have occasional days working at home and it was a disaster! Very confusing for the children and stressful for all involved grin.

Rainbowbabyhope Wed 28-Aug-13 18:57:10

Both my DH and I work from home and have a nanny working in our home with 7 month old DD. All three of us see it as an advantage that all three can share the care of the baby - not many children of fulltime working parent are lucky to have their parent in close proximity. It also means I can continue breastfeeding is lovely. It is the perfect arrangement for all concerned. As for making things more difficult for the nanny - many of us work in an office constantly overseen by their boss and with interference i.e doing things their way with regular check-ups etc. Unless you are worried you are doing a bad job then why would it matter if the parents oversee your work as for any other employee out there? Nannies are not in a special category - if the parents want things done a certain way then that's what should happen and they should be able to regularly check in and reconnect with their little one.

Blondeshavemorefun Wed 28-Aug-13 22:26:11

Rainbow - it's not the fact that we are doing something that our employers wouldn't like - yes many people have in their office an employer breathing over them - but that doesn't effect their job as no little child there

It's a bit like if you and your dh have diff opinions/ideas on something - as you child gets older they will try and play off you and dh - you said no - they go to daddy who says yes

It's undermining and makes a nannies life bloody hard

Today I had mum at home. Lunch was hell - kids mucked about /had disgusting table manners - after lunch was sleep time - normally go to bed no problems

today mum offered a snooze on the sofa as he didn't want to sleep on his bed (if he doesn't sleep then sooooo grumpy and mum has asked me to make sure he sleeps 1.5/2hrs every day (fine by me) she then gives him her iPad as 'Needs time to unwind' erm that's what sleep time is - so rewarding bad behaviour hmm

In the end I had to tell kids that mummy was going to work and told her to disappear upstairs - which finally she did - once of the way normal /nice behaviour reigned again smile - kids went to bed upstairs and I had my hour of peace - after unpacking sw and hanging washing out

Rainbowbabyhope Thu 29-Aug-13 09:12:53

blonde all that sounds like you are trying to make your own life easier - if boss comes in and wants things done a certain way then that's what should happen irrespective of inconvenience and disruption - that's what every employee faces. Ultimately the parents are paying your wage to work to their specifications not for you to have 'an hour or peace'! I am shocked you would tell the boss to leave - time with the parents is the ultimate precious thing and should be accommodated at every opportunity.

Blondeshavemorefun Thu 29-Aug-13 09:29:55

Not at all - when I took the job on we discussed what would happen and mb said I was in charge during working hours

Yesterday (part of my reply vanished) mb offered sofa or bed for sleep - child chose sofa - mb then said actually bed is better and child then had a massive strop - and fair enough - don't offer children choices and then take it away again - then iPad was offered to go upstairs

I don't believe in bribing children to do something that they do everyday normally for me - also as I said the mum insists that the child sleeps every day - while he sleeps I sort out the washing/cook tea etc and yes after duties are done I sit down and have a break

I work 7-7 and when children asleep and duties done that is my break.

The point of this thread and for op is that sometimes when a parent is home the children routine gets disrupted and causes probs for child and nanny

Tbh mum was quite happy to go upstairs and leave me to sort it think she had had enough of a screaming over tired child she even texted me later to say thank you for sorting things out and herself said she shouldn't have given dc the choice and just took him to bed.

Yes time with parents is important but not when gives children mixed messages - if mb really wanted dc to sleep on sofa then fine - but she changed her mind and that set off a chain of events that I then sorted out

This is why many nannies don't like parents working from
Home smile

Echocave Fri 30-Aug-13 18:39:30

I don't think our very lovely nanny would like it as there is a risk that parents undermine and disrupt the Manny's work. In particular as they get older and start testing boundaries etc. we've found dd does sometimes behave worse if we are all around and try not to interrupt meals etc as these can sometimes be tricky.
If you're going to wfh I think you need to keep timetabled hours of when you're seeing your dc. It's not fair to run in every time a dc cries as children cry for loads of reasons and a good nanny will know how to deal with it. You stepping in to provide comfort is not going to help in the long run. I was a bit over the top about hearing our nanny being a bit strict over eating dinner etc at first but actually she's right. My gorgeous dd doesn't half test the boundaries and needs consistency.
I reckon you should do ap, child minder or nursery. Also don't kid yourself that SW London nannies are scrabbling around for jobs. They aren't, it's a very busy market place for them and they can easily pick and choose.

Mrscupcake23 Sat 31-Aug-13 09:17:29

I don't mind mothers being at home if they stay out the way. Very unsettling for the child if mum is so involved they ask the mum for the thing that the nanny has said no to.

Rainbow hope its working for you ATM because baby is only seven months . When your child starts crying when you leave and having tantrums will you let the nanny get on with it. Or go in with your advice?

BoffinMum Sat 31-Aug-13 09:40:02

I think my nannies have been happy but we have always made sure the rules and really consistent and I always back up the nanny. Sometimes I find it too noisy to work properly though.

Sunny25 Sat 31-Aug-13 14:14:32

Many nannies are put off by having a parent working from home because of bad experiences or what they've heard from other nannies. When advertising the job say that you will let nanny get on with her job and stay upstairs where you can't hear what's going on downstairs. Only say it if you mean it. We have playdates with a little boy, mum always comes down to say hello which is nice but when she goes back upstairs to work, the little boy is always left crying, when the mums out at meetings he's fine. I had a mum work from home for 3 months after about a year of working for them it was fine, a few "I want my mum", but really it was fine. However mum was disciplined and the boys personality may have been more suited to the situation. The thing that helped most was I had over a year to build a strong relationship with little boy without mum or dad around. I do remember having to make sure we were always quiet, not to disturb phone calls. So maybe an office in the attic?? Pros are you see him at lunch, closer relationship with nanny and no commutes!smile

Rainbowbabyhope Mon 02-Sep-13 07:44:10

Mrscupcake - we will have to see how things develop however because all three of us (myself, DH and nanny) are involved in the childcare everyday and are all consistent with each other I think it will continue to work well. We don't see the nanny as providing the primary care during the day, only babysitting while we do whatever hours we need too. Usually nanny ends up with DD for only a very short part of the day. We are very lucky that nanny agrees that maximising our time with DD is the most important thing as that is the advantage of us being at home. We don't miss out on anything while still being able to bring in two fulltime incomes. It's amazing and I think families in our situation are incredibly lucky. Do not understand why any good nanny would advise shipping a child out of the home in this situation just so they have an easier job.

NomDeClavier Mon 02-Sep-13 10:47:25

Rainbow In our experience it got very challenging when DS was 12-18 months and the he adjusted back. You may, at some point, need to accept that it's better for them or you to spend more time out of the house then. I did work out of home part of the time which probably made it easier but there does come a point where babies prefer Mummy to anyone else and distraction/removal is necessary.

We were also very consistent, all agreed that maximising our time with him was important, I wanted to continue to BF essentially on demand etc but for a time it just didn't work with our DS. However I also respected our nanny's professionalism and commitment to her job, and listened to her input on what was would be best/easier for DS to process. I know it wasn't about making her life easier.

MGMidget Mon 02-Sep-13 11:06:29

One thing I did which may have helped is that I tended to wait until the nanny and DS were out to come downstairs to make a cup of tea etc. I did encourage lots of outings and paid for DS to go to various regular activities out of the house. Therefore, I wasn't popping in and out when the nanny and DS were in the house. And I agree on the point made about not typically rushing out of the home office when there are tears but leaving the nanny to deal with it (you can always catch up later to find out what the problem was). The nanny would include me at moments she thought were appropriate which worked well. So, for example, as DS got older he would come upstairs proudly with our nanny to show me something he had made or tell me about something exciting that had happened and we would have a chat about it. Then he'd go back downstairs with the nanny and everyone was happy with this.

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