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Why can't I find a Nanny? Help me please

(84 Posts)
childcarehell Sun 26-May-13 17:30:07

I am paying £2200 for Nursery and hoped that could be better spent on a Nanny.

-I'm in London, zone 5 but pleasant enough and 30min to centre
- standard 3 bed house with garden, being decorated but very clean
-3yr old and 8 month old
-we're teachers and as we pay nursery anyway we happy to either pay in holidays or free them up to get high paid holiday work
-need 4 days per week
-(I think) we're nice and normal, kids very easy
-can offer live in or out (single bedroom)

What am I doing wrong it not being able to get anyone? I've tried chilcare.co.uk, gumtree and asked around but nada. I don't need experience, happy for a national of another country, just someone who really likes kids.

How do you find them?

childcarehell Sun 26-May-13 17:31:16

I've had one show interest btw, an eastern european girl, but I think she was aiming for a plush job/ house rather than an average family.

For a post of 4 days a week I suspect you either need to be paying the same as 5 OR find somebody who wants to work 4 rather 5 days. Obviously the former is expensive and the latter is rare - hence your problem. Most people either want to be part time (say 3 days max) or full time. Have you checked the pay you're offering with other positions in the neighbourhood? Is there anybody else nearby who also wants a nanny and you can arrange some sort of share?

Ilikethebreeze Sun 26-May-13 17:36:32

Is that £2200 per month?
Have you interviewed anyone?

childcarehell Sun 26-May-13 17:37:42

well live in we could offer the five day rate, it's a point I hadn't though of tbh

I've asked around but everyone seems sorted unlike me!

childcarehell Sun 26-May-13 17:39:51

interviewed 1, the only reply.

Nursery is very very expensive.

£64 per day, so 64 x 4 x 4= 1024, x 2 = 2048 roughly

Would three days a week nanny and one day nursery work out any cheaper? Just wonder if it's worth advertising for a 3 or 4 day nanny and see if you attract more response? That way you keep both options open to for back up.
The other (radical plan) is to move further out of London to a land of either more plentiful nannies or cheaper nurseries!

YDdraigGoch Sun 26-May-13 17:44:00

Are you looking for someone with qualifications? I'd not, I suspect my DD (18) would love that job!

childcarehell Sun 26-May-13 17:44:17

I could try that northen, I have a friend who'd do a day or 2. thanks

my job isn't moveable easily sadly

childcarehell Sun 26-May-13 17:45:21

I had one 18 yr old look, but I must say it seems so young for the role. i had 20 as a cut off really.

Ilikethebreeze Sun 26-May-13 17:45:29

Apart from the 4 days bit, I dont see a problem on first glance.
And that seems generous for 4 days, maybe what you would get for 5 days.
What hours would it be?
On threads like this, some posters show the whole advert - though not sure I would if I was in your position.

I would have thought that whatever problem it is, has to be to do with the advert, as you have only had one applicant.

OutragedFromLeeds Sun 26-May-13 17:46:06

I'm going to disagree with Northern 4-day nanny jobs are actually very sought after, because it gives full-time hours (about 40hrs usually), but still allows a long weekend.

There are far more nannies than jobs at the moment so if you're offering market rates you should find someone very easily.

Have you put an advert on gumtree and childcare.co.uk or are you just replying to ads from nannies? Maybe post the ad here and we can have a look for you. Are you making it clear that you're willing to pay the holidays? Nannyjob.co.uk is a good place to try and mumsnet/netmums local sites. A nanny ad on gumtree usually elicits hundreds of responses. Are you getting responses from people who aren't suitable or no responses at all? If it's the latter I'd check there isn't something wrong with your email!

GoldiChops Sun 26-May-13 17:49:16

Seems a fairly normal role, I'd go for it if I was looking and it was my area- where are you? I'm 5 days, 60 hours a week and get roughly that amount gross for looking after 4 kids, in SW London.

childcarehell Sun 26-May-13 17:51:38

the advert is pretty similar to what my bullet points say, but in sentences, bar the bit about the house. I've done it a few ways now, very little response bar a few that want to earn more than I do (45k!) with no qualifications.

I haven't even said we're teachers in it

childcarehell Sun 26-May-13 17:52:53

we're ne london, I do notice there are few nannies/ job here.

childcarehell Sun 26-May-13 17:53:38

just did a gumtree ad, though I've had one on childcare.co.uk for weeks

childcarehell Sun 26-May-13 17:54:03

i have a baby on my lap so sorry about curtness and punctuatopn

OutragedFromLeeds Sun 26-May-13 17:54:31

Have you specified hours and pay in your ad?

childcarehell Sun 26-May-13 17:57:15

I've put hours, but pay to be discussed as it'd vary on experience. I'd stretch for a good one, but less for unqualified/ poor english

The one I interviewed today was clearly looking for grand surroundings, she'd been in america for 5 yrs so I think any London house would be a dark hole

OutragedFromLeeds Sun 26-May-13 17:59:11

You need to specify pay, that puts LOADS of people off replying to an ad because you get so many timewasters who offer you £100pw. You can put a range in to cover different levels of experience. Something along the lines of £10-13 gross ph.

NannySunshine Sun 26-May-13 18:03:58

Hi

I'm a very regular poster, but I have namechanged for this thread.

I tried to PM you, but for some reason I can't seem to PM anyone at the moment (I suspect tech is messing about hmm).

I would be interested in reading your childcare.co.uk advert as it sounds like a position I could be interested in.

I'm on my way out for a couple of hours so I wont be able to reply until later.

GoldiChops Sun 26-May-13 18:06:54

I agree to putting a pay scale on the ad- back when I was a naive, fairly inexperienced nanny I travelled up from Cornwall for an interview in London only to find out they wanted to pay £200 in cash, no tax/NI, for a full time job. Now I never even respond to ads without pay mentioned, it does usually mean the parents want to pay next to nothing. A scale is fine, from your lowest to below your highest you want to pay.

childcarehell Sun 26-May-13 18:07:37

I'd added pay, thank you

I put £9-12 per hour or approx £350 live-in

ok for london? tbh over 12ph means it costs me to work

nanny....I'll pm you if you like the sound?

childcarehell Sun 26-May-13 18:09:20

8am-6pm, paying that rate btw, plus mentioned some days could go earlier

OutragedFromLeeds Sun 26-May-13 18:11:47

The rate most nannies in London are looking for is about £10ph net (which is about £12ph gross). Inexperienced nannies, NWOC or those with less than perfect English are usually willing to take less. £9ph gross is low for London, but if you're open to someone moving on from being an au pair then you could find someone for that.

OutragedFromLeeds Sun 26-May-13 18:12:56

8am-6pm are standard nanny hours so no problems there.

childcarehell Sun 26-May-13 18:14:11

I'm open to inexperienced/ imperfect english (we're not english anyway, even happy with native speaker of russian/ polish)

Over £12 ph for 10 hours a day (inc commute) lus my travel is more than I earn

Ilikethebreeze Sun 26-May-13 18:16:28

I agree. Putting pay is pretty vital.

childcarehell Sun 26-May-13 18:22:25

oh I forgot 2 other offers locally
-only from her house (not registered though)
-one has been out of work for ages and has health issues, I like her but reckon on waaay too many days off

nbee84 Sun 26-May-13 18:22:51

With the childcare.co.uk site - have you tried looking for and contacting nannies? It costs money to be able to send a message and a lot of nannies will post their own profile, look at ads and wait for employers to contact them. If you look through nanny profiles while you are logged in it will send an email to those nannies saying that member xxx has looked at their profile and they will then look at yours - if they are members they will message you if interested, if not they will add you as a favourite and you will get a notification that they have done so.

OutragedFromLeeds Sun 26-May-13 18:23:35

£12ph is plenty for an inexperienced and qualified nanny. £10ph will get you someone younger/less experienced/not qualified/not completely fluent English.

£12ph gross for 40 hours a week, including employers NI etc should come in at £2288 per month, so just slightly more than you pay now. Although do bear in mind additional costs of having a nanny.

childcarehell Sun 26-May-13 18:23:56

I looked at LOADS of childminders too, but they seem to do babies OR nursery/ school. Not one wanted a half day nursery plus baby so I'd have to separate them.

Childcare makes me want to cry

nbee84 Sun 26-May-13 18:24:16

Shame you're not in Herts as it sounds like just the job I would go for. £11 gross is a good wage around here.

OutragedFromLeeds Sun 26-May-13 18:24:55

Sorry, £12ph is plenty for an experienced nanny!

OutragedFromLeeds Sun 26-May-13 18:25:40

It's a good job, with a good wage you should have nannies biting your hand off!

childcarehell Sun 26-May-13 18:26:21

I've contacted about 20, 2 replied, both trailed off for the high pay/ no qualifications reasons

Outraged, that was my calculation. I take home £2700, £200 travel so £2500, over £12 I just couldn't justify working!

childcarehell Sun 26-May-13 18:27:40

I've just got loads wanting £11ph + net and no experience, even if not for price I least want some work/ college recent history to prove they can get out of bed of a morning!

childcarehell Sun 26-May-13 18:28:20

oh and I paid. AND I added to my ad I was happy to message them if added as a favourite

OutragedFromLeeds Sun 26-May-13 18:29:56

£12ph is plenty, don't worry about offering more. It's the lower end that may be too low. Nannying is one of those jobs where the gap between the lowest paid and the highest is generally quite small. So £12ph for someone very qualified is fine, but £9ph for someone not qualified may be too low. 95% of nannies fit into the £10-12 bracket. Only the very inexperienced or the very, very qualified/experienced fall outside that bracket.

childcarehell Sun 26-May-13 18:30:08

I'm wondering if London makes it harder as they imagine they get a floor of a house to themselves or something for a rich central family, we're just very very normal. Not rolling, not poor, Mr and Mrs Suburbs...

childcarehell Sun 26-May-13 18:30:53

Outraged, I'll leave it 24 hours then change it to 10-12 as a try

childcarehell Sun 26-May-13 18:34:32

oh I'm an idiot, I take home 2200...not 2700 as I dropped a day. arse.

this just isn't going to work, I just hate the nursery, 2 young girls with 6 babies (crying)

OutragedFromLeeds Sun 26-May-13 18:43:33

There are ways to save with a nanny. A NWOC will cost less. You could look into a nanny-share. A live-in nanny will cost you less. Concentrate on the cheaper end of the market.

£2288 is only £88 a month more than the nursery and that's towards the top end of nanny pay. Maybe be more specific about the sort of nanny you want and just offer £11gross and see what response you get. At £11ph gross it's cheaper than the nursery.

childcarehell Sun 26-May-13 18:48:12

nwoc? sorry what's this

I really appreciate your help, thank you

childcarehell Sun 26-May-13 18:48:57

sorry...got it nanny with own child

childcarehell Sun 26-May-13 18:49:15

what would you pay nwoc?

OutragedFromLeeds Sun 26-May-13 18:54:04

If you offer a lower wage, maybe include extra holidays to sweeten the deal a bit.

So standard would be £12ph gross, 5.6 weeks holiday.

You could offer; £9.50-11ph gross depending on experience, 8 weeks per year holiday (to be taken in school holidays). Something like that would appeal to nannies with their own children or nannies who have family abroad or nannies who like to travel.

OutragedFromLeeds Sun 26-May-13 18:56:42

A NWOC would start at a about a third less than average so £8-£10ph gross.

childcarehell Sun 26-May-13 20:57:39

I just wanted to express my thanks, to outraged in particular. I have three interviews for tommorrow. All three work in local nurseries at the moment and one even drives. Two more back up as well. It seemed you were right about pay! X

nannynick Sun 26-May-13 21:01:52

What did you change on the ad - was it just adding a salary range that got you these new applicants?

nbee84 Sun 26-May-13 21:04:07

smile [fingers crossed emoticon] smile

OutragedFromLeeds Sun 26-May-13 21:28:20

grin hope it goes well tomorrow

childcarehell Sun 26-May-13 22:39:52

It was salary range plus holiday I think

Blondeshavemorefun Mon 27-May-13 00:30:05

I am really surprised you haven't had more interest

Stating pay is essential as those that don't say as someone said earlier means they normally want to pay £100 and call the role an au pair

Saying salary depends on experience but between £9/12gross should be fine

Again nannies love 4 days jobs but obv some have to work 5 days and as think outraged said maybe state in ad 3 or 4 days and possibly do a nursery /cm one day

I love working 3 days. Don't mind 3.5/4 but hate 5

I'm on Childcare.co and I object having to pay to send messages - so again join for a month. Send messages to nannies whose profiles seem ok and ask them to contact you and offer email /phone number

Look on netmums as well and dare I say gumtree but again state area pay etc

I look on my area (kent) and often families don't put area - Dover for example is very different and far away from
Ashford or sevenoaks - but all kent.

Good luck smile

childcarehell Mon 27-May-13 09:43:10

I'm hopeful, they seem good on paper

1-4 yrs work in posh nursery 2 min away and speaks our home language, 26, romanian, very polite and happy sounding
2-works in local nursery, drives, 22, lives 3 min away
3-works as baby room leader in nursery 15min away, drives, 23
4-polish girl who sounds lovely, working 6 years here but looks from references like past employers took the piss (eg 3 kids and baby, au pair plus, loads of housework, 5 days) 26, teacher in Poland, speaks another common language

childcarehell Mon 27-May-13 10:40:31

well number 1 is perfect...I'd not even see more to be honest, but great start

nannynick Mon 27-May-13 10:45:32

Sounds promising. Number4 has experience of working in a family home, the others may not (though will depend on other work they have done). Nursery Worker to Nanny transition is talked about on here from time to time, many of us nannies have worked in nurseries so the transition can go smoothly. However not everyone adjusts that well - working on your own with young children is different to working in a group. Very lonely at times being a nanny, no breaks during the day, no other people to ask to help.

Meet them, have a common list of questions to ask them so you can try to compare them. Trust gut instincts. Short list and invite back to meet children if children are not present at first interview. See how they get on with your children.

Good luck.

nannynick Mon 27-May-13 10:54:28

Are you going to see all 4, or just 2 to start with? If selecting two of them to see, I expect number 1 and number 4 are worth seeing as you can compare them - they have experience but in different childcare sectors, they may have different levels of education, so there will be factors that make them different but also factors that make them the same, such as age.

childcarehell Mon 27-May-13 11:08:53

Just meet number 3, seems very very good. Happy, kept looking at/ offering to hold baby and clearly likes interacting with kids. Has a car, very flexible. Very quietly confident in how good she is at work 'they'd give me a fantastic reference', experience with the right ages. Used to long hours. Gut feeling was she was a lovely character and competent. Very polite, liked comments when I asked what she was looking for 'I'd like to be part of the family in how I'm treated', 'I like taking children out' etc.

My single concern is the nursery to nanny transition and how she'd find it, though this area is fantastic for social contact through (normal!) toddler groups etc

childcarehell Mon 27-May-13 11:10:09

I should say we in our work interview nursery nurses quite frequently (deputy and headteacher) so I'm pretty confident on the looking after/ gut instinct but no experience of the nursery nurse to nanny potential pitfalls.

NomDeClavier Mon 27-May-13 11:21:47

I would be asking them how they think they would cope working singlehanded and without a set break. How would they juggle entertaining the DCs and prepping a meal? What would they do if 3 things happen at once? Are they competent at the household stuff (obviously not doing your cleaning but tidying up after themselves in a non-work-specific environment)?

It tends to be there that most problems arise if there's a good network of nannies and plenty of activities. Done people can't handle the stress of being alone with kids without downtime and others don't realise how much incidental tidying you need to do.

childcarehell Mon 27-May-13 11:31:08

I did ask that. She talked about balancing the load at work, e.g. a handful of upset children, paperwork and a spillage. Seemed the best answer she could give. I suggested a few places to go, she suggested more places she'd take them which I saw as good. Seemed to think for herself, but also fit in. Came across as intelligent yet a soft person.

To be fair my kids are amazing sleepers and occupy themselves while I cook etc, never had an issue with that. ds would be a nursery half days, 1.5 hour nap in afternoon and the baby loves her hour + kips about 3 times a day. Ds will play along up to an hour with toys etc and if fed, warm and untired the baby likes sitting in the sit and watching you cook etc. As kids go they must be a gift to look after (my neighbour as them at the moment and says the same, it's not bias)

nannynick Mon 27-May-13 12:11:37

Trying to relate this to your work... are there are TA's at school who you would trust to cover a class for a while? If push to came to shove and you had to do that... are there some TA's you would feel could handle it for a while and others who you would never consider to be put in such a position? You are looking for that person who can cope with the stress and the responsibility.

Nannies juggle things constantly... the needs of an active toddler vs that of a sleepy baby, the mountain of washing and the bookcase of books that the toddler has just chucked on the floor. Getting children to nursery or an activity on time, yet baby is demanding a feed. As a mum it will be things you do all the time... juggling the needs of your children, your home and your family in general.

Can the nanny cook? That can be an interesting thing to talk about, in nursery they may do no cooking at all. They may make cakes and biscuits. At home they may not cook at all, or they may enjoy cooking.

OutragedFromLeeds Mon 27-May-13 12:38:27

I'd echo what Nick and Nom have said. The vast majority of nannies start out in nurseries so it's a very normal career progression, but there are a few who struggle with the change over. Main concerns tend to be;

1. Loneliness - they're used to working in a team, being on your own all day can be tough. Need someone who will be pro-active in getting out and meeting people, but who doesn't mind being on their own sometimes (if the kids get chicken pox, for example).

2. Dealing with children in the 'outside world' - can be quite different from dealing with them in a purpose built environment. The level of supervision needed is less when they're in one room that has been H&S checked. Watching them out by the road, in the park by the duck pond, in a building where they could escape, at home where there are likely to be things that shouldn't touch/things they could choke on etc. is a whole new level of supervision.

3. Dealing with an emergency - if one of the children were to be injured or suddenly sick, in a nursery there will be a team of other people and (unless this person is the manager), they'll always be someone more senior to call on. Not when you're a nanny.

4. Ability to deal with household stuff - in a nursery they don't tend to cook/ clean-up etc. They definitely won't change beds, do the children's laundry etc. Multi-tasking can sometimes be lacking.

5. Dealing with a mix of ages - in a nursery they will usually only deal with one age group at a time. This can be a challenge. Not so much now with a small baby, but in a year when you have an 18 month old and a 4 year old...

For many nursery-to-nanny converts there is no problem at all and almost all can learn on the job, but it's just good to be aware of the possible pitfalls.

I'm glad the interviews are going well. It does sound a really lovely job, if I didn't already have a lovely job, I'd be right round grin.

childcarehell Mon 27-May-13 15:03:48

I'm hoping with the ages that they will have the perfect time to learn on the job a bit. DS will be a nursery half days giving dd time, but when ds is home and demanding she's not yet mobile and can be put down. Ds is sooo easy and has common sense, he just isn't that child that chucks mess around etc. He tidies up and is very good. We are a strict-ish household though and I'd want a nanny to continue that. I can abide it when I see children being rude to carers and I know I hold ds up to high standards.

I've asked about cooking, but then I've never met anyone who can't (culturally unheard of). I was thinking they'd start mid-august whilst I'm here to ease them in and if desperate could b given a range of basic meals for kids. I am QUEEN of simple but tasty healthy meals. I even taught dh to cook and that's something.

Emergencies...at work I train for this so I'm probably do the same in my own house. Insist on first aid training and have a laminated card with what to do on! (our brains do go in emergencies, I once had a bomb threat on my school whilst in charge from an extremist group. My brain went 'eeek' repeatedly inside while I tried to plan and look calm)

Nannies I've seen live alone, bar one, so they must (hopefully clean) if they smell and look fresh!

Loneliness is my biggest worry, I plan to introduce them to mums/ nannies/ childminders and groups around to kick start them with meeting people.

Nannynick...I know what you mean. I think as it work I'm looking for common sense and a good attitude. I've learnt at work that most other issues can be overcome but laziness or lack of initiative is hopeless.

childcarehell Mon 27-May-13 15:04:45

Well met number 3, great. 10 min early.

number 2 is now 5 min late, nothing I know...but not a great start. I can't afford to be late to work ,and she lives down the road too

childcarehell Mon 27-May-13 15:15:19

14 min late, no message

hmmm

nannynick Mon 27-May-13 15:30:36

Would you turn up to an interview late?
If they do turn up they will need a super excuse fpr you to even consider them for the job.

Blondeshavemorefun Mon 27-May-13 16:07:18

Did no 2 eventually turn up?

What was her excuse for being late?

childcarehell Mon 27-May-13 16:20:17

buses, could forgive on a bank holiday but it was the least issue

Didn't like her. You know when someone sounds great...but you can smell bullshit in the air. She had every piece of paper with her, loads of it, knew perfect responses. But I work with people like that...

What would you like to improve in your practice 'nothing! I'm really good! very hard working'

plus she slagged off her current employer which is a red flag. Bit of a victim, she is so good and all so bad. Didn't take direction kindly seemed to be the issue.

She was far far more prepared than the first, but it was a front. Little things didn't add up. We speak a few european languages so could roughly understand her certificates from back home, which were not general as stated but in psychology, another in a general psychology, not teaching as said. Then she said she was doing a degree at the OU in ICT but wanted to be a nanny long term (then why do that?)

Blondeshavemorefun Mon 27-May-13 16:23:18

Buses? Thought she lived a few mins away and drove?

But if you didn't like her then no point continuing

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Mon 27-May-13 16:32:46

Oh well, that rules that one out then!!

When are the others due?

childcarehell Mon 27-May-13 17:05:51

number 2, sorry number 1 on original list. comments were about her

now just met the third, no 2 on list (local, drives) close together and mixed posts. turned out to be friend of 1st interviewee who I like. Nothing wrong, but first better. She was a nursery nurse in other's room who was senior. Just a bit of a kid, really sweet but not sure ready to work alone. Poor thing was nervous young, for her age.

Last one, no 4, due at six then decision time. Unless wow I'm really happy with first (no. 3 on my list)

Interviewing nearly back to back as I do at work!

nannynick Mon 27-May-13 17:12:46

I am impressed that you are seeing them all so quickly. Back to back interviews, reminds me of my old working days (before I was a nanny).
On the plus side, you can compare them as they are fresh in your mind and by the end of today you may even have decided who gets the job, subject to satisfactory references.

childcarehell Mon 27-May-13 17:30:48

I'm used to this way at work, blocking interviews. Subject to refs I'm very hopeful we have one. It's also a bank holiday so all were available

Wossname Mon 27-May-13 17:48:13

Thats all happened very quickly, hasnt it? You posted at half 5 last night and then interviewed 4 applicants today- astonishing!

nannynick Mon 27-May-13 17:55:35

Bank holidays can be great for seeing applicants. I remember having an interview for a job on a Bank Holiday Monday once, it was convenient for all involved.

Hope the next one arrives on time, maybe they are already there as it's nearly 6 now.

oldgreybird Mon 27-May-13 18:18:54

I assume the £2200 gross per month is the maximum you can pay to cover the nanny's net salary and her tax and NIC plus your NIC that you have to pay as an employer. This means the nanny will earn approx £370 net per week (£465 gross) and you would pay £2019 gross to cover everything. If the nanny gets £370 net for a 4 day week (40 hours), it is the equivalent of £9.25 net. For Zone 5 it is on the low side, but should not be impossible to find someone. But I suspect your poor response is more to do with the area. Someone living locally or nearby would be thrilled I am sure not to have to travel far to get to work and they would save money by not having to travel so the rate would be less of an issue. However, maybe you live in an area where there are not a lot of nannies living nearby. If it is only 30 mins in to Central London, then have you said in your advert that it is within quick and easy commute of many areas? And if you are close to a rail station then say which one it is in your advert.
Incidentally, have you thought about doing a nanny share? It is such a common thing nowadays. If you could find another local family with a child of similar age to your little one, it would probably be best as the share would last longer. But there may be someone with another 3yr old in your child's school/nursery for instance who might be interested in doing some sort of a share - it would be worth contacting as many of the parents as you can.
A nanny doing a nanny share, looking after 2 families children on the same days, usually earns about £2 net per hour more than she would get working for just one family. However, the two families then split the cost between them including the tax and NIC so the gross cost for the parents is considerably less than if the nanny was only working for one family. Even if you were paying 60% of the nannyshare cost (because you have 2 children) and the other family was paying 40% (because they only have 1 child), it is still a big saving for you.

childcarehell Mon 27-May-13 20:22:48

wossname, not bad! One was gumtree, three childcare.co.uk, two of which I contacted. One of which I'd been in contact with before, but hadn't gone further (it was for 3 days, but upped to 4). Bank holiday was the day we did as it's a day off.

The last was a pleasant girl, but the first was the one still. She had mainly au pair experience and I felt the first would be capable of .

I rang the first to come back, I was thinking of inviting her to lunch next week to try and get to know/ talk in a relaxed manner. What do you think of that plan? She's shy and my husband can be scary (unintentionally, it's from being a scary headteacher) and I thought it would relax her. Also she said she wanted a role where she could feel part of the family, we'd like that too so it seems welcoming. Is it the right thing to do? I thought it would be time she could spend with the kids a bit too.

traintracks Mon 27-May-13 20:25:29

Fwiw I advertised extensively on all the websites, was inundated with emails from people who clearly hadn't read the ad (not available the days I wanted or didn't have a driving licence which it was clear was essential). Gave up in the end and used an agency, it was the best £750 I have ever spent.

Glenshee Mon 27-May-13 21:18:13

Do you feel like you need this lunch in order to make a decision? If not, then I would make a job offer first, then invite her to lunch so that she can ask any outstanding questions, and get to know you better before giving your the answer. It's not fair to prolong the process beyond what is useful/necessary.

childcarehell Mon 27-May-13 21:19:41

ok, the job offer is there, it's just details. But I get what you're saying

Glenshee Tue 28-May-13 18:16:15

I think lunch together sounds great, so long as she knows where she stands with you. Otherwise it's another interview of sorts, which is not at all relaxing IYKWIM.

childcarehell Tue 28-May-13 20:52:46

I invited her in the end, made it clear it wasn't an interview. It was for her to meet kids and us less formally and talk about details.

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