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How would you handle this situation?

(101 Posts)
MissNJE Sun 09-Dec-12 22:58:30

I am a live-in nanny and I was told tonight that I can't stay in my room over NYE as the mother of MB would like to sleep in my room. Other guests will stay I am back from NYC on the 30th and have to work on the 31st, so will probably be tired and the last thing I want is to stay at a hotel and pay £££ for it as it is NYE.

This is one of the situations where I really consider moving out and have my own flat. I don't want anybody sleeping in 'my' room, i have all my personal stuff there

AIBU or is MB?

Dromedary Sun 09-Dec-12 23:19:06

If the arrangement is that you live there, it's your home, then they're being unreasonable to throw you out for their convenience like this. They should surely pay for your hotel room?

OutragedFromLeeds Sun 09-Dec-12 23:31:41

She is being MASSIVELY unreasonable.

You live there in exchange for lower wages, essentially you're paying rent, it's your room and she cannot kick you out or allow someone else to sleep in there without your consent.

Of course it would be nice of you to let her DM sleep in there, but she needs to ask not tell you and she needs to pay for you to stay in a hotel.

The cheek of some people is unbelievable!

MissNJE Sun 09-Dec-12 23:35:56

Thanks Dromedary. Yes, I live here seven days a week, 52 weeks a year. So not even a 5/2 arrangement. I could understand if the mother would live far away, but she lives 10-15 minutes away. A cab costs £15 so probably a bit more on NYE but still less expensive than to pay for a hotel.
I am quite upset as we usually get on very well and I did not expect this. I had the option to stay longer in NYC but as I have to work on the 31st I had come back.

magicOC Sun 09-Dec-12 23:45:17

Be prepared for it to be awkward, but, do stand your ground.

It's your personal space that is part and parcel of the job.

If she had thought (wrongly) that you would be away till say 2nd or 3rd jan, then maybe she thought it would be fine, BUT, as she has you working on NYE she clearly knows you are around.

Tell her all your mates will still be away so you have nowhere to go.

She surely can't do this???

She is being VVVU

Good luck

Pancakeflipper Sun 09-Dec-12 23:48:01

Can you stay at the mother's house ( even though Inthink they are being unreasonable telling you to ship out for the night) ?

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Sun 09-Dec-12 23:50:58

Stand your ground, it is your room, it is not her spare room when it suits her. Whether you are in the UK or in NY. If you were in NY she would have been totally out of order to have let her Mother use your room without your permission.

Tell her this ^

I'm guessing you are a really good nanny and she appreciates that, which is why you get on so well - not because she's actually a nice person (if that makes sense).

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Sun 09-Dec-12 23:51:51

I thought about that Pancake - then thought - why the fuck should she??

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Sun 09-Dec-12 23:52:35

... and it will lead to futher misunderstandings about the room being MissNJE's room - a private space, not their spare room when it suits them.

NatashaBee Sun 09-Dec-12 23:54:02

YANBU at all - they have a cheek.

MissNJE Sun 09-Dec-12 23:58:35

I am still not sure what I do NYE, all of my friends aren't in London but in NYC on NYE or somewhere else. I couldn't stay until the 1st because I have to work on the 31st.

magicOC Mon 10-Dec-12 00:01:01

Even more reason for her no to expect you to vacate

TwoFacedCows Mon 10-Dec-12 00:02:18

they have a bloody cheek! kicking you our of your own room, I would not be impressed and probably refused. - like you say, all of your stuff is in there!

MissNJE Mon 10-Dec-12 00:03:46

So the only friend who might have been in London just told me that she is in Germany at NYE. angry

MissNJE Mon 10-Dec-12 00:04:18

On not at NYE. Sorry tipping from my iphone.

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Mon 10-Dec-12 00:06:34

Did you want to be in NY for NYE?

Can you change your tickets?

Viviennemary Mon 10-Dec-12 00:13:09

If you have to work on the 31st then it is most unreasonable of them to say you can't have your room. This sounds very unfair of them. I think you should at least think about finding another job where you are appreciated more. Cheeky wretches!!

MissNJE Mon 10-Dec-12 00:41:06

Hi,

No I can not change my tickets and I still have to work on the 31st.

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Mon 10-Dec-12 00:43:36

Well, if you could change your tickets I was going to suggest that you offer the use of your room in exchange for not having to work on the 31st so you can stay in NY longer.

MissNJE Mon 10-Dec-12 00:45:12

viviennemary that's what upsets me the most. I always assumed that they appreciate me a 100% but things like this just show me that they don't, which hurts a lot.

I am glad that people don't think I am overreacting.

MissNJE Mon 10-Dec-12 00:47:37

My employers don't really have an option, they both have to work on the 31st and the grandmother won't look after him for the day because she doesn't want to change nappies. I therefore have t work on the 31st.

Even if I wasn't here, it's my room with my personal stuff in it and I am a bit weird about other people sleeping in my bed apart from sister. I always have been and I probably always will be.

Viviennemary Mon 10-Dec-12 01:03:00

I think if you have to work on the 31st then your room must be available for you to sleep in. If it isn't then you won't be available to work on that day. And the decision then is theirs. Hope you get it sorted out. Why can't the Grandma go home if she only lives a short distance away. They sound as if they want things completely their way. .

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Mon 10-Dec-12 01:29:33

You aren't over-reacting not to them assuming they can just comandeer your room when it suits them <they can't> or with how hurt you are that you aren't as close/appreciated as you had thought - it hurts sad

What are you going to say to them?

MissNJE Mon 10-Dec-12 02:00:46

MB does not want her to stay. Long story, but that's how she is. Guest bedroom and all other sleeping options are for the parents of the father and his brothers. Grandmother feels excluded and 'demands' my room.

McPheastOfStephen Mon 10-Dec-12 02:06:20

How bloody rude

Do not, under any circumstances let this happen

I'm very angry on your behalf

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Mon 10-Dec-12 02:06:41

She can 'demand' all she likes - she simply has to be told 'No, that is NJE's room. You only live 5 minutes up the room, we'll organise you a taxi or you are welcome to kip on the couch'.

Why why why do people think they can walk all over others to let some demading prat have what they want??

IF your MB had come to me and said 'Could you PLEASE help me out?? Mum is being a royal pain in the arse and wants to stay here on NYE as DH's family are - is there anyway she could possibly use your room? You can have the couch or we'll book you into a hotel' - then I would do it, but I would not be told that she was staying in my room and I'd have to sort myself out.

McPheastOfStephen Mon 10-Dec-12 02:10:15

Get in their bed, see what happens then grin

MissNJE Mon 10-Dec-12 02:15:50

I am so angry I can't even go to sleep. I have been a nanny for nearly six years and although I had some horrible employers I have never been asked to leave so that somebody else could sleep in my room. One of my employers once stayed in her daughters bed so she could give her bed to her friend. Apart from that she was awful though. :-)

I planned to stay with this family until I finish my degree but things like this really just want me to concentrate on my studying and life off my inheritance that was planned for the deposit of my first flat.

McPheastOfStephen Mon 10-Dec-12 02:26:16

I was a nanny for twenty years

I was made redundant a few weeks ago, but I'll never go back to the job again. I often felt like a second class citizen. Sad but true.

MissNJE Mon 10-Dec-12 02:28:11

Nannying is not my long-term career. I love the children and usually my employers are great but this is just so out of order!

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Mon 10-Dec-12 02:32:29

McPhee - 3 in the bed and the little one said - roll over, roll over... grin

Why can't you buy your first flat now?

Or do a live-out job?

What degree are you doing?

Don't 'fritter' your inheritance on rent/living costs - really don't, you will regret it.

Just stand up for yourself and say 'No, she can't stay in my room. It is my private space (even when I am not here), it is part of my wage package and contract and isn't something that is up for negotiation'. They may even respect you for standing up for yourself and see that you are in fact right.

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Mon 10-Dec-12 02:33:40

McPhee - have you had any thoughts about what you might do yet?

McPheastOfStephen Mon 10-Dec-12 02:41:06

No I haven't.

I'm not sure if I want to stay within the childcare sector. It's such a thankless job. But then again, I've got so much experience and knowledge, it would be a shame to waste that.

Right at this minute though, I think I'd be happy to 'beep' peoples shopping in Sainsburys blush

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Mon 10-Dec-12 02:48:00

The children are rewarding but the parents not so much!

How do you feel about DD going to a childminder or a nursery? I guess that would be the main advantage to doing another few years as a nanny or at a nursery - you woudn't have to leave her. I think it's harder to leave them when you have been in childcare.

Christmascookie Mon 10-Dec-12 03:16:11

Hi everyone,
MissNJE I know it's not fair but do you think your boss may want you to be the bad guy? i.e "If it were up to me mum it would be no problem but missNJE says no?"

GrabYourSparklyBaubles Mon 10-Dec-12 07:46:45

This makes me really angry. Do not let them turf you out! The only way I would even consider it is if they paid for me to stay in a posh gaff with a spa and a nice dinner by room service. Even then I'd probably take my laptop and spend the time looking for another job.

Or I'd refuse to work on 31st as the only friend I could possibly stay with lives 200 miles away and I need to spend the time travelling. Oh, and I'd need my train fare paid.

I was a Mon - Fri live in nanny and my MB asked if the grandparents could stay in my room one weekend as it was en suite - the last time they stayed in the spare room they woke the baby being in and out to the loo all night. I wasn't thrilled but I wasn't there, so I said as long as the bed was changed, my bathroom cleaned and all traces of them gone by the time I got back it was fine - and they did that.

I did draw the line when my MB asked if she could share my bed as she was having a girls night in (I was invited) and there weren't enough bedrooms - MB was a snorer and though I liked her a lot I didn't want to wake up with her arm wrapped round me. Eek!

MissNJE Mon 10-Dec-12 07:48:51

I was not even asked. I told MB today how I felt and all she said was that I am bot fair, her mother is seventy ...

Yes that is true, but you wouldn't think she is that old. So therefore no problem for her to go home.

GrabYourSparklyBaubles Mon 10-Dec-12 07:54:30

It is not fair. Where does she expect you to go? Stand up to her, please. Ask her what she suggests you do.

SofiaAmes Mon 10-Dec-12 08:00:05

Apart from ethically being out of order. I don't think that legally she can require you to leave. You are a tenant (you receive reduced wages in exchange for a room) and as such you have rights.

MissNJE Mon 10-Dec-12 08:00:15

She said I could sleep in the gym. We don't even have a mattress to sleep one at the moment and the last thing after coming back from NYC (overnight plane and I will be jet-lagged) is to work on the 31st and then not be able to have my bed and my room in the evening. I slept three hours last night, I am tired and even more angry this morning.

HSMM Mon 10-Dec-12 08:04:43

Has she told you where she expects you to sleep?

HSMM Mon 10-Dec-12 08:05:28

Sorry. Cross post

megandraper Mon 10-Dec-12 08:08:22

Were you employed through an agency? If sp, speak to the agency and they will speak to the mother for you.

If not - perhaps the Citizens Advice Bureau? It sounds like the mother is in breach of your contract, and could be sued for constructive dismissal or something similar (warning, I am not a lawyer!)

MissNJE Mon 10-Dec-12 08:12:18

Bedhopper
I think that's a bit harsh.

GrabYourSparklyBaubles Mon 10-Dec-12 08:32:33

Just out of curiosity, if it was a landlord doing that would you think it was a bit harsh?

out of order.

i wouldn't request that of someone and i wouldn't want someone sleeping in my bed. too bad. she'll have to go home.

fuzzpig Mon 10-Dec-12 08:41:38

I think actually seeing a (family?) lawyer wouldn't be a bad idea - it should be simple enough to get the advice you need within the free first half hour?

Surely if you were then able to tell MB "you are in breach of my contract" (or whatever the fancy term is) she will realise just how wrong she is?

I do feel sorry for MB if she has a toxic parent (since you say she doesn't even want her to stay) but she still has to stick to your contract.

AndBingoWasHisNameOh Mon 10-Dec-12 09:16:05

If you were away over New Year then whilst you might not be thrilled I wouldn't make a fuss about someone using it for one night. However expecting to turf you out of your room when you are there is very unreasonable.

MissNJE Mon 10-Dec-12 09:16:34

Of course I would feel different if my landlord had asked me. But I usually have a good relationship with my employers. I guess the fact that I never expected them to ask me that makes it even worse. I am so angry. I really consider moving out in the new year and only work as a daily nanny. That would add at least another two hours a day of commute and I could really use them to study. My bf lives in Central London, I work and live in Zone 6 (Surrey border) so renting close to work is not an option for me.

SofiaAmes Mon 10-Dec-12 09:33:07

You don't seem to be thinking straight at the moment. If you "move out" you will give them your employers the upper hand as it becomes you and not them who has breached the contract. As it stands now, they are in breach if they require you to leave your room for the night. Are you expecting your wages to be raised if you are no longer living there? There is nothing harsh about what bedhopper has suggested. The only "harshness" is from your employer in their expectation that you are to move out for a night.

MissNJE Mon 10-Dec-12 09:48:43

Of course I would expect my salary to be raised! They might just look for another nanny, as they need somebody to live-in.

AndBingoWasHisNameOh Mon 10-Dec-12 11:35:16

OP I think there are two issues here.

First is the situation over NYE.

The second if whether you want to be live in or live out. I have a live in nanny and if she announced to me that she was moving out then I couldn't stop her but if she wanted to stay employed by me I'd be expecting her to do the same hours for the same money as that is the job she signed up for. You can't unilaterally decide to move out and demand more money, you either are happy to be live in for what you're on or look for another position. I think you're in danger of letting your unhappiness about one event poison the whole position.

OutragedFromLeeds Mon 10-Dec-12 11:50:04

I agree with Bingo.

The job is a live-in nanny.

If you move out, you are resigning.

We don't know your employers so we can't tell you what to do. They are being hugely unreasonable here, but only you know whether this is normal behaviour or Christmas-stress induced madness.

If they are always like this then I would start looking for another position.

If you've been there a while and they've alway been fair and reasonable I would give them another chance.

Living in central London or the Surrey borders is pricey.Look into what you could expect to earn as a live-out nanny and the cost of living before you make any decisions.

fraktion Mon 10-Dec-12 12:10:56

You can't just move out without breaking the contract. They can't kick you out of your room without breaking the contract.

If they insist on you giving up your room, inform them that they're breaching the terms and conditions so you will be leaving and moving out, your last day of work will be whenever and you expect to be paid in lieu of notice as the accommodation will be unavailable to you for the duration of your notice period.

The danger is that they take you seriously.

piprabbit Mon 10-Dec-12 12:17:50

I cannot believe how cheeky this family are being.

You spend all day on the 31st looking after their darling children and then they get to make you 'homeless' that night?

Gits.

duchesse Mon 10-Dec-12 12:20:35

I agree with ChristmasCookie. I think the parents don't stand up to the mother, and they would rather you did. So I think you need to point out to your employers (not the mother) that this is a completely unreasonable demand (given the requirement to work NYE, lack of notice (which would have left you able to make different arrangements such as spend NYE with friends) and the high cost of any suitable alternative) and let them deal with it and any possible fallout. The grandmother is being unreasonable and so are they to leave you by leaving you to handle it.

Poledra Mon 10-Dec-12 12:25:49

If the bed for the grandmother is so important, why don't your bosses sleep in the gym and let the grandmother sleep in their bed? No, I don't think they would either...

Viviennemary Mon 10-Dec-12 12:35:16

They are the ones who are breaking the contract. Not you. You are a live in nanny and your room is not available. To me that is a breach of contract. They must sort it out.

megandraper Mon 10-Dec-12 12:35:55

Miss NJE - I'm not suggesting you actually sue your employer. (I employ a nanny myself and hope she wouldn't leap straight to the 'suing' option if we had a disagreement/misunderstanding over something).

But I do think your employer appears to be ignoring the contract. And perhaps needs to be politely made aware of its obligations! She could 'ask' you to do this, and you could choose whether to accept or not. She certainly can't tell you to do it!

MissNJE Mon 10-Dec-12 15:30:13

MB is ignoring me now. Not replying to emails or anything. Wasn't even interested that her DS had nose bleeding this morning.

iluvkids Mon 10-Dec-12 16:54:43

Take a job like
http://www.findababysitter.com/job/view/18954
and then work 'live out ' - - choose/take a live out nanny job...

Blondeshavemorefun Mon 10-Dec-12 17:07:53

i cant believe your mb would ask this of you when you have flown home esp to look after their children

you live in 24/7 and this is your own personal private space, you are not in the spare room

the answer is a flat no

if mb/db want granny to stay that much then they can give up their bed and have the sofa

or granny can sleep on the sofa

or have dc room? or is only a cot in there?

is it a 3 bed house, yours, mb/db and babys room

or pay for a taxi for granny to go home

i am all for being flexible and as think chipping said if they said would you mind giving up your room rather then demand it then you might have said yes

MissNJE Mon 10-Dec-12 17:57:20

Blondes
We live in a five bedroom house. Guest bedroom will be for the father's parents, living room will be for one of his brothers and GF, his other brother will sleep on mattress in gym/hallway. I am not sure tbh. Little one only has a cot in his room, so no option to stay there. that only leaves my room. Well not really because i am here.

I am especially disappointed because I usually have a great relationship with MB and never expected this. hmm

Firstgold Mon 10-Dec-12 18:13:18

Firstly, you're not being unreasonable. Now a couple of points:

1. Do you want to stay with your current employers? If YES, I would suggest going to see a lawyer is not a good option at all.

2. If the answer to 1 is yes, you need to sit down with your employers tonight and have it out with them along the lines of:
- I was very put out indeed that you've given my room to your mother without even asking my consent.
- Under the terms of my contract, the bedroom is for my sole use (check the contract - our live in nanny has a 'licence to occupy' until one of us terminates her contract). As a result, I am perfectly entitled to stay in my room 365 days of the year.
- I'm flying back from NY specifically to care for the children on NYE and thus it goes without saying that I am going to need my bedroom.
- I enjoy working for you but this has honestly made me question my standing and worth within this family.

Your employers probably don't realise quite how much they've cocked up and will just need you to state the obvious. If this doesn't lead to an apology and 'of course, I stuffed up..assumed you'd be with mates etc' then I'd think about moving on, constructive dismissal or whatever.

MissNJE Mon 10-Dec-12 18:14:46

Firstgold: they knew that I was here on NYE.

valiumredhead Mon 10-Dec-12 18:17:53

YANBU at all!

valiumredhead Mon 10-Dec-12 18:18:23

Sorry forgot this wasn't AIBU blush

Firstgold Mon 10-Dec-12 18:31:16

My advice still stands. Have it out with them. No point just sweating about it on here - just sit down and thrash it out with them. You are totally entitled to your room. I would still make the points I made in my first post if I were you.

MissNJE Mon 10-Dec-12 20:50:56

Had a long chat with MB. I cried a lot and feel even worse than I did before. MB said she didn't realise that I was here on NYE, even though I work on the 31.12 and it also doesn't change the fact that she just assumed it would be okay for her mother to stay in my room.

I am so upset. Thanks everybody for your advise. I really feel like that this ruined our otherwise great relationship.

SoldeInvierno Mon 10-Dec-12 20:58:21

sorry you are upset. They are showing very little respect for you and in your position, I would just leave asap. They don't deserve your help.

How can she have not realised you would be there when she has asked you to work that day?

MissNJE Mon 10-Dec-12 21:58:26

Exactly.

Blondeshavemorefun Mon 10-Dec-12 22:41:51

In your Mb defence maybe she thought/assumed you would be out with friends in the evening

Though she could have checked with you and again asked if you would mind granny sleeping in your bed

MNPdoesYULETIDE Mon 10-Dec-12 23:21:20

Reminds me of a job yonks ago where I went out in their car on a Saturday did some shopping and a movie and came home to find his 12yo in my bed and half my belongs scattered about....they thought me unreasonable to want to stay there (it was 11:30pm), he was moved to his usual bed on their floor, they "thought I was away for the weekend" with their car hmm not likely.

Blondeshavemorefun Tue 11-Dec-12 04:38:28

So now mb knows you are there nye what's going to happen with sleeping arrangements

Do you have your personal space invaded and if so what happens to you

or will granny go home/sleep on floor

MissNJE Tue 11-Dec-12 07:42:52

I will put my bed in gym with new mattress that MB ordered, so she doesn't have to have my room.

MB is so angry at me because I said that I wanted to move out over this ad wants to talk to me tonight again. I am not happy that I am the bad person in this now. Instead of saying yes we know you have been angry/you are still angry about but ...

FivesGoldNorks Tue 11-Dec-12 07:49:36

Did you ask specifically how they thought you wouldn't ne here when your be working?

FivesGoldNorks Tue 11-Dec-12 07:50:22

Sorry for typos

exoticfruits Tue 11-Dec-12 07:57:32

Stand your ground- if they want you to work over NewYear you need your room- if they want your room you can't work. A simple choice for them.

Gigondas Tue 11-Dec-12 08:13:53

Stick to your guns- I am a Mb and am appalled at this.

Are you their first nanny (reference to their dc seems he is young)? If so I can only assume that parents don't understand 1. It's a professional relationship that you should abide by contract 2. The pain and hassle involved for them if you resign (I know it happens but it does involve cost and disruption ).

But don't let your understandable upset lead you into doing anything hasty.

Fourbytwo Tue 11-Dec-12 08:18:12

I would be tempted to 'accidentally' miss the flight home from NY!

I was a nanny for many years and dealt with shits like this too. I hate it when you think you are respected and liked by the parents then they do something which leaves you feeling like lowly servant!

AndBingoWasHisNameOh Tue 11-Dec-12 08:57:39

Well up to you but you're in danger of blowing up this whole job here with hasty threats of moving out. You're understandably upset about the NYE situation yes they've behaved very unreasonably and it needs sorting out. However if otherwise its a good job and you're happy then think carefully about where you want this to end.

OutragedFromLeeds Tue 11-Dec-12 10:40:35

Tbh you are becoming just as bad as them now! Tears, tantrums and threatening to leave is not the way to deal with it. This not how you deal with a dispute at work.

MissNJE Tue 11-Dec-12 10:57:23

Sorry, maybe i should have explained more. I was thinking about moving out before, but don't really have the two hours a day for the commute from Central London to Surrey and back in the evenings. I also actually liked the fact that I am around at the weekend to see the little one and often do things with MB.

After this whole thing I thought well if they make me so upset and treat me like this I don't really want to live here anymore and rather have to commute ever day.

I also think that I have every right to cry in my room when I am upset.

OutragedFromLeeds Tue 11-Dec-12 11:10:55

You have every right to cry wherever and whenever you like, if you're doing it during a 'meeting' it probably doesn't come across as particularly professional though.

I don't think you'd be unreasonable to leave, but I think you need to make a decision and then inform MB in a calm and professional way. Not 'you've made me cross, I'm leaving <stamp stamp stamp, slams door>!', have a look at the thread in chat about little kids running away from home, that's what it sounds like!

AwsomeMrsFox Tue 11-Dec-12 11:11:50

If you have previously had good relations with the family then I would try to have an 'unemotional' conversation with MB to diffuse the situation.

I see 2 issues still which I would discuss with MB in your position:

1. The logistics - you would have preferred to stay in NYC for NYE, but came back to work at their request. Now after long flight you are being 'asked' to vacate your room and find your own accomodation apparently at your own cost. I think that anyone would see that is a little unreasonable!

2. Is the room 'yours' or the 'spare room that you sleep in'? I think you need to agree this with MB, so you have a clear path moving forward. May pay to have the contract handy incase you need to refer to it.

IME it always pays to be a little empathetic - eg 'I know it must be difficult for you wanting the family to all be together, especially as your mother doesn't want to go home....'

Hope it goes ok!

exoticfruits Tue 11-Dec-12 19:11:48

Let us know how it went.

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Tue 11-Dec-12 19:47:54

Have you spoken to her yet?

Try not to cut your nose off to spite your face!

Stay there while you look for another job, then hand in your notice. I know you have your inheritance, but it would be stupid to waste that on rent. Even if they 'let' you work as a day nanny (which I doubt they will, people want a live in nanny for a reason) the situation would quickly become unworkable.

Either - discuss it, sort it and feel OK about it.

OR

Play nice - look for a new job.

Nannying is vastly different from other jobs, it's hard to stay unemotional about it, but try not to cry when you are talking to her, it wont help any and will just make you feel even worse.

ReetPetit Tue 11-Dec-12 19:48:05

i do think they are a bit out of order but maybe they just weren't expecting you to be there on NYE? I know you say you are working in the day but as your bf is in central london perhaps they assumed you would stay at his? can you not stay at his?
i do feel for you, they are being pretty horrible, but don't sink to their level by 'throwing your toys out the pram' so to speak and start threatening to walk out etc or you could lose your job!! (assuming you want to keep the job??)

MissNJE Tue 11-Dec-12 20:15:55

My bf is in Australia until January. If I had known on Friday he would have left his keys here and I could have stayed there.

We will talk when they get home tonight, I cooked a lovely meal and I hope that they will give me a chance to hear my side of the story and how i feel about this. My MB said yesterday that she can understand that I don't want anybody staying in my room. I put a lot of effort in my room. I chose all the furniture, paint, curtains etc. and I just don't want somebody else to be in there. She can understand it but her mother puts a lot of pressure on her and blackmails her emotionally. So I understand where she is coming from but i felt very hurt when they asked to speak to me yesterday and I stood in the kitchen and was treated as if I had killed their first-born.

Even if they thought OP would be out, this is HER BEDROOM. Yes it's a room in their house but it is MissNJE's personal space. As the MB's mother only lives down the road they seem to be risking losing their nanny, who was willing to fly home from New York earlier than her friends to work the 31st of December.

They've just had no thought or respect for her privacy or feelings have they! I can understand how upsetting that must be. When you work as a nanny or child minder you are trusted with a family's precious DC, and hope you are respected to be treated like this makes you question how they view you.

iluvkids Wed 12-Dec-12 08:59:19

So what happened when u talked again last night?!

This all sounds like a nightmare situation and you have been treated very unfairly

solution I can see to problem is regarding bedroom space - move baby/toddler in cot into parents bedroom for night (or yours and they pay you night nanny rate for night for caring for him) and grandma has matress on floor in the babies now empty room (sure he/she even has a spare teddy grandma can cuddle!!)

Solution to your now not so good working relationship is to be clear about expectations from both sides and perhaps sorry to say it not be doing things with mb at weekends she is your employer not your friend and perhaps this is where the confusion has come in mb thinks that you are easy going lovely her friend and therefore wont mind at all - boundaries have been totally blurred.

I still think they are very very unfair though

MissNJE Wed 12-Dec-12 09:48:17

Employers admitted that they made a a mistake and apologised. Grandmother can choose between new double mattress in gym or to get a cab at night.

They don't want to lose me and MB lost a lot of sleep about this and so did I.

great outcome. well done

SoldeInvierno Wed 12-Dec-12 12:48:59

well done. Hopefully she's learnt her lesson now and you'll be treated with the respect you deserve.

great outcome

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Wed 12-Dec-12 14:03:21

Great. I'm really pleased it has all been sorted out. Did they apologise not only for 'telling you this was going to happen' when they had no right to and for telling you off and making you feel like you were out of line??

Blondeshavemorefun Wed 12-Dec-12 15:47:07

glad things got resolved smile

MNPdoesYULETIDE Thu 13-Dec-12 01:16:40

Glad it is now sorted.

exoticfruits Thu 13-Dec-12 07:19:53

Good - it always pays to make a stand because if they get away with poor treatment once they are likely to do it again. Glad it worked out.

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