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Nanny attitude? / morning routine

(19 Posts)
TexasBaby Tue 19-Jul-16 08:45:42

I'm not a confrontational person but I must confront our nanny on an ongoing issue and would like some perspective from other nannies or parents so that it goes well. She is so good with our DD and she is is very professional with everything but this: nearly every morning she comes to our house grumpy and seems annoyed with us! She hasn't said why but I am fairly certain she would like my partner and I to just be out of the house as soon as she arrives so that she can take over. Our DD who is 2.5 clings to us sometimes or is a bit naughtier when we are here (apparently), which clearly irritates the nanny. She is so lovely when I come home in the evening that I find it hard to mention her mood in the morning.

But we can't always run out the door when she comes. I like routine too, but on days when I need to do things at home I'd like to feel welcome in my own home and not like we have a power struggle over my DD! Is it too much to expect her to be more positive and flexible? I know not everyone is a morning person but it is terrible to both have my DD crying for me and a grumpy nanny huffing and puffing (but not saying why). Not sure telling someone to fix their attitude helps though :-/ she'll probably be more annoyed?

bluebell34567 Tue 19-Jul-16 08:51:22

it is not nice to see a grumpy person in the morning.
you are right in what you say.
but maybe youcan spend less time and leave in the morning.
if you are annoyed maybe you can tell her in a joking way

nannynick Tue 19-Jul-16 11:07:34

What time do they start and what time do you leave, perhaps that will help give us some idea of why the nanny may be grumpy.

When you offered the job, did you give the impression you would be out all day? Jobs change, the role of nanny is not just childcare but also includes care if the home, the whole family... they are there to make things easier for you. Are there routine tasks that can be done when they arrive such as putting a wash load on? Have you included that sort of thing in the job description?

Toddlers will be clingy when their mum is around. You and your nanny need to work in partnership when you are both there, otherwise a child will play you off against each other. Try to define who is in charge when.

elelfrance Tue 19-Jul-16 11:23:16

when my LO was looked after by a nanny, i did my best not to be around much, and leave promptly when the nanny arrived - my LO was a nightmare when both of us were there!
plus the nanny couldn't get on with her usual routine while I was under her feet
If its something that needs to happen regularly, i would sit down and have a discussion with the nanny, she may not have been expecting to deal with this. between you, i'm sure you can work something out, but i do feel like its something that needs to be clearly discussed, as it mightn't necessarily be part of how a nanny usually works

Dozer Tue 19-Jul-16 11:46:45

Yes, we need to know how often and for how long you're around.

That said, if she's got a problem with you she should behave professionally and raise it, not act "off".

TexasBaby Tue 19-Jul-16 11:49:58

She arrives at 7 and we are usually out the door by 7:15-7:30.

There have been about two times I have been off sick for a day so I was home resting (and she took my LO out pretty quickly but it was awkward until then).

nannynick Tue 19-Jul-16 12:41:42

15-30 minutes. I was imagining you may be around for hours. Perfectly normal for there to be some time beginning and end of the day when nanny and parents are around.

TexasBaby Tue 19-Jul-16 13:02:59

glad that is normal Nannynick and that I'm not doing something unusual!

It seems like we do need to discuss it just so that roles are clear. Maybe something like, my partner and I are in charge of our LO while we are still here (and she can help clear up after breakfast stuff or something) but that we will clear off as quickly as we can. I'm hoping with some clarity there will be less tension. Like on my couple of sick days I put my LO's shoes on as they were going out the door and got the distinct feeling that I was stepping on nanny's toes (or maybe chose the wrong shoes!?).

There has always been a feeling of she knows better than I do because she has many more years of experience with children than me. I do love her and she is friendly in the evenings as previously mentioned but also feel like she disapproves of my mothering or house or something... hard to tell what grumpy silence means!!

nannynick Tue 19-Jul-16 13:41:23

Hard to know unless she says.

Door was locked so she couldn't get in.
Kitchen in a mess.
Bad traffic, trouble parking.
Not a morning person.

I doubt I arrive all bouncy and happy in the morning. Don't think I am grumpy though.

FreeButtonBee Tue 19-Jul-16 13:45:55

We do it the other way round. Once nanny arrives, they are in charge. If I am there, I am doing other things that need to be done without children (getting dressed/putting washing away/sorting dinner)

Otherwise get her to come 20 mins later. She might be grumpy because she's there but can't get on with the job.

nannylife Tue 19-Jul-16 14:15:07

It would annoy me to have a grumpy person coming in every morning! I try to be happy in the morning when I arrive. It is hard when the parents are around if the kids play up. But I don't think 15 mins is excessive. I usually have a chat with the mum for about 10 mins in the morning (less with dad) and then she will pretty much leave straight away. To be honest, you say 15-30 mins. 7am is quite early, why don't you just move her start time and leave for work? Also, you say when you were off sick it was awkward until they went out. Why are you around? When my boss is ill, she tells the child she's going to work and says bye. Then hides away upstairs. We literally do not see her and the child is none the wiser. She knows when I leave the house for a group as she hears us leaving so she is free to use the whole house then I message her when I'm on the way home so she can hide away again.

Dingdingdong Tue 19-Jul-16 17:22:59

I also do once nanny is there she is in charge - we usually have a chat etc, then I say bye and go upstairs to get ready. We arranged the start time for slightly later so I give the kids breakfast before their nanny arrives.

amarmai Tue 19-Jul-16 17:49:04

Your house, your child,nanny is your employee. CD we behave like this in any other job when the boss is around? seems this nanny thinks she has power over you? MAybe look for alternative cm or nursery .

chocchipbrioche Tue 19-Jul-16 22:39:02

I'm a nanny and work for two families. I usually hand over with both mums as the dads have normally gone to work by the time I get there.
Mum 1- I come in, we chat about how the kids have been, she goes upstairs to finish getting ready and I start breakfast and take over. She then says good bye and leaves.
Mum 2 - I come in, we chat how toddler has been, she goes to finish getting ready, I start breakfast, she comes in and fusses with toddler, she goes out, she comes back in to be with toddler, she says goodbye, she goes to finish getting ready, she comes back in to play and says goodbye again. She finally goes to work.
As a nanny I find Mum 2's behaviour bloody frustrating and if you say goodbye its because you are leaving the house. Constantly coming in and out confuses the child and also he plays up as mums here, mums gone, mums here, mums gone.
So if you are doing this sort of thing then I can see why your nanny might be grumpy.
Also I had to say to Mum 2 that if she comes home early and the kitchen door is shut then not to come in as we are doing dinner and if toddler sees her he will stop eating and play up. She saw the logic of this and if she comes home early she has time to herself until we open the door and are finished.
Your nanny should talk to you about it though because of course you can take your time getting ready to leave in the morning but are you rushing in to take over with the children when your nanny is doing it or are you out of the way and they can just hear you. Being undermined by a parent is one of the most frustrating things about our line of work and lots of time parents don't realise they're doing it they are just going to see their child.
If it bothers you then it's best to clear the air with her.
I have taken to closing the kitchen door so he can't hear her moving around.

TexasBaby Thu 21-Jul-16 15:42:40

I spoke with our nanny and said she seemed upset in the morning and I wanted to make sure we were on the same page. She was very surprised and said she was fine, and just trying to get my LO out the door to avoid a dramatic upset Witt me being home sick for the day. She said she understands I couldn't avoid being at home that day.

I kind of feel surprised here wasn't something bothering her because she seems so grumpy/annoyed so often. I reply think maybe she isn't a morning person! I also will try hard to leave more quickly but sometimes it can't be avoided so I'll be clearer on roles.

Wiifitmama Thu 21-Jul-16 15:51:30

I am not a nanny and do not have a nanny but just wanted to say that if you saw me in the morning, you would think I was pissed off with you too! I am soooo not a morning person. My kids know to keep clear for a while after I get up. Some people just don't cope with mornings well. If she is anything like me, she is probably just not masking it well (and thinks she is, hence the surprise when you spoke to her!)

TexasBaby Thu 21-Jul-16 16:20:52

This thread has been really helpful to me to see things from her perspective. I think I might be somewhere between Mum 1 and Mum 2 (and my hubby definitely is too!!) in the above example because sometime we forget something or aren't ready when she arrives. I'll work on that!!

I'm not sure it excuses her grumpiness and lack of clear communication but I also mornings are hard and she is really great in the afternoon so that's good.

Thank you everyone for your help!

plimsolls Thu 21-Jul-16 16:32:49

When I was a nanny, I found it really difficult when parents were there as they tended to be more easygoing than they asked me to be.

(For example, they made it clear to me that the children were expected to do X,Y, Z and i must make sure they did, so I would have my work cut out making that happen. If child had to do X,Y,Z and kicked up a fuss when parents were there, parents would then say they didn't have to do it).

The upshot of this for me was then it would be much harder for me the rest of the day to get children to do X, Y or Z. It was always more of an issue when parents undermined the instructions in front of me. (I guess the children could compartmentalise "mummy lets me, nanny doesn't" when we weren't in the same place, but having us both together confused that).

The "when nanny is here, he/she is in charge" policy mentioned above would have solved that issue for us.

jellycat1 Thu 21-Jul-16 16:55:48

I understand that toddlers can behave differently with their parents around but I'm sorry, I'd say it's tough. It's your home and the nanny should really have, or develop the skills to deal with the kids whether you're there or not. My poor nanny has had to put up with me on Mat leave and has managed older dc really well, though it took a little extra effort. You shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable for being home fgs.

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