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Nanny & New Arrival

(29 Posts)
Eminado Tue 28-Jun-16 17:18:06

We are due our 2nd baby in about 6 weeks and I was just wondering what arrangements other people made regarding the nanny and new arrival.

My current feeling is that in the immediate period after birth I want some space and privacy and just to be left alone. I want to be able to
Bfeed anywhere without covering up, stay in pjs all day, sleep when I want to (if I can!) etc and I am just not keen on the idea of an audience.

That said, I am worried that my DD will be going stir crazy in our shoe box sized house and maybe I will appreciate a few hours' break?

So as not to drip feed, it's a NWOC. Her son is 7 and normally at school so easy enough to avoid the issue until now, but he will be on school holidays at the time of birth and he is VERY full on and to be honest him following me around, asking questions, wanting to see/hold the baby etc is something I am not sure I will have the patience for. My own DD will be handful enough.

What do other people do? Perhaps I am overthinking things.

Any thoughts welcome.

nbee84 Tue 28-Jun-16 17:52:31

I don't have a child to take to work with me but my current mb had a baby last year. I was given 2 weeks off when the baby arrived and Dad was on paternity leave. They had some family and friends visiting over that time. It was also special bonding time for the siblings and for their new family unit. I think I would have felt in the way if I had been there during this period.
Once back at work I got back into the older children's routines. I'm out and about with the children quite a lot so this gave mb some space to feed and relax. When I was in the house she spent quite a bit of time in her bedroom - she was feeding quite a lot and resting when the baby napped; we'd had a chat because I was worried that she felt like she had to be out of the way when we were in and didn't feel relaxed to be around me feeding etc but she explained that she was quite happy to be up there, she had the tv, her laptop etc and preferred to feed lying down so tended to feed upstairs anyway.
Have a think about what you might like to happen once baby is here and have a chat with your nanny. With a lively 7 year old she'll probably want to be out doing things with the children. Maybe increase the activities kitty for the holidays and pray for some nice weather so they can have picnics and spend lots of time in the park smile

Iguessyourestuckwithme Tue 28-Jun-16 17:55:44

My bosses had their second last year and kept me on for maternity leave. Baby arrived mid week, I worked the day the baby came home from hospital and came in for a few hours on the friday to carry on normality for pre-schooler and also gave mum a couple of hours 9-3 just 1-on-1 with the new baby then I covered 3-5 so Mum could get a nap while I did dinner routine with pre-schooler and watched the baby. Family had the 2 day weekend to get used to family life and then I came in as usual on the monday. Early days I would arrive in the morning allow mum to grab a shower without kids or take over from dad if mum was sleeping. I would take pre-schooler to our usual groups in the morning then we'd spend lunch time with Mum and then I would supervise baby when mum and eldest would nap. Then preschooler and I would go out in the afternoon again to allow mum to rest but home again at tea time and I would help mum with both to do dinner/bath etc.

From the early days I would look after number 2 as it gave mum time with the eldest one. Some days I would take them both out for a couple of hours so mum could sleep [with a 3 hour window for feeds] Sometimes I would disappear upstairs to do chores and leave the 3/4 of them to it, without me and somedays we would all go out together for a day trip.

We needed open communication - we almost faltered about 6 weeks in but soon worked out a way to communicate what we all needed from the situation and we managed 6 months maternity leave together. It was harder with the oldest as dc1 wasn't used to us both being there together and would try and play us off each other but I soon got confident with dc2 and having both together.

Eminado Tue 28-Jun-16 18:57:35

Thank you for responses - really appreciate it!

Nbee - what does "mb" stand for?
Also, the 2 weeks paternity period - were you on full pay?

Iguess - do they have a huge house? We are quite tight for space (and money!)

Iguessyourestuckwithme Tue 28-Jun-16 19:10:11

No not at all hence why if they were downstairs I would go up and viceversa.

2up2down kinda house.

I was on full pay for maternity leave and would have been even if I'd been given 2 weeks off at the beginning.

MB [Mum Boss] also not rolling in it.

nbee84 Tue 28-Jun-16 19:14:32

mb is mum boss

Yes, I was paid for that time.

If you have your dh at home and will be having visitors and would like some family time and privacy then have a think about whether you need your nanny there in the mix or not - if she's there you are paying her, if she's not you are still paying her - so it's no extra expense. You could maybe decide that you would like her to work mornings or afternoons instead of full days. It may be nice for nanny to take your older one out so she gets to have a run around and let of some steam (and hopefully tire her out grin) and you and dh can just cuddle up with the baby and relax a bit.

Eminado Tue 28-Jun-16 19:46:43

Yes I think for at least 2 weeks I would like to be left alone -
And thereafter will appreciate the toddler being taken out.

Sorry to harp on at you both (really appreciate your replies) but the 2 weeks you were not needed - were you on full pay? And was that on top of your holiday allowance? Nanny has already booked off her full holiday allocation so this would be 2 extra weeks at full pay off work - is that standard?

Iguessyourestuckwithme Tue 28-Jun-16 20:03:32

Yep.

I have 5.6 weeks holiday entitlement. 2 weeks my choice, 2 weeks theirs plus bank holidays.

If you want to use these 2 weeks as your choice of holiday thats fine but if you've already chosen your 2 weeks then its normal pay as she's available to work but youre choosing not to use her.

Iguessyourestuckwithme Tue 28-Jun-16 20:04:34

In fact my boss took 2 weeks later in the year to introduce dc2 to family and I was paid as usual.

Eminado Tue 28-Jun-16 20:13:22

I understand.

I guess you have a great boss! 😀

nannynick Tue 28-Jun-16 20:14:25

You can ask your nanny to take some time off as annual leave. If you have a 50/50 agreement then it would come out of your share.
You can give them additional paid leave. It would not be fair to make them take unpaid leave as you have a contract with them which probably provides them with an annual salary split in to monthly/weekly an hourly amount.
You could in theory make them redundant. Then rehire them a few weeks later. This is not suggested - for one thing they may not want to work for you again and they may not be available.

When I have had a boss on maternity leave I have been paid as usual and have come in to assist with older children, taken annual holiday or had additional holiday.
Could you ask your nanny to come to work but to take your DD out on a trip lasting a large part of the day - during school holiday? That would then keep her entertained and give her time to do things that may be harder to do with baby in tow?

Hiphopopotamus Tue 28-Jun-16 20:20:21

I don't know if this is an appropriate/legal thing but could your nanny take you DD to her house for a while?

Iguessyourestuckwithme Tue 28-Jun-16 20:32:41

I wouldn't say she's a great boss for paying me my salary when she effectively shut the office. That's just good practise. You wouldn't be happy if your boss told you tomorow that in 6 weeks time you were going to have 2 weeks unpaid holiday. Could you afford to do that?

She is a great boss generally.

nannynick Tue 28-Jun-16 20:41:36

"I don't know if this is an appropriate/legal thing but could your nanny take you DD to her house for a while?"

No, various legal issues. A nanny cares for children in the child's own home, not in the nanny's home.

Blondeshavemorefun Tue 28-Jun-16 21:06:04

I've had several siblings arrive in jobs and always been paid in full if they wanted any time off and have some privacy /family time

Tho generally I still come in as older children still had school /nursery and various activities

You need to speak to your nanny how you want things to progress. Maybe she can get her child to go to play dates for a few days each week so you have some privacy

nbee84 Tue 28-Jun-16 21:06:11

mb took 7 months maternity leave in total. I worked my usual hours but would often be told I could come in half an hour later in the morning or leave half an hour later in the evening. The weeks after she had the baby were in addition to my holiday leave and fully paid. My contract states 4 weeks notice of holiday from either side so they couldn't really have used their own 2 weeks choice as my holiday as they couldn't give me set dates - if they had given me 2 weeks from baby's due date I would have been back at work when he was 3 days old as he arrived late.

blublutoo Tue 28-Jun-16 21:20:32

Hi op. Congrats on the (nearly) new arrival. I would get her to take your eldest out for a large chunk of the day as often as possible. Look out for discount codes and free days. There will be loads on during the summer time. On sunny days send them out for the day with picnics and use that time to be alone with the baby.
You could always nap in the afternoon and get her to watch the baby too. It would be good for the baby to get used to her being around and for you in the long run to be able to grab a shower or spend time with your eldest.
As for paying her, you should be paying her in full. So if her normal weekly hours is 40 hours but you want her to only work 25 hours while you're off, then that's your choice so you should pay her in full.
I know that parents probably don't mean to do it but I wish they would realise that this is our income and a proper job. I have bills and rent to pay and food to by. I would be screwed if my boss said 'in 6 weeks time I want time to myself so you're off for 2 weeks. No pay' I really don't think the above poster being paid makes her boss a good boss. Just one who is doing things legally.. I.e following the contract!

Eminado Tue 28-Jun-16 21:48:54

Thanks for all the replies and suggestions - I appreciate them very much.

I will have a think about which chunks of time I'd most appreciate help with the toddler.

Not sure where I said I'd be asking her to take unpaid leave or that I dont know this is her income etc etc confused so I won't address those sorts of comments.

At the moment I am leaning towards taking toddler out for a chunk of the day. I just hope DD doesn't feel
pushed out.

Thanks again for all replies.

blublutoo Tue 28-Jun-16 21:57:04

Sorry op. I was more addressing my anger about other bosses that I see write on these boards. Your tone did indicate you were unsure if she should be paid. I just wish it was common knowledge.

DocMcFanjo Tue 28-Jun-16 22:07:07

Can I hijack a little here just to ask a question of the nannies?

I'm going to be going on mat leave for DD2 soon and similar to OP am giving nanny 2-3 weeks (paid) off while we settle in and then she'll be coming back as usual.

My question is does the rate of pay increase with the extra child when I return to work? Or is it the same hourly rate regardless of number of DC being minded?

Iguessyourestuckwithme Tue 28-Jun-16 22:07:41

No worries OP

As I said make sure you communicate Now, and in the early weeks meet again to talk over how it's all going - whats working / whats not etc. Good Luck. smile

By the way I agree with BluBlu that your posts did read like an employer who wasn't 100% sold on why you should pay your nanny if she was to have the time off. smile

"Also, the 2 weeks paternity period - were you on full pay?"

"We are quite tight for space (and money!)"

"but the 2 weeks you were not needed - were you on full pay? And was that on top of your holiday allowance? Nanny has already booked off her full holiday allocation so this would be 2 extra weeks at full pay off work - is that standard?"

Eminado Tue 28-Jun-16 22:08:01

Sorry if my tone indicated anything; i was merely clarifying if it was given as extra time off or fitted into holiday allowance, or if there were other ways people handled it that I was not aware of.

The issue only has come to light honestly speaking because it occurred to me that her son being here changes our "normal" - and I dont think I am wrong/unusual in expressing my fears around that.

Iguessyourestuckwithme Tue 28-Jun-16 22:09:19

It depends on the family/situation/current salary.

My salary went up a considerable amount when mb went back to work - i got a slight payrise when maternity leave started and then the full payrise when she went back to work. It wasnt expected but it was very much appreciated.

Eminado Tue 28-Jun-16 22:13:04

Iguess ok then, don't have the energy to argue with you. Our house is tight and we dont have an unlimited budget where i can be casual about where money goes -I was addressing your suggestion about zoning ie was indicating that we don't have several different rooms for groups of
People to retreat to. But you can think what you like.

DocMcFanjo Tue 28-Jun-16 22:17:51

Thanks Iguess- I was thinking of increasing it but wasn't sure if it was a matter of course or more discretionary.

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