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Do you allow minded kids access to your own kids bedrooms?

(33 Posts)
DoesMyMarthaCliffLookBigInThis Fri 20-May-16 09:00:44

I have 2 preschool children of my own and am considering taking on a toddler to mind. I live in Ireland and have already gone through the process of getting registered etc as I have been considering childminding for a while now. My little boy has a nice big bedroom with lots of toys and spends a bit of time playing there with his sister. Should I allow a minded child access to this room? Also, the minded child will be taking their naps in a travel cot, where should I set this up?

NarcyCow Fri 20-May-16 09:04:10

Our childminder doesn't. She has two kids the same age as ours and ours aren't allowed upstairs. She has another mindee who still naps and puts a travel cot in her own room for him.

Your kids could come to resent having to share their stuff, or not being able to have some space of their own in their own home.

longdiling Fri 20-May-16 11:42:02

I don't, no. I'm in Wales and you have to say which rooms you want registered. It was easier to just keep it to downstairs. Plus, I feel it's very important my kids have their own space to escape to. It muddies the water if sometimes the mindees are allowed in there and sometimes not.

longdiling Fri 20-May-16 11:42:32

Oh and I have the travel cot set up in the living room so other kids can still play in the playroom.

Paulat2112 Fri 20-May-16 11:45:57

Like long I ad to specify which rooms and I just had downstairs registered. I wouldn't let my kids roms be used just asi wouldn't let my own be used. Own personal private space.

Paulat2112 Fri 20-May-16 12:08:31

Gosh, sorry for the typos. My phone is crap

Frusso Fri 20-May-16 12:41:18

No. I felt my children needed somewhere separate they could go, and their own favoured toys that they could keep separate and be able to say ' I don't want to share this toy today'

HSMMaCM Fri 20-May-16 12:55:06

I had all the rooms registered, but never allowed the mindees access to DD's room. She needed something that was just for her and she didn't have to share.

hookiewookie29 Mon 23-May-16 18:59:15

Nope. The minded children use enough of my house as it is so there's no way they're invading my kids private space.

katiegg Mon 23-May-16 19:08:14

This has been a really interesting read! I'm not a childminder but was looked after by a childminder when I was younger and we always played in her children's room (mainly the boy's room dos it was bigger). I read the title of this thread and much admit my first thought was 'why would you not?!' but reading your responses I can totally understand why it's a good idea to have separate space for your own kids and boundaries. I wonder how that boy felt with us all invading his bedroom every day after school?

Maryann1975 Mon 23-May-16 21:07:02

My whole house is registered, but we generally only use the downstairs for playing and I put the travel cots up for sleeping babies in the Bedrooms if need be. Napping toddlers/schoolers sleep on the sofa. occasionally I let the school age child I look after go upstairs with my dd, but it's quite rare, they tend to make a mess and I also think it is important for my DC to have a space the childminded children can't go to. The toys aren't such an issue now, but when they were younger I used to let them put any favourite toys in their bedrooms and they weren't for others to play with, but they a bit older now so it isn't an issue any more.

katemiddletonsnudeheels Mon 23-May-16 21:09:17

I must admit, I would find it very off-putting personally if as a parent I felt my children were treated differently although I understand why you do it.

HSMMaCM Mon 23-May-16 21:46:38

But it's not being treated differently. All the children play with the group toys and then all the children go home to their own toys. Why should. Child whose parent is a cm not be able to go home (to their room) to their own toys at the end of the day?

katemiddletonsnudeheels Mon 23-May-16 21:48:17

I understand that HSM, but to me the selling point of a childminder would be the homely aspect and it just wouldn't feel homely with my child being 'banned' from certain areas.

OneMagnumisneverenough Mon 23-May-16 21:56:46

My neighbour does childminding. Some of the children she minds are other neighbours and so are friends of her own children as well as mindees. Whilst those ones are just pre and after school now, she did have them as babies. I think on that basis she is fairly easy going about who is allowed where but I think the rule is that when she is working, mindees are allowed in her own children's rooms, but only with and at the invitation of her child. It becomes quite difficult as she could be on duty till 5.30, child goes home for tea and then comes back to play at 6.30 and is therefore a friend and no longer a mindee. Or maybe she has been paid to have neighbours child until 5.30 and then her own child goes over to theirs to play after tea. It would confuse the heck out of me.

HSMMaCM Mon 23-May-16 22:15:14

They don't feel like they're banned though, it's just a room we don't use during the day.

Children cannot be expected to share all their toys all the time. They didn't choose to be childminders. It's really really important for them to have their own space, just as it is for any child.

katemiddletonsnudeheels Mon 23-May-16 22:16:36

Yes, I respect that, I'm just explaining how personally it would be off putting to me smile

longdiling Mon 23-May-16 22:26:29

That's a bit bonkers Kate. In a nursery there would be areas that are 'out of bounds' too. The mindee/own child relationship can be a tricky one to negotiate. An escape for your own child can really help to ensure they don't feel resentful of the children who are in their home. Not pushing kids together makes them more likely to seek each other out.

And you know what, you really don't want your children being treated exactly the same as my own children. I love my mindees but they are not mine and it's important that a small respectful distance is maintained so I don't overstep boundaries. How would you feel if your child started calling me mummy and I didn't correct them because I didn't want to treat them differently to my own kids?

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup Mon 23-May-16 22:26:38

No I don't.

katemiddletonsnudeheels Mon 23-May-16 22:28:34

I understand entirely it's tricky to negotiate and I am quite willing to accept that a childminder probably isn't right for me for that reason. It just feels very uncomfortable to me that in a home setting one child is allowed in one room while another isn't.

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup Mon 23-May-16 22:28:43

I feel I should expand. My own children don't go upstairs when I have mindees either!

HSMMaCM Mon 23-May-16 22:32:38

I agree. My own child didn't go off to her room, she played downstairs with the mindees and then went 'home' to her own toys in the evening. All children treated equally (with mindees treated better). DD for example had a dolls house and that was the only toy she had that she didn't have to share (or watch another child break).

longdiling Mon 23-May-16 22:33:56

I have never ever had a child object to it. They want to be where I am and I'm downstairs with the mindees at all times. If anything it was a bit crap for my kids when they were little as I couldn't go upstairs with them. Mindees would only feel 'banned' from certain rooms if we all went upstairs without them, something that would never ever happen.

Scoopmuckdizzy Mon 23-May-16 22:51:41

My mum was a childminder when I was younger and the DC she minded used to play in my room and also my brother's. Most of the time it didn't occur to me to really care but there were times when I didn't enjoy having to share my newest Barbie doll or whatever with kids I had no choice in playing with.

Maryann1975 Tue 24-May-16 14:15:31

katemiddleton I think your comments show you have never worked as a childminder. If you tried it, you might see why a lot of cms keep the upstairs of their house out of bounds to cm children. It's not about leaving children out, or making them feel unwelcome. My child hasn't chosen for me to do my job, but they do have to share their home, their toys, their lives with children they wouldn't necessarily chose as friends. Of course they should have the option of having a space to escape to if they wish.
Hsm makes a really good point about why some toys (the precious and favourite ones) stay upstairs out of bounds. When you have watched a favourite toy being broken by a mindee and had your own child upset by that, that is why some toys are not for communal use.
Tbh the room thing, it hardly ever even comes up. The younger children just know they don't go upstairs and the older ones don't really want to, they have everything they need downstairs (games, craft stuff, tv, garden).
At nursey and at school, children are always told some areas are out of bounds, I think this is just an extension of that.

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