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Recovering from csection & severe SPD. Norland Nanny useful to help me?

(96 Posts)
Katiejon Tue 12-Nov-13 23:21:21

DS born by planned csection 30 October 2013.
DD is 5 and a half.
Bottle feeding and doing night shift feeding: 4 times between 10 pm and 7 am.
Massively sleep deprived - only sleeping 2 hours at a time.
Not resting enough to stop being in pain.
Taking diclofenac.
Nearly constantly dizzy.
DH working Saturday week.
Extended paternity leave till 27 November.
Is working 3 Saturday's between now and Xmas.
Norland newborn nanny any good to help me?
(Sorry for typing in bullet points, using ipad-type thing.)
Sleep deprivation with DD led to me having daymares.
Being monitored by hospital psychiatrist.

MrsMarigold Wed 13-Nov-13 17:20:43

tell the au pair things are a bit stressful at the moment and see if she agrees to do two hours overtime per day for the first six weeks.

We never have any diary in our house because of similar issues so M&S Paella is good plus some things from the Cook range - shop in Muswell hill.

Apparently babies only start responding to the cicadian clock at around three months so don't fret about that.

Blondeshavemorefun Wed 13-Nov-13 17:27:38

the odd jobs that i have had and downstairs on sofa, the baby still sleeps 7-7 by 3/4mths tops

as long as room is dimly lit/quiet tbh the baby wont know if moses basket is downstairs/living room or upstairs/bedroom - or put to bed at 7ish upstairs and nn bring down stairs at 10/11 dream feed and keep with her

its whatever works out best for you/your family

Nannyowl Wed 13-Nov-13 18:11:00

Hi Katiejon
I work as a Night Nanny - sorry not your area and booked at the moment.
But just to say, I have often had baby downstairs in Moses Basket or crib. I turn the lights off and read on my IPad or watch films on it. Happy to have sofa or chair. A newborn baby will not know what room he/she is in. The routine of sleeping in crib/basket is enough.
A night nanny would enable you to sleep soundly knowing the baby is cared for. Sleep will make you feel much better. Also do ring your GP and midwife and insist on a home visit if you are not feeling right.
Please feel free to Pm me I would be happy to talk.

Nannyowl Wed 13-Nov-13 18:12:31

Sorry Blonds crossed with you saying same thing smile

Blondeshavemorefun Wed 13-Nov-13 18:36:28

great minds owl smile

idiuntno57 Wed 13-Nov-13 19:15:16

i had a few weeks of night nannies after DT's and subsequent birth. Had to sleep otherwise I would have got psychotic. It made all the difference during the day with the nights sorted. Also they slept on a makeshift bed in the living room to avoid disturbing everyone else.

Was excruciatingly expensive but worth every penny.

Karoleann Wed 13-Nov-13 19:36:54

You could just get her a fold up bed from argos, they're not expensive.
There's a few nice sounding maternity nurses on childcare.co.uk. one says available from next Monday for a couple of weeks.

As long as night feedings are done quietly with minimum light, it won't matter if your baby is upstairs or downstairs.

You can't really expect an au pair to get up at 3am.

Hope you're feeling better soon, you probably only need a couple of weeks of help until you're feeling more normal.

mrswishywashy Wed 13-Nov-13 20:37:20

A good night nanny/maternity nurse will be able to work out what your family needs. Get as many nights as you can afford. I too have slept on sofas/blow up beds. Babies really at such a young age won't know the difference between upstairs and downstairs and night and day. That comes with time and setting up the day routine. You could have a night nanny arrive at 10pm do the dream feed and any night feeds and have bottles all sterilised and leave by 7/8am. It really does sound like you need the extra support so hopefully you can find someone to suit you soon.

Katiejon Wed 13-Nov-13 20:50:08

Hi everyone in mumsnet land.
Knocked myself out with 2 x painkillers at 4 pm, was relaxing when DD's school rang to ask for payment for theatre trip I knew nothing about! Stopped myself from yelling at girl on phone and cried instead!.
Thanks for info on circadian rhythm.
Slept for 3 and a half hours until dd came into see me, woke me up.

So tired I didn't even think of night nanny.
Big thank u 2 u for thinking of it.
Agencies for London NW4 anyone?

Getting prices for Norland, will give to DH tomorrow, am worried he will have a go at me for spending the money.
After today, my parents ready to rip his arm off and hit him with the soggy end!

Can't relax. DH bought DD marks and sparks chicken nuggets, didn't realise they r raw!
He would have unknowingly fed her raw chicken!

Katiejon Wed 13-Nov-13 20:51:44

What qualifications for a night nurse?

mrswishywashy Wed 13-Nov-13 21:30:23

Hope you can get some help soon. If you want to look yourself then try childcare.co.uk. I'd recommend Maternity Solutions and Dearnas.

Look for someone with either NEST or MNT post natal carer qual, recent CRB or DBS (criminal check) and paediatric first aid.

Then look for experience. Someone with a minimum of 5 years experience as a MN or NN - this means they will have seen plenty of families and be able to adapt to each situation.

Check CV for any breaks in work. Also check references. I would do these checks either for agency NN's or finding one on childcare, most NN's will be joined with agencies as well.

Next thing to look for at phone interview stage is personality match. Choose someone who you feel most comfortable with. After a phone interview I've usually started that night. I've had quite a few emergency positions and it moves quite fast from first finding out about the family to do the night/day shift.

idiuntno57 Wed 13-Nov-13 21:42:58

www.nightnannies.com

Katiejon Wed 13-Nov-13 21:43:14

Thanks wishywashy.
Very upset as DH not so DH and not willing to spend the money!

Blondeshavemorefun Wed 13-Nov-13 21:59:59

having help is a huge expense, and i do understand that and depending on how many nights you are looking at maybe just over £1.5K for say a month of 3 nights a week

do you honestly think your joint finances can afford that or is dh stingy or that you can afford but he doesnt want to

you need help, so either he can take time off or pay someone to help you even for a few weeks

Katiejon Wed 13-Nov-13 23:16:26

Think we can afford.
DH earning a few hundred 3 x Saturdays for overtime.
Think hes stingy.
Asked him how will I cope when u back 2 work?
Supposed to be on paternity leave but is seeing patients and got extra clinic tomorrow cos admin forgot to cancel.

Katiejon Wed 13-Nov-13 23:17:14

I cannot keep moving around.
Taken diclofenac and still sore 2 weeks after csection.

mrswishywashy Thu 14-Nov-13 06:44:48

Is you dh doing night shift with baby? I'd either say he does night shift or get someone in to help. C-section recovery can go on for weeks especially if you're not getting the rest you need.

For my colleagues let me know days you'd prefer worked and then I can hopefully find someone and can give you contact details.

SootikinAndSweep Thu 14-Nov-13 10:02:43

Do you have anyone who can help with the Saturdays? Could you maybe pay your au pair a nanny rate for those three days to work supervised by you.

This is rather blunt, but aside from the Saturday issue it sounds like your DH needs to pull his socks up a bit. Surely your DD is of an age where she's a bit more independent, and he can focus on DS? Was he a hands-off parent the first time round, so he's totally at sea with a newborn? Also, if he's not working at the moment why isn't he doing the night shift?

threeisatragicnumber Thu 14-Nov-13 10:20:54

Also, can you get gradparents or anyone in to help? I howled once down the phone to my MIL when DH was away and she drove down and did a night shift!

Katiejon Thu 14-Nov-13 10:46:30

Hi.
Aupair doesnt have newborn experience and its illegal to leave her in sole charge of under two's, which it would be I sleep.
DH did nite shift and up 3 x between midnite and 5 am.
He's now sleeping!
Told him getting day or nite nurse and extend mortgage if need extra money to pay for it.
I said I dont want to hear about a holiday, cos I'll have walked out that door and left you to deal with everything on your own. (I wouldn't, but yesterday afternoon I was at breaking point and would have escaped if I could walked.)
He took DS to cousin yesterday after school and disappeared for a swim without telling my mum who was looking after baby.He came back at 7.30 with DS, who has the beginnings of a cold.

DH doing school run, hour round trip.
Supposed to be on paternity leave, but has booked himself to do 2 clinics ( one today cos hospital forgot to cancel) and seeing private patients. Good, will help pay for help!

DD independent but still need and want to spend time with her.

Parents about to lose their temper with him.

Katiejon Thu 14-Nov-13 10:47:26

Sootikin, its ok to be blunt.
He does need socks pulled up.

SootikinAndSweep Thu 14-Nov-13 11:02:55

Right, so he's now done a night shift, that's good, that's progress. Everyone needs alone time, of course they do, but when you're at breaking point him going off for a swim is a bit self-indulgent IMO.

Of course your DD still needs attention, I meant more that it's not as if he's struggling with twins, or a newborn and a toddler.

Can you get your diaries together and plan each day for the next week, so you both know where you stand in terms of who is doing childcare for one or both, and you both know when your periods of rest/work are? Would that help you feel more able to carry on, if you know when you're next getting time off?

I feel for you, I really struggled with sleep deprivation, in the end DP had to just accept that tiredness made him crabby, whereas with me it gave me depression.

NomDeClavier Thu 14-Nov-13 11:16:44

It's not illegal to leave an AP with an under 2 - it's not recommended, they're not qualified to do it and it's not going to go down well with an agency but it's not illegal. So if you think AP can cope while you sleep in the house for a couple of hours and wake you if necessary a) I wouldn't call that sole charge and b) you're fine to do it from a legal perspective.

The 'rules' on that are to prevent APs being used as FT childcare, which they are in some cases anyway but that's another story.

My point is if you desperately need a nap and you think the AP could cope then just ask nicely.

Katiejon Thu 14-Nov-13 20:08:27

AP doesn't want to be left with baby while i sleep.
Asked her what would she do if baby had milk come out of his nose (wind).
She didn't know.
Has no idea how to put a sterilised bottle together.
Intelligent girl who picks things up quickly but absolutely no baby experience.

DH now has a cold!
Midwife told me am not resting enough.
Have made contact with my health visitor, who is a senior one.
Have lightening flashes down my legs, nerve pain.

Blondeshavemorefun Thu 14-Nov-13 20:35:43

Least dd is at school and you have ap

Until you get some help you need to rest as much as possible so when bus is asleep you sleep

And yes dh sounds an arse (sorry)

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