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Nanny - How do you broach a "parenting" ; issue.

(29 Posts)
grabaspoon Sun 10-Nov-13 19:55:24

I have been made aware through observation (am live in) and through charge telling me that mb does not brush DCs teeth at bed time - do I but out or should I mention this to mb - although we're on baby teeth at the moment it wont be long before adult teeth are through.. maybe could raise it with that?

MoldieOldNaiceHam Sun 10-Nov-13 20:00:09

And say what?

It's not that big a deal if they get brushed once a day is it?

OutragedFromLeeds Sun 10-Nov-13 22:13:52

Of course you should brush twice a day and definitely before bed!

If the child is old enough to understand I would explain to them why it's important to brush your teeth before bed. If you can get them to initiate it I'm sure mb will go along with it.

Otherwise I think you need to raise it directly with the parents. Do they not take them to the dentist? The dentist should tell them stuff like this. Although how they don't know is a mystery, it's on the toothpaste packet!

MoldieOldNaiceHam Sun 10-Nov-13 22:28:49

I bet they do know and for whatever reason have either ignored it or are doing it and a small child's word is not reliable.

It would be extremely patronising to tell your employer something they ready know.

hettienne Mon 11-Nov-13 00:44:02

They know they should, your boss just doesn't want to for some reason.

Maybe you could just brush their teeth after tea?

Anniemousse Mon 11-Nov-13 00:49:16

How about "I had to laugh, you know what she told me? that she doesn't have to brush her teeth at bedtime! hahaha how preposterous! trying to spin me a line!" wink

hettienne Mon 11-Nov-13 00:59:30

Why would you raise it like that though? To try to shame them into brushing their children's teeth? I assume they are reasonable intelligent people, it's not like they won't have considered brushing teeth twice a day.

MaryPoppinsHasASootkinInHerBag Mon 11-Nov-13 07:12:27

Of course it's a big deal if they don't brush their teeth twice daily. If it was a single mother on benefits on a council estate it would be, but because its someone who can employ a Nanny it isn't. Really?

Charotte31 Mon 11-Nov-13 07:25:22

That's just lazy, the poor children! I would just say " would you like me to brush the DC teeth tonight". Hopefully it will make the lazy cow think!

MoldieOldNaiceHam Mon 11-Nov-13 08:10:13

What have council estates got to do with anything? What a ridiculous thing to say MaryPoppins.

Brushing is just one part of oral hygiene and it may be that there is a reason why teeth don't get brushed at bedtime or twice regularly every day. I wouldn't presume anything without making further enquiries whether the parent lived in a mansion or a council house or anywhere else.

ReetPetit Mon 11-Nov-13 08:17:21

I agree with MaryPoppins.

Whoever said you assume they are reasonably intelligent - why? Because they have the money to employ a nanny?

Some of the richest people i have worked with (as a cm) have been the most dirty and lazy with their childten to be quite honest....

MaryPoppinsHasASootkinInHerBag Mon 11-Nov-13 10:45:31

I have said that because very often poverty is blamed on poor health choices and as such measures are introduced in order to tackle such issues - Surestart for one. Yet here we have a presumably relatively well off family neglecting their child's health. Yet the nanny should keep quiet.

I really don't understand anyone defending not brushing teeth at night. It smacks of how dare the hired help speak out!

rm00054 Mon 11-Nov-13 10:47:59

Tricky situation. Are the kids old enough to be brushing themselves? Might be the the parents don't know the kids aren't doing it.
Is this on the odd occasion or a long term, every night thing?
If it's every night, you should definitely tell the parents. Are you Ofsted registered? Part of being registered means you are required to tell the parents when you notice anything that could be potentially harmful. (I think it is mostly about safety issues, but reckon this type of thing is just as important.)

Don't get into the habit of just doing it yourself, you're not there every evening / forever and so the parents won't learn they need to do it.

IMO, a parent not ensuring children's teeth get brushed is bordering on neglect. Raise it with them and make sure it's done.

I agree with whoever said talk to the children. If they're old enough teach them the importance of brushing before bed. Learn a song, do a craft about it etc. Something the children might show their parents. To remind them to brush.

MaryPoppinsHasASootkinInHerBag Mon 11-Nov-13 11:04:18

I would engineer playing dentists, not sure how old your charges are but there's a Peppa pig goes to the dentist book. I used it with my mindees and we played at being dentists and talked about brushing our teeth morning and night. You could created a sticker reward sheet.

hettienne Mon 11-Nov-13 11:11:05

Why assume they are reasonably intelligent? Because most parents are confused If they are able to hold down jobs then I would assume they don't have learning disabilities or poor life skills that mean they are unaware of the guideline to brush teeth twice a day.

I work with some very challenging families, but at some point you have to accept that parents are allowed to make parenting choices about their children. Brushing teeth once a day instead of twice a day is not neglect!

Leopoldina Mon 11-Nov-13 11:43:25

"Are you expecting me to have brushed Child's teeth after their dinner? only I've been assuming that it's done at bedtime so I'm afraid there's been a terrible mix and Child's teeth have only been brushed once a day. How do you want to handle going forward?"
or simply brush them after you feed them (or are they so little they get bottles after that?)

elskovs Mon 11-Nov-13 11:46:42

Come off it.. you don't really care at all how often they brush their teeth... you just want to come across as superior.

She will dislike you if you tell her your "concerns"

That's if she doesn't already.

ReetPetit Mon 11-Nov-13 12:31:12

Thats a bit nasty elskovs - how do you know op doesnt care? Believe it or not most childcarers do.actually care about the wellbeing of the children they look after hmm

rm00054 Mon 11-Nov-13 12:36:34

It doesn't really matter if your boss might not like you for it, if you have serious concerns about the welfare of a child you are caring for you absolutely need to bring it up.

I agree brushing only once a day isn't neglect, but op doesn't state whether they're being brushed at all. (but brushing before bed is more important than in the mornings IMO.)

Anyway, state the current guidelines to the parents and say that as a childcarer you wouldn't be doing your job properly if you didn't pass the information on.

(And yes, not ensuring teeth get brushed is neglect. See: www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2103377/Mother-jailed-child-neglect-children-16-teeth-removed.html)

IslaValargeone Mon 11-Nov-13 12:39:08

Bit more to it than not brushing teeth rm hmm

MaryPoppinsBag Mon 11-Nov-13 12:46:56

'Come off it.. you don't really care at all how often they brush their teeth... you just want to come across as superior.'

elskovs Have a biscuit don't forget to brush your teeth though wink

samlamb Mon 11-Nov-13 13:02:31

Oh dear.. the Daily Fail. Please back up your claims rm with a reliable and factual source.

rm00054 Mon 11-Nov-13 13:29:03

Yes Isla, obviously the case in the link I posted is more comple and involves much more obvious types of neglect. Doesn't change the fact that looking after oral health is important.

And Sam, I agree dailymail tends to be over dramatic in its reporting, just added the link as a crude, extreme example. (do you prefer the BBC? www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-north-east-wales-17074313)

elskovs Mon 11-Nov-13 14:41:14

Ha, I doubt OP is losing any sleep over these childrens future oral health. Much more likely she is enjoying sneering at the mothers failure.

Like someone said earlier; what are the chances she doesn't know she ought to be brushing twice a day? Everyone knows that.

Blondeshavemorefun Mon 11-Nov-13 23:42:54

Organise a trip to dentist. Then age depending you or children or both mention to mummy that dentist said to brush am and pm and for 3 mins each time

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