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AuPair withheld important information from me..

(30 Posts)
Aupairtrouble Sat 28-Sep-13 19:38:30

We got a new aupair about 5 weeks ago. She seemed/is lovely and came with great refs/experience. We wanted live in but she asked would we mind if she lived out as i only needed afternoon care. This was no problem.

She is a quiet girl but the kids liked her and she seemed to be getting on fine. There was a few little issues regarding discipline (or lack of!) plus a few other little niggly things but as the boys liked her and i felt they were safe in her care i said i would just say it to her and hopefully things would improve.

Anyway, yesterday i was at work all day and had to head to an event after so dp took over from aupair at 5:30. I didnt get home until 11:30 and went straight to bed. On my bedside locker was an empty bottle of calpol..i had only given ds (4) some the previous night so i knew there was at least 50 mls left in the bottle. I asked dp and he knew nothing, said ds was fine going to bed. So i woke him and when he was fully alert i asked him where the calpol was and he said he drank it. I asked him when and he said it was when he was changing after school so about 2pm.

He seemed fine but i rang ooh anyway. they rang poisin control for me and they recommended he head in to A&E as he would need a paracetamol level test plus a liver and kidney function test.

So i got a taxi in with him, i wasnt too worried as i knew it wasnt a full bottle and i knew it had been so long since it happened. I did wonder why he hadnt told our AP as i know ds and I know that when he does anything wrong he always tells on himself! If he drew on wall when he was younger he would come straight to me and tell me, etc.

so we got to hospital and the triage nurse was asking us questions when i said 'he was with his minder at the time but she obviously never saw him' and ds pipes up that she had in fact seen him. i just brushed it off and he was seen, he had to have an IV and we waited there until 4:30 am whe they told us that ds tests were fine and we could go home.

We were n the taxi on the way home and i asked ds what exactly hppened and he said he was changing when he found calpol and he eventually got it open and he drank some then ds2 came up and they shared the rest. I said where was AP and he said, she came in and saw him but he had already drank it all, so she took it off him and put it back in my room!!

I thought, this couldnt be right. i mean she is a 32 year old woman with 5 years childcare exp!! so this morning i took ds2 (3) and asked him what happened and he told me the exact same thing. I dont doubt they are lying as there was a lot of detail in both their stories.

Im shocked the ap never said anything to us. If he had of collapsed we would have had no notion what was wrong with him. Thank god, nothing was wrong with him but if it had of been they wouldnt have been able to treat him as the nurse told me after an hour or so they cant do anything.

We are going to let her go, i just think this shows complete incompetence. AIBU or should we just give her warning?? My gut is saying lt her go but i dont know if a warning would suffice.

I have tried ringing her today but there is no answer, which is unusual for her so i wonder is she scared and knows she did wrong.

Sorry for the essay just didnt want to dripfeed!

shaggyrockinghorse Sat 28-Sep-13 19:47:46

Without a doubt she needs to go. Also report her to the AP agency. I'm sorry this happened to you and hope your ds is ok. i have to say that reading this reinforces my skepticism about letting one individual look after my DCs. Nurseries are better IMO.

Ablababla Sat 28-Sep-13 19:53:37

Gross negligence. Sack her immeadiately and report to agency if she came from one. Suspect she won't be back tho.

NomDeClavier Sat 28-Sep-13 20:09:41

Firstly this isn't an au pair - this is a nanny, au pairs must live in and are unlikely to be 32 and have childcare experience.

It doesn't make it any better, in fact it makes it worse. Since you employed her she's likely to be able to move on and unlikely to give you as a reference. If she did come via an agency tell them but unfortunately this woman could just move on.

You absolutely have grounds for dismissal here. I wouldn't let her near the DC again. Do you have alternative childcare? Write a letter outlining your decision, call her in for a meeting and tell her you've lost all trust.

What does your contract say about gross misconduct? Is she still in the probationary period? If you don't have a clause which covers this you'll need to pay in lieu of notice.

This is an example of why nannies should also be registered, along with CMs, not why you should never trust an individual.

I do, however, think you need to review where you keep the calpol!

unquietmind Sat 28-Sep-13 20:18:27

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/dbs-referrals-form-and-guidance

This link may be of use to you for informing disclosure people and safeguarding other people and kids

Aupairtrouble Sat 28-Sep-13 20:48:00

Thank you for messages. Sorry never mentioned not in uk so no registry.

We didn't have a contract blush it seems silly now but I had just done out a little handbook of hours, routine, contacts etc.

We advertised for a live in au pair and she applied. We paid her 8e an hour so the going rate if a cm.

She lived nearby in cheap acc. So didn't need to live in really.

Anyway, she rang back and she just basically forgot to tell us shock do sole to her and said he was sorry but it was just unacceptable and he would pay her two weeks notice but we didn't need her back.

Ds2s Montessori have agreed to take the boys, I feel so relieved! It's actually working out as same price as an ap would be as don't need many hours.

I'm just in shock that an adult could be so incompetent!!!

Also to mention m, we didn't get her through agency.

Aupairtrouble Sat 28-Sep-13 20:49:04

*dp spoke to her

unquietmind Sat 28-Sep-13 23:53:17

Not a worry, hope the Montessori method and care works for you. Don't know much about continental or irish rules but I'm sure in some places there will be something similar.

Bw and glad your ds is ok

Aupairtrouble Sat 28-Sep-13 23:57:32

Thanks, ds1 went there and ds2 goes for monti now so very happy there. I just thought with my kind of work (night shifts etc), an Ap would be better suited. But I honestly don't think I could have someone unqualified look after them again after this.

MissStrawberry Mon 30-Sep-13 14:29:48

Why have you paid her two weeks notice? shock. Your child could have become seriously ill and she either didn't know that or care. Either way, sack immediately with no notice payment!

TigerBabyyy Mon 30-Sep-13 14:41:55

I wouldn't pay her either!

MaryPoppinsBag Mon 30-Sep-13 17:28:49

Now you have dealt with the incompetent Au pair are you going to make sure you put medicine out of reach? shock

Aupairtrouble Tue 01-Oct-13 13:34:20

Sorry dp informed me he actually said he'll pay her for one week. Maybe we shouldn't but I'd worry she has no money.

marypoppins yes of course I will and normally do have it up high. As I said, I had used the calpol the night before and accidentally left it at child's reach. I obviously feel very bad about this and have learned my lesson.

I'm still shocked about it all tbh!

But every cloud has a silver lining and the dc are really enjoying the after school club smile

MissStrawberry Tue 01-Oct-13 18:44:23

You are worried she has no money? Your child could have been seriously ill! I don't think you realise how lucky your child is tbh.

Aupairtrouble Tue 01-Oct-13 20:04:17

missstrawberry of course I know how lucky he is!

I was absolutely livid and still am over what happened. How can you say that, I rushed my child in to hosp and spent the night in A&E!

Dp and I are so upset about it.

Aupairtrouble Tue 01-Oct-13 20:06:10

Maybe I won't pay her...I Just worry she will have no money and she has no one to turn to. I know what she did was awful but she was a lovely girl up until this. I just think she had no cop on..

MissStrawberry Tue 01-Oct-13 20:06:45

I am sure you are but paying the au pair who did this and worrying about her finances when she should have been immediately sacked for gross misconduct with no notice is unbelievable.

Aupairtrouble Tue 01-Oct-13 20:08:31

But that doesn't mean I don't realize how lucky my son was? Dp and I can't stop going over it and thanking whoever it was looking down on him, that the bottle wasn't full...hmm

FavoriteThings Tue 01-Oct-13 20:12:42

A contract is needed for both sides with this sort of thing. Glad your boy is ok.

Have you had ds2 checked out? You don't know how much he has had either, he is younger and paracetamol can be very dangerous even in small overdoses.

NomDeClavier Tue 01-Oct-13 20:16:49

Do you think she knew what he was drinking? As in that it was medicine?

Aupairtrouble Tue 01-Oct-13 21:00:55

No we havent had him checked. He is the same weight height as ds1. Both stories from them (told separately) say ds2 only had a tiny sup and ds1 grabbed it off him.

Yes she knew it was calpol. She has been here 5 years and her English is perfect. She said she didn't think they had that much (but yet she did t know how much was in bottle to begin and only came up once ds1 had it open) and that she just basically forgot!! She was very remorseful. She was really upset but I just can't comprehend how she wouldn't think to tell us. I wouldn't even give a child 5 ml of calpol without asking parents first..

hettienne Tue 01-Oct-13 21:03:40

So firstly she allowed your children to overdose on a medicine, then she didn't seek medical attention for them, and then she didn't tell you about it?

Sorry, but she is not capable of caring for children.

I think next time you need to be more careful about who you hire, and find out about your legal responsibilities as an employer. Were you deducting her tax correctly if you didn't even have a contract?

Aupairtrouble Tue 01-Oct-13 21:12:27

hettienne do you not think we feel guilty enough? Ffs!

As I said, she had glowing refs, 5 year exp. with a family in the area, ironically she was first aid trained.

I interviewed her twice, then she stayed at home with me for two weeks supervised...what more can you do???!!

Ffs, I came on here looking for advice. I'm a student nurse, a mother of two and have 8 years childcare exp. and I left a bottle of calpol on my child's reach!

FavoriteThings Tue 01-Oct-13 21:24:07

In my biased opinion, it is better to use an agency, at least in Britain. That way there is some come back on who you hire. And they will be first aid trained, probably a lot more trained than that andcrb checked, etc.

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