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she kissed my willy...

(48 Posts)
strangething Mon 16-Sep-13 20:04:16

I know kids say strange things including making things up...
I have 2 DC, a baby and a nearly 3 toddler. Due back at work soon so have a temporary nanny who is known to DH through his work (office-based, and she has just left the office) until permanent one starts. Temp nanny has experience looking after nephew for a few years and babysitting.

The only time toddler and nanny have been alone together was once 2 weeks ago when she babysat in the evening, and today for 20 min or so in his room then at bathtime. She bathed him then got him dressed while I dealt with the baby. When I put him to bed I asked him if he wanted his bedtime kiss (nanny had left) and he said, 'no I want a kiss on my willy'. Obviously I poo poohed it, said yuck I don't want to kiss your willy, it'll have wee on it, who kisses willies, what a silly thing, to which he said 'X does', X being the nanny. I asked him how you kiss a willy anyway, do you kiss your hand then put it on his pyjama trousers, and he said no you have to properly do it ie with trousers and nappy off.

She does seem like a lovely genuine person, and I know my son talks rubbish, but should I be worried? I normally would do quite thorough checks on a person but DH knows her, she's temp and she's from his home country which is quite small. So I wasn't too worried. But now I'm wondering if I should be concerned. Has anyone else had this kind of thing before? My gut says it's just him being silly, but then I wonder if I should just assume the worst and ask her not to come back just for that tiny chance that it was something dodgy going on.

Sorry for length. I'm inexperienced at this particular kind of thing (kids telling you stuff that sounds a bit worrying) as DS is not 3 yet so probably not quite there.

I wouldn't be leaving her alone with him again if it was me. Ever.

noisytoys Mon 16-Sep-13 20:10:55

That doesn't sound good sad

OutragedFromLeeds Mon 16-Sep-13 20:11:16

I'd go with your gut tbh, it sounds like nothing.

What are the chances that this woman used the one time she was alone with your son to kiss his willy?!

Did he say why she kissed his willy? Had he hurt himself and she had to pretend to kiss it better? I've been asked to kiss a willy/bottom/tongue before now, usually go for an air kiss in the general direction...

Is willy obsessed generally? Is he at that stage where they think its the funniest thing in the world to talk about it?

OutragedFromLeeds Mon 16-Sep-13 20:14:12

If nannies/teachers etc. went with everything a toddler/young child said about their parents we'd never be off the phone to SS!

Welcome to Mumsnet!

How did you get the idea of using a woman who had just left your husbands work place as a nanny?

strangething Mon 16-Sep-13 20:16:57

No, I didn't want to dwell on it too much so just pooh poohed the whole thing and told him it was bedtime, so didn't ask why she kissed it. I didn't want him picking up too much on the thing that you don't generally kiss willies, otherwise he'd probably go on about it all the time.

He did fall down a few stairs this afternoon and she picked him up and kissed him better, and this morning she mentioned a friend of hers who got testicular torsion playing rugby, and I think that we explained it to him as he injured his willy playing rugby, so I guess he could have muddled things up in his head.

I don't know, I think it's nothing but then he's my child, I have to protect him

Cindy34 Mon 16-Sep-13 20:17:18

I would be very concerned, your son is describing things quite clearly, so probably not making it up.

strangething Mon 16-Sep-13 20:19:54

Thanks. I'm mainly a lurker but I name changed for this.
Just used her because she's young, energetic, cheerful, DH knows her, they're from the same fairly small country, she wanted something for a few weeks before leaving the country (oh I suppose that doesn't sound good). And she does have experience with nephew and general babysitting so thought for a week or 2 she'd be fine. And she is very good when we're out and about. I think he's probably talking rubbish; he does do that. Is that very usual with small children would others say?

Cindy34 Mon 16-Sep-13 20:20:35

You say nanny was not alone with him that much, so could you just avoid her ever being alone with him?

Coconutty Mon 16-Sep-13 20:21:17

I disagree with cindy, and think outrage is more likely to be right.

Coconutty Mon 16-Sep-13 20:22:12

Very usual.

headsspinningforachange Mon 16-Sep-13 20:24:24

Id certainly be questioning it .

Your Ds is not even 3 so it seems a little much for him to make something like that up

PrincessFlirtyPants Mon 16-Sep-13 20:24:26

sad Oh, strangething what an odd thing for your DS to say.

Does he normally have a very active imagination?

strangething Mon 16-Sep-13 20:26:35

Thanks all. Yes, I can avoid them being alone together, the idea was just really to get baby used to being with someone who's not me, before permanent nanny starts and I go back to work. I'll have a think and see what DH thinks.

Cindy34 Mon 16-Sep-13 20:30:16

He may have an active interest in willys at the moment, he may talk about them a lot - does he?
He may have things muddled from the earlier conversation.

But when he talked to you, did he give a lot of detail about what he meant by kissing a willy?

It may be nothing but do you want to take that risk? Can you take steps to minimise the risk, such as not have her do bathtime?

insideoutsider Mon 16-Sep-13 20:36:43

You know those stories we hear of in the news where a child had been abused for years and the parents 'had no clue'? This is how many of them begin.

strangething Mon 16-Sep-13 20:51:49

He does have an active imagination, he talks about going to see his grandfathers in France but both of his grandfathers died long before he was born! Nor did they live in France, but he is named after his grandfather and his grandfather's uncle, who is buried in France.
He doesn't talk about willies a great deal but we do mention cleaning his willy and bum in the bath, girls don't have willies etc, so willies aren't taboo to him.
No, he didn't really give detail about kissing willies, just that you have to do it properly ie on the skin I suppose.

minderjinx Mon 16-Sep-13 21:01:00

Is it possible he might have accidentally seen her getting "amorous" with someone else (for example entertaining when she was supposed to be babysitting)? When I read your first post I noticed that your DS said "X does" not X did this to me, and then you asked him how you would kiss a willy, not whether she had kissed his. Unless you have missed something out, I can't see that he has actually suggested that anyone has kissed his willy, only that he would like you to. So is it possible that he has witnessed something he shouldn't have seen and is not so much making up stories as drawing his own conclusions?

strangething Mon 16-Sep-13 21:07:33

As she's only been here 3 times and only one of them has been without me I doubt that's she's brought her boyf round and he's witnessed anything. But yes you're right, he did say X does, not she did to me, and I didn't actually ask him if she kissed his willy. Good point. He could have seen a photo on her phone I suppose. I should have asked him at the time, as although he does make things up a bit, he also can't lie if you ask him something directly. you live and learn with kids!

Blondeshavemorefun Mon 16-Sep-13 21:35:57

Obv you need to listen to children but also at 3 to take anything said with a pinch of salt

I blow raspberries on tummies esp after bath - tho I do make sure willys are covered with a towel don't want to be peed on

I have also as Leeds said kissed parts of bodies through clothes if they hurt their self

I think this is nothing tbh

YoniBottsBumgina Mon 16-Sep-13 21:59:56

I don't know - it does seem a weird thing to say but then at that age they are starting to get the idea that some things make adults uncomfortable and push it for this reason. I know DS has been obsessed with his willy in a very aware way since about 3 and at the moment is in the middle of a delightful phase where he will wait until I'm sitting out and then present it to me saying "Smell my willy mummy!" He has asked me to kiss it or tickle it in the past too, usually when we are playing a tickling game e.g. tickling his feet, tummy, neck, etc or just when he is being silly - to him it's just a hilarious body part like a bum. If he asked you to kiss his bum you probably wouldn't think anything of it (even if you did go on to explain that bums are private/have germs and not for kissing!)

I know DS has never been in a situation where any prospect of "kissing willies" would actually come up, so to me it seems like a naughty/funny thing for a little boy to come up with, it's just that as adults obviously we see another layer to it that they don't realise.

I would just tell him without giving too much of a reaction that willies are private body parts and that nobody is allowed to touch it except him. You'll probably see from what he says after that whether somebody else has indeed tried to touch it or whether he just thinks he is being the height of comedy by suggesting it.

YoniBottsBumgina Mon 16-Sep-13 22:01:04

Sitting down. He is nearly 5 BTW.

I once planted a kiss on the small of ds2s back. He was afterwards telling everybody that "mum kissed my bottom".

Callaird Mon 16-Sep-13 22:08:51

I've had charges tell their parents that I left them at home to go to the park all day! (If I was going to leave them, I wouldn't go to the park!)

That I threw them down the stairs.

That I pushed them over all the time.

That I cooked them in the oven while the cupcakes were cooking.

That I drowned them in the bath.

That we went to the pub and we all drank whiskey!

That I crashed the car into someone's house and we stayed for a cup of tea and piece of lemon cake.

That I had a pet giraffe in my shower.

That I only gave them scrambled eggs to eat all day.

That I was an alien from a planet where all nannies come from and when I went on holiday I really went to my planet to see my family!

Countless times told others that I had a baby in my tummy (I am overweight so can see where they are coming from!)

A million other things over 28 years.

We spend hours a day telling children stories and encouraging them to use imaginative play so it's unsurprising that they make up stories or to get things a little bit muddled.

However, I would probably not leave her alone with your children if at all possible!



I would just like to point out that I have never ever done any of these things to my charges!

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