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It's happening again :-(

(21 Posts)
jnl0612 Tue 27-Aug-13 18:15:33

So aupair number 4 arrived 3 days ago, I gone out of my way to make her feel welcome, decorated her room with all her favourite things, bought her a few silly bits with one direction on (which she loves) a huge hamper of toiletries, a new phone, maps etc etc
She also got a week with ap3 who is off to uni and lives locally so she's shown her around and is showing her the ropes (not that there is much to learn) dd2 is here but dd1 is away.
Ap3 mentioned today that she's said that she doesn't thinks he's chosen the right family and that she's only going to stay until she finds another family,
I've been speaking to his girl for 4 months almost every day, told her everything I could possibly think of.
What else can I do, other than get on my hands and knees and beg her haha

chloeb2002 Tue 27-Aug-13 20:00:29

1. I would ask why?
2. I would ask what you can do to improve things?
3. If you can establish what's not what she expected then you can at least make a change for next time!
4. Maybe it's too much .. Not sure tho. I get my aps a box of stuff, chokkies, lollies, smellies. But otherwise there room is very much there's to set up as they wish. They have a tv and DVD player.
5. Otherwise maybe its the area you live or what they are expected to do?
6. Really no idea wink just if its happened before I would try n find out why! My aps have on two occasions had a handover time. First time it was great and helpful to the new ap. second time .. My old ap just came to me and said ... Omg she's going to be hard work! ( she was right!) grin

jnl0612 Tue 27-Aug-13 21:11:19

Yeah my old one has said she doesn't think she's happy and won't stay around, ap2 lasted 6 days so ap3 was a bit test for us, she's been amazing and she says we are a good family to be with as we are relaxed and don't really ask a lot of her. Just got to see how it pans out really.. Ill have a chat with her tomorrow. smile

chloeb2002 Wed 28-Aug-13 00:42:26

Good luck!wink

Crumbledwalnuts Wed 28-Aug-13 00:59:38

What nationality is she?

SunnyIntervals Wed 28-Aug-13 20:55:52

Have you had a trial weekend? That has really helped us bin ones who are rubbish.

jnl0612 Wed 28-Aug-13 21:02:29

She's Danish

jnl0612 Thu 29-Aug-13 20:27:24

She's just told me she misses her family and she wants to leave in January hmm back to the nightmare that is aupair world

Mummyoftheyear Mon 02-Sep-13 06:08:45

Can relate. I haven't slept since 5am as my lovely new au pair been teary ever since arriving, despite me being lovely and lavishing her with treats and outings, a birthday breakfast and presents. It appears she's not only homesick but has booked a ticket and had decided to leave on day one as missed parents and family too much. I'm so upset as children love her and she's very good with them.
Currently awaiting responses from two aps on ap world. Dreadfully disappointed. Here we go again.

jnl0612 Mon 02-Sep-13 15:18:17

Oh god. We are living the same life... Mine hasn't said she's leaving yet, but she will be the end of the week, she spent all day yesterday in her room crying, I tried to coax her out with ice cream, girly films, walk on the beach.. Nothing would make her come out. It can't be nice bit surely you know your going to miss them when you agree to be an aupair. Ap world destroys my soul haha good luck finding a new one

MissMalonex2 Mon 02-Sep-13 15:24:59

Hello - we've never had this problem, maybe we are lucky...but what age are your au pairs? We've always had 24 or over - experienced, safe pair of hands - stay a year as they said, bit homesick for a few days a few weeks in generally but otherwise settle well and are committed to staying. Friends who have had problems with aps not staying have had younger ones, first time away from home.

MGMidget Mon 02-Sep-13 17:03:19

I now always look for au pairs who have lived away from home before. However, our first au pair, found through an agency, hadn't lived away from home and we fell for the agency 'sell' that au pairs who had lived away from home were too independent to settle in an au pair job. She was crying in her room from the first night and had her bag packed and came downstairs asking us to call her a taxi so she could go home within a day and a half of arriving. Since then, its a vital requirement for me that they have lived away from home before. I do find it astounding though - our homesick au pair was 21 years old. By that age I had done loads of independent stuff, living away from home (as a student) backpacking independently around Europe and going to France to find a job as an au pair when I got there. Some young people seem to have lead very sheltered lives!

jnl0612 Mon 02-Sep-13 22:08:33

Our second aupair was 30 she lasted 6 days before she decided she missed home !!

jnl0612 Wed 04-Sep-13 23:25:06

Well she's gone... She gave me 30 minutes notice to get home from work and she left hmm

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Wed 04-Sep-13 23:31:41

OMG - 30 mins notice??

jnl0612 Thu 05-Sep-13 02:16:44

Yep it went something along the lines offer home I'm leaving

Metrobaby Thu 05-Sep-13 09:10:09

junl0612 - what a shock for you. Have you got alternative childcare lined up?

Although it probably does not feel like it right now, but I reckon you've had a lucky escape. For her to act this way shows that she is untrustworthy, selfish and uncommitted. Personally I would not want someone like that in my house. You went out of the way to be welcoming too.

There are quite a few families out there going through the same right now. At the moment I am dealing with a very homesick au-pair which is affecting her relationship with us and the dc. I may well be having to look around too if things don't improve in the next couple of weeks.

Remember you had other great APs before and a great AP makes the world of difference.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Thu 05-Sep-13 11:19:41

Unreal isn't it! I agree that you have had a lucky escape - it's just a pain in the bum short term.

Mummyoftheyear Thu 05-Sep-13 22:08:25

I've been having nightmares here... AGAIN!
On Thursday I took my ap to the national gallery with my 2 year old, 5 y old and the biggest buggy known to man. On train from Hertfordshire.
Have her birthday breakfast (croissants, crumpets and cake), presents, etc. all in hope that she'd not be too homesick on her birthday as had been crying with homesickness (in room) every day - I could SW by her teary eyes.
On arrival home - several scary escalators later, she saw a birthday card from her mother on the mat, burst out crying and the next morning... apologised and told me she has decided to go home.
I've literally done everything I could to make her stay lovely.
I give up!
I have found a new au pair already (ap world) but no longer hold out any hope. If I didn't rely on an ap for work (5-8pm) I'd give up. The stress of the finding, making an effort to make them comfortable and happy and then being told they're leaving is so upsetting.
Fingers crossed though that our new arrival works out.

jnl0612 Fri 06-Sep-13 13:33:58

I'm sorry it didn't work out. I can't believe these girls spend money coming over, choose an aupair as a job and then leave without even giving it a chance ! I have just spotted that our one who left Tuesday has just put herself back on aupair world so if you get a really lovely Danish girl offer her service the AVOID

Mummyoftheyear Fri 06-Sep-13 22:05:32

Lol that sooo doesn't surprise me.
The one before last... I took her to our local cafe in the park and bought her an English breakfast on day 1. Lovely cafe and way to start out.
3 days later I caught her (unbeknown to her) using the mobile I lend aps to stance an interview selling ice creams in Slough. We love on Hertfordshire. I perused ap world straight away, aware that she wasn't honest and had other plans. I saw her profile on ap world. Her profile pic had been updated and changed to the photo I'd taken of her eating her english bloody breakfast!
You couldn't make this stuff up!
Grrrrrr

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