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Not sure what to think about this....

(157 Posts)
HeadFairy Fri 23-Aug-13 10:48:36

I started work early this morning so left before our nanny came. Dh left once she'd arrived. He got half way down the road when he remembered he'd left a vital document at home so went back to get it. As he arrived he saw our nanny taking her dd (whom she brings to work with her) and wearing her coat and carrying her bag back to her car. Dh said she looked "sheepish" and said she was looking for her phone as she couldnt' find it. She apparently went back in to the house, left her dd and her bag and then went back out to her car to look for her phone. Dh says the front door was double locked and he's convinced she was going to drive back to her house (5 mins away by car) to look for her phone leaving our kids alone at home (they're 5.11 and 3.7).

I can't stop thinking about it. How on earth do I get to the bottom of what she was doing? If she was just popping out to her car to search her car why did she have her coat on, was carrying her dd and had her bag with her, and why was the front door double locked? If I ask her outright if she was going to leave my children alone in the house she will deny it.

Of course, nothing actually happened, does it matter that it appears the intent was there?

I don't want to drip feed so I will mention she's had form for this sort of thing in the past and I gave her a warning it must never happen again. Last time it wasn't malicious in the slightest, just poor judgment.

WeAreEternal Fri 23-Aug-13 10:56:46

Where are your DCs now? Did your sh stay at home?

I would be terminating her employment immediately, unless she had a damn good explanation, which it doesn't sound like she could have.
There is no way I would leave my children with someone who clearly has so little regard for their safety.

In fact I would probably report her to the police.

lborolass Fri 23-Aug-13 10:59:35

Have you mentioned it to the nearly 6 year old? The nanny must have said something about where she was going. If she was going back to her house wouldn't she pop your children in the car as well?

WeAreEternal Fri 23-Aug-13 11:01:00

Yes of course, what does your 5 yo say happened?

CaptainSweatPants Fri 23-Aug-13 11:02:52

What was the first incident? Has she left them before?

Leopoldina Fri 23-Aug-13 11:03:40

she was wearing her coat and carrying her handbag and taking her own daughter to look in her car. How far was her car from your house? Why was the front door double locked?
One of those things I could probably take a good explanation for. All of them together? and with previous form? she'd be out of my house, reported to the police and Ofsted immediately.
(which is why it's just as well it wasn't me)

TwoTeaTessie Fri 23-Aug-13 11:04:26

I wouldn't be leaving my DC with her, especially if she has form for this!

valiumredhead Fri 23-Aug-13 11:06:27

Ask her straight out why the door was double locked and take it from there.

Yes, ask your DC and then ask her and see if the stories match up.

MikeOxard Fri 23-Aug-13 11:17:27

I'd ask outright. If you don't believe her then say so and get rid. I would not have her looking after my kids.

HeadFairy Fri 23-Aug-13 11:18:37

I havne't spoken to ds yet as I'm at work, I'm not likely to get home before he goes to bed. But dh is going to try and have a gentle word with him without putting words in his mouth.

I don't want to accuse her of something she hasn't done. I can't report to the police because she didnt' actually do anything wrong. She might have done if dh hadn't turned up, but I have no proof.

She's a nanny so she's not Ofsted registered.

Previously she left dh in a toy shop looking at toys while she went to a shop next door to buy a personal item. He was 4 at the time. She was really upset that she'd done the wrong thing, it hadn't occured to her that it might not be right to leave him as she was only next door. I told her it could never happen again. No matter how much ds persuaded her he was capable of looking after himself. He's not old enough to make those calls.

GoAndAskDaddy Fri 23-Aug-13 11:18:54

Get rid. If you are even thinking she might have done this you need to re-look at your childcare arrangement.

HeadFairy Fri 23-Aug-13 11:20:38

It's all a right balls up, because if I do have to sack her, her daughter goes to the same nursery as my dd, and we'll see each other every day, and she'll probably end up going to the same school next year too.

Leopoldina Fri 23-Aug-13 11:21:25

she left a four year old in a shop and it hadn't occured to her that it might not be right to leave him? I'm pretty astonished she's still your nanny. If her judgement is that poor that she didn't even realise that was inappropriate, she shouldn't be in charge of your children. Can you really not just skip out of work now and go and deal with this?

Unless you're scheduled to carry out open heart surgery today, this really is more important than shuffling paper round a desk.

valiumredhead Fri 23-Aug-13 11:21:59

She's already left a 4 yr old in a shop? She needs to go. Not sure why you are dithering about it.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Fri 23-Aug-13 11:29:56

I don't think there can be any doubt what she intended to do. She left the house, double locked the door, put her coat on and had her bag!

If she'd meant to look for the phone, she'd simply have run out in her ordinary clothing without her DD and bag!

I wouldn't trust this woman again. She's done one thing which made you have doubts already....2 times is too many....you may end up regretting giving her a 3rd chance OP....get rid. Your children are too precious.

HeadFairy Fri 23-Aug-13 11:32:31

Leopoldina I do indeed do something much much more important than just shuffling paper round a desk (but it's not open heart surgery, I'll admit that much) so I absolutely cannot walk out of work now without there being no job to come back to on Monday.

I'm dithering around because I personally know her, which does make a difference. if I was reading a thread like this about someone I didn't know I wouldn't hesitate to say the same thing as you, and say she needs to go. But I know in her heart she's a good person. She cocked up once, and she was mortified. I have no evidence she did anything wrong this time, but your reactions make me realise that it wasn't just me being suspicious. The circumstances obviously look suspicious to everyone, not just me.

Rugbycomet Fri 23-Aug-13 11:34:03

The other thing to mention is that it appears she doesn't mind leaving your children but appears to not to want to leave her own child!!! Very odd behaviour....

HeadFairy Fri 23-Aug-13 11:38:39

I know ruby sad

drinkyourmilk Fri 23-Aug-13 11:40:40

I would ask your children (both should be able to tell you what they know) and I would ask her outright. I would also speak to CAB and your employer insurance people to find out where you stand legally.
I would be livid if I were you, and would find another nanny.

Surely most childcarers think "safety first!"

Leopoldina Fri 23-Aug-13 11:41:20

even air traffic controllers have deputies / subs / backup. Seriously, people understand that families have emergencies that need dealing with. Given that you are much, much more important, can't DH deal with your children today?
You're asking a question with what seems to be an obvious answer but you're incredibly defensive of the nanny in a way that suggests you won't do anything to cause potential awkwardness at the school gate next year (which presumably the new nanny will deal with anyway, since you're doing your v important job).

Iwaswatchingthat Fri 23-Aug-13 11:43:15

Oh dear headfairy what a nightmare.

I understand you don't want to upset her as you are all so interlinked within your lives - location, nursery etc. Plus you say she is kind.

BUT, you would never forgive yourself if something happened to your precious ones whilst in her care.

She has done this to herself - you have not done this to her. She might be a nice person, but she is not capable of doing her job. Would she live her dd in a shop alone?

Begin looking for other options. Give her notice. Be strong - get your DH to talk to her too since he saw the incident. Would it be easier if her dealt with it altogether?

Good luck.

OutragedFromLeeds Fri 23-Aug-13 11:47:38

I remember the shop thread.

It's not looking good for the nanny, but I'm not sure the call the police/sack her immediatley is practical. Being outside on the drive with a bag isn't a crime or a sackable offence. You need to investigate further. I'd start by asking her outright what happened and watching her response.

Viviennemary Fri 23-Aug-13 11:50:22

It would be more or less impossible to discover for certain whether or not she intended to go back to her own house. It sounds to me that she was intending to do this. For your own peace of mind I wouldn't continue with this nanny. Especially as it looked as if she was taking her own DD with her. shock

Bambamb Fri 23-Aug-13 11:51:11

Gosh Leopoldina why are you going off on a tangent about whether or not the OP can leave her job at short notice? You don't know what she does, you come across as very nasty and a bit bitter to be honest.

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