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Gut feeling about childminder....am i being silly?

(41 Posts)
HelpMePleaseImConfused Thu 15-Aug-13 11:59:30

This is a bit unusual, but i am currently looking for a childminder for my baby ds. I thought we had it sorted with a childminder my dh had known since he was young himself, and she happened to have outstanding OFSTED report and fantastic parental reviews. On paper she is perfect. All was great until i met her.

I sound neurotic and i cant explain it, but upon meeting her, i just feel very uneasy around her and my gut feeling is telling me i don't want to leave him there. She can be slightly abrupt in her mannerisms and when speaking to her occasionally, but at the same time comes across as friendly and good with the children...but even when she is like this i sense an underlying feeling that i can't explain.

I thought maybe i was just nervous about leaving him with someone i essentially dont know, but i have been to visit nurseries and other childminders and i dont get the same uneasy feeling. The problem is, my inability to explain the feeling and to give a good reason for him not going there is annoying my husband who knows her and says he trusts her. This is particularly as i have not found another childminder or nursery with as good experience/recommendations/reviews/extra qualifications that she has.

Is there anything to be said for gut feeling when choosing childcare? Its not helping that i am normally quite an intuitive person, and am normally right with my first impressions about people. Only this time i dont know what is bothering me. Am i being silly?

HSMMaCM Thu 15-Aug-13 12:14:12

I think gut feeling is one of the most important things when choosing Childcare.

tywysogesgymraeg Thu 15-Aug-13 12:16:31

I also think gut feeling is important. But if you can't find anyone else, why don't you agree with DH to put DS there on a trial basis? You may well warm to the woman as time goes on.

Could you have a chat with parents of the other mindees?

drinkyourmilk Thu 15-Aug-13 13:51:33

Go with your gut.
Just because she is perfect for someone else doesn't mean she is perfect for you. Doesn't make her a bad childminder.

Blondeshavemorefun Thu 15-Aug-13 15:07:28

trust your gut

am assuming this cm is older then others you have seen if your dh has known her since a child, or did you mean is a friend of dh?

Poppylovescheese Thu 15-Aug-13 15:07:33

I agree you have to go with your gut instinct. It is always right.

HelpMePleaseImConfused Thu 15-Aug-13 15:32:54

Thanks everyone for your replies. Blonde, she isnt much older than some of the others ive seen, my dh has known her since he was young so she is probably late 50s and has been childminding for a number of years. Tywy, i have debated leaving him on a trial basis, but the feeling is so strong that i literally would worry about leaving him for even the short term. I cant explain why it is so strong or what i am worried about, but every time i let myself decide that i wont leave him there, i feel instant relief. Perhaps it is just her personality that i really don't gel with and i just feel uneasy round her generally, im not sure. We have contingency plans in the short term which has relieved some of the pressure.

The thing is, i have been to other places which i dont think are quite right, but i dont get this same overwhelming feeling in my stomach. It may just be that i dont feel she is right, but feel obliged because of my husband's links to her. I have met another childminder who i liked, but who only had satisfactory for OFSTED and a nursery i really liked which had been rated outstanding, but i am not so keen on the nursery setting in general. Because she seems so outwardly good and is good on paper, it is difficult for me to justify not choosing her in comparison.

cansu Thu 15-Aug-13 15:36:03

I felt this with the childminder I eventually used. As it turns out I think she was good with children but v poor with adults. The children were well cared for but they perhaps missed out a bit as she didn't really like mixing with other childminders etc so tended to keep herself a bit apart and more at home. If you don't like her then don't use her.

SunnyIntervals Thu 15-Aug-13 15:39:19

Please listen to your instincts. I had this with an outstanding nanny. Went on to use her and she was not outstanding and said DS had sen because he completely failed to bond with her sad

There will be other options.

HelpMePleaseImConfused Thu 15-Aug-13 15:48:13

Cansu, this is a very interesting point because i asked whether she took the children to any groups as some other childminders said they do, and she said she didnt. She prefers to do her own thing with them. I also raised couple of hypothetical concerns i had with her, and she didnt reassure me in the way i expected, she has a slightly odd manner. The way she is as a person doesnt match up to how well she interacts with children for whatever reason. Thanks Sunny, i am glad other people have experience this and im not coming across as insane

SunnyIntervals Thu 15-Aug-13 15:49:34

Don't forget the rating only reflects the paperwork and how she was on a certain day

littlestressy Thu 15-Aug-13 15:52:27

Go with your gut, my childminder is lovely I liked her immediately and my DS loves going there. I didn't really bother with OFSTED rating; she showed me it and she has been rated good (although I think she is outstanding) but to me that was not the most important thing. The most important thing to me was that she was qualified, caring and treats my son well. Which she does.

HSMMaCM Thu 15-Aug-13 16:05:20

I know several excellent childminders who have been rated satisfactory by Ofsted.

HelpMePleaseImConfused Thu 15-Aug-13 16:05:34

This is true with regards to the OFSTED, it is not the be all and end all for me as i know it is a reflection of how they implement or are seem to implement the early years criteria in their paperwork. But what is most inportant to me is that i feel he is happy, safe and cared for.

LynetteScavo Thu 15-Aug-13 16:17:42

You are not being silly.

At the end of the day, you can't leave your DS somewhere which doesn't sit well with your gut instinct, so using this childminder isn't a realistic option.

OFSTED and qualifications aren't everything.

OutragedFromLeeds Thu 15-Aug-13 17:32:16

Sunny Nannies are not rated by Ofsted so beware of any nanny who tells you she has been rated anything by Ofsted!

OP gut instinct is very important, you must be happy with whoever you leave your DS with. Your DH's gut instinct is also important though and I think you need to bear that in mind. You need to find someone/somewhere that you both feel is right.

valiumredhead Thu 15-Aug-13 17:40:18

You have to like the person who will care for your child.

BrianTheMole Thu 15-Aug-13 17:43:55

I'd go with your gut feeling. If you think something is wrong, then it probably is. Keep looking for someone else. What was wrong with the satisfactory one? I'd look into that a bit more.

agnesf Thu 15-Aug-13 17:49:52

Even if she is a great childminder and your DC gets on well with her, you will also have to deal with her day to day and if you find this difficult then it won't work very well.

You need a childminder that you don't feel awkward about asking her to do things in a particular way even if it isn't her preferred way and who you feel will be flexible and work with you to ensure your child's happiness.

fivesacrowd Thu 15-Aug-13 18:18:27

I'm a cm and would say def go with your gut - for all the reasons listed above.

mrspaddy Thu 15-Aug-13 18:26:12

Ofsted only see a snapshot of someone.. also agree that you should go with your gut instinct.

teacher123 Thu 15-Aug-13 18:27:08

My cm is lovely lovely lovely and my DS was only about the third child she had ever looked after. There have been teething problems, but all minor in the scheme of things. I went absolutely on gut feeling, she's flexible, kind, accommodating and loves the children in her care. I wouldn't be able to leave DS with someone that I didn't feel 100% comfortable with. Your gut feeling exists for a reason, listen to it.

SunnyIntervals Thu 15-Aug-13 18:27:51

Sorry, I didn't explain very well. My nanny had been a teacher before becoming a nanny (she had a decade of nannying experience) and had an outstanding as a teacher and amazing nannying refs. She wasn't the right nanny for us though sad

HelpMePleaseImConfused Thu 15-Aug-13 18:46:08

Wow well it seems i have a consensus which is great as i also believe gut feeling is there for a reason.

Brian, i asked the satisfactory one what she had got for OFSTED and she explained right away that she wasnt the type of person who was good at answering questions on the spot e.g. specific questions on the early years framework, that she did abide by it but wasnt good when questioned on it and this tallied with the feel i got for her as a person. The other thing was that she hadnt written down some of her children's next developmental steps, but that she had them in mind and was more on top of her paperwork now. I read her OFSTED report after this and it backed up exactly what she had said. I just got a good feel for her as a person and she seemed very fond of her existing child mindees.

HelpMePleaseImConfused Thu 15-Aug-13 18:55:44

Sorry Outraged, just to add, i totally agree that DH needs to like whoever he goes too as well. It is just i think that when you have known someone for as long as you can remember or from childhood, you dont really get that "first impression" feeling and can be blinded to what someone is like because they are just them to you if you know what i mean.

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