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Do nannies dislike jobs where mum works from home? Or does it just depend...?

(62 Posts)
emeraldgirl1 Sat 03-Aug-13 05:23:17

I work from home and am starting to look into finding a part time nanny fr baby DD.

But can any nannies/parents tell me if there are reasons why good nannies prefer jobs where mum is not working at home?

I am new to all this but am getting a slight impression that nannies prefer to work without parents in the home?

Is it (if it is actually the case) because they are worried the parent will hover and interfere?

I have no option but to work from home and ideally would like to be able to leave a nanny totally in charge for eg a three hour block in the morning, then I join them for lunch, then a block again in the pm with nanny in charge. I would be in home office but would aim (unless extraordinary event) to stay 'locked' away for the three hour blocks ie I wouldn't intend to pop out every ten minutes to see what was going on etc.

I couldn't promise to be that disciplined at the start!!!! Would be hard not to pop out if DD was crying for me sad But intention would be to wean us all off that over time.

I do worry however that working from home night be more disruptive for baby than me going out!! Had always thought working from home ideal as you could be with child when they needed you but in reality am beginning to recognise that actually this might disrupt a baby more??

And hadnt even thought about whether nannies might not like this kind of arrangement...

Any advice or experience gratefully received! I have just been let down by MIL who had promised childcare so am floundering a bit. sad

MGMidget Mon 02-Sep-13 11:06:29

One thing I did which may have helped is that I tended to wait until the nanny and DS were out to come downstairs to make a cup of tea etc. I did encourage lots of outings and paid for DS to go to various regular activities out of the house. Therefore, I wasn't popping in and out when the nanny and DS were in the house. And I agree on the point made about not typically rushing out of the home office when there are tears but leaving the nanny to deal with it (you can always catch up later to find out what the problem was). The nanny would include me at moments she thought were appropriate which worked well. So, for example, as DS got older he would come upstairs proudly with our nanny to show me something he had made or tell me about something exciting that had happened and we would have a chat about it. Then he'd go back downstairs with the nanny and everyone was happy with this.

NomDeClavier Mon 02-Sep-13 10:47:25

Rainbow In our experience it got very challenging when DS was 12-18 months and the he adjusted back. You may, at some point, need to accept that it's better for them or you to spend more time out of the house then. I did work out of home part of the time which probably made it easier but there does come a point where babies prefer Mummy to anyone else and distraction/removal is necessary.

We were also very consistent, all agreed that maximising our time with him was important, I wanted to continue to BF essentially on demand etc but for a time it just didn't work with our DS. However I also respected our nanny's professionalism and commitment to her job, and listened to her input on what was would be best/easier for DS to process. I know it wasn't about making her life easier.

Rainbowbabyhope Mon 02-Sep-13 07:44:10

Mrscupcake - we will have to see how things develop however because all three of us (myself, DH and nanny) are involved in the childcare everyday and are all consistent with each other I think it will continue to work well. We don't see the nanny as providing the primary care during the day, only babysitting while we do whatever hours we need too. Usually nanny ends up with DD for only a very short part of the day. We are very lucky that nanny agrees that maximising our time with DD is the most important thing as that is the advantage of us being at home. We don't miss out on anything while still being able to bring in two fulltime incomes. It's amazing and I think families in our situation are incredibly lucky. Do not understand why any good nanny would advise shipping a child out of the home in this situation just so they have an easier job.

Sunny25 Sat 31-Aug-13 14:14:32

Many nannies are put off by having a parent working from home because of bad experiences or what they've heard from other nannies. When advertising the job say that you will let nanny get on with her job and stay upstairs where you can't hear what's going on downstairs. Only say it if you mean it. We have playdates with a little boy, mum always comes down to say hello which is nice but when she goes back upstairs to work, the little boy is always left crying, when the mums out at meetings he's fine. I had a mum work from home for 3 months after about a year of working for them it was fine, a few "I want my mum", but really it was fine. However mum was disciplined and the boys personality may have been more suited to the situation. The thing that helped most was I had over a year to build a strong relationship with little boy without mum or dad around. I do remember having to make sure we were always quiet, not to disturb phone calls. So maybe an office in the attic?? Pros are you see him at lunch, closer relationship with nanny and no commutes!smile

BoffinMum Sat 31-Aug-13 09:40:02

I think my nannies have been happy but we have always made sure the rules and really consistent and I always back up the nanny. Sometimes I find it too noisy to work properly though.

Mrscupcake23 Sat 31-Aug-13 09:17:29

I don't mind mothers being at home if they stay out the way. Very unsettling for the child if mum is so involved they ask the mum for the thing that the nanny has said no to.

Rainbow hope its working for you ATM because baby is only seven months . When your child starts crying when you leave and having tantrums will you let the nanny get on with it. Or go in with your advice?

Echocave Fri 30-Aug-13 18:39:30

I don't think our very lovely nanny would like it as there is a risk that parents undermine and disrupt the Manny's work. In particular as they get older and start testing boundaries etc. we've found dd does sometimes behave worse if we are all around and try not to interrupt meals etc as these can sometimes be tricky.
If you're going to wfh I think you need to keep timetabled hours of when you're seeing your dc. It's not fair to run in every time a dc cries as children cry for loads of reasons and a good nanny will know how to deal with it. You stepping in to provide comfort is not going to help in the long run. I was a bit over the top about hearing our nanny being a bit strict over eating dinner etc at first but actually she's right. My gorgeous dd doesn't half test the boundaries and needs consistency.
I reckon you should do ap, child minder or nursery. Also don't kid yourself that SW London nannies are scrabbling around for jobs. They aren't, it's a very busy market place for them and they can easily pick and choose.

Blondeshavemorefun Thu 29-Aug-13 09:29:55

Not at all - when I took the job on we discussed what would happen and mb said I was in charge during working hours

Yesterday (part of my reply vanished) mb offered sofa or bed for sleep - child chose sofa - mb then said actually bed is better and child then had a massive strop - and fair enough - don't offer children choices and then take it away again - then iPad was offered to go upstairs

I don't believe in bribing children to do something that they do everyday normally for me - also as I said the mum insists that the child sleeps every day - while he sleeps I sort out the washing/cook tea etc and yes after duties are done I sit down and have a break

I work 7-7 and when children asleep and duties done that is my break.

The point of this thread and for op is that sometimes when a parent is home the children routine gets disrupted and causes probs for child and nanny

Tbh mum was quite happy to go upstairs and leave me to sort it think she had had enough of a screaming over tired child she even texted me later to say thank you for sorting things out and herself said she shouldn't have given dc the choice and just took him to bed.

Yes time with parents is important but not when gives children mixed messages - if mb really wanted dc to sleep on sofa then fine - but she changed her mind and that set off a chain of events that I then sorted out

This is why many nannies don't like parents working from
Home smile

Rainbowbabyhope Thu 29-Aug-13 09:12:53

blonde all that sounds like you are trying to make your own life easier - if boss comes in and wants things done a certain way then that's what should happen irrespective of inconvenience and disruption - that's what every employee faces. Ultimately the parents are paying your wage to work to their specifications not for you to have 'an hour or peace'! I am shocked you would tell the boss to leave - time with the parents is the ultimate precious thing and should be accommodated at every opportunity.

Blondeshavemorefun Wed 28-Aug-13 22:26:11

Rainbow - it's not the fact that we are doing something that our employers wouldn't like - yes many people have in their office an employer breathing over them - but that doesn't effect their job as no little child there

It's a bit like if you and your dh have diff opinions/ideas on something - as you child gets older they will try and play off you and dh - you said no - they go to daddy who says yes

It's undermining and makes a nannies life bloody hard

Today I had mum at home. Lunch was hell - kids mucked about /had disgusting table manners - after lunch was sleep time - normally go to bed no problems

today mum offered a snooze on the sofa as he didn't want to sleep on his bed (if he doesn't sleep then sooooo grumpy and mum has asked me to make sure he sleeps 1.5/2hrs every day (fine by me) she then gives him her iPad as 'Needs time to unwind' erm that's what sleep time is - so rewarding bad behaviour hmm

In the end I had to tell kids that mummy was going to work and told her to disappear upstairs - which finally she did - once of the way normal /nice behaviour reigned again smile - kids went to bed upstairs and I had my hour of peace - after unpacking sw and hanging washing out

Rainbowbabyhope Wed 28-Aug-13 18:57:10

Both my DH and I work from home and have a nanny working in our home with 7 month old DD. All three of us see it as an advantage that all three can share the care of the baby - not many children of fulltime working parent are lucky to have their parent in close proximity. It also means I can continue breastfeeding is lovely. It is the perfect arrangement for all concerned. As for making things more difficult for the nanny - many of us work in an office constantly overseen by their boss and with interference i.e doing things their way with regular check-ups etc. Unless you are worried you are doing a bad job then why would it matter if the parents oversee your work as for any other employee out there? Nannies are not in a special category - if the parents want things done a certain way then that's what should happen and they should be able to regularly check in and reconnect with their little one.

HiccupHaddockHorrendous Thu 22-Aug-13 19:30:54

I nannied for a family (for almost 4 years) where both mum and dad worked from home.

The baby was 5 months when I started so it became a very normal routine for her, very quickly.

The only time I felt it was harder (than if they worked out of the home) was when my charge started nursery and we wanted to have friends over for lunch/play. I was always worried that any noise would disturb mum and dad.

Overall, it worked very well for all of us and I think that was because 1) the baby was so young when the arrangement started, 2) mum and dad had a good work routine ie always in their office by 9, lunch at 1, finish by 6 3) they were very clear that when I was on duty I could do my own thing as if they were wohm.

They were a very good family to work for and I miss that job very much.

I also worked for a family where the mum would have occasional days working at home and it was a disaster! Very confusing for the children and stressful for all involved grin.

SunnyIntervals Thu 22-Aug-13 15:36:18

Beth, you sound like you have just the arrangement I have with my ap - I pop in and out just as it works for that day and DS - now 2 - is fine with that.

oscarwilde Thu 22-Aug-13 14:47:56

I've worked from home for an extended period and I think only Berkshiremum and Okiecokie's approach really works, and only then if you can be tucked away somewhere you can't really hear the noise.
I made a point to pop downstairs and grab a cup of tea just before the kids come in for lunch at 12. They have usually been active and are a bit cranky by then so it's disruptive to have me around at lunchtime.

It's useful to establish what you want to be interupted for (eg: a quick goodbye; major bump on the head etc; but that you will wait to be called on and so it is at the nanny's judgement. Otherwise you will have a child on your hands that assumes you will pop out with a concerned face at every minor bump and bruise and you will never get any work done. Ignoring an upset child is the hardest point at first but you quickly learn how fast they get over it if you are not around smile

NannyBeth Thu 22-Aug-13 01:34:00

I work for parents who are around sometimes and away sometimes - mb works shifts but is also studying and db is self employed and does about half his work at home. For us, it works! If mb/db are home and free, they come with us to the park etc. One of them is always home to take the kids to ballet one day a week. And if they aren't home, obviously we just get on with it. Since its been this way since the kids were tiny, they accept that sometimes mum and dad go upstairs to do work and sometimes they walk/take the car and go somewhere else. Yes, they do cry occasionally but it takes 5secs to distract/calm them down (they are now 2.5).

I think it works really well for this family - they get to spend more time with the kids, take them out individually for one-on-one on a regular basis as there's someone to watch the others, and be involved with their lives. However, they also get the "break" of work and the income of course!!

Just be honest in your ad and with any nanny who you interview - you will be working from home, you want to be involved, etc and you should be fine!!

okiecokie Wed 21-Aug-13 22:39:12

I wfh and have an nanny and it works really well. My nanny hours are 8.30-5.30 and I do not have a 3 hour to and from the office each day so U have more time with the children in the morning and the evening. However there are some rules. I always get the children up and give them breakfast each morning. Our nanny arrives and I have a coffee with her while the children have breakfast and we discuss the night before and day ahead. Then I leave and go to my office. From then it is her day. She is in charge and I do not interfere. I even text her from upstairs rather than come down as I know that would upset the apple cart and confuse the children. All I need is a cup of tea or coffee now and then. As I am home, she tends to go out more which I agree with, playgroups, parks, swimming etc. It works well for us, but largely because I am hand off.

ChickenLickenSticken Wed 21-Aug-13 20:14:45

Emerald, I wfh 4 days a week and when I was still on mat leave I thought I could do similar with dd (ie lunches with her, have her looked after at home whilst I work) but in the end we found a great nursery (she does 2 days pw there's and the other 2 days with her grandparents). Nursery is a 5 minute walk away, and whilst at first it felt a bit strange shipping dd out for the day, it now works really well.

Could you consider nursery?

You say about early mornings - please remember that DC are bloody inconsistent and whilst they might go thought a phase of sleeping in until 8am, this is just a trick wink and they will lull you into a false sense of security and then wake up at 6am for the best part of 3 months.

Do you work for yourself or are you employed? I'm employed and lucky to have v flexible working arrangements which is great - but flexibility is required of me too. Having very concrete childcare means I know exactly where I stand with that and can make work plans around that.

emeraldgirl1 Mon 05-Aug-13 17:46:32

BerkshireMum, that's exactly how I would want to do it... Can I ask how old your DCs were when you started the arrangement?

Thanks Cathyrina, that sounds a bit of a nightmare job for you!!! I'd never intend to be anything like that boss! My main priority would be to make sure DD feels that the nanny is in charge and to not unsettle her by popping in etc.

BerkshireMum Sun 04-Aug-13 23:56:56

I worked from home when I had nannies - sometimes all the time, sometimes part-time. I was scrupulous about saying that nanny was in charge when she was working and I wouldn't intervene. When DC were toddlers they'd come to knock to give me a kiss before they went out or to show me something they'd made, but it was very brief and I didn't interfer in how nanny had planned the day etc.

Cathyrina Sun 04-Aug-13 15:53:56

Im a Nanny and didnt like my previous role which was shared care with mum at home. It was a bit different though as she was on maternity leave and around all the time. Constant checking at every single cry, having to keep noise level down when she or newborn took a nap etc. all was tricky to manage but the worst thing was the little ones separation anxiety. Mum would run around the house, constantly leave and come back all the time and wasnt really supportive so in the end little one would not only cry but have a proper melt down and scream for ages every single time mum left or even when she got up the sofa to change rooms. It was a nightmare but they didnt want to hear about it and just kep on with it. In your case I would simply make sure that the position is sole charge right from the very beginning to avoid confusing your little one. You do however need a proper handover period for the baby to get to know the new nanny with you around for security in the beginning. Make sure that when the Nanny comes in and starts her working day you have a smooth handover of a few minutes every day so baby can relate to new nanny as a new play mate and person of trust and not as someone who will take her away from you (I had this in last position because mum threw the baby at me the second I came in and disappeared immediately) . I would suggest that you sit down with new nanny and create a schedule for you to come down regularly i.e. for lunch and for tea so baby gets used to you being nearby when she needs you but only being around at certain times.

Welovegrapes Sun 04-Aug-13 08:47:25

I would go for an ap personally

Welovegrapes Sun 04-Aug-13 08:47:13

But if you have a cm you lose a lot of the benefit for the child of working from home - meals together, mum around if needed, able to continue bf on demand as baby moves across to solids and until feeds naturally start to drop off.

forevergreek Sun 04-Aug-13 07:56:10

I would maybe go for a childminder. At 6months they aren't so noisy but in a year they will be having little friends over to play and 3/4 toddlers running around would make a lot of noise!
With a childminder you could pick the hours say 3 days a week, and have a quiet house to work from more productively. If baby starts at 6 months they will get used to everything now rather than nanny for 1 year, then swap. Its also a lot cheaper as no tax/ insurance etc to pay, and no food, activities on top.
Sw London, I would say £6-7 per hour at a childminder. So £50-70 a day depending on price and hours. And that might include x3 meals and nappies for child depending on what they offer exactly
Compared to a nanny of approx £13 gross, say 10 hrs= £130 per day. Plus £10 min a day to cover food for nanny and child at home, plus trips to toddler group/ library session/ bus ticket.

MGMidget Sat 03-Aug-13 22:09:22

I was in a similar situation to you Emeraldgirl and went for a nanny who was trained (level 3 Cache diploma) and recently out of college with limited experience. Hence she was pleased to have the opportunity to take charge of a baby and I was able to give her a bit more time to train her up for sole charge nanny work and to be on hand in an emergency. I stayed out of the way during the day (loft room home office) showing up at lunchtime for a chat. It worked very well and DS was never upset. Noise not a problem as I was sufficiently out of the way. Also, now he's 5 and we now have an au pair he is comfortable with me being in the house working and he stays with the au pair as long she plays with him/keeps him engaged (which the current one does). Temporary babysitters also have no problem getting him to stay with them and there's no upset ( never has been).

The important thing is not to interfere and let your child know the nanny is in charge when you are working and it's fine. My DS was 5.5 months when our nanny started and there were no tears (ever) when I left the room or went out. I would stay for a few minutes in the morning though to give our nanny time to get him engaged in something before I excused myself. I think at 7 months separation anxiety may be a bit worse but probably still not bad. I would feel more comfortable with a newly trained nanny rather than an au pair for a young baby.

Blondeshavemorefun Sat 03-Aug-13 21:33:44

honestly yes most nannies hate their employers working from home - not coz we do anything that mb/db wouldnt like but more that they do things us nannies dont like grin wink

leeds explain it well, also

the popping in to say hello disrupts what we are doing,plus when they leave some children cry and we get left to sort them out

if child is crying then parent comes in, they soon learn from an early age to cry/say mummy and the nanny loses authority knowing their parent will come in

parents allowing child in to their office, yet other times doesnt ie if on phone - totally confuses child and sends mixed signals

playing each other off against, ie you say no, they go and see mummy and she says yes

meal times are horrendous as they get older

im happy to sing/dance around room, crawl on hands and knees playing chase etc but you do feel silly doing it if parents about

it can work, but you need to have rules and stick to them - when my ex mb worked the odd day at home and when was on ml but going back to work

if the children went to see mb, she kept door locked from inside and odd time she did reply to them talking through the door,she said ask blondes, im working, she always said that, so eventually kids stopped seeing/asking her stuff

the odd meal she came down and middle one was a pain, so i said either i do tea and mb works, or she does tea and i go home early

db's are easier to have working from home then mb's - they leave you to it more i find

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